Wednesday, February 28, 2007

The Repetitive Task Awards Update

So far I have a total of four nominees and three of those made their own categories. Here are the categories as they stand.

Paying Your Bills Award
Dale W

Bad Music Lover Award
Glenn S

The Night Snorer Award
Maryann S

Daily Showering Award
Pete S

Categories I had suggested are:
Chewing Your Food Thoroughly Award
Opening Your Mail Award
Going To Work Award
Answering The Phone Award
Deleting Spam Emails Award
Best Excuse Used To Not Be At Work Award

These awards are still open but if you have a better one just let me know and I will bump things a bit. I am capping the awards to ten total categories so right now only 4 are set and there are six more available. A category needs one nominee to be real but the next six new award nominees will be the ones to set the categories. Don't forget you can nominate yourself for the four categories already with one nomination. You do not have to make a new one up. The final nominees will be announced March 9th and the contest will be held a month after that so I can make the final decision. Or figure out the awards... whichever you want to believe.

I want to let all nominees now that I expect you to be ready with an acceptance speech in case you end up winning.

Monday, February 26, 2007

A New Award Show

Hey all I am in here procrastinating on a perspective drawing due tomorrow but this blog has been neglected way too long. I have had an idea boiling about in my head for a while. I may have talked to you about it if you dared to broach the subject of the multiple award shows where actors and musicians get an award for doing what they are paid to do. I am not fond of this practice, I think it is ridiculous that these people get paid a lot of money to play pretend and then they award themselves for doing what they should do. It is ridiculous that people would have the audacity to organize an event to pat themselves on the back. I hate awards, I am not really enthused about getting them at work for being nice to customers because that is what I am paid to do but it is something the company does for morale. I like the 15 minutes off the phone. However, I do not get to be on television and give an acceptance speech where I thank God 250 times and everyone I ever met:
"I would like to thank God for letting me wake up feeling positive in the morning. I also want to thank my parents because without that special night I wouldn't be here. I would like to thank the Lord for watching out for me. A big thanks goes out to the Starbucks guy that convinced me to make my drink a triple shot latte, the Baby Jesus that showed up to wash away all the sins, and the grocery checkout lady who did a price check on an item I thought was 20 cents less then the register rang it up for. I want to give a shout out to God, because without him I would stab pizza delivery men and most of all I want to give another shout out for the baby Jesus" Music starts to play. "Oh no! Don't start the music yet you big ol' baton waving goon, I am not done. Oh Lord help me not kill the man with the little stick. Please Baby Jesus take that Oboe player in the third row. God don't hate the orchestra because they done your follower wrong. I am going to finis my thank you's!" Crowd cheers, orchestra gets louder. "Alright I can talk loud too! I want to thank my manager Jojo the circus monkey, without him all my talent would be wasted. I want to thank the guy that sat in the cubicle next to me that gave me a croissant last week. And most of all I gotta give it up to God, my Lord and the Baby Jesus!"

Another thing I hate is they get all kinds of free things for being rich and famous. Why do they get free stuff I have to pay for? They can afford it!! Oh and don't get me started on the fact that designers create dresses for the super famous wealthy people and they don't have to buy the dang thing they get to wear it for free! It is a bunch of crap! So I am fighting back I have decided to start the REPETITIVE TASKS AWARDS. I have selected a few categories already. They are as follows:

Chewing Your Food Thoroughly Award
Opening Your Mail Award
Going To Work Award
Answering The Phone Award
Paying Bills Award
Deleting Spam Emails Award

And my personal Favorite:
Best Excuse Used To Not Be At Work Award

I have yet to find sponsors so if you want to sponsor the event I am more then willing to put your logo anywhere. Even if you are A little blue pill company or a prophylactic company. If you think that is random place the company names along with the Award show name and you will get the humor, maybe. I am working on a proper statue or something to give the winners. I am also looking for TV airtime so if you are a TV company and have space to fill this is your Awards show! If we do get on the air I need a host. I could also use some judges and just to let you know bribing judges is an acceptable practice for this series of awards, in fact it's encouraged. If you think I need to add a category let me know.

