Monday, March 02, 2009

Business Week Thinks I Am Unhappy.... :(

Today was going splendidly. I woke up and read a little, for pleasure and not for school related reasons. I sat there reading this marginally decent book (by choice) and sipped coffee. I was relaxed and in a pretty decent mood. Soon it was time for me to get my rear in gear. I packed the car with equipment for today's science lesson and headed out to Gresham. Once out there I treated myself to something I hadn't had in years, El Pollo Loco. There are only two up this way and neither of them are close enough to be a real dining possibility. However, it is close to where I work on Mondays and so I decided to eat there instead of at home today. I enjoyed my tasty lunch while mentally preparing for my science lesson. I still had plenty of time so I put a larger dent in the book I was reading. 15 minutes before it was time to be at the school, I left for the school, set up the lesson and taught the lesson. It went well. There were some squirrelly kids but overall they enjoyed their time and learned a few things. Then I got in my car and I heard distressing news. I was shocked, I was scared, and I was confused.

On the radio I heard a distressing story. Business Week in all their awesomeness has decided that of all the locales in the US that Portlanders are the most emotionally damaged. Apparently my general good feeling was merely a false positive.... I was unhappy. The news was hard to take. I sat in my car and drove home under a cloud of despair.... on a sunny day. It was tragic.... I am currently learning how hard typing from a fetal position is. It is freaking tough!

The worst thing about this was thinking of all the fake smiles and false happiness I encountered the last few months. I was so glad Business Week set me straight.... the hotline I am calling has me on hold. I figured, since the all knowing people at Business Week not only told me that I live in the land of unhappiness but also included a national suicide hotline number in the story, that the least I could do was call! I was not sure what to do when I reached a person unfortunately, having just become aware of my eternal loss of happy. I am not sure how to act as Business Week did not really clearly tell me how I was feeling so I am not sure how to confess my depression. I am going to write out the conversation for you guys and hope it helps fellow sad Portlandians!

Hello Sad People Hotline!
Yeah... uh hi.
Hello, can I have your name?
It's Mike. What's yours?
Joan of Arc
You were on the Ark? Like Noah's?
No sir. Can you tell me the nature of your problem?
I was kind of hoping you could help me out with that.
Sir, this is not a place to call for jokes...
No! Wait let me explain! I live in Portland!
Portland! Holy HEYSEUSS! Why didn't you say so!? You are very valuable to society, things will get better! The sun will come out soon! You should take a happy vacation! Call your friends and Family! Stay on the phone and talk! Keep your head out of the oven! Don't do it! Unload the weapon! Put the pills down! Call 911! OH my! WHY AREN'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING TO ME MARK??!!?!?!
Uh... it's actually Mike. Not Mark.
Mark! Thank goodness you're still there! I want you to listen to me! Just because Portland is rainy is not a reason for you to die! Please don't do it!
OK. Do what exactly? You see I am confused...
Of course! It is very confusing but you have a lot to give to society! DON'T DO IT! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!!!!
Hey Ms. Of Arc? Can I tell you my thinking here? Or do you think constantly interrupting a Portlander on such a day as this is good practice?
I would love to listen. Go ahead and start talking Mark.
My name isn't Mark but OK. So I was feeling pretty good today...
Sure! Lot's of people feel a roller coaster of emotions during hard times! Hang in there Mark!
Uh... yeah. About that. I still feel pretty good but I heard that Portland is the Unhappiest City and I was worried that I didn't fit in here. I feel like I am "trapped in a glass case of emotion" right now but they are pretty happy emotions. I like Portland and would hate to be kicked out, because I insist on having a positive demeanor, to a place like Delaware that had no cities on this list. Which I don't see as being possible considering how lame Delaware sounds... I mean has anyone actually ever admitted to being from Delaware? Of course it could be worse and I could be in New Mexico.... I hate New Mexico. I was looking at this list and I definitely agree with some of the names on the list.... try as they might people who live in Tucson, AZ know Tucson sucks. Jacksonville, FL? Boo! Sacramento? Yeah... NEXT! Las Vegas? Being stuck there for more then a weekend is a depressing thought. But Portland I just don't get, and where the heck are the Delaware and New Mexico cities?
I completely agree that Portland seems out of place on that list Mark.... but it was a Business Week survey! I mean we are talking Business Week!
I know. I know. So that is where you come in. Obviously I am in denial here so what should I do?
Take it one day at a time Mark. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there ya have... the facts of life. In fact, why don't you call back in every day through this tough period in your life. Everyday at this time, OK?
Gee Joan! You are so freaking helpful! Thank goodness for Business Week's awesome reporting! With out them I would never have met someone who knew Noah! Bye! -click-



PSA - Depression and suicide are not funny things.... If you are having a rough time make a call to a hotline or a caring friend. We really do want you to hang in there :) THE MORE YOU KNOW!

