The Portland Bomb Scare

I was sitting at work minding my own business when this email was sent out...

Breaking News From KATU: Please use extra caution when outside of our building and note road closures and MAX shutdown.

PORTLAND, Ore. - Bomb-sniffing dogs being used for a TOPOFF exercise in northeast Portland on Thursday detected the real thing, prompting police to cordon off a hotel, close nearby streets and shut down the MAX.


According to Brian Schmautz with the Portland Police Bureau, as officials were doing a sweep of the Doubletree Hotel located near the Lloyd Center, bomb-sniffing dogs got a hit on a vehicle in the vicinity.

There is currently a heavy police presence in the area while police investigate. The TOPOFF exercise scheduled to take place at the hotel has been canceled.

Nearby Benson High School is in lock-out mode and will be for the duration of the school day. Since the MAX is shut down, school buses will be transporting students who normally take a train home to alternate MAX platforms away from the Lloyd Center area.

Naturally I freaked out and hid under my desk whimpering like a wee little lass. The hotel in question was just across the freeway and if it blew up there would probably be hardly anything that happened to my place of work. So I sat there all atwitter with fear. Of course within moments of reading this email I had turned it into a joke and kept asking people if they wanted to go to the Lloyd Center to go shopping. No one did.... Then this email came out a few hours later.

From KATU: Please find an update to the earlier news story.
.........Police immediately cordoned off the area so they could investigate. They later discovered that the dogs had detected traces of explosives in police and military vehicles that were involved in the exercise that was being staged. The bomb residue is something common in those type of vehicles.

Crews are working to give the all clear. Meanwhile, MAX service remains shut down between the Rose Quarter and the Hollywood District. TriMet is offering bus service to get people around.

So in case you missed it.... The cops freaked out because during an exercise to train dogs to find bombs, the dogs found something that smelled like a bomb. They naturally barricaded the place stopped traffic from going through there, messed up a bunch of people's commutes especially the people that use mass transit. Then after a few hours of intense investigation they deduced that the dogs could smell the bomb residue in the officers cars....

I wonder if this was their official statement: "Ladies and Gentlemen of Portland. Thank you for you concern about the 'bomb' but it was actually are crack team of professionals that transport bombs that made the dogs smell a bomb. Yes, what we are saying is that our test to see if our dogs were any good proved that the dogs were indeed excellent but their human counterparts are incompetent. We have decided to rethink giving badges out with every tenth coffee bought at the downtown coffee shop near the precinct as it might not have been our best move. Furthermore our bomb squad is hiring.... if you are actually almost as smart as a dog we want you."

Portland PD rocks! WOO!!!

Those Damn Mooninites!

Who read or heard about the horrible evil hoax that happened in Boston? Those evil people at Adult Swim are conspiring to make us all look silly. I have not been more outraged by an entertainer's disreguard for common people's sense of over reaction and blatant stupidity since the whole "War of the World's" stunt! Really!

How could this image of an evil Mooninite not cause fear and panic! He is giving us the finger after all. Of all the low down rotten things to do! They should lock this guy up and throw away the key! How could he place such humorous electronic devices in public view. This is practically murder! Or something! I shudder to think of a world filled with harmless pranks and children's and adult's laughter! How dare those evil geniuses at comedy central do this. How dare they have these up for two weeks in ten cities without any problems! How dare they bring joy into people's lives that like to stay up late and watch talking fast food items! They were dangerously colorful and looked quite a bit like a Lite Brite kit how could it not be taken as a security risk! I mean the world has always lived in terror from those Lite Brite wielding happy children! Boston; New York; Los Angeles; Chicago; Atlanta; Seattle; Portland, Ore.; Austin, Texas; San Francisco; and Philadelphia all were targets of this evil plot. The very fabric of what we value as Americans has been compromised. I now sit in fear that somebody might put one of these outside my door forcing me to hide under my computer desk, trying not to make a sound. The Associated Press wrote "The cartoon also includes two trouble-making, 1980s-graphic-like characters called "mooninites," named Ignignokt and Err — who were pictured on the suspicious devices. They are known for making the obscene hand gesture depicted on the devices." They also wrote about a woman who feared for his life: "Wanda Higgins, a 47-year-old Weymouth resident and a nurse at Massachusetts General Hospital, heard about the threat as she watched television news coverage while preparing to leave work at 4 p.m. "I saw the bomb squad guys carrying a paper bag with their bare hands," Higgins said. "I knew it couldn't be too serious." "

The world quakes in fear of Aqua Teen Hunger Force's next attack! Will it be handing out stickers that glow in the dark to strangers? Will they cause more people to laugh and bring smiles to adult faces? This blogger hopes swift and decisive action is taken to insure that the United States continues on it's road to unhappiness and sorrow! Burn Meatwad, Master Shake and Frylock at the stake and gather up those mooninite rebels and chop off their offensive fingers!