Friday, March 30, 2007

Art Institute Online Sucks Rancid Bong Water

You may remember that I am enrolled in a little school known as Art Institute Online. For some odd reason Art Institute online will not accept my math courses I took at Rio Salado Community college and request I take super expensive courses from them. The funny thing is that same community college is where I took English 101 and that class was accepted. So it is not the college they object to. I have tried talking to people but they are all retarded monkey poo throwers. I took one class because there is a lot of money going to them from the government and I was not sure what to do. So in two semesters and 4 classes I have eaked out 1 artistic course. The rest have been stupid. The math class was Math 99..... I never bought a book and I got an A. This class is Math 100 and they sent me the schedule and asked me to approve it I declined the classes and when asked I told them I was not taking math from them ever. I was told "but you have to have math courses because you want to be in the degree program and in order to qualify to show your portfolio. In order to show your portfolio you have to have a foundation which includes math." I responded "No actually I don't. I could care less about showing them my portfolio and I could care less about the degree. I have taken math classes that are steps beyond the courses you ask me to take so I already qualify. Enroll me in another class and drop the math, I am not taking math from you" The response was a phone call that I was being unclear about what I wanted them to do. So I emailed saying fine unenroll me from this school and return the money already paid to you. The response this time was an email telling me that Math 100 begins on Monday. So even though I did not approve this schedule I got this schedule so I wrote up a nice little letter and thought I would share it.

It seems that denying my schedule means nothing to anyone over there so why does it ask if I just get stuck in the class anyway? I have taken math that supersedes this course. I took the classes in an accredited community college. Other accredited colleges have recognized my two math courses without a second glance. I am sorry that other accredited math courses do not match your system but I am not paying for another math class I did it once already against my will but this time it simply isn't happening. Withdraw me from the class. I already denied this schedule and I am sorry that you do not understand what I mean when I say that I am not taking another math class with you guys, that is not my problem. I have not been vague or indirect about this. Just in case you believe I am still being unclear let me put it out for you.

I am not taking Math 100. I have denied the schedule you made for me and suggested that if you wanted to keep me in school you could suggest other courses and maybe a non-degree related program because I believe strongly enough to drop out over having to take math classes that I have already taken before. I have no intention in showing up on Monday for the first day or any other day of the week for that matter. I am dropping this class. I would love to be switched to another class that has something artistic to teach. Otherwise return the money to the government. SO yes either get a new class for me or pull me out of your school. There it is.

Thank you,
Michael Williams

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Wacky Wednesday

My dad drove down for a visit Tuesday night. He was able to get my car's breaks worked on and decided to take some time off and head up North to hang out on my day off. We had a nice time. We went to Old Chicago when he got into town so that we could grab a bite and a pint. Then headed home to catch some z's. The next morning we had breakfast at a local place called Sully's. It's a little pricey but there Hollandaise sauce for the eggs Benedict was fantastic. Then we headed to Barnes & Noble to read for a few hours. Then Maryjo called for us to head out to a lady's house that had an old horse that she was getting rid of. The horse looked like a horse, an old horse but a horse none the less. His name was Sid and he used to jump with the Lady's daughter in law competitively. She had outgrown the horse and the horse was just too old to keep doing the stuff so she wanted him to go to a good home. Maryjo desires to be that home.... I have a theory that she plans to start an old horse retirement home. Anyway Sid was friendly and let me touch him and he seemed nice enough. So who knows maybe Maryjo will have an old horse named Sid in the near future. After that mountain of excitement we headed back to my side of town and traded my dads old gift certificate from around 6 years ago in for a new one and then we shopped around and got a few things. My dad got a watch, some easter candy and a new steering wheel cover for my car.

