Saturday, February 06, 2010


I can't sleep...

It has been an ongoing problem this last month but tonight has been ridiculous. I don't even feel tired. If you are keeping track it is 4 AM here in Oregon and I have not went to sleep yet.

I know it sounds like I am whining here. That of course is because I am whining. I want to be back on a regular sleep schedule. More importantly, I want to get back to getting things done. You know... during the day when places are actually open. There is absolutely nothing going on out in the country at 4 AM.

I moved down to Roseburg because of moeny issues and the whole thing has been a bit harder to handle then I expected. Not because of anybody; just my own head. I feel like I have stepped backwards and my step backward seems to have taken some wind out of my sails. To tell you the truth the wind has not been there since my last class in December. Thanks again University of Phoenix.

The worst part of this is that I took this step willingly. I knew I did not have the money to live in Portland any more. I did my student teaching in Roseburg which made it seem perfect to extract myself from Portland and start here with my teaching certificate. Subbing while taking on the larger world for future employment. It just hasn't played out that way.

Portland was my city of hard luck. I mean, that it was not an economically friendly city to me. Despite that glaring fact I miss Portland. I miss all the great restaurants, having a bacon topped donut at 2 AM, being near bookstores, the fantastic beer, pizza by the slice, the public transit system, and the friends I still have up there. I also really miss my apartment and my blue chair that was steadily falling apart.

So I am stuck. Stuck feeling like I failed, even though I know that I haven't.

Aren't new years supposed to be full of hope? Come on 2010..... bring on the positives. Wow me!