Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The 4 Poems

I have been running a writing club lately and the topics I select for writing sometimes produce things I want to share. These 4 poems owe their life to the group because without it they do not exist. They were a challenge for September that required 4 poems that work on their own but also work together. I hope you enjoy them.

Poem 1: Daybreak

Poem 2: Noon

Poem 3: Sunset

Poem 4: Midnight

I have been trying to think of a collective name for when I show them together. Leave your suggestions in the comments section.


I awake crying.

My empty bed still smells like her

I touch her pillow,

cool from her absence,

Cradling it to me

my face wet from grief,

until dreams of her arrive again.


We walk

as dusk settles around us

The destination, only she knows

I follow, still quiet, since midday

An occasional pause, as I catch up

her only acknowledgement that I should follow

We both stop and look out over the city, silent


She won’t meet my eyes.

My words fail to break through

as she stares into the distance.

She sits there shivering

but refuses my coat.

I do not know how to speak to her,

she is out of reach.


I always wake early

and watch her sleep,

her chest rise and fall,

the movement of her eyes behind her eyelids

offers me a measure of peace.

I feign sleep when she stirs

as the sun pierces through the shades.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Forgettable Lessons

These are the things I no longer wish to understand.

That thought lit up my brain like the Las Vegas strip at night. It went exactly against what my teacher was trying to drill in my head. He tapped the chalkboard next to the words he deemed to be the most important for the lesson. I looked straight at him but was really looking out of the corner of my eyes to see how my classmates reacted. He looked right at me and I bent to copy the words hurriedly.

“Tena, do you think I am talking to everybody but you?” He began as I felt my cheeks redden. “Your classmates have already written this information down and you are just starting. Hmmm…. maybe you think you know better than I. Perhaps I should hand the chalk to you.” He made his way over to my desk with the chalk outstretched. He stopped right in front of the desk with his hand still outstretched, holding the chalk. He towered over me when I was standing but I was currently sitting as he dressed me down; you could say he towered over me. I risked a glance up and saw, behind his large hooked nose, his piercing ice blue eyes boring into me with barely concealed contempt. He reminded me of a scarecrow; unusually tall and oddly proportioned. His face seemed wrong somehow; it was too pale and parts of it seemed like it belonged on another skull.

When our eyes met I knew I made a mistake looking up at him. I tried to compensate for it by hanging my head; allowing my hair to cover my face and my fear. He responded by slamming the chalk down on the desk with such force that part of it was changed to dust. “Teach!” He bellowed. I was rooted to my chair but could hear the snicker of my classmates. They were always laughing at me, I did not belong in this world of power and privilege. They mocked me openly in the hallways and tormented me in the classes. The quiet laughter at my humiliation had always seemed harder to brush off but the quiet laughter bothered me more than normal today. I pushed the tears and fear back inside and snapped my head up in the middle of the teacher’s tyrannical gloating. I met his eyes again with my best steely gaze, grabbed the chalk and headed to the board. I began writing on the board and the snickers died. For a second there was not a sound except the scratching of the chalk as I wrote. “What do you think you are doing!” He demanded. I kept writing and ignored him. He began screaming at me but I kept writing until the words of wisdom had been etched on the board. I read it again; pausing long enough to correct the grammar. Then I turned around, dropped the chalk and stomped on it before moving out of the way.

On the board it read:

The scarecrow made a mistake handing his power over to a teenager.

The room was quiet for several seconds until the unexpected laugh of the principal ripped through the air.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Shadow King; A short Story

                                                                   Shadow King

Do you ever wonder if you have a story to tell? I have never thought of my life as being worth putting in writing. What good would a story about somebody fumbling through life do the world? Isn’t that everybody’s story? What makes my story more compelling then someone else? I am not famous, rich or successful. I am a regular person living day to day, with the same worries that everybody I have ever met has as well. As far as I can tell the stories that were published had a lot more to offer then mine. So what changed? Why are you, hopefully, reading my story? A lot. Nothing. I don’t know.

The day I became interesting.

It started out as an ordinary day. I was at work. The glamorous life of a grocery store employee, an overnight stocker and cashier. I was unloading the weekly shipment when I first noticed something strange. The city was unusually quiet and at first it seemed peaceful but as I listened I soon felt fear creep up the back of my spine. Something was off. The quiet was unnatural. Oppressive. I became suddenly aware that I was alone. My coworkers and the truck driver were gone. I was alone on the unloading dock.

