Sunday, December 30, 2007

A Rambling Review of The Golden Compass

I never planned to see this movie. I remember seeing the preview and the only thought was 'Wow Nicole Kidman is hot!'

It wasn't 'man I really need to see this movie' or that I kinda wanted to see it. In fact I had not even deemed it to be Netflix or Redbox fodder. I had no idea what it was about and had not heard any glowing reviews. It would have went unwatched by me if it wasn't for my decision to buy Wedding Crashers. If I were you and I was reading this review I would think... "Wedding Crashers? How does Wedding Crashers have anything to do with a little girl and her compass?" Well I do not have a good answer for that, it seemed odd to me as well but as I opened the case for Wedding Crashers earlier this week a free movie ticket fell in my lap. It was from and they had placed a free ticket to a children's movie inside one aimed at adults. Nothing but sheer brilliance. Anyway... a free ticket was all I needed. I logged on to their site to see where I could see this movie and then ran errands until it was time to get my ticket. I walked up handed the girl my free pass and she handed me a real ticket. I grabbed some ice cream and then headed to the theater and found my seat. I was the first one there and wondered if anyone else would come. Within mere moments my question was answered as people flooded the small theater and nearly all the seats were taken. We watched the in depth previews that told you about a movie or an upcoming new TV show. Then we saw the commercials, a thing I just love.... I pay 9 bucks normally to see a movie I do not need to see commercials on top of it. It's just rude. Anyway then we saw the movie trailers and about the time I was wondering what exactly it was that I was seeing the movie started. Now I know, mainly due to the little girl near me, that this was based on a book. I also know, thanks to that same little girl that they cut out a lot of the book..... which is standard for Hollywood. Other then that I knew nothing about the movie. So with that in your head... here is the Rambling Review of The Golden Compass.

As the story goes, there are a lot of worlds. Some are similar to ours and others are not so similar the only thing linking them together is dust. Thank the good lord for Dyson. Anyway this dust is all sparkly and magical and stuff and it seems to be something you can't really see. The world we delve into is a world where people's souls are in physical form in the shape of animals called daemons and they hang out with the person. A few people know that dust exists and they build a bunch of devices that can read it called alethiometer or the Golden Compass. There are evil rich people (rich people are always evil) that control the world and what people do and they are called the Magisterium. When we enter this world we meet a little girl named Lyra Belacqua and she is playing with a big group of children who are chasing her best friend, Roger. She makes up a tale to slip her friend out of trouble and you get the feeling this girl is special, of course if you came to watch a movie about a regular little girl you probably don't see fantasy movies often. Due to the wee fabrication she made up she has to sneak into the faculty room of her school and steal a teachers cloak. While she is in exploring around with her daemon, named Pantalaimon, they hear people coming so they hide in a cloak closet where she overhears a devious little Magisterium guy talking to the head master. He wants the school to not give support to her uncle Lord Asriel on his mission that involves dust, something Lyra knows nothing about. Lord Asriel found dust and wants to go explore it and see if he can find a way to visit other worlds. The Magisterium hates people knowing about dust and tries to poison his wine but Lyra saves him in time. She has to hide again in the coat closet as her uncle shows his proof and tries to get the money for his expedition and experiment. The school defies the Magisterium and gives him the money and Lord Asriel takes off for the North Pole area, land of the Ice Bears. We find out shortly after this scene that there are other dangers out there that are snatching children called gobblers. Lyra promises her friend Roger that if he is ever taken by the Gobblers that she would come find him. That is when Mrs. Coulter enters the picture and she whisks Lyra away to go North with her at the same time as Roger and another boy go missing unbeknown to Lyra. Lyra is excited to go North with Mrs. Coulter and does not notice that she seems a wee bit dangerous. Just before Lyra leaves the school, the head master hands her the Golden Compass. Only certain people can use this device and the head master is not one of them so he can only tell her that it will always tell the truth and that she must keep it a secret from Mrs. Coulter. She is with Mrs. Coulter for a few days before she realizes Mrs. Coulter is extremely dangerous and barely manages to escape her clutches. Then almost ends up in the hands of the Gobblers. Mrs. Coulter is the person in charge of the Gobblers so she would end up back with Mrs. Coulter if it wasn't for the Gyptians. The gyptians come in and kill the gobblers and take her away from danger. One of the Gyptians was the mother of the boy that was taken with Roger so she wants to get him back and exact a wee bit of revenge as do the rest of the Gyptians. They were keeping an eye on her as a favor to her uncle Lord Asriel and it is a good thing. She decides to let them know about her compass and uses it to figure out where the missing children get taken and it just so happens to be in the North Pole area. When they arrive in the North she runs into a pilot who aligns himself with her and a big bear as well. They take off to find and liberate the lost children and a lot happens along the way. She uses her quick thinking to get her out of a lot of trouble. She finds the Gyptian boy who has been forcibly separated from his daemon and he is in bad shape. They now know what is happening to the missing children and they know they have to stop it. That is when they get attacked and Lyra gets kidnapped and sold to the Ice Bear King who is a bit unbalanced. He wants a daemon of his own, apparently people have daemons but ice bears do not, and he also hates her bear friend and is the reason her bear friend is not the king of the Ice Bears. He beat him in combat and disgraced him. That is as far as I am taking you... The end is a set up for a sequel which is fine because I want to see it.

