The Video Rental Reviews

The video rental reviews are in...



The Green Hornet - A lot of people have spent time talking about how terrible this movie was. They made some valid points but I wouldn't say it was as bad as they claimed it to be. It is a goofy Seth Rogan movie... what did they expect? Having said that, this is coming from someone who has never seen the original Green Hornet show. So I have no real frame of reference. All I know about the original is that Bruce Lee played Kato which means it must have been cooler then this one. If you want mindless and semi-entertaining then this be your flick!



Drive Angry - If I felt like lying I would tell you that I saw this because I wanted to save you from the horror of seeing it. SO.... I saw this to save you from the horror of seeing it. You are welcome. I thought this movie would be similar to Faster (which I also saw, do you see how much I do for you?) It was not like Faster and yet it was. Nicholas Cage plays.... uh... I forgot his name.... Either way he is super mad, some might even say that he was angry. HEY! Wait a minute! I bet that is how they got the ANGRY part of the name! Anyway he is killing people who were involved with the murder of his daughter and the kidnap and planned killing of his granddaughter. Which seems like a good thing to do... you know especially if you happen to be an escapee from Hell! Yeah you read that right! Nicholas escaped from Hell to revenge his daughter and recover his granddaughter. He is being pursued by the very scary Accountant (he works for the devil, I think). Nope, I am not making this up. This movie is kind of like Spawn, Faster, The Crow, and Ghost Rider all in one. This movie was not good at all but I am still kind of glad I saw it. If you sometimes like bad movies then this one definitely qualifies.



Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules - I liked this movie. If you (or the kid that you are hiding behind, "I take my kid to kid movies, I only sometimes enjoy them") like the books then you will like this second movie. Self centered Greg Heffley is back at his scheming to become popular. He is also dealing with sibling drama. Mom has made it her mission to get the boys to get along but in typical mom (tv/movie mom) fashion she is terribly misguided. What she ends up doing is making the boys battle harder. Until Greg and Rodrick have something to hide and they bond over the experience (but for how long?). I like this character and hope they keep making the movies and books.



The Fighter - I am sure a good chunk of the people reading this have seen this flick. This was a great movie and one I think those that haven't seen it should check out. It is based on the real life story of boxer Micky Ward. He is going through a rough patch in his life. Things with his family are not going well. His brother is a crack addict and not really doing his best to look out for Micky despite being Micky's trainer. His mom and sisters are completely devoted to his crack addicted brother and seem to take Micky for granted. What is worse is his mom is his manager and she also fails to look out for Micky's best interest. They allow him to get beat by a much larger opponent so that everyone can get paid. When he gets home Micky gets involved with a woman from the bar, who ends up being his wife (they don't show this). Together they start making changes that ultimately get him back winning matches again. This is a very involved movie and it was great to watch. See it if you haven't. Just for clarity sake, I recommend renting it. I have no desire to watch this family interact again because I found myself yelling at the TV in disgust a few times. Make sure you know that it is a movie you want to see again before buying it.



I Am Number Four - This movie felt like a great start to a new series on ABC Family. That is not necessarily a bad thing. ABC Family has occasionally created good shows like Kyle XY and 10 Things I Hate About You (based off the much earlier movie of the same name). I enjoyed the film but had a few moments of "WHAT THE HECK!?!?! STOP KISSING AND RUN!!!!" It is basically a love story with a side of sci fi. The main guy.... John Smith (I am not sure of his real name as he is in hiding and using a fake name, this super fake sounding fake name) is a high school aged alien who wants to be a real boy. Wait, nope that "wants to be a real boy" bit is definitely Pinocchio. Anyway he is tired of running around and hiding but has no choice. His latest new home leads him to make a friend and land the hottie from Glee. It also makes him not liked by the Sheriff's son. Also, during this time he starts developing his new awesome powers (which include lame flashlight hands shown above). Of course the bad dudes he is hiding from are getting closer each day. What will happen? Anyway being "Number Four" of nine aliens hiding on our world ends up not being a bad gig because you get to make out with a cute girl and blow things up. This movie doesn't do anything new or extraordinary but it was fun to watch.

A Collection of Movie Reviews

I can't believe I promised to write more.... Ha!

I have been seeing movies a lot the last few weeks and I feel like I should give my take. To do this I am reviving the "Mini Rambling Review". Let's start with the movies that are currently in the theater.



X-Men First Class - Despite having the lamest name ever, this movie was pretty darn entertaining. It gives us the beginnings of two distinct factions in the Marvel mutant world. The X-Men and Magnetos peeps (do those guys have a name for the crew?) Having read some early issues (Thanks dad!) I know that the origins of Professor X was not something they kicked off with. This is a recent thing, the Professor X story I mean. I do not remember the early comics having this much back story. They had very simple origins. For example: Cyclops was a kid who suddenly started shooting magenta rays from his eyes and next thing you know he is kicking bad guy but with his tights wearing posse. Even the Wolverine back story was invented well after Wolverine was a popular character. I am getting off track here...... The movie was good, see it.

