Thursday, November 20, 2008

Misrepresenation is a dish best served cold!

FIRST: I know misrepresenation is not a word and that the closest word to it should be spelled misrepresentation. I am not trying to talk about misrepresentation; I am speaking of Misrepresenation, the nation. Read further to see what I am on about...

SECOND: This is the 2nd part of a 2 part rant.... they kind of interlink. Kind of.... The first part is called "Procrastination across the nation! Misrepresenation that is!"

Back to the critics. I was reading the early reviews of Twilight. Let's clarify something here... I read this book and liked it. I read the other 3 in the series and they were OK but the first was good. I read the other 3 mainly due to the hook Stephenie Meyer ensared me with during my voracious reading of the first book. Going in I knew this was aimed at teen girls..... so when it delivered a silly and dreamy romance, I was neither upset nor surprised. This book is not pretending to be R-Rated.... the two characters don't even "make love" until they get freaking married in the 4th book! Of course after they get married and Bella becomes all vampy they are at it like rabbits! Knowing this was a book not geared toward me helped me realize what to expect, and I enjoyed the experience. My dad did not enjoy his reading adventure with this series but that was because I was hooked and kept rambling about how good it was and set super high expectations. It was like a drug, until about a month after I read the final book I just couldn't stop talking about it; sorry pop. I enjoyed it and I freely admit that (without shame even). I, of course, have moved on and fully endorse these other teen genre books:

The House of Night series - Another teen vamp book but a little edgier and with a different slant, the world has vampires and all vampires pop out of ordinary teens when they turn 16, blood exchanges not necessary. The 5th book is being released next year and I can't wait.

13 Reasons Why - This book has quite an interesting concept. It deals with a male survivor of another person's suicide (a person that he had a huge crush on). He receives 7 tapes after she kills herself, 13 recorded sides, explaining why she killed herself. This is the only non-series book on this list.

Generation Dead - Dead teenagers are coming back to life and instead of craving brains they are craving acceptance and a place in society. I signed on to follow this author's blog as I am eagerly awaiting the sequel and happened to also enjoy his blog

I got a little distracted..... OK, my point was Twilight is really aimed at teen girls. It has plenty of adult fans, two of my last teachers (including my current teacher) love the books and we talked about them in depth. However, the bread and butter is a decade or two younger then I am. That is also who the movie is aimed at. So what is with all this silly bashing of the movie because it is aimed at teenage girls? So freaking what!? They don't get a movie aimed at them? Only dorky comic book fans (I am one of these people too) can get a movie? And now some quotes I shall mock:

"I’m sure this love story seems profound to young readers with only a vague understanding of the vampire myth, but anyone with even a basic understanding of the plot of Dracula knows that forbidden vampire love is a pretty damn conventional part of the genre that really offers nothing new." - Charles Varrick for

Hmm.... Nothing new. I guess besides a vampire book not filled with blood, insane violence, lacking a super evil vamp guy hungry for a ladie's virtue, and something that is completely aimed at teen girls. TOTALLY UNORIGINAL! Yes, please bring on the same ol' blood, violence and cliched bad vampire story.

"Twilight" will mesmerize its target audience, 16-year-old girls and their grandmothers. Their mothers know all too much about boys like this. I saw it at a sneak preview. Last time I saw a movie in that same theater, the audience welcomed it as an opportunity to catch up on gossip, texting, and laughing at private jokes. This time the audience was rapt with attention. Sometimes a soft chuckle, as when the principal Indian boy has well-developed incisors. Sometimes a soft sigh. Afterwards, I eavesdropped on some conversations. A few were saying, "He's so hot!" More floated in a sweet dreaminess. Edward seemed to stir their surrender instincts. - Roger Ebert; Chicago Sun-Times (pick a name you dyslexic paper!),

What is with the hate man? His whole article basically bashes the young ladies for being naive enough to fall in love with a movie about mismatched and ill-fated love. Yeah, screw you too Willy Shakespeare! I guess he only likes movies with cross-dressers, boring plots, senseless violence, and random nudity (like: The Valley of the Dolls).

Bad Article Titles:
'Twilight' barely gets the blood flowing - Claudia Puig; USA Today (yeah bubblegum light of the entire newspaper industry is mocking something for not being deep....)
Twilight lacks bite - Edmonton Sun (I am looking for a page 3 girl, it looks like the London rag with the topless ladies),
Dear diary: My guardian angel is a vampire! - James Sanford (not a bad review just a silly and funny title) Kalamazoo Gazette
'Twilight' fans stake hearts on vampire romance - Karina Bland; Arizona Republic

Please! Pretty Please! Pretty, pretty, pretty please (with sugar on top) more cliches! Not only do the cliche's abound in the reviews' titles most of the reviews are filled with them. Sad!