I did not read the book so I can't tell you how well it follows but that little girl near me said there was a lot more to the first book that sets it up better for the second book. I thought where they left it was fine but I have read my fair share of books before seeing a movie and know too well the disappointment this girl felt. I was, on the other hand, genuinely surprised that it seemed so well done. The girl that played Lyra was very good. I thoroughly liked her character and thought the girl looked mischievous and brave in all the right spots. The bear cgi was good and it looked fairly believable to me. The daemons were all interesting additions to the character and told you a lot about the people. Which was probably the point... Apparently another key factor is that children's daemons can change shape but an adult has picked it's shape already and can no longer change. It was interesting to watch Lyra's daemon change all the time, it let you know a little about how she was feeling. The thing is she was always braver then the daemon was, she was also very defiant and decisive. She would do what she thought best and tended to let the worrying be done by her daemon.

I would definitely recommend this movie. It was better then the first Narnia movie and it totally brought me in to it's world and even though I had to piece a few things out afterwards I was thoroughly enthralled. I liked it. I would be interested in hearing from anyone who has seen the movie and also read the book. If you fall under this heading just click on comment and type away.

It is a kids movie but there is fighting and definitely some freaky moments. I think I even jumped when a child's daemon was snatched by another daemon. I think it is a movie that is meant for a little older child. I do believe it is a movie that parents and other adults could stand too watch as well. Some may even like it.....

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

A Rambling Review of Hot Rod!

This movie is dumb. Really really really really really dumb. But that was never really the question. If you saw a preview you knew this movie was going to be bad... Right now some of you are wondering why anyone would ever watch a movie like this. Some of you hate stupid comedies. Those people should never ever see this movie. Ever. Never ever. Never.

To say that this movie is a bad and stupid comedy is to know it's essence. It is stupider then Dumb and Dumber, Airplane, Biodome, Zoolander, Tommy Boy, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore. Yet it is also completely awesome. Yeah I said it. This horrible movie is awesome. This is a keeper. This is a movie to watch on Stupid Guy Movie night, like my brother and I used to have. We watched a lot of Wayne's World, Dumb and Dumber and Beavis and Butthead. Much to the chagrin of his lovely wife. Yet we did not say it was Chick Flick Night or Incredibly Boring Foreign Film Night, we said it was Stupid Guy Movie Night. So if you have made it this far in the review you either really like me or you like really bad movies. In case you are wondering no I do not think this movie will be a movie the ladies will like. It's not their fault the ladies like to think, feel and grieve during their movies. They like to be fully engaged and tend to find comedy that requires no thinking to be a horrible waste of time. In fact if you happen to think even one time during this movie you will totally miss this movies point. Anyway to summarize: bad movie fans should see this.

Hot Rod is about a complete loser that dreams of being a stunt man like his dear old dead dad was. The problem is he is not any good at it. In fact if he was a real person he would be dead. The guy that plays Rod, Andy Samburg, is a SNL kid who did a funny skit called People Getting Punched Just Before Eating. Click on that if you like stupid skits.....