All of my instincts were telling me to run and hide. Unfortunately I was unable to move. I have read about being stuck as if your feet had sprouted roots, trapping you to the earth where you stood. This was not like that at all, it was like my body didn’t belong to me. Like I was merely a visitor inspecting a statue. I simply did not have the strength to pick up my feet and run away. I was stuck; alone and terrified of the silence. I began to wonder, if I could move, would I see hundreds of people stuck like this all around me. Stuck in one spot and terrified. Was this why the world had gone eerily silent?

I realized it wasn’t that the world wasn’t actually quiet. I could hear something, panting. The sound suddenly filled the silence and it seemed to come from all around me. Then I saw the source of the noise, large black dogs were slipping out of the shadows and surrounding my immobile body. The panting continued for some but others emitted a low warning growl. The growl was deep and vibrated my entire being. Warmth spread across my midsection and it took me a second to realize I had managed to pee myself in fear. I was beyond caring because I could tell my number was up anyway. The shadow dogs seemed to find my terror intoxicating because the growls were replaced by what seemed to me to be mocking grins.

“Have we terrified this young man enough boys?” Boomed a voice from the deep shadows. In response the dog tails wagged as they sat down and resumed their panting. The darkest shadow seemed to break away from the other shadows and move toward me. As it did layers of shadows stripped away from the figure and I began to make out a small figure. The figure still was mostly concealed and the voice was still terrifyingly loud when it spoke next. “Human, we have need of your services. Come with me and offer aid.”

If my body had been capable I would have turned to look behind me to see who the shadow spoke to but it became apparent when no answer came forth that the shadow figure could only be talking to me. “I require an answer.”

“An answer? You did not ask a question, Shadow Man. You simply spoke a command. So far, I have no reason to trust you or go anywhere with you. You terrify me with your shadow hounds, root me to this spot and cause me to pee my pants in terror. As far as I am concerned you can go spit.” Once again I felt the urge to look behind me to see who spoke despite knowing full well that the words had come bubbling out of my mouth.

“Shadow hounds? I like that. It sounds more ominous then the name I gave them. ‘The pack’ sounds like a group of annoying teenaged wannabe thugs. I thank you for the name for my ‘shadow hounds’ but I still require that you come and assist me.” The shadow man gestured for me to come and this time I did. I am still not quite sure why.

“You are a perceptive human. You could feel me coming while the rest of the humans froze unaware. I exist in between time and my presence tends to cause low intelligence beings to simply stop until I leave an area. You couldn’t move until I spoke to you but you were fully aware. This means there is hope for you, unlike the rest of humanity.” His words were dripping with venom. I knew this man held no love for humans including those he deemed to have hope.

“Interesting. Since I come with you of my own accord I will ask a few things from you. First, some new clothing that does not reek of urine. Second, tell me your name.”

“Ah, reasonable request, the first one is. The second is problematic. Names are power. I will not tell you my name but I can give you a name to use if you like. Although I can tell you already have one for me and that is fine as well. Although change man to king as I am the king of the world we are entering.”

“You want me to call you Shadow King? Seems odd to me but I’ll go with it. So when can I change clothes?” I asked

“It will happen once we cross the threshold, humans these days have no sense of style. I made sure that the threshold would redress all entrants in an appropriate manner when meeting with me.” And as we crossed the threshold shadows enveloped me and I could feel myself become clean and dressed in light, loose clothing. When the shadows parted I was wearing black slacks and a purple silk shirt and what seemed to be boxers; looser then I was used to but at least they were clean. The Shadow King was no longer covered in shadows. He was a small dark skinned man with angular features. He almost looked human but only just. There was something off, some energy that told your hind brain that he was dangerous. His eyes were a yellow color that I had only seen on television shows about werewolves. He smiled at me and I got the distinct feeling that he had too many teeth. “You look much more appropriate for a meeting with the Shadow King.”

I nodded stupidly at him. My words were caught up in the part of the brain that was in fight or flight mode, meaning they were once again not readily available to me. Luckily for me the Shadow King had no intention of letting me control the conversation, or was that lucky, I’m still not sure. “I need you to do something human.” I bristled at the lack of my name as he spoke to me. He hadn’t even asked for it. The arrogance of that act really got under my skin. I was about to mention it but part of me was reluctant. He handed me a hot drink and I suddenly realized the Shadow King’s realm was bitterly cold. I took a sip and it was awful, I placed it down on the table I was suddenly sitting at.