I am so upset! I typed away on this for an hour and it all disappeared because of a server error! GRRRRRR!!! Anyway I guess I will start over...



Super 8 - I enjoyed this movie. A group of kids are shooting a monster movie when a train crashes. Of course the train was carrying something very mysterious and it causes havoc in the small Ohio town. The kids get back to filming their movie but can't help getting sucked into the strange happenings. You should see this movie it was well done and the kids did a great job.



Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides - The long awaited SECOND installment of the pirates franchise has finally arrived. Muhahahahaha! Yes I know there were 4 movies but the 2nd and 3rd were worthless so I am ignoring them and you should too. Anyway in this second movie Captain Jack Sparrow gets sucked into a hunt for the fountain of youth. He is up to his usual amusing antics the entire time including flirting with a foxy lady (Penelope Cruz this time). Apparently Penelope is Blackbeard's Daughter and she is helping pops find the fountain of youth so that he does not die. There are also mermaids in this one. It was fun. Not groundbreaking or anything but definitely entertaining.

Since this is the second time I am typing this I am going to separate the video rentals from the theater flicks. I will also have a review of Green Lantern and/or Transformers soon.

A small update, a mini movie review, and a poem

It was a weird week of testing at the school I work at. I think sitting quiet for two hours, for these kids, is like putting new batteries in a slow moving toy. All of a sudden that toy is moving with new purpose and can't wait to show you all the new tricks it has learned. What I am getting at is the rest of the day is filled with very excitable students who need to express themselves. Expecting them to focus after the test is over is simply insane. I tried to ask for their attention for brief periods and then allow them to work on their own at a reasonable noise volume. Of course my definition of reasonable noise volume is slightly higher then it was when I walked in as a brand new teacher. Either way it was relatively painless last week. This week we finish up the testing and I am trying to figure out how to be better prepared. I would like the week to be even smoother.



During the week I happened to fit in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. I was hesitant to see this movie because the previews turned me off for some reason. I am happy to report that I was completely wrong about this movie. It was a very fun and entertaining little flick. I recommend that you check it out. I have heard it is based off of a comic book, more specifically I believe it was a Japanese comic book. I have done no research so I might be completely off my rocker. I don't plan on doing research for that matter. The movie is set up kind of like a video game. Scott Pilgrim fights ex-boyfriends of a dame he has the hots for and when he defeats them he gets rewarded with coins. There is also cheesy old school game music in the beginning. The movie is based around a guy named Scott Pilgrim who had his heart broken by a now famous rock chick. He seems to have a pattern of being in relationships he is not invested in since his dumping. He is in a floundering rock band and lives with a friend, and it is a studio with one bed, for free. He starts the movie off dating a seventeen year old girl with a cool name, Knives Chau, who ends up being a little stalkery and definitely a little intense. He then meets Ramona Flowers and is instantly enchanted. Of course because he is kind of a jerk, though a likable jerk, he fails to end the relationship with the 17 year old until a little later. He doesn't like dealing with emotions or something. Anyway eventually he discovers by choosing to pursue Ramona that he must battle her 7 evil exes to win her. This is not her idea but something she has been putting up with because of her habit of dating evil guys. It is kind of fun to watch the silly battles and see this scrawny kid come up a winner. It is kind of a strange movie but after my skepticism faded (like 2 minutes in) I really fell in love with it's quirkiness. In fact, I think I even had a mini crush on Scott's special lady friend. It has since passed (or has it?) but I do believe you might develop a crush while watching the movie too. Like I said go grab this flick and watch it!

And now for my first poem in months (hope it doesn't suck):

Spring: The Haiku
Warm days lure me out
for fantastic walks, hikes, runs and hoops.
Hold off summer heat!!

A day of decadence

I finally got the financial aid check today. To celebrate, and relieve a little stress, I spent some money today. I did not spend a lot but I did spend more then I have spent in the last 3 weeks. It felt great. As a result of the spending I have a few things to review. Let's start with the latest culinary creation from McDonald's!