Anyway Rod is bad at being a stunt man but he has no clue that he is bad. He has a stepdad who he fights for 'respect' and always gets his butt handed to him. Anyway his stepdad is going to die because he has a bad ticker and the insurance does not want to fork 50 grand over to get him a new one. The worst part is Rod has never kicked his stepdad's behind so he can't let him die yet. Rod decides to do stunts so he can earn money to get the operation for ol' pop. Did I already mention he was not a good stuntman? His half-brother films everything and he also has two rejects for friends that help him out. Plus his neighbor is that totally hot crazy redhead from Wedding Crashers. She joins up to hang out with him because he is so "original' or something. In typical bad movie style she dates a total jerk but really should be with Rod... ok actually I never really ever bought into that a chick that hot would like Rod... or that she should ever actually end up with him either. You don't have too though. That's the beauty of not thinking. His brother puts together a movie showing how awesome at stunts Rod is and they decide to screen it to raise money to help Rod do a jump over 15 buses. Everyone laughs at him and he freaks out and breaks stuff and all the money he earns goes to pay for the damage. He gives up.... but of course gets over it in time to do the jump. In this movie you get to see this guy get hit by two vans, beat like a pinata, crash into a travel trailer, drown, be lit on fire and do a header into a swimming pool. There is no reason to not see it.... well except for the reasons I already told you not too.

Anyway I completely loved this movie and thought it was the worst movie ever all at the same time! Way to go Andy Samburg!

The Season is over....

Hello all!
I hope you had a good Christmas. I did. I went down to Salem and spent it with my aunt and uncle. We had some fantastic ham and other great treats, then it started snowing so I packed it up and headed home. We had a white Christmas up here.... but it did not stick so no snowmen or veering off the roads or anything fun like that.

A quick note on Christmas cards.... the black and white photo of someone who looks like me walking down the road. That is my father and not me. I know it looks like me but I look a lot like him.... so yeah. The thing in his hand? It is a camera and not a skateboard. I don't think the other photo cards I sent need an explanation... it's snow on a gazebo... and yes it's Oregon. Actually it is Phoenix.. you know that time it snowed... hehehe. So hope all of you in AZ are enjoying the frigid 55 degrees... turn up the heat when my dad is there. He likes being too hot. Oh and in case you are wondering you have no obligation to give me a card back. I had a lot of fun making the cards because I was able to make up complete and total lies. So if you want to get one next year there are 2 ways.... work where I work or give me your address. Anyone, even if I barely know you.... actually if I don't even know you.... if I have an address you will get a card... It might not make sense but it will be original. Next year become one of the card posse.... I sent 40 out this year.... I can send more...

So hope everyone enjoyed the card and hoped everyone got what they wanted...

PS.... the layout is new so let me know what you think...

PPS.... oh and I am adding Labels let me know what you think about those too...

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Merry Christmas

Well I am writing this real quick hoping that you all have a merry Christmas. I may write between now and Christmas but it is unlikely.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Blazers Rule!!

Well last night was absolutely fantastic! Some of you may be unaware of what I refer and some others may be aware but may not agree. Naturally that makes some of you ill informed and the rest just plain wrong. Last night was so great that I still don't have a voice tonight. I yelled myself hoarse last night as I helped cheer the Blazers on to win # 10. Yes it was glorious. My roommate and I headed over there after work and picked up our tickets. We got something to eat and waited until it was nearly time for the game to start and then we took our seats in section 323. Where we yelled, cheered and booed every single thing that happened. It was a fantastically satisfying win all the way around. Of course it probably sucked if you were a Nugget player or fan. Especially when Carmello got swatted by Brandon Roy! Or the game ending shot rejection Travis Outlaw handed down to end the game. Talk about 'in your face!' It was a great game and a lot of fun.

To top it off I also got a free 8 x 10 picture courtesy of Walgreens. Yay Walgreens!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Work Tidings To All..... And To All A Good Strike!