Right about here the day seemed to be right for a beer and a cigar. We wandered over to Cascade Cigar and Tobacco and bought an Acid cigar called a Blondie. Then headed into their bar and had a beer and a smoke. It was a nice relaxing time. My dad and I were hungry at this point so we headed over to Buster's Barbecue and had a pretty good meal. Then we wandered around looking for shoes at Big 5. Although they had bargains the size he wears were always out and he has some weird desire to not get tennis shoes. I had a car load of stuff in my car all set to be given away so we went to Goodwill. I glanced in the window and saw a bunch of cool looking things so after giving a bunch of stuff away I went in to look for other stuff to take home. My goal was to get a nice storage unit for the kitchen. I need shelves because I have a big pantry and no shelves. I ended up finding a few cool things in there but nothing I really had to have. I wanted a Polaroid camera I saw being sold for 4 dollars enough to get it. As I headed to the front I saw a display case with decent cameras and other electronics that might walk away in someone's pocket a lot faster then a bulky Polaroid camera. I was looking at the case that had some cool stuff when I saw an old large case tucked behind a flat screen computer monitor. It turned out to be an old slr camera with 3 lens made by Mamiyo/Sekor for $40. I decided to buy it and I am absolutely buzzing about trying this thing out! I loaded film in it and I plan on taking this thing out this weekend to take some pictures. I will also use the digital camera my mom gave me (thanks mom) to take some pictures of the new camera. It takes film so it may be a week or so before I can get pictures made to show you. Who knows maybe they won't be worth showing. Of course I hope they are.

After that we headed to look at shoes at GI Joe's where my dad's tiny feet once again denied him the righteous feeling of bargain priced shoes. From there we headed to Barnes and Noble to read for a few more hours and for my dad to find books to buy with his other gift card. Then the night had to end... boo! I found myself at work today and wanting to go home and play with my new camera and my new guitar but instead In was at work making sure I didn't have to live in my car using my guitar case as a sleeping bag......

Monday, March 26, 2007

I can not Acknowledge or Deny that this is a Real Post

Sunday was a bad day for Oregon sports. The Blazers lost the Ducks lost. It was brutal. I only watched one game, the Ducks. Those darn gators! Anyway I was bumming around after the game, the sun broke through so every Oregonian ran outside for that time period. I had lunch at a Sushi place that had the little motorized track that whipped the dishes around and you grabbed what you wanted. Just in case you are wondering it is only slightly cheaper there, the dishes are less expensive but the rolls are usually smaller. Although a little bowl of edamame were just a buck so I had two. I had earlier spent an hour at the Guitar Center wandering around trying to convince myself not to get a guitar, an hour later I was at home.... I neither deny or acknowledge that I have a Fender acoustic guitar sitting in my living room. I also can not deny or acknowledge that my fingers hurt from constantly playing said guitar these last to days. In fact, I can not deny or acknowledge that I am now thinking about not going to bed and just playing said guitar all night. If said guitar were in my living room and my said fingertips were indeed a touch tender, I may want to not play said guitar all night and allow my fingers to rest until tomorrow when I can spend another couple hours playing guitar, only to realize that I missed all my TV shows without even caring. Of course I neither deny or acknowledge any part of this last paragraph.....

In other news I may or may not have watched Jackass 2. I may or may not have found it incredibly funny and horrible to watch all at the same time. I may or may not be a fan of both movies and I may or may not have never actually watched the TV show but really loved the over the top movies even with all the naked male buttocks. I can not deny or acknowledge that some of the stunts with the bull caused me to laugh so hard I was coughing and thought I was going to hurl like the Jackass guys may or may not have been doing at the time. I may or may not have almost cried with laughter during the terrorist taxi bit. I may or may not have completely enjoyed when Johnny Knoxville nearly had a major accident while trying to ride a really huge red rocket. I may or may not have had to get up a few times while extremely gross stuff happened and walk to the other room until the part was over. I may or may not recommend this to people that liked the original.

Of course this may or may not have ever been posted.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

The Rambling Review of Rocky Balboa

Hey all! So it seems no one cared to comment on my evil rip on Phoenix. Oh well. This week has been a crazy one. I am done with my Perspective class (and it kicked my tail), I have been watching a lot of basketball (Are you Mad about basketball in March?), I drank my share of beer last night while the Oregon Ducks won against UNLV and I recently got a chance to watch Rocky Balboa. There was a lot of cheap shots taken at this movie and after the last one how could you not take a cheap shot. I think everyone expected this movie to suck and some people even still refuse to see it because they fear another blow might be dealt to this sacred boxing saga. I had meant to see it in the theaters but just like every other movie this year I missed my window. I don't see many movies at theaters these days. I hate having to take a loan out on my car to be able to afford a ticket and then to have the chance that all my money was wasted. I want to let you know that the money would not have been wasted on this movie. Simply put it was fantastic.