“It is very nice here if you can get past the cold. You should see it during daylight time, it is beautiful. Of course once you really see in the shadows the view is unsurpassed by anything on Earth.”

The conversation confused me because I could not keep track of it in my mind. I was not sure how we had got here and seated at this table that looked over a vast dark abyss.

“Drink human. It will help keep you warm.” I did as I was told but the lack of my name irked me a great deal. The drink was bitter.

“A Shadow King’s primary job is to manage the shadow realms bloodlust. Some of your history, human history, has been shaped by humans that were infected by shadow. The spillover is expected of course. We occupy some of the same space on this world as you humans.” He smiled at me again and my fear was replaced by loathing that ran deep. “Humans are the worst creature that could be infected by shadow. The murderous rampages are bad but truly astounding is monsters that wrap it in political or religious doctrine. Humans are monsters. They are what keeps the children of the shadow realm up at night. Humans are our bogeymen.” He looked at me without smiling, his eyes sparkled like amber fossils. My loathing went up an octave as we continued to look at each other. I broke eye contact first. I grabbed and took the last drink of my suddenly empty cup. I wanted more. Sensing my sudden desire for more of the drink a shadow servant appeared and poured some in my cup. I greedily snatched it up and guzzled it before demanding more from the servant. The shadow king began to speak again and I found his words confusing and irritating. He talked too much.

“Listen, Shadow King,” I interrupted, my words came out angry and slurred, “I don’t know who you are kidding. You are a horrible ruler, your pestilence overflows in to every place it can. You have no desire to keep it away from humans. You want us to be infected!” I was angry and when I grabbed my cup, some of the drink sloshed on my shirt. I cursed and began trying to suck the drink out of the fabric. If this bothered the Shadow King he drew no attention to it but I still felt his judgment. That rankled and I growled at him to show him my displeasure. His response was to smile at me.

“Perhaps you think you could do a better job?” He asked with that ever present, self-satisfied smirk.

“I think no such thing. You told me you were lousy at the job when you were explaining what you do. I am just tired of your attitude.” I said, at least I am fairly sure I said that, because there is a part of me that only remembers growling. Either way his smile did not falter.

“Let me ask you again human, do you think you are more suited for this job then I?”

“I have a name you know!” I growled.

“I know,” he said with a twinkle in his golden eye, “….human.”

I was out of my seat and had my hands around his throat before I was aware of moving. I was trying to choke the life from his sparkling golden eyes. He did not look concerned, nor did he seem to be fighting me. My grip began to loosen as my rage continued to grow. It didn’t make sense but I soon became aware of a steadily growing pool of dark crimson that enveloped us. My eyes threatened to close and my hands were not working as they should. I looked at him and he merely offered that same smile. This time it no longer seemed to mock me or enrage me. Instead it seemed to pity me, but it was the exact same smile. I felt a deep searing pain in my gut and it pulled my attention away from his smile. I had been stabbed, gutted really and most troubling was that I was not sure when of how it happened. The crimson pool surrounding us was my blood.

“You have fire Jason Moore.” The Shadow King whispered to me. “It is far down in your person but it is there. It took several glasses of the potion to get it to come out but come out it did. I have a question for you. Just one more question and then I will leave you to your fate.”

I looked at him with wide open eyes. It took a second for my brain to concentrate enough to blink. My eyes closed and wanted to stay behind closed lids but my brain forced them back open. When I could see again the Shadow King no longer lying beneath my body. My body that was rapidly draining of life. I had once again lost time in this shadow realm. I should never have come here, I wondered if anyone missed me. I wondered if my body would be left behind somewhere. Would they look for my murderer?

“Before I ask you the question Jason Moore,” He said my name again, when had he learned it? Had he always known it or had I told him during one of my many blackouts this evening? I wanted to ask but my lips would not move. “I must tell you something. Your wound is fatal for a mortal such as yourself. So you will die here tonight and for that I am truly sorry. No matter what you will never be you again, not exactly. It is necessary though, please believe that.” I continued to stare blankly at him. I wanted to curse him but my body was not cooperating. “Now for the question, I require an answer from you but in your current condition I know words are not a possibility. A blink shall suffice. If your answer is yes blink once and if no blink twice. Do you understand?” I blinked once. “Good. Jason Moore, Do you think you would do a better job than I at the job of Shadow King?”