Most importantly if you know someone or are someone who would be a great candidate for an award please submit your name to me. I hope to announce the nominees by next Friday aka, March 9th.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Crazed Comics # 3

The long awaited third installment of Crazed Comics has arrived! I am posting the original and the colorized version. Let me know what you think.

Take 1

Take 2

Update and a funny video

Hey all I have a new comic strip going up tonight but I am doing homework. For those keeping track I have started my second class of the semester. Thankfully it is not another redundant math class. It is Perspective and there seems to be a lot of reading and this is the first day. Oh and I got an A in the math class and I never even bought the book for it. Way to go AiO!

If you need some entertainment right now and can't wait a few hours I have this site for you:

I post his site only because that is where I found the cool video and I hope one day someone will link my site in return. Anyway it has a Daily Show clip about 12 billion dollars in cash that no one in our government can account for. I thought it was very funny and scary at the same time. I mean is 12 billion even a real number and how did they miraculously come up with 361 tons of hundred dollar bills? Check the video out and give the guy a little love for posting it.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Keys and AAA

I spent the night watching the blazers actually win one which was nice. Drinking beer at the bar was good and I stopped off at the local 7-11 to get a 6-er to continue the party at home until I locked my keys in the car. Crap. So I rang my dad on the telly and told him about it hoping we could play the AAA fellows for a free unlocking. I had done this a year and a half ago and the AAA kid did not even ask for my id. This twit did. He was about to go ahead when he actually read the name on my license and decided to play 20 questions about where my dad was. 60 dollars later and the questions were no longer being asked. The whole ride home I kept thinking: "That is exactly how much it costs for a year of AAA" When I called my dad to tell him it hadn't worked, that was exactly what Maryjo was hollering in the background. So my recommendation for the night get AAA. The real pisser is I have a spare key for my car in my wallet but I was driving my dad's car and I do not have a spare key for it. So once again just get AAA.

Other then that I have nothing to share.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

The Actual Wedding Take 2

Ok, so I rushed the last post a wee bit and perhaps that looked a wee mean spirited. I did not mean it that way. It just seemed silly to be still trying to write about an event that happened on January 27th. So maybe I need to finesse it a little bit. So here goes.

The wedding went off very well. No one got too misty or teary eyed while reading their scripture passages and the priest remembered Kevin's last name. We had an hour before the reception doors opened so a group of us, Jed, Simmon, James, his special lady friend and baby and Christian and his special lady friend, went to a bar to have a beer or two before the reception. Then we wandered down to the reception and got another beer or two. We ate a few appetizers and found our seats. Then the Wedding party flooded in and people watched as the "first" dances happened. Meanwhile my stomach was growling because the appetizers ignited a terrible hunger. Then we ate and the evening got more relaxed and people milled about. I caught back up with people I hadn't seen the night before and more beer and wine passed my lips. The night wore on and we decided to head to the bar down the road. Although everybody talked about it not everybody made it. They probably got lost on the way. We switched from beer and wine to shots. Then people decided to call it a night and Jed, Adrian, Kevin's big sis and I decided food was needed and we headed to Denny's. I am not sure what time it was when we made it home but I was done. I had really restless sleep on top of a rapidly deflating air mattress and soon I got out and laid on the floor using the air mattress as a big pillow and I got a little better sleep. I woke up before my alarm and I started getting ready to head to the airport. I left my portion of the room on the table and managed to turn Adrian into my hooker and I was out the door. I skipped eating on the way thinking I would get a burger at In N' Out but as I said before they were all closed. I dropped my rental car off and headed to the airport via a bus with a guy who did not seemed concerned that we might have a time crunch. I printed my ticket at an electronic ticket machine and I went inside. I dined on an utterly forgettable sandwich and then was surrounded by loud teenagers. When I got to my car in Portland all I wanted to do was find a nice big comfy bed to sleep in.