I had been seeing emails and web ads about McDonald's new Angus Third Pounders for a few weeks now. I have to tell you that everytime I look at a picture of them I feel the urge to have a burger. The marketing is pretty appealing but would the taste equal the image? I went to McDonald's and ordered the Bacon Cheeseburger meal. I had visions of a tasty burger being complimented nicely by some wonderfully salty french fries. To my great disappointment the french fries were not fresh and the enjoyment was sapped from them. They were not exactly cold but they were close. Nothing disappoints like bad french fries. Not even knowing that they were boiled in beef fat before getting frozen, then shipped before being boiled again could cheer me up. Normally knowing how horrible these fries are for me really helps but the luke warmness stole that dream from me. I turned my attention to the burger and took a moment to take in the sight. An important factor of enjoyment is the look of the burger and I needed to take it in. The burger was a little off center as were the toppings. That was to be expected as I had watched the idiot behind the counter point out something to someone with the same hand that held my burger. Irritation caused by the memory of her waving my burger around flashed through my head as I looked at the off kilter burger but it was still an enticing sight. I picked the burger up and took a bite. I tasted nothing but bun. I was more then a little irritated at that moment but I readjusted my mind set and took another bite. I tasted the burger but nothing else. I was trying not to feel like the endeavor had been a waste of time. I took a sip of cola and picked the burger back up and hoped it had flavor this time. I had purchased a bacon cheese burger for a reason and that was the flavor. The third bite gave me what I was waiting for. A perfect mingling of cheese, burger, bacon, ketchup, mustard, and onion. I did not set the burger down this time and as soon as I had swallowed I took another bite. This bite had an overwhelming flavor of pickle. It was not the neon green slices I normally found in a fast food burger but more like a real pickle. It was interesting to taste that flavor but it was almost overwhelming. I looked at the burger while I chewes and I thought "there is something missing". I started looking at the picture on the ad they used for a tray liner. They had the three options lined up for me to gawk at and that was when I saw what was missing. The burger did not have lettuce or tomato. In fact, it is marketed without lettuce and tomato in the picture but sitting next to it is a cheeseburger with a beautiful tomato slice and lettuce leaf. I had somehow assumed it would have these and I was a little bummed to have them not be part of the party. As I sat there, wondering what McDonald's was thinking, I decided that I was going to review the burger. I set the burger down and looked at it for a moment. I examined the burger itself and saw that it looks like a pan fried burger and kind of like a boiled burger. If you cook a burger in the skillet the fat bubbles out and turns grey and stays connected. If you have never pan fried the burger you might not have seen that as the grease falls into the fire on a grill. I know that McDonald's doesn't have a grill; so I am not sure why I was surprised. Either way it was nicely browned and tasted pretty good so I picked it back up. I decided not to examine too much further and to just focus on the taste. After all I had spent 6.69 on the stupid meal (should have just bought the sandwich considering the terribleness of the fries) and I was pretty hungry. As I kept eating, the burger started tasting saltier and at a certain point it seemed all I could taste was salt, pickle and onion. The last straw was the last piece of bacon. I had not looked at the bacon before I dove in. I had stopped doing that years ago; for some odd reason they always undercook the bacon for my tastes but if I don't look I don't know and I can enjoy it. This piece of bacon just did not have the texture down and it stopped me from enjoying that bite. At that point I abandoned a quarter of the burger and 3/4of the fries. The fries were that bad. Overall my suggestion is that if you are at a McDonald's the new Angus burgers are worth trying. Perhaps your McDonald's won't be filled with incompetents (not likely but you can hope) and the burger will be evenly seasoned, the bacon will be crisp, and the french fries fresh. Perhaps if that had happened for me I would have been more excited about the experience. Either way the burger left me wanting and I will not go out of my way to get that burger again. If I have a craving for a good fast food burger I will find a Carl's Jr.

After I ate the burger I hopped on a train and went downtown to see the movie Moon. I had read a friend's review and decided I needed to see it and it was worth the trip. I am not going to review it for you as I think you should read the entry that inspired me: http://focoproject.com/2009/08/movie-review-moon/ My recommendation is to not look at any other reviews besides his because he manages not to tell you what happens. Not knowing what happens was pretty fun when the stuff started happening.



I wasn't done with my decadence yet. I had an urge to see the movie Orphan. I have been thinking of seeing it for a while now and had even cashed in all my coins to make it happen but had not made it to the theater yet. You see I wanted to go to the theater that, oddly enough, is like a block East and two blocks North of the theater Moon was playing at. I wanted that theater because their non-matinee is 8.75 when all other theaters are 10.50. The matinee of Moon cost 8.25 while the matinee of Orphan was 7.75 (same theater company). So I had been waiting until I was at that theater at the right time. The last 3 times I was near the theater the movie had already started and their was over an hour to wait. I am not great at waiting and the lack of money in my pocket (those previous 3 times) helped me to know that there were not a lot of time killing options.