Today was my work team's Christmas lunch. We all headed out to Pastini Pastaria. I had spaghetti and meatballs and they were decent. I would much rather drive 3 hours and have Maryjo's but I don't think she would want to feed my whole team nor that they would want to do a 6 hour round trip drive.... They might after they have her meatballs but not before. Anyway we went there and our supervisor bought everyone a bunch of appetizers and then we all paid for our own drinks and our main dish. I had so much food that I will not be eating anything tonight. We did not stop with the antipasto, cheese bread, garlic/cheese/artichoke dip, and our entrees. We also had cookies, candies, pie, cake and juice.... Oh my goodness! I am getting ill just thinking about it.... So much food. For my part I had a few cookies and candy but no pie or cake. We also had a white elephant gift exchange and I got stuck with a pink candle. Not only is it a pink candle but it is in a pink glass with a pink fuzzy flower pattern on it. Yeah..... awesome. Hahahaha I am keeping the thing at work, displayed proudly. It makes me laugh that I picked that. It beats the used hair dryer or the Christmas cd that had Luther Vandross and Gloria Estefan as some of it's featured artists. The theme was garage sale so the gifts were mainly stuff people had around the house that they would put up for sale at a yard sale. I brought a pilates video and a work out ring. Late night advertising works on me so I do not allow myself to watch it anymore.

What was really cool about the team lunch was being away from the phone for 2 hours. People are so full of holiday cheer as it gets closer to Christmas that I actually had a few f-bombs get lobbed at me. Everyone wants to buy little Susie her my little pony dream house and little Billy the car smash-a-rama flying spaceship. What they don't want to do is pay bills and when you tell them they are about to cancel if a payment is isn't received they get downright nasty. Guess what Christmas did not just jump out of the shadows and bite you in the butt. If you wanted to buy all these expensive gifts you should have planned for it or get people used to a big bowl of nothing for Christmas. When you are as bad with money as I am, and I have been paying my bills (for the most part), it is hard to see their point. I mean you either stay insured or you buy an expensive gift... seems like a no brainer. Yet it's my fault. So yeah the best part was being away from those people for 2 hours....

Anyway that is another edition of boring work stories from Mike!

Tune in next time when I explain the wonderful world of ACW! The mystery of why the high level people think you should not ever ever use it versus the reality that you should actually use more. Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel!

Monday, December 17, 2007

The Writing Thing

Well I am on page 110 of my first edit and I only have 50 pages left to review. It is not going too bad, what is the real bear is retyping it all. Some of the edits are big rewrites where I rework an idea and some are tiny word changes or sentence restructuring. It is taking forever. I am on page 38 of the retyping process. I now have 50,960 words in this story and it fluctuates a bit as I correct, delete and rewrite but it always seems to end up around that number when I quit for the day. I have some major edits coming up and it may actually shrink a little bit. We will see soon enough. I am hoping to have the first draft out to a few of you, who have been kind enough to volunteer to be editors, before the 12th of January. That is my goal. Hopefully I hit it.

The 12th is also the day I go for orientation for my masters degree program.... and that is why the goal of getting the first edit done is set so quickly after I just got done writing it. I may have chose the end of February otherwise. To tell you the truth I had originally hoped Christmas would see the end of my first edit and it still might but the retyping portion will take the other couple weeks.

Wish me luck.

Oh and what do I want for Christmas? Money. I am saving to buy a cheap laptop to make my writing and my schooling a little more mobile. Anyway have a good week and remember Christmas is next Tuesday. You can always order that special someone a totally awesome calendar or t-shirt.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Phoenix Pictures

You better recognize!

Yo CLD Raps!

I enjoyed my visit to Phoenix. I wished I had more time because there was more I would have done. I missed seeing some people and for that I am sorry. We will make plans for my next visit in March. Dates to come soon. I have some photos from the ship to share. I am just not organized enough to get the photos finished and a small album made. Some of you received a Christmas card this past weekend, others have not. I need some freaking addresses if you want a customized Christmas card! In the cards I make up the year's events in a card and you are the only one that has that version of my exploits. I went to the stone age in one I was a polar bear imposter in another. You never know what you will find in these custom cards.

Well I need to get back to my editing. I have a photo album and a book to get down.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Family Guy:That novel that your workin' on?