PS on the PSA - I am making fun of Business Week in this post... I have yet to meet anyone who actually subscribes to this rag. Those who do must be pretty boring people. What kind of a business article focuses on the 20 Unhappiest Cities??? Stupid. Blow it out your a... elbow Business Week!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Top site, I hadn't come across crazedlunatikdesigns.blogspot.com earlier during my searches!
Carry on the wonderful work!

Anonymous said...

Hey,

Thanks for sharing this link - but unfortunately it seems to be not working? Does anybody here at crazedlunatikdesigns.blogspot.com have a mirror or another source?


Cheers,
Jules

Anonymous said...

Hey,

Thanks for sharing the link - but unfortunately it seems to be down? Does anybody here at crazedlunatikdesigns.blogspot.com have a mirror or another source?


Thanks,
Daniel

Anonymous said...

Hey,

This is a question for the webmaster/admin here at crazedlunatikdesigns.blogspot.com.

Can I use part of the information from your blog post above if I provide a link back to this site?

Thanks,
John

Michael Williams said...

Sure John.
What is your website?

Anonymous said...

Hi there,

Thanks for sharing this link - but unfortunately it seems to be not working? Does anybody here at crazedlunatikdesigns.blogspot.com have a mirror or another source?


Thanks,
Mark

Michael Williams said...

Hey Mark,

I found the article on their website: http://images.businessweek.com/ss/09/02/0226_miserable_cities/2.htm

Here is a clip:
America's Unhappiest Cities1 of 22
next slide
previous slide

Chris Graythen/Getty Images

By Prashant Gopal

The other kind of depression
Some U.S. cities were depressed even before the economy went on life support. These were the cities that saw the highest depression and suicide rates even while the Dow Jones was climbing to 14,000 and Countrywide Financial was considered a respected mortgage lender. Why? Blame a variety of reasons, from divorce and crime to lousy weather and job loss. While that's bad enough, it will be important to see how these rankings change from this year to next. As the rest of the country struggles with the financial crisis, it is possible that some of these cities may soon become even unhappier.

Read on to see America's Unhappiest Cities.

Portland, Ore.
Overall rank: 1*
Depression rank: 1
Suicide rank: 12
Crime (property and violent) rank: 24
Divorce rate rank: 4
Cloudy days: 222
Unemployment rate (December 2008): 7.8%

*Editor’s Note: BusinessWeek.com ranked 50 of the largest metros based on a variety of factors including depression rates, suicide rates, divorce rates, crime, unemployment, population loss, job loss, weather, and green space. The most heavily weighted factors were the depression, suicide, jobs (unemployment and job loss), and crime rates. The depression rate is based on drug company data on antidepressant sales. The rate of depression within a place, the total number of reported depression cases divided by the total population. The suicide rate is for 2004 and comes from “The 2007 Big Cities Health Inventory” compiled by the National Assembly of County & City Health Officials (NACCHO). The crime risk indexes for property and crime used for the scoring were based on FBI crime reporting for the seven most-recent available years. Divorce rates and 2009 population change come from the U.S. Census. The number of cloudy days came from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.

Anonymous said...

Hi

I'm lookingo for people who like strength sports eg. bodybuilding. You can take part in a huge project of testing sport supplements.
We will be test supplements like this
[url=http://www.universal-nutrition.pl/universal-animal-mstak.html]Universal Nutrition Animal M Stak[/url] If you are interested in this project please send me your CV with photo on e-mail: bodybuildingprojectone@gmail.com
We will contact only with chosen people

Anonymous said...

By us at the moment to
come by more facts and facts
anyway Visit us now to grasp more knowledge and facts anyway [url=http://select.compare.com.pl]Kurs makija┼╝u[/url]

Anonymous said...

Drop in on us contemporary to grasp more information and facts regarding Come to see us now to grasp more knowledge and facts in the matter of [url=http://select.compare.com.pl]Kurs fryzjerski[/url]

Michael Williams said...

Dear Mr. Body Builder,
I do not want to take any "supplements" from someone who randomly posts on a bloghaving nothing to do with body building or fitness. I am thinking you might be an idiot. Your friend, CLD

Dear Kurs Makijazu,
What? I can't understand your blathering.
sincerely, CLD

Dear Kurs Fryzjerski,
I am glad of hearing from contemporary! You welcome make me. Now shut up and go away.
Yours always, CLD