The tag line says "There's something wrong with Esther" and the minute you see her you know that. This girl is wearing clothes better suited for the rich snobby girl on the Little House on the Prairie tv series. She is definitely different; in a creepy way not a fun, let's play with the imaginary aliens kind of way. Never the less, a family that is not quite over their demons and their losses decide she is perfect. You see this family already has a son and a daughter but lost a baby during delivery. Their actual daughter is deaf and doesn't utter a peep in the movie so perhaps she is also mute. The son looks like he was made to sulk. The parents meet Esther during a visit to an orphanage and immediately like her. They take her home and welcome her there with open arms, but it seems nobosy else has met her until then. At first there seems to be a dynamic set up where everyone in the house but the older son loves this girl. Once again, I found myself wondering 'why?' because this girl gives off a mega-weird vibe. Esther immediately bonds with the little girl and they seem to be inseperable. Esther even learns sign language to communicate better with the little girl and I guess one might feel comforted by that. Of course not if you have seen the previews. It isn't long before Esther's evil side is revealed and she has shoved another girl off some playground equipment. To be perfectly honest I was totally happy when that happened because that particular girl had been quite repugnant. In fact it was that scene, the scene shown in the previews, that made me like Esther. Suddenly I was hoping that the review I had read, prior to seeing the film, that talked about the surprise ending was suggesing a surprise ending more along the lines of Uninvited. Of course to get that reference you would have to be one of the 12 people who has seen Uninvited. Either way Esther has just gotten started being evil. I did not completely anticipate the twist at the end... in fact I probably caught on like 5 seconds before the movie expected you to catch on. Then again maybe I caught on right where everyone else did. Of course I have decided it must have been the 5 seconds earlier then everyone else because it sounds better. You know somehow not super cocky but better... ;) I enjoyed this movie. It was not great or groundbreaking. If you are not a horror/suspense person then there is no need to rush out and see it but if you like these kind of flicks you should see it. Do yourself a favor don't read anything about the twist and see if you can beat my "5 seconds before the twist is revealed" record. As I said, during the movie I started liking her. Evilness and all. I almost wanted her to get away with it but that little deaf girl was adorable and I knew I had to root for her. There is no way a cute little deaf girl could live and Esther could live at the end of a movie like this. The movie is not without faults. The fiorst is that somehow Esther is not in trouble for pushing a girl off the jungle gym. The girl breaks her leg and tells people she was pushed by Esther but nothing happens. I am fairly certain that wouldn't happen. You can't be accused of pushing someone off the jungle gym and then just get out of it. Most of the plot relies on the disfunction of the family to allow for nobody to trust each other. If you think too much about that part this story gets a litle far fetched but don't think; just watch.

The nicest thing about seeing Orphan was the walk to the train. I decided to stop into Powell's on the way. I picked up a book and sat to read a little bit of it. I was not the only person reading over there and I was thinking I might stay. Suddenly a couple came in. I would say they were older then I am and probably older then my older siblings as well. The woman was talking really loudly and they sat right next to me. They both took out laptops and she kept yapping the entire time. I was annoyed by this because there is another side that has more tables and computers already set up. It seemed like they should have sat there as that seemed more of a place to do it at. I was feeling annoyed by her non-stop yappiness so I kept making eye contact with her, in an effort to shame her, but she kept talking. I have begun to wonder if people can be shamed anymore.... The worst part was her partner was not listening to her and she was not on a phone. This guy wasn't even humoring her with an occasional "mm-hmm" but she kept talking. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and left. As I walked the remaining blocks to the train stop I envisioned having Esther around to kill her off. It was very satisyfying.

Anyway I am back on a budget tomorrow.

The latest and somewhat greatest!

A recent email to share.

Dear Crazed Lunatik,
I enjoy your blog most of the time but it seems lately all you ever do is whine. Please stop whining and share some more poetry or stories.
Sincerely,

I did not include the name of this emailer. I will give this person a name of my own creation The Anti-Whining Whiner or AWW. AWW you make some valid points. I have been whining a little bit lately and I have not posted any new writing. I wish I could say I am sorry but I have decided not to lie about it. I am not sorry, I can only post what I post. I have not written any new poems or short stories lately. It is hard to post something you don't have. AWW, don't take this personally, but I really wish you would stop being so whiny in your whiny emails. Actually take that personally.

Well this probably won't meet the ever whining AWW's approval but I recently finished Alice Sebold's latest novel, The Almost Moon. This is a story about a woman who grew up with a mentally ill mother. In the first few pages she kills her aging, decrepit, shut in of a mother and the rest of the story is split between thoughts of her life and what is happening now. This woman, her mother and her father needed counseling at the very least. Probably needed medication too. If you daydream about ways you can kill your mother... go to a shrink. Whatever you do Don't write a book about it. This book was terrible. I hated all the characters and I was hoping the world would end so I would not have to finish the book. The world, as you may have noticed, has not ended and I had to finish the book. My recommendation: Don't bother.

Other then that, I taught my first class last week and this week I will teach 3. I am also pursuing a few volunteering opportunities that I can add to my resume. I am meeting with someone tomorrow about tutoring high school students and on Wednesday I am meeting with someone to discuss teaching English to adults. I hope to set up one more thing to mentor HS students that are trying to get into college. I also volunteered to help with a Japanese festival called Mochitsuki, this Saturday. The other thing I am checking out is a volunteer opportunity with a group who are trying to put on a show about Portland music. I will let you know how all this works out.

The cards are enroute!

I have sent off the last batch of Christmas cards! Which of course means some of you will get them after Christmas.... sorry. I sent out a lot of cards this year and a lot of the cards are just plain strange. Even stranger then my normal strange. So you might get the card and think "WTF?" Hahaha

Once again... if you do not get a card it's because I had no address. So.... waaah!

I wanted to do a few mini-reviews here.

Twilight - I liked this movie. Was it cinematic excellence? No. I am not sure if this would be enjoyable if you aren't already a fan of the series. Just being a fan does not guarantee you will like it either... I had a few friends tell me they hated it. I think all the bad and honest critiques I heard as a result of my diatribe about letting girls have their movie really helped. I had such low expectations that the movie could only be better... :) Anyway if you can get past the fact that Edward looks constipated (and can't act his way out of a paper bag), Alice is not in the movie enough, Emmett isn't big enough, Carlisle was miscast, and the vampires sparkle like they fell into a vat of glitter when they are in the sunlight you might have a chance of liking this movie. Kristen Stewart, the girl who played Bella, is very cute and probably the best actor of the bunch. I felt she needed some love since Robert Pattinson, Edward, is getting all the love (even though he looked constipated and couldn't act the girls were all hooked, my niece says she doesn't care because he is handsome).