I thought about my body lying here slowly leaking my blood across his floor. I thought about the life I had lived. I thought about all the decisions I had made that led me to this point. I thought about all my lost dreams and then I closed my eyes. Images floated across my eyelids. Moments both joyous and heartbreaking. Memories of all the confusion, indecision and pain. Times were I felt good, smart and on top of the world. And those earlier days when I would often find myself bored and looking for some mischief to get into. I thought about what people had said to me during those early years. I had never really lived up to the potential that others had expected of me. I had not accomplished the things I had meant to. I was a man unfulfilled. I was a lost puzzle piece trying to find the right puzzle. I had always believed that I existed in the wrong time or perhaps the wrong world. I wondered if I had been looking for my spot in the wrong puzzle. I suddenly knew my answer and I opened my eyes.

I made sure that they stayed open while I looked around. The room was empty. I was alone, laying on the floor in dried up blood. The pain was gone and there was no evidence of the wound that had nearly killed me. The knife was by my side but not in my side. I went to stand and that was when a shadow servant appeared and helped me to my feet.

“Where is the Shadow King?”

“You are here sir.” The servant replied.

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

The Nightmare: Quality Time

                I lied on the floor for a minute. It was the only dignified thing to do after my humiliating entrance. I was face first on the floor; Ava had simply shoved me sideways off her. She hadn’t even staggered when I fell on her. She was stronger then she looked. I had a suspicion that my nose was bleeding from one of the two impacts. I was betting on the floor.
                “I have no words.” Ava said. “Except for, get off the floor and out of the way of the door before I decide to close it through you.” I did as I was told. She was wearing a smirk when I sheepishly looked at her.  “You’re nose is bleeding. I wish Emily had seen that.”
                I looked around and confirmed her words. Emily was not there. I looked at her with a confused expression and her response was to turn and walk further into the decadent suite. After a second she looked over her shoulder expectantly and I obediently followed along. The room was a mixture of yellows and browns. The table had a dark brown table surrounded by yellow chairs and a large dark brown sectional. The walls were a shade of brown with a wallpaper wall. It was white with brown lines on it; I think it was supposed to look like ivy but what do I know? She pointed at a chair and when I sat down she tossed a cloth at me to stem my bloody nose. I looked down at my shirt and saw it was a little bloody and I had a sneaking suspicion that in my stupor I had leaked a bloody trail all the way to the chair I was sitting in. When I stopped staring at the blood on my shirt and the blood on the cloth I realized Ava was sitting across from me in the large brown sectional. She was waiting for me to realize she was still there.
                “Ray,” She began and paused before continuing, “You never stop amazing me.”
                “Thanks” I replied.
                “It wasn’t a compliment.” She hissed.
                “I figured.” I forced myself to make and keep eye contact with her. “I am sorry about falling on you Ava.”
                “Thanks Ray. Despite a slight pain where your head hit my chest, I think I am better off then you are.” She looked at me with that jarring smile and I felt myself jerk a bit. I always felt like I was the prey and she was the predator. I definitely knew she was the type of predator that enjoyed playing with its food. I fought the shudder that was threatening to overtake me.
                “Glad to hear it.” I managed. “So, why am I here?”
                “You mean besides your charm? Well that can wait until Emily gets back.” She fell silent but continued to stare at me with that same alarming smile. I squirmed a bit in my chair.
                After a few moments I had to ask, “Will it be much longer?” She didn’t answer but her smile grew. After a while I started to wonder if she had blinked yet. I couldn’t remember her doing it and since I had become aware of it I had not seen it happen. The smile seemed to grow larger and I could feel the sweat beading on my brow despite the coolness of the room. I was beginning to panic and I was about to start screaming when the phone by her side rung. I felt relief until I watched her not look at it and continue watching me. Ava’s relaxed posture began to look more and more as if she was readying herself to pounce. I did what I do when I was scared, I began to babble. “Don’t you wish Portland had another major sports team besides the Blazers? Of course you don’t! I mean after all you live in Washington. You are probably a huge Seahawks fan. I despise them by the way. The weirdest thing is I have no real reason for it. I mean I like Washington and especially Seattle but I could do without the sports teams. The Mariners? Gag! The Seahawks? I mean come on. The best thing that happened to your state was when the Supersonics left, because, lets face it, one less team to despise. Am I right?” She was blinking now and her face was contorted into a funny and unreadable expression. I kept going. “Speaking of that, what is Seattle’s claim to fame? The space needle? What is the purpose of that thing? Speaking of Seattle, have you seen 10 Things I Hate About You? That was shot in Seattle and I have decided I was robbed by fate because that high school building looked amazing. I wish I had went there.” By this point I was gesturing wildly. What came next should have been no surprise because I was watching her but it was. Suddenly I was tasting foot and found myself falling backwards. When my head hit the carpet, I was surprised that my knee was right behind it as it slammed into my face; knocking me out.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Nightmares: My Entrance