I think this is almost as good as the original movie. It had a lot of heart and it was a good story. Old boxers always come back for one last fight so it really isn't all that amazing that ol' Rock would. What I loved was that this movie addressed the age issue head on. Rocky is old, widowed and hanging on his old memories. He is living in the past going through the motions. He owns a restaurant named after his deceased love and he walks through the restaurant telling old stories of his glory days. During a ritual of mourning Rock runs into a woman who he had met a long time ago. This seems to be the spark he needs. He befriends her and her son and he seems to have re-discovered a reason to pursue his dreams from this contact. What Rocky realizes is that he has another fight in him. He reapplies for a license to box around the same time ESPN plays a fantasy fight simulation of Rocky vs. the current champ Mason Dixon. Low and behold the computer predicts Rocky the winner. So the jack a--es that run Mason Dixon's career decide to capitalize on it. They set up an exhibition with the aged Rock and Mason "the Line" Dixon. The champ naturally underestimates this guy because who wouldn't. He is ancient and looks like he can barely move but he still is a 217 pound muscular scrapper and you should never take your eye off those types. The training montage starts and I was sitting on the edge of my seat. I love the training montage, if real life training only could be half that successful... The fight was fantastic and typical Rocky style wear he blocks every punch strategically with his face, which apparently is a good technique. You have to watch the movie to get the fight conclusion I am not giving it away.

The fight was done like it was something you were watching on pay per view which was a nice touch of realism. It was fantastically shot and you can't help but cheer for the man. I loved the side plot with the woman and her son. It was interesting, it seemed they both needed a friend and that they were able to heal each other. I really didn't care much for Rocky's kid. You know the guy that is also on the show Heroes. I just hated that he was such a punk but he comes around of course. The scene wear Robert (the son) confronts his dad is fantastic. He blames his dad and Rock gives this speech that was so awesome I was cheering. It saved that part of the story for me. Rocky's pal, Paulie, has a smaller roll in this one which was nice. The focus was really on Rocky and how he was dealing with getting older and a life without his wife. He doesn't really let the Champs verbal jabs get at him and he doesn't rise to the barbed questions the reporters fling at him. He is doing this because he wants to and knows he can and I liked it. Overall this movie was amazingly well done and it is one you need to rent and take home. You may sign up for a boxing trainer after seeing it because it is that good.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


I have to admit something about my last trip to Phoenix. I used to always feel like I was home when I would get there and things made sense to me when I was there. This time I kept wishing I was at home (Portland) and everyone was visiting me. I was having bad allergy symptoms and spent most of the week using tissues. I didn't let it slow me down any but I wanted to just curl up in a ball and hide. I felt lousy the whole time I was there. The air was nasty and the pollen was through the roof and it was too hot all the time. I was absolutely dying to get back to my cloud covered sky and the cooler days if I could just stop sneezing. I think if the Devil had offered I might have left Phoenix without a soul just to take my sinus trouble away. Yeah it would have been traded that cheaply, heck a movie fella once gave his soul to learn to pick at a guitar. I would never be bothered by my sinuses again!

So I hated Phoenix but I absolutely loved seeing all of you. Do me a favor and move to a better town. How come I can't visit you guys in Aruba, Ireland, Greece, San Francisco, Belgium, Denver, San Diego, Fiji or anywhere that doesn't get up to 120 degrees in the summer? You can't honestly expect me to believe that all of you love Phoenix, because all I have to say is stop lying to yourself. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Vacations are hard Work

I am home again and I can't tell you how nice it was to just sit about today and not run around to 4 or 5 different places. I had taken today off as a way to recover from the trip and I am glad I did. I could not keep my eyes open yesterday nor today. I caught up on all that sleep I lost over the last 7 days. Tomorrow I am back at work answering people's silly questions and playing nice with the upset batch. I figure I owe you all a quick rundown of what took place the past week.