Hey all,
I just wanted to share one of my favorite Family Guy moments. You shall see how it ties in with last month's project. Hope you enjoy it.

Monday, December 03, 2007

December Happenings

Well I am looking forward to December! I am working on my Christmas Cards, hopefully you made the list this year. If not you can always bribe me. I am easy to bribe. I have a new idea that every recipient will say wow that was weird. Well everyone but the first 4 cards that were prior to my genius idea.

My roommate and I have a new computer desk from IKEA and I just put it together. Tomorrow I will relocate the computer to the desk but I am a wee bit tired now. We also have a new coffee table from IKEA. We are all about IKEA apparently. IKEA should sponsor me for mentioning them 4 times in this blog, but they don't.

Another thing on the radar is my trip to Phoenix on the 7th. Yeah I am going back to my hometown this weekend only. It is a special engagement for a limited time. Anyway if you live in Phoenix maybe I can fit you in, so if you are interested in possibly meeting up drop me a line.

I am knee deep in poetry reading for The Grove. I did not get as much done as I wanted too but my goal is to have it done asap. Anyway that is not the only reading going on. I printed my NANOWRIMO novel out so I can begin the first edit.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

What Did You Do Last Night?

Well I decided to finish a rough draft of a novel..... It has officially been counted by a NANOWRIMO bot and 50,085 words is the tally! Woo yeah! See for yourself:

So yeah I did it on my first try.... I am totally not even sure what to do now. I read a lot of comments at the NANOWRIMO website from other people who had tried to complete this in the past and failed so I feel pretty good about this. Well I am walking away from it for a few days and sometime in December I will go back and see what it looks like. Anyway thanks for the support on this crazy endeavor.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

My Take on the Writer Strike


It is abominable to think that we as everyday working folk would ever dare to side with the pigs at the top. If you used to be a hippie and you sold your soul for an Audi and a 6 figure income I am willing to bet you are not reading this. If you are..... maybe you should do some work for that 6 figure income instead of reading my blog on the companies dime. Anyway back to my point. Most Americans go to work everyday and strive to make ends meet, don't let anyone fool you into believing otherwise. There are the lucky few who are vile enough to succeed in business and those that go on to 'great' political endeavors. A few have a gift with a sport and some have a gift that is more artistic and harder to define. Successful and highly paid writers, that every executive at the networks wants you to believe are the only ones out there, are actually not that prominent. That is why you know the high paid people's names. The other thing is if the company that produces it makes a mint off it and the people that act in it do as well, why shouldn't the freaking writer or writers make some cash too? It only makes total sense, without them we would have nothing to view. I have always known it was hard to write but this month has driven that point home. Ask me why I have never finished anything. Because sometimes it gets harder when the end is in sight and sometimes you give up before you actually ever see that end. Check my prior post 'Nanowrimo Crisis #2' out if you do not believe me. I think those that actors have something to do, say and feel so I can sit down and watch it need to get paid. Regardless of how I decided to view that particular show, be it online (legally I stopped doing the illegal thing in case you are the RIAA), on TV or from the video store. I hope the strike is resolved in the writer's favor very soon. If not I hope all of the people that think writers are whiny lay abouts realize that nothing but reruns for the rest of time will totally suck. Can you imagine them recycling the movie 'Space Truckers', new actors and just slightly changed dialogue? Don't know the movie, google it and you will thank the heavens that you never saw it (even if I kind of liked it and watched it more then once but hey it was on HBO). I am just trying to get you to envision a horrible dreck filled universe.
Here is the other thing that bugs me about the strike, some people who have griped to me about the writer strike are the same people who support the ball player strikes on the grounds that the freaking higher ups need to spread some greenbacks to those that pack the seats. It is the same thing. The writers provide the dialogue, be it good or bad, for the actors to say. Without it they might make up there own stuff to say. Have you seen most of these idiots be interviewed before? I may be a wee bit into Lindsay Lohan, cocaine problem or not, but do I really want her deciding what her character is all about (so like my character feels like drinking and doing drugs and then driving recklessly... Yay me, I'm Lindsay Freakin' Lohan)? Not really!