            “Hello Ray” I was awash in her blue eyes from the moment I saw her. The people in front of her got there food but I have to admit that I barely remember making it.
“Emily.” I paused, searching for words. “Your hair is red!” I regretted those words. This was definitely a time when being at a loss for words are better than the words you find.
She smiled. “I see you have not developed the ability to stop yourself from speaking before thinking. Yes my hair is now red, very observant.”
“Can I make you something?” I ask in an attempt to not sound like an idiot.
“Well I am hungry and I noticed your menu has morphed since I last visited. Surprise me and then make something meaty for Ava because she is here as well.” Her smile widens at my flinch at the mention of her green eyed twin’s name. “She will be on her best behavior. Probably.”
I stared after her as she walked away. I had tried to convince myself since we last spoke that my crush on her had faded. I was now very aware how wrong I was. Once she was too far away to stare at I began cooking.
When I brought the food to the tables I saw that Ava sat facing me and Emily sat with her back toward me. Several people were wandering around the area and clearly had no intention to eat. There was nobody else anywhere nearby. These two women were still very important people in the crime world. A lot of people had no idea who they were but they weren’t taking chances. As I neared the table I was intercepted by a bulky, angry looking guy. “I need to check the food.” He barked.
“The Hell you do! You touch this food and I will make sure you die choking on it.” I was serious when it came to food and this reject was not touching something I made for someone else. His response was to step closer and I made ready to make good on my threat.
“Back off Roland; Emily says he is fine. Am I clear?” Ava barked at him. He sneered at me and made the watching you sign by pointing at his eyes and back to me.
“I guess you live Ruby.” I whispered as I passed him. It wasn’t my best insult but I knew it would piss him off. As expected he huffed loudly. “Well I do declare! Ava, my knight in shiny armor, will wonders never cease?”
She rolled her eyes in response. “I have a French dip for you, my champion. I have the salmon topped stir fry for you, Emily.”
“Sounds good, Ray. What else do you have there? It looks like more than 3 dishes.” Ava asked. I was stunned that she was talking to me so politely and interested sounding. I blinked for a few seconds before answering.
“I was worried I wouldn’t choose right so I brought extra.” I began putting things on the table as I told them what I had.”This is my twist on a Panamanian tamale I learned about from a friend who lived in Panama for a while. I also brought half a roasted chicken with coconut rice and vegetables, lavender pork fried rice, and the last slice of my tres leche cake.” I watched as they ended up taking a little of everything. Then I grabbed what remained of the chicken and rice dish. The most boring sounding dish but the citrus based marinade I roasted the chicken in works well with the coconut rice. We were quiet for a while as we ate. When I was done I sat and watched the ladies enjoy their meals. They ate slowly and occasionally commented on a seasoning or the texture.
“Hey Ray,” a voice from behind me spoke, “we are all heading to Tom’s house. Do you think you might be heading that way tonight?” It was one of the other cart owners. A friend and this was his way of checking in. He had asked several questions with the one question he voiced. He made sure I was okay, he was wondering if he should sit down, he wanted to know if I was going to get friendly with the ladies later, he wanted to know how long I was staying and he wanted to know the answer to the question he actually asked. I did my best to answer him.
“Probably not Jim, have a good time. I can hit the lights and close the gate when I leave.”
“Thanks Ray, have a good night. Ladies” He bent his head toward them before taking his leave.
I looked around and saw that they were close to bringing up the reason for the visit. I started to get nervous and my mouth started flapping. “Ava, this has been a very confusing night for me. I never felt the urge to flee while you sat across from me. Does this mean we can become besties?” Her response was a laugh.
“Ray, shut up.” Emily said.
“You know I suck at that. So can we move on to business?” I asked.
“Not here; lock up and meet us at the Nines.” Ava said. I nodded and they took their leave but I noticed Roland stayed a bit longer to glare at me. I maturely flipped him off.
As I walked around the grounds making sure everything was secure my mind started racing. I had no idea why they were here. The last time we were all 3 together I was sure I was going to die. I hadn’t, obviously, but I was still never sure how long until they changed their minds. That thought led to more troubling thoughts. Suddenly I could see the warning signs that meant certain death. Emily was less then friendly to me and when we last spoke she was. Ava, the person who tried to kill me quite often was being nice and that was really scary. I slunk back into my trailer and poured a tall glass of Great King Street whiskey for courage and polished off quickly. Then I locked up and headed toward the exit, shutting off lights as I passed through. I locked the gates and hustled down to the max station and barely caught the train before the doors closed. It was at that moment that the whiskey hit and I had to sit down and quell my stomach. I took a hit off the water bottle I had in my jacket and that helped relieve the nausea. After a short ride I found my exit at 5th and Morrison.
I let the Max pass and stood facing the hotel. It was big and I was sure it was expensive. I had never made it into the place before and I suddenly wish I was not due inside at the current moment. It was when I was starting to walk that the attack came. I knew before I saw him that it was Roland come to deliver my comeuppance. I had learned a few things since getting tangled in the twins turf war and I managed to roll with the punch and lessen the damage considerably. The punch had enough power to refocus my whiskey soaked brain. I turned toward him as he grabbed me and I head butted him hard and felt Roland’s nose break. He hollered out and I did it again two more times. He fell to the ground dazed. Our scuffle had garnered a crowd and I decided to make myself scarce for a bit. I elbowed through the crowd right into another of the twins guards and he escorted me toward The Nines. As he did so he handed me a towel to wipe Roland off of my forehead. “Good moves kid. I figured Roland would try something after you made him look stupid so I came out to make sure it didn’t go too far.”
“Wow. How nice, you were only going to let him kick my ass a little bit! You sure are swell.” I looked at him as he grinned like an idiot at me. He was at least a half of a foot taller than me and he was twice as wide; solid muscle of course. I was not going to Roland this guy. Yes my new term for humiliating someone is to Roland them. “How long until you dragged him off me?”
“I guess we weren’t meant to find out that answer sunshine. Now try not to make the ladies shoot you.” With that he knocked on the door and disappeared. I realized I had missed the entire hotel. I also realized that the alcohol had settled back in to fog my brain. I decided to lay my head against the door, temporarily forgetting that the solid chunk of marble that had whisked me to the room had knocked. As I leaned in, the door opened and I fell right into Ava’s chest. I had officially made my entrance.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014