My pet peeve is not that they did not like the movie. That is fine, dislike the movie, hate the acting, mock the crappy special effects and wish it had been better. My pet peeve is when they senselessly bash a whole segment of people. So a gaggle of young girls are rushing to this movie and swooning over the dude playing Edward Cullen (the chalky faced lad who is the vampire partner of Bella), where is the harm? Why make fun of them simply because they liked it and your OLD ASS didn't? I think the other problem is a lot of people didn't bother themselves with details like: it is a bubblegum vampire love story for young girls! The story should not be a silly little overlooked fact! Instead of spending 5 minutes googling the book and realizing what it is and who it's for, let's spend the entire review mad that the movie was exactly what the books are. BUY A CLUE! Spend a few minutes familiarizing yourself with the story. YOU GET PAID TO REVIEW MOVIES PUT IN SOME FREAKING EFFORT!!!
(HEY! My ignorance of Beowulf is not the issue people, unless you start paying for my reviews. Don't go off on tangents, only I can do that. If you insist on going off on tangents start your own pointless blog!)

Just so you know not all the reviews of this movie are bad, a lot are pretty positive and seem to get what the movie is and who it is for.

CASE IN POINT: This guy is actually funny and does a seemingly more fair review of the movie. He notes the intended audience, some of the drawbacks and even the good points. Here is a quote of a warning he includes to parents and all those who show up not possesing that ever elusive clue:
-- Advisory: This movie contains some violence and sensuality. This material also attracts packs of girls with extremely high-pitched voices, who will scream every time their favorite character comes onscreen. Bring earplugs, or sit at least six rows away from anyone female between the ages of 12 and 15. - Peter Hartlaub; San Francisco Chronicle;

Like sitting away from the girls will help.....

Apparently the town in the novel exists

This guy had the funniest review of them all. I am assuming he was deliberately misinterpreting the point of the story to enrage the fans. He did a good job. Anyway he compares Twilight to the Twilight Zone and pretends (I hope) that he does not know they have nothing to do with each other.
"Twilight" has to be one of the worst adaptations of a television show that has ever been produced. It simply fails to capture the magic of the old television series. From 1959 to 1964, one of the most inventive shows ever broadcast, "The Twilight Zone," thrilled television audiences. Co-written and hosted by Rod Serling, it was an amazing series and one whose 148 individual installments viewers continue to enjoy today. Now comes along this new version with the shortened title "Twilight." They should have chosen a different title: "The Twilight Crap." - Ronald Birkow; Dateline Hollywood,

A sample of the extremely enraged fans:
Are you stupid or just living in a cave???? This movie has NOTHING TO DO with the Twilight Zone! Its not supposed to!

It is based on the series of four novels by Stephenie Meyer, one the increasingly heralded authors of our time. It is a phenomenon in America and across the world and you somehow have seen the movie already and think that it is supposed to be coming from the Twilight Zone????

You are a poor excuse for a journalist, and frankly, a disappointment and failure as a writer. Do some background research and maybe get a job at McDonalds since it looks like you fail as a journalist. - Katelyn

umm.... i think you need to get FIRED due to your LACK of research as a journalist!!! I would be EMBARRASSED if i were you to print up a review without even knowing what the movie was based on and quite frankly a bit scared due to the phenomenal FANBASE this movie has that is going to TEAR you up for this misrepresenation of a best-selling book!!!! LOL - tina

I can't help it. Excuse me, tina, first of all let's start with your name the "t" should be a "T" and the "i" used in reference to yourself should be "I". Holy run-on: "I would be EMBARRASSED if i were you to print up a review without even knowing what the movie was based on and quite frankly a bit scared due to the phenomenal FANBASE this movie has that is going to TEAR you up for this misrepresenation of a best-selling book!!!!" I love it! Misrepresenation? Is that near Mexico, I did not know there was a nation called Misrepresenation. And finally: Contrary to popular belief, LOL, is not a word.

OK I think this dual-post is complete....... for now. Don't worry I wrote a sentence or two for my lesson plans while writing this monster.

P.S. Do not get all huffy about me mocking that girl's post. I happen to love run-on sentences and use them a lot in my blogging. If you need proof, read these two entries again.

P.P.S. If someone could assist me... I am trying to book a flight to Misrepresenation... I can't seem to find it listed at Southwest Airlines or Orbitz...

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