The House Bunny - This movie is stupid! So I laughed a lot. I can't say this was an original idea for a movie but it was pretty funny and Anna Faris is pretty goood at being incredibly stupid. Anna plays Shelley, a Bunny who dreams of being a centerfold. Unfortunately, her Bunny expiration date (she turns 27) arrives and she is booted. She ends up working with a misfit sorority to turn them into popular girls. If you like stupid flicks there is a chance you will like this flick.

Havoc - I have a mini-crush on Anne Hathaway and made a big deal about the fact she was fully clothed in Get Smart. So my friend, Nancy, texted the name of this movie to me. Anne sheds her top several times. Thanks Nancy. Unfortunately the movie was barely watchable even with all the toplessness.... It'a about a bunch of white kids who whine about their life while trying to be black, even though they are spoiled rich kids with every opportunity available to them. Anne's character gets enamored with a Mexican drug dealer and all heck breaks loose... Seriously! She gets topless in the stupidest movie ever!

Kung Fu Panda - I didn't want to see ths movie in the theaters because the preview was terrible. I kept hearing from little tiny people that it was good so I rented it. I have to say this was pretty good. The graphics were amazing and the story was funny and cute. If you like kid flicks you might like is one. A panda dreams of being a kung fu master and finally ends up becoming one.

American Zombie - Strange. This was a fake documentary film about real life zombies. The zombies are high functioning and they keep interviewing them. One of the documentors is obsessed by the idea of finding out about flesh eating habits and other horror cliches. Of course none of the zombies answer that question... It was pretty entertaining but probably will only appeal to zombie fans.

Horton Hears a Who - Wasn't bad but wasn't great. Seemed fairly faithful to the original story but longer. Kids will probably like this.

Spartan - This is about some politicians daughter disappearing. It was watchable but not high on my list of recommendations.None of the characters are all that engaging.

X-Files: I Want to Believe - Wow.... this movie was stupid! I was never a big fan of the show, so I am not sure why I felt compelled to see it. I guess I felt it had to be at least entertaining... it wasn't. I don't even know what to tell you about this movie because it was just such a waste of time.

John Tucker Must Die - Not a bad teen flck. Amusing. Not great but watchable. John Tucker is the most popular boy in school who also likes to date 3 girls at one time. They find out about it and are super mad of course. They plot revenge and he is pretty good at turning all the bad into good. So they send in a new and unnoticed girl to break his heart.

Funny Games - They kept breaking the 4th wall! Meaning these homicidal kids kept talking to you, trying to make you an accomplice. I ended up doing homework with this in the background. It was a bad movie about horrible people. Take a flying pass on this one!

Leatherheads - Despite having Renee Zellweger (I don't like her) in this movie this was not a bad movie. Pretty darn fun. George Clooney is an aging football star when no one cares about football. Due to lack of fan support he ends up looking for work... unfortunately he is not any good at anything besides football. He lures the # 1 college player into the game and ends up revitalizing the interest of the public. Unfortunately, his brilliance is also his undoing as he begins taking a backseat.

Katt Williams: The Pimp Chronicles Vol. 1 - This little dude is a crack up. I was laughing really hard through out this stand up act. As a warning: he is no holds barred and might be offensive to your delicate sensibilities.

Procrastination across the nation! Misrepresenation that is!

FIRST: I know misrepresenation is not a word and that the closest word to it should be spelled misrepresentation. I am not trying to talk about misrepresentation; I am speaking of Misrepresenation, the nation. Read "Misrepresenation is a dish best served cold!" to see what I am on about...

SECOND: This is the first part of the two post rant.

I feel like I am becoming predictable..... every time I am avoiding homework I write a blog entry. The last week of my reading class has an intense level of homework and so I am really not wanting to do it. I feel like kicking someone but I know assault charges would ony hinder my current career goals so instead I am writing 2 very large blog entries. I talked to my friend, a few hours ago, about the various stresses this week's pile o'homework has caused and the fact that she and I both practice the fine art of procrastination. Now, we always get everything done with a pretty decent grade on all the papers, reports and lesson plans we have to produce but we spend a few hours at the end of the week whining to each other over the phone about the homework that we find ourselves mired in. While commiserating our current situation, she happened to mention a Spongebob episode where he has to write a paper and keeps allowing everything become a distraction; feeding Gary, watching Gary eat to insure no choking, cleaning his room and all sorts of things. We laughed about it because it is a mirror image of what we go through each week, not that we plan to make any changes. Just so you know, I am starting 2 days earlier than normal because of the staggering pile I have in front of me. So, yes, this blog entry is an avoidance of homework and I hope that does not offend any of the "Don't put off 'til tomorrow..." crowd.