Ps.... Sorry Lindsay. You have been my fall gal of the day. I really like watching your movies... I am not sure if it is just because I like you or the movies. Don't do nose candy anymore it is bad for you.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Nanowrimo Crisis #2

So I am nearing the end of my 50,000 word race and I was golden until I hit 42,000 words.... I have been fighting the writing ever since and 5 days later I am barely at 46,000 words. 4,000 words in 5 days? That used to signify two days of writing, if I was taking it easy. The words were falling out of my skull onto the keyboard and it was smooth sailing. One moment of panic happened early on about what my characters were doing and that was chronicled here and now comes the second crisis. I know I will finish this endeavor but I am sure this 'novel' is a total disaster. 50,000 words of crap that will take forever to edit and still never be any good. Ok.... I knew that writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days would more then likely end up being nothing but total crap and I also know the actually doing part is where I need to focus. I get all this... I understand the concept but that does not mean I don't feel like griping. I am at a point in my story where I know what I want but I am not sure how to do it. I wrote myself into a world that I know even less about then the two girls I started writing about. But I have an ending in mind, I have my characters more or less in place and I have a story even if I managed to only barely get it across. It is only the first draft and the best part is that it is nearly done. I have 3 days left to go, on a nearly empty tank of gas and a 'car' that just started sputtering but I will drag the damn thing across the finish line if I have to!


Friday, November 23, 2007

Thanksgiving Review

Well I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving! I hope as I write this at work you are at home relaxing with family. Perhaps eating more left over turkey..... or tofurkey depending on your meat or no meat leanings. I had a good Thanksgiving. I stayed at home, did a little writing (not enough if truth be told), watched some football, made a roast beast and ate said roast beast, helped put together a crib, and watched Fantastic 4 and the totally silver guy that surfs and Evan Almighty. In case you are wondering I am at 43,500 on the word count. I just could not get motivated to write yesterday. Oh well.

So a quick review of the movies I watched.

Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer - Yeah.... hmmm.... yeah.... Could that have ended before it started? That would have been better. The least they could do was have a lot more of Jessica Alba in slinky form fitting super hero outfit, that would have made it better. I was so unbelievably bored.....

Evan Almighty - Hokey but fun. I liked the movie but yeah hokey sums it up. It was good for little people too.

Well continue having a nice holiday.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

A Rambling Review of THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM!

It occurred to me that as I was saying yes to seeing The Bourne Ultimatum, that I was in fact agreeing to see a movie I was not going to like. I hated the first two, the camera work is awful! I figure that if I handed the camera to my Nephew he would shoot a better looking movie. The camera would be more still and his angles would not suck nearly as bad as this director's camera work. I never really understood why this technique became popular... and I hate that people have copied this jerky camera technique. I like to call it the "Twitchy super-caffeinated 4 year old" camera technique. Ok, I just made that term up and have never in fact used it before this but it fits. As far as I am concerned the way they shot this movie can be directly linked to the decline of good quality cinema. Somehow, someone thought that adding a shaky camera as a character would heighten the intensity of what you are watching but in truth all it did was make me dizzy. I have to admit this particular movie was not as vomit inducing as the Bourne Supremacy had been but maybe my vomit inducer meter can take more shakiness and crappy angles then it used to. The story is ridiculously thin and well.... let's just dive in. You are checking out the rambling review of THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM!

In my defense it was viewed at a theater that not only serves pizza but also serves beer for you to imbibe while you view the horrible dreck they call movies. If it was not for the beer I would never have said yes... well I would have been less likely too anyway.

Matt Damon is back as Jason Bourne who seems to be some kind of ultimate human weapon. They throw all kinds of guys at him and occasionally they might slow him down a bit but he barely even gets hurt when he fights them. His hair does not even get messed up. He is also blessed with the ability to track anyone down and yet remain completely untraceable himself. He is like Osama, you know how somehow Osama can get his videos out but nobody can manage to figure out from where. If this movie were based in fact, the question would be: why would we even have a military when we have Jason Bourne? He could single handedly take out the world. Jason Bourne for president! Except that he is also a total retard because he can't manage to remember who he is and he has been trying to figure that out since the first movie 5 years ago.... Really? You are like really good at finding people, disappearing from people trying to find you, and killing people yet you can't seem to recall your name? How freaking retarded can you be? Well apparently not nearly as retarded as the evil overlords running the NSA. They roll with the shoot first and ask questions later routine. It amazes me.... I mean why not bring him back in? Why continue to do things that keep pissing him off so that he has to single handedly take you down? You have a whole division of guys plus people you term 'assets' that are just killing machines and yet one guy can bring you down? Really?