Hey Robert, any better?

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

The Actual Wedding

Little tired of this story so let's get it over...

Kevin and Bridgette got married. We drank beer and wine at the reception. We drank more stuff at the bar. Then a few of us ended up at Denny's. I woke up a wee bit before 8AM hopped in my car and drove for a few hours to San Jose. Along the way I stopped at an In-n-Out joint but it was too early, apparently this one was not 24/7. Sucks to be me. I sat in the airport for an hour then got on a crowded plane and flew home and took a big nap.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

The Pre-Wedding Story

Back to the retelling of last weekend. Thursday my dad spent all day at a work shop while I kept falling asleep in front of the TV. When he got back home we headed over to have Vietnamese again and then ran some errands. Finally ending our night at Barnes & Noble. The next day I awoke early and headed to the airport. Where I wandered about waiting for the time to pass.With the flight over I landed in San Jose. San Jose International was the worst airport I have been in. Wait it's the second worst airport, the first being Medford, OR. This airport was old and used up. It was dinky and the whole place was covered in construction. It was lousy. I caught the first bus to the rental car company area and within moments I was back on the road heading South feeling excited. An hour later I was no longer excited just antsy and kind of hungry. I decided to watch for a In N' Out Burger because I hadn't had one in a year and a half at least. I missed the last one and saw it in my rear view. I pressed on thinking: "I have an hour left to drive and In N' Out was originated in Cali it has got to be everywhere, right?" The answer to that question is: "You couldn't be more wrong!" I finally arrived and ran into Kevin C right away who immediately introduced me to his special lady friend. Then we had some champagne. Nothing like 5 minutes in town and already drinking. That is style. Adrian came down and next thing I know I am buying a sweater at Kohl's for the dinner that night. I hadn't packed anything nice to wear besides the wedding duds. I am always thinking ahead. I started to notice an odd odor in the air and was wandering if someone had a gas leak when I was informed it was the natural springs and that the hotel boasted spas that allowed you to soak in luxuriating water that made you think of Uncle Ed's post bathroom odor. We picked up some liquor and headed out. I was at the rehearsal for moral support and mainly because that way I could be driven around and never bother to know where I was supposed to be. The Priest came in very casual and a wee bit late and referred to Kevin as Kevin Conway. Which is not exactly his last name. I was watching this priest knowing he was comedic gold. There is a thing to explain about the priest not knowing Kevin's last name. This was a destination wedding, everybody had to travel including the couple getting married. So it wasn't their priest but what a way to make people's hearts race! "I now pronounce you..... LINE!!"
After the rehearsal, where the locals made Portlanders look like yuppies when it came to time, we headed to a nice little winery. It was called Eberle Winery or whatever. The rehearsal dinner was held downstairs in the wine cellar and we were surrounded by casks of wine. I kept trying to lure people into the catacombs so I could entomb them while they were still alive but I couldn't find any catacombs let alone any willing volunteers. I mean I wouldn't force somebody to allow me to lead them to a horrible demise, that wouldn't be nice. We sat down and I told the lady who offered red or white that I most definitely required both. She laughed and poured both and half the table followed suit. We were the loud and boisterous singles table and soon we discovered we could make the ceiling do our loudness for us. It was like having a microphone but better. We ate and drank then enjoyed several toasts, by the last few I was toasting with water. About that time we all headed to the hotel to walk down to the bar. We drank and drank and drank and danced a bit too. Then we made VIP status and we drank in a private room where we controlled the music and shots came down the pipe. Soon it became apparent that the groom was thinking bed was a good idea so I took off with him and a few others while Jed and Adrian stayed behind. Apparently that was when it got interesting. A line of local girls came into the VIP room to party and within moments had Jed topless. From what I gather Jed is like some kind of aphrodisiac if you can just figure out how to get him to use it. So the night continued downhill with Jed getting whipped with his own belt, kissing a random girl and then just deciding to go to Jack in the Box with Adrian.

Check back for more... maybe...