In an effort to make my homework go smoother, I went to the library to grab the book I am attempting to create 3 more lesson plans about. Of course it wasn't there (or in any of the other branches as all these stupid little kids are reading it at home, completely ruining the reason children's books are written! Which of course is so that stupid people in education programs can make crappy lessons about these cute books and ruin them completely for every child in America if the lesson ever gets used in a real classroom). But I am not one to waste a trip to the library. So I wandered the aisles and found a book about Living Dead CSI.... totally and completely vital information for me to read! I also found three movies that I had been sort of wanting to see, kind of. Million Dollar Baby (I hate Hillary Swank, I have no reason for it but I do. The reason I read it was it has been recommended to me a lot. I am positive it will suck but at least I don't have to pay for it!), Rescue Dawn (I have no idea either), and Beowulf. So now I will direct some pent up homework ire at Beowulf.

A Mini Rambling Review of Beowulf

OK, two things you should know.
1. I have no idea what this was rated or if anyone saw it.
2. I know absolutely nothing about Beowulf.

Now lets examine these two points... It is rare that I pay attention to other people's reviews of movies unless I personally know that individual. Roger Ebert is absolutely unreliable, have you seen the movie that bears his name The Valley of the Dolls? Crap. Leonard Maltin.... I would never listen to a guy that looks or talks like that. The other reviewers (critics) are not even people I know the name of so we won't break down why they are no nothing poop heads (I wanted to sound smart with that last put down, did it work?). If someone I know tells me something I will listen, even when it is my dad telling me all the reviewers (yes, the ones I don't listen to) panned whatever movie I am excited about. I'll get back to these silly reviewers shenanigans in a moment...

That brings us back to Beowulf. Who? And I should care because? Here is the thing with "classics" they are usually written in a way that a 70 page story requires a 400 page book to explain all the details in order for you to understand the story. It is difficult to read and totally an unrewarding practice, as someone will come along and make a terrible movie out of it eventually. Although, after some conversations with my niece I am reading The Inferno and enjoying it. I burst into tears of laughter when I tried to read aloud and hit a bit a spot of trouble saying "Though thou art". To my credit, I had read nearly an entire Cano by the time that combination of words derailed me into a fit of giggles. Anyway as far as Beowulf goes I did not know he existed until shortly before the movie came out and then I saw the twerp everywhere.

The movie. If you saw the ads you may remember it looked pretty realistic for a computer generated movie which is why I was interested. While watching the movie I saw that they spent so much time on the close up face shots that they forgot that the characters should also move smoothly, they look like poorly animated robots. Angelina Jolie's character was the smoothest and best rendered character but both you and I know that this is because some pervy computer geek painstakingly detailed every pixel as carefully and lovingly as possible.

Then the vocalization of Beowulf.... talk about a lot of yelling that is barely understandable. "IAMBAYOWUL" Yeah.... thanks but keep your day job. The vocalization of Beowulf made me hate him the minute he appeared on screen and then the whole fighting Grendel naked thing? Really cgi rendered man butt? I could have done with a loin cloth at least, thank you very much.

The story? Some king has his village attacked by some deformed dude named Grendel. He lets it be known that any heroes that come and kill this deformed dude will be given them half his kingdom's gold. Like the next day Beowulf is there... but apparently it is actually a while later, yet they give no indication of how long or how many wannabe heroes are bested before he arrives on their shore. Either way he comes in bragging about how he is pimp of the century or some such crap. They (he and his men) drink a lot and he hits on the queen. Then he gets naked to go to sleep and await this Grendel dude. Of course Grendel comes, gets his deformed ear drum burst (yuck!), and his arm ripped off (by a naked dude that has speech problems). Somehow, he dies but not until he comes back to his mommy (Angelina Jolie). We find out the king fathered this monstrosity after being seduced by Angelina... how can you blame him? Anyway she is super mad and decides to strike back and lures Beowulf to her place where she seduces him within 5 seconds.... Talk about a fine moral fiber and courageous dude. Anyway when he gets back he lies and says she is dead, the king knows he is lying. He decides to hand his kingdom to Beowulf and then commits suicide (I said I don't know already).

Years later: Beowulf is a crabby whiny king with no soul. A dragon attacks his kingdom, the dragon is his son he made with Angelina (why his son is not malformed I don't know, stop asking). So he has to kill the dragon... and what about Angelina? She is left alive to seduce again. Anyway in the aftermath of the silly battle, Beowulf's right hand man refuses to listen to Beowulf's deathbed confession. His right hadnd man becomes king (I can only assume Beowulf only fathered the demon dragon dude) and we are left with the possibility that Angelina is seducing the new king....

So what I learned about Beowulf is that he was a fraud, liar and coward. Fantastic.... skip this movie!

See "Misrepresenation is a dish best served cold!" for the continued rant that takes on critics....