The Story (SPOILER ALERT!!! This part contains the storyline, which means I tell you the story. So if you insist on seeing it for yourself and you do not want to know what happens don't read the part right here, just skip to the recommendation part, if you do not heed this warning you can't blame me!)

We open with a scene where Jason is being hunted down like a dog. He goes into a medical facility where he starts having flashbacks while he tries to cure his wounds. Meanwhile, two police officers follow his trail of blood and are ordering him to do stuff in words that produce white letters at the bottom of the screen. I have decided it is my goal to learn a language that puts my words in front of me so people can have the joy of not only hearing my words but can also choose to read them too! Back to Jason who is bleeding to death.... some guy tells him to do something... I am not sure what he said because I refuse to read other people's statements but it seems to totally piss Jason off. So Jason gets all hostile on his butt and takes him out and was just about to shoot the other guy when he started pleading for his life. Jason decided to leave and not kill this guy and managed to somehow escape the entire police force who are also looking for him but they don't show how he manages that feet. A boring reporter scene and an incompetent NSA scene. Then we see Jason on a train and he is reading a story about himself in the paper..... yeah. Totally stupid right? Some hack reporter that has crap for brains and will end up having slush for brains after getting shot in the head is able to find out a lot about Jason by the unheard of approach called 'asking someone'. So once again you have to ask yourself..... how does Jason not know who he is yet? Anyway the NSA totally freaks out and they try to kill the reporter and Jason and of course manage to just shoot the reporter (who decided he knew more then Jason who survives for a living). On top of it they shoot the reporter in the middle of Waterloo freaking Station! Why would that be a good idea? Wouldn't that make you wonder why he got shot? Wouldn't it make what he was reporting headline news? It doesn't of course and the movie continues to boggle your mind. Jason somehow manages to know exactly where the reporters had stashed his hand written notes that contain his 'secret' source. Naturally Jason goes after the source and is too late but runs into Julia Stiles and once again evades the NSA. Julia Stiles's character, Silly Face (I swear that's the characters name), helps Jason find the reporter's source. They run off to another country and once again end up being late. Jason pulls out a can of whoop a** on an 'asset' that is trying to kill Silly Face and Jason too. Then he ditches Silly Face and goes to the US..... and gets in the 'borders' without anyone noticing, which is probably the most plausible part of the movie. He fools the NSA again, and then another time and I think maybe even one more time. What is funny is Jason is not trying to kill anyone but they keep forcing him too and you think why can't they just have a sit down with this guy and clear the bad air? Well apparently the government is a bunch of meanies! Well boo freaking hoo let's get a new idea, we get it! Hollywood thinks the government is evil... ok, already they're mean and evil, whatever you say, just move on! Then we have the not so amazing discovery that Jason is not quite as much of a peach as we all hoped this crazy one man department, miltary, and country destroying machine was... which is all I have to say about the movie.

My recommendation? See this movie with beer and pizza. If you find yourself without beer or pizza? Totally skip it. It would suck so much worse if you view it while totally sober. Unless of course you have a thing for Matt Damon....

Monday, November 19, 2007

The book and the Holiday

Well I am at 42,031 words right now. I have a story and it is all over the place but I do know what I am doing with it. Kind of..... I know what I want to make it do but I am still working on making sure I do that. I am 8,000 words away from the super scary rewrite..... I will be reorganizing things and perhaps going with a new direction on a few things, a few characters may get scrapped and a few others might get added. I have an idea of what this is and it took nearly 40,000 words to see it. Which in itself is scary. I am spending time flushing out some ideas or writing new pieces to add in different spots to help with the reorganization. My story is a story about people coming together basically and that is all I am saying at this point for a description. I hope to organize it in a semblance of a coherent and flowing story and then I will start getting people to help me edit it. My mom is dying to be an editor but I am looking for other people as well for down the road a bit. Maybe the end of December on into January. Just so you know it is super rough and I can not guarantee it is anywhere close to what I ultimately want it to end up. Heck... I am not even sure if where I want it to end is where it is going to. So what I will need in the beginning editing are people that will help me find weaknesses in the story and maybe suggestions on how to improve it. If you are still interested let me know somehow.... email, blog comment, phone.