Last Sunday I flew in to Phoenix around 2:30 PM. I got off the plane and my sinuses started acting up and I would go through hundreds of tissues over the next week and even now as I sit here typing this. I headed back to my mom's abode where after hanging my clothes I was toured around the house to view the new paint. I really liked the main rooms brown color and the office's blue color. I did not care as much for the lilac color of the bedroom and bathrooms but it was still nice. The first thing I have to tell you is that it was hot. Too dang hot, the room I have when I stay there did not cool down until around midnight. The room is nice in the early morning though, so the goal is to hang out until after midnight and get up before 9 AM. Which honestly was not much of a problem. Anyway after the tour we headed to Macayo's and met Maryann and Glenn for dinner. I had a crazy monkey drink that came with a coconut carved to look like a monkey. He is at home with me sitting next to my Tiki guys. That night I was in bed by 9 PM because Maryann and Glenn don't party and my mom is more of a 4 AM riser then a 4 AM crasher. This was when I found out the room was not habitable for me before midnight. I was tossing and turning and around 11 PM I called it quits and moved inside the house to a couch.

Monday. My mom and I went for a short hike at South Mountain, Then ran some errands, met Maryann for Indian food for lunch, and went to see a movie. We saw Breach which was better then I had expected it to be. Then I was headed off to Kevin's where we had big Burgers and lots of beer.

Tuesday. I hung out with my mom, Jason, and Katie all day. We started the day by going scootering at Tempe Town Lake. Then we went and picked up my brother and the kids pop, John and we headed back to Macayo's where I had a margarita instead of a cool monkey drink. Then we went bowling. I finished 1st on the first game and last on the second game. It was a good time. Then we rented movies and watched them until John and his friend Brian showed up. We had dinner, a few beers and a few girl scout cookies. Then Everyone left and I watched TV for a few hours.

Wednesday. I met up with Pete and headed to the driving range and we went through a bucket of balls. Neither of us looked very good so thank us now for not tearing up the golf course and causing 12 hour delays on tee times. Then we headed to AJ's and had a cup of coffee and caught up on the news of the day and the impending basketball tournament. Once we were finished with the coffee we headed to C-Fu for dim sum which was good and then ran to target and bought a few things, including a sweet Borat shirt. I was a little tired that night so I stayed close to home.

Thursday. My mom and I got up a wee bit earlier and went hiking with Becky. Then we came back and chopped things for the party on Saturday. We cruised over to pick John and Brian up and then headed to Chipotle for lunch. We wanted to go to the art museum that day but we really did not have time to drive downtown at 2:30 and be back by 5:30. We would not have enough time to get around the art museum and then we would have to fight traffic to make it back across town to RA for Sushi and Saki. So we went to price club and bought items for the party on Saturday and then we headed to the book store to kill some time. We ended up picking up John and Brian from their work because the car they had brought had not been worked on during the day and had just barely went into the shop. So we then headed back to RA got a table and ordered some drinks. My brother and Brian went for a Bud Light and my Mother went for Saki and I went for the Saki Bomber. Maryann arrived and we ordered food. Then Kevin, Becky her brother Tony and the new baby Mercedes all arrived and more drinks and food was ordered. My mom got good and schnockered with like 5 and a 1/2 saki's (it wasn't 6 because she and my brother knocked the second one over while rearranging for the food) and went home with John and Brian's help. Maryann headed home and Kevin, Tony, Becky, Mercedes and I headed to BevMo and purchased a ridiculous amount of alcohol and when we got to Kevin's house we proceeded to put a huge dent into it. Kevin and I ended up drinking until 4 AM and the next morning it took a bit to get our sorry carcasses moving.

Friday. I start the day off watching Looney Tunes. Then Kevin gets up and I realize what time it is and start hurrying him a bit. We head out the door and across the reservation back to civilization and meet up with Pete for a Spring Training game. It was the Angels and the Brewers and I believe the Brewers won. I was distracted by every girl that walked by so sue me, plus it was Spring Training so the game doesn't matter. We had a good time. Kevin and I had a hot dog and a beer. Which cost 12.50 keep in mind the tickets were only 13.00. I was still a wee bit hungry so I had nachos and a soda since it was bloody hot outside. When the game ended it took us almost an hour to get out of there. When I got to my mom's house the three of us split up and I headed to the shower. I was due across town in about an hour. My mom had went to run an errand about the same time I was turning on the hot water and when I got out Becky showed me the truck's tire that had suffered a huge blow out earlier that day. When my mom came back I headed out the door to Doug and Amber's place where we had a nice night and I headed home and went to bed early.