My weekend and a mini review of Into The Wild

It would seem that the weekend has come to it's inevitable end. Unfortunately it's time to reenter the work world and the awful Monday is bearing down. I got a few things done this weekend. I was really active Saturday. I ran errands and went to school and all the important things that go along with that. Then I went and saw Into The Wild. It was a pretty damn cool movie. **Spoiler warning: I am talking about the movie a little here so if you do not know the story and would like to keep it that way then stop here and restart at the next italicised line.** The tale is ultimately a sad one but a lot of interesting ideas sprang up in my head during and after the movie. I was impressed by the whole feel and look of the movie and glad I finally was convinced to see the movie. It was interesting to watch this young man fighting so hard to find peace in his life. I felt like he needed to stop and look around a little sooner and he would have found it in the people he met and befriended. If he had there would be no movie of course but I was just wondering what would have happened had he made it out of Alaska when he had attempted to leave. What would an intelligent and seemingly compassionate person with those experiences come back and done? What would have been his new pursuit? Would he have set the world ablaze? Would he write tales that would seem to channel Kerouak? I wanted that question answered and I felt strangely irritated with the end he met because I felt that he was incredibly self involved and that he needed to focus his energy on something more constructive. It amazed me that he never noticed how his absence affected people, everyone in the movie wanted to talk him out of this Alaskan obsession or to at least let his family know he was alive. He fought them on that the entire time, forever fixated on finding peace in isolation and living off the land. It was a compelling story and I liked the way the movie put it together. Now I intend to read the book, which I have heard is infinitely better then the movie even though that person had also liked the movie. Unfortunately because they just made this book into a movie all the used copies are gone and I do not want to pay the full price of $13.95 so I will have to wait. I am interested in how the book was put together since it was based on a real person. I want to know if anyone bothered to look up these people he met on the road and get their stories from them. I am as fascinated in the writing of the book as I am in the book itself. Maybe I am more fascinated in how the book came to be then I am the book but only slightly.
**OK I am not talking about the movie anymore.**
Anyway I woke up this morning early like I had on Saturday but today I was able to fall back asleep and I did so. I was not feeling nearly as motivated so I lounged around watching old movies and debating going to the Grove or not. I skipped out on the Grove (Sorry guys) mainly because I was feeling incredibly tired and apathetic. I plan on making it next Sunday though. I did a little errand tonight in the form of grocery shopping and then I read some of my homework and did a little online reconnaissance for the team paper due this week. Then I decided to write something here before calling it a night.

Thanksgiving Review

Well I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving! I hope as I write this at work you are at home relaxing with family. Perhaps eating more left over turkey..... or tofurkey depending on your meat or no meat leanings. I had a good Thanksgiving. I stayed at home, did a little writing (not enough if truth be told), watched some football, made a roast beast and ate said roast beast, helped put together a crib, and watched Fantastic 4 and the totally silver guy that surfs and Evan Almighty. In case you are wondering I am at 43,500 on the word count. I just could not get motivated to write yesterday. Oh well.

So a quick review of the movies I watched.

Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer - Yeah.... hmmm.... yeah.... Could that have ended before it started? That would have been better. The least they could do was have a lot more of Jessica Alba in slinky form fitting super hero outfit, that would have made it better. I was so unbelievably bored.....

Evan Almighty - Hokey but fun. I liked the movie but yeah hokey sums it up. It was good for little people too.


Well continue having a nice holiday.

Holy guaca'FREAKIN'mole!

Well it seems like more then enough time has past since I added a blog entry. I try to update on a regular basis but sometimes I get in moods where the act of writing a pointless blog about nothing seems more trouble then it is worth. That is usually when I should start writing, however it is usually when I stop. I have watched a few movies since we last spoke..

Big Wednesday - Surfers in the 60's. The more I see about that time period the less I find it interesting. Some of the surfing was pretty good. It had the Greatest American Hero guy in this movie as well as Gary Busey oh and also Robert Englund (Freddy Kruegger). This movie just meandered through a few deadbeat derelicts lives and had no real point. They were friends I guess but I am not sure why since they did not seem to like each other, the Vietnam War happened some went to war others went to great lengths to be excused from service, and at the end they surfed huge waves in California... Yeah that was pretty much it.

When the Levees Broke - A documentary on the Katrina catastrophe by Spike Lee. I have seen disc one of this 3 disc set and I have to say I had no clue what was really going on down there. So far I am 5 days into the catastrophe and it is a total mess. It really is shocking to see this all laid out there with this very horrible footage from the event.

Children of Men - The world's women are infertile and no one knows why. Somehow a young woman gets pregnant and these brain surgeons think let's transport her through very dangerous conditions to a theoretical safety place during her eighth month of pregnancy. So everything goes wrong, everyone has an agenda for the mother and her child, the baby gets born in a very bad place to be born and the movie leaves you before you know if it will end well.