          The nightmares started several months after my ordeal. I would be sound asleep and suddenly I would jar awake; heart pounding and sweat leaking from pores. I didn’t scream though and that was a blessing. It allowed me to pretend everything was fine. My girlfriend, at the time, had slept on while I spent the rest of the night shaking, sweating, and near tears. At first I believed this was something to deal with on my own. That illusion was shattered when she woke up to use the bathroom and found me drenched in sweat and shaking in the bathtub. She had wanted to help and she had tried. The problem was she wanted me to confide in her and that couldn’t happen. How do you tell someone that you were involved in a war in Washington that nobody knows about? How do you talk about the people you killed? I chose to remain silent but she could not handle being left out. The relationship ended very quickly after we reached that impasse. Whenever I run into her now I can tell she still held a grudge. I liked her but hadn’t loved her. Sometimes things work out for the best but in this case it had ended miserably and I spent months afterwards questioning my decisions and berating myself.
Then the business had picked up and I no longer had time to think. I would work all day and crash hard when it was time to sleep. The cart had become popular and his food would go quick. Some of the other food carts near me were successful as well and they were people I now consider friends. When we had a slow night the carts would close early and we partied the night away. At first the partying kept the nightmares away but they came back. As with everything that was bad they would come back with a vengeance. The alcohol intensified the violent images and the kaleidoscope of feelings and then the alcohol would make me vomit. I continue to get together with the cart crew but have stopped drowning my sorrows and have found an uneasy balance. The reality of the situation is the cart job allowed me to keep hours that worked with night terrors and sleep issues. I am my own boss and as long as I make the lunch rush on the weekdays and was there until 3 AM on the weekends I was in the sweet spot. I soon realized I was as close to happy as I might ever be. I also realized that this was a harbinger and something was coming to muck up my life. I never expected it to happen on a busy weekend after closing time. I never expected the harbinger to be standing behind 2 other people who were ordering food. Most of all I never expected the harbinger to be a twin.

Excuses and Whining

I hit a wall on the story about the house. So I am going to put it on the shelf for a while (which realisically means forever). I have something I want to post and see if you can make connections to something I wrote earlier. I am going to attempt to write a sequel. I have never done it before.

So the next post will be the prologue.