Saturday. The next day I was up and helping my mom get ready for the party and then Pete came and whisked me off to meet with Bob R. at Dim Sum. It was a good time once again. Then I headed home and ran around with my mom trying to find 20 oz clear disposable cups for beer. Finally I convinced her to settle on the 16 oz. cups. I was dragging a little my allergies were flaring up big time and I was exhausted. When the party started I kicked into the other gear and with a few black and tan's I was ready to go. The night was fun, the run out was good and Maryann, John, Arlinda and I stayed up gabbing until late and finally called it a night. Maryann stayed over for the night. Which was a good idea, the wine was not so kind to her.

Sunday. I was up and itching to go home. The allergy medicine stopped helping the day before and I was exhausted. I sat around talking with Maryann and my mom until it was airport time. Then I was able to read and wait for the plane to arrive and whisk me away. I went home and crashed.

Monday. I watched some movies that had been piled up in the mail from Netflix and spent the rest of the day sleeping. Now I am getting ready for my return to work. BOO!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

The Official Nominees

It is going to be one heck of a race! There are a lot of good candidates in all these sections and the judges will have their hands full..... or maybe not. Either way everyone must wait until the end of the month for the official Repetitive Task Awards Winner announcement. If you sent me anything about the contest you may already be a winner, please get your acceptance speeches ready. Let's put it this way the list I posted recently are the people that need speeches. I am working on the design for the prize which is why you have to wait until the end of the month.


Wednesday, March 07, 2007


Hello everyone. I wanted to remind you that not only is the nomination deadline pending but I am also headed to Phoenix this Sunday. That's right you have read my blog for months now and finally I am coming to your city! Line up Phoenicians' because here I come! I am in town March 11th - March 18th and you can be a part of my whirlwind tour simply by emailing or calling. So get out your dollar bills because I like working for tips! Wait... no! No working but tips are nice! Woo-yeah let's all go do Jello shots and Saki bombers because I feel like yakking in a bush!

Disclaimer: Tips do not guarantee a fun time will be had. Saki bombers and Jello shots are not endorsed by the Blogger community nor is yakking in a bush. Any harm caused to you or your shrubbery are no fault of Mr. Williams, Crazed Lunatik Designs or this blog. No connection can be made to this trip, and any shenanigans inherent within, and the upcoming awards show. Although Mr. Williams is a huge sponsor of the Repetitive Task Awards and some may even claim he created them it in noway implies that the show will pay for any shrubbery damaged during Mr. Williams week long trip to Phoenix. All shrubbery defilement is at the risk of any shrubbery maintenance crew and the purveyor of said shrubbery.

The Repetitive Tasks Awards So Far

Well we seem to be at a standstill with the television stations, they just don't seem interested. I was even turned down by the local public access television, apparently you have to pay them to get on the air. The companies I have contacted about sponsoring my show always put my name on the spam block list and last week I spent a night with Agent Smith who did not like me trying to buck the award show system. I had the weirdest dream that he implanted a mechanical bug into my body to monitor my movements..... and my mouth disappeared so I couldn't scream. Weird, eh? A few nights later my computer told me to follow the white rabbit and a knock came at the door and a little white rabbit entered carrying a bottle of absinthe and the next thing I knew I was curled up in a ball with other rabbits around in a little burrow. I have no idea how rabbits stay so clean.... I was completely muddy. In the meantime I did get a few more nominations for a few award categories, so here is how they stand at the moment.

Paying Your Bills Award
Dale W

Bad Music Lover Award
Glenn S

The Night Snorer Award
Maryann S

Daily Showering Award
Pete S

Deleting Spam Emails Award
Pat G (she even has to delete Spam emails at work)

Phone Call Transfer Award
Crystal H (She spent most of a day transferring incoming calls to other departments)

The deadline to enter is this Friday! You will get an award for winning and you will have your acceptance speech published. You will be almost famous! Enter today!

Friday, March 02, 2007

The Jeannie Tate Show

THis is a great talk show you have to check it out. My favorite part is when she hits the radio to get a "crowd" reaction.

Don't forget about the upcoming award show nominees. A week from today.