Apocalypto - A very ugly movie that reveals nothing of it's subjects histories or culture. It does nothing for Mayan descendants or how the world views this long gone civilization. It starts with a brutal pig hunting and gutting scene. Everyone makes fun of the fat infertile guy (Infertility seems to be a trend in movies I have ended up with the last two days). Then some evil guys take this whole village brutally and drag them to a temple to be sacrificed. Somehow the main guy manages to keep his internal organs internal and his head attached so that he can spend the rest of the movie running from the evil guys. It ends with evil conquistadors making landfall. I can sum this movie up in two words "Don't bother"

Music & Lyrics - After the downers I have been viewing lately I picked a nice light fluffy romantic comedy. It was cute, it had some laughs, but it hardly reinvented the genre. It is still a relatively pain free evening of light hearted entertainment. Add some beer, a cute special friend and it could turn into a great evening. (This last statement is not tested or endorsed by this blog, it is purely the thoughts and ideas of this one blogger.)

I probably have seen others but who cares.

I have been in a little mini drama at work. I need a California insurance license to help people in the state of California. California also thinks they need to know everything you have done ever, including misdemeanors from ten years ago. I had no paperwork on the cussing out a cop violation that happened back in college except the citation. That was not enough of course so I had to send away for "OFFICIAL" court documents from Flagstaff, AZ that say I got a fine and paid it. I would be happy to just let California motorists go without my skills of telephonic evasion but unfortunately the overlords at the plantation think helping Californians is vital to my job. So every week I would be reminded my very employment hinged on this stupid license and every week I would say the State of Arizona only has one speed and that is Arizona speed, the papers will come when they come. I got these "vital" papers Saturday, I turned them in today and they are en route to worthless government employees in California. Hopefully very soon I will have worthless papers from the state of California so that I too can be yelled at about insurance rates. FANTASTIC!! GO California!

I stopped looking for a new place to live because I am broke and I really don't want to pay more then I am paying. I have no money for a security deposit and I figure I might as well wait a little while until I can scrounge a few pennies together. I still want to move but it is not the best time to do so.

I went to an Organic Beer Festival last Friday with my friend Chad. It was a good time and the beer was nice. We did not stay long just long enough to get a nice buzz. Other then that same stuff different day.

Randomness!

So I have been busy lately. I have been painting, hanging with some peeps, enjoying a few 2 day weekends, reading 5 books, watching 12 movies, talking on the phone, emailing people, sending paintings as Mother's day gifts, sending books to my niece, reading that same nieces newspaper articles she wrote and had published in her school paper, hanging out with a friend and his 6 month old son, checking out pictures of all the new May babies, and finally completely ignoring my blog! How do you like them apples??

To prove I have been painting I will share a few of them with you:


This is actually the painting my mom now owns. Looks a little cooler without the flash all over it. In case you are curious it's acrylic.


This one is watercolor and actually my 3rd watercolor. I have found that I prefer acrylics and oil to watercolor because they are easier to cover up mistakes with. IN case anyone is an oil paint expert I have a question for you. If you spill oil paint in your carpet and you got most of it out with paint thinner, how can you get the rest out? In case you are wondering I am buying a tarp this next paycheck.

I wanted to share a picture that was pretty cool of an ad campaign. Nationwide put a wall scape on their office building in Ohio and it is pretty eye catching. Check it out, click on it to make it bigger.

There are 3 cars with paint on them the wall scape spills into the parking lot. It is really pretty cool. Does it sell the product? Well with the 3 cars covered I think it does....

Super Quick Movie Reviews:
The Illusionist - Usual Suspects with magic and olden time nonsense

Rome Season 1 - Uh..... Well Caeser dies... did he really die that soon after gaining power? It was like a few months. Why is he famous again? Is it just because he died at the hands of 'Friends'? Well now I know why it is called Rome and not Caeser.

Avatar Season 1 - Totally awesome. A great cartoon series.

Avatar Season 2 - Still awesome, great characters!

Pan's Labyrinth - Creepy and a bit of a downer but pretty amazing at the same time.

Stomp The Yard - Not very good but still pretty entertaining. I loved the sliding on the head thing even if they showed it in every commercial for this movie.

Thank You For Smoking - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant! Made me want to be a lobbyist.

Night At The Museum - Good times! Very amusing, like a huge 'Indian in the Cupboard'.

Eragon - Oh no! How quickly can we stomp out interest in a book? Let's make a supercrappy movie very loosely based on it and then people will go see Shrek 45 instead of reading.

Marie Antoinette - Let's have a 2 hour 1980's synth-rock music video about someone famous and then lets skip the beheading (the best part)! Oh and let's leave everything up to artistic interpretation and not really tell a story. People need big picture books to understand things.

Notes On A Scandal - Can we say "Gave up before it started!"?

Deja Vu - Holy crap! Really good movie I didn't even know existed. Denzel Washington is a seen it all ATF agent who gets a chance to change the recent past. Very well done, very engaging. I didn't even paint during this one.

The Purple Rose of Cairo - Holy Hannah could this end any crappier??? BOOO WOODY ALLEN!!! BOO!! I think you suck! I hope you fall off a pier into a great white shark's mouth, one that makes Jaws look tiny! I hope Nessie attacks you while you visit Loch Ness, then spits you out, and then I hope you get your movie making license revoked and someone makes a career of following you around and mocking you. Jerk! Stupid dumb unfunny hack. If you think he is funny you are probably at least in your 50's.... and if you aren't I bet no one likes you and you never get to join in any reindeer games.

Woo!