Other then that I am going to my dad's Friday night for Thanksgiving on Saturday.... as I said before, I work the day after Thanksgiving and I was not looking forward to driving all the way down to Roseburg just to turn around on a stomach full of Turkey and drive all the way back up. So they moved it to Saturday. Thanks Dad, Maryjo, Aunt Wanda, Uncle Don and Mildred for being flexible.

In yet other news I will be making a rare appearance in Phoenix the weekend of December 7 - 9. For more tour dates just let me know you need to know where I'll be and when and I will let you know. I may even sign autographs....

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Post 200!

Well I have written 200 blogs on this thing since I started it over a year ago. That is pretty amazing. I guess I have a lot to say or at least I like to write a lot of stuff about nothing. Either way that is a lot of words and time spent on this thing.

Well I had a good day Friday. I slept in, I had film developed and I bought a new jacket. I wrote 400 words...... Then I went bowling with my room mate. I suck at bowling in case you were wondering. I know you were. I had a few beers and I bowled a high of 86 and a low of 71. Like I said, I suck at bowling. Either way those few beers or those 4 miserable performances that I called bowling allowed my brain to get the mojo back and I came home and wrote 3,500 words. I am going to bed now because it is 3:30 in the morning and I feel tired but not because I want to. My brain wants to keep going and find out what is going to happen to these people. (See even I don't know what will happen in my story isn't that exciting?) Anyway the word count is firmly in the 34,000 range and I am feeling good since I wanted to get 35,000 words written by the end of Sunday.

I could not think of a better way to say 'Happy 200 blogs!' then I just did by giving an awesome word count. I want to add that I am in a great mood today and it is because of the day off. I really needed the time away from that den of evil that I call my job. My roommate needs a break too but he keeps waiting for everything to be perfect and I keep saying that it never will and to preserve sanity he needs to not go to work one of these days real soon. Work is bad. Like worse then the devil bad. I mean really really really bad. I think I need to quote Office Space right here: "I don't really like work, so I don't think I am going to go anymore."

Don't worry I am going back Monday. I just feel that the above quote properly sums up my feelings about work. You know the whole desire to stop going and stuff.....

Friday, November 16, 2007

Shiny Happy Thoughts for Disgruntled Citizens

I am so glad I took Friday off this week. I was starting to get a bit tired of the people that I deal with on the phones all day at work. It gets hard to care about what people are whining to you about when you are tired of hearing it. It is even harder to care when you have not been to sleep before midnight all month long because you are writing a novel in 30 days. Yeah I bring that issue on myself I get that, I am just saying I needed a day off so I took one. I am working the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve for this evil company and I might have stabbed a brother if I did not take some me time. Sometimes I still get amazed that we allow work to take such a huge chunk of our lives away from us. Why the Hell should I have to spend this much of my waking time doing stuff I hate. I get it there is bills and yada yada yada, but really? I was in a rut before I started this writing project. I would work all day, come home and take a walk (when the sun was still up and if it was sunny), then I would eat dinner, watch 3 to 4 hours (depending on if I went for a walk) of pointless TV, spend some time on the internet and then I would go to bed so I could get up for another day of exactly the same thing. I know you have heard this from me before and woe is me and all that jazz but I just can't believe this is what adults do. I can't believe that because it boggles my mind. I remember thinking "when I grow up..." when I was a kid but you trade one set of rules for a new set of rules when you get your 'grown up life'. In fact the only thing I realized was how free I was when I was a kid. I remember people told me to enjoy the fleeting moments while they lasted but who the heck listens to the voice of experience? No one does. How can you? As a kid you just see you are not allowed to do anything. You also never have money to do anything and your parents won't let you see if you have the ability to fly by jumping off the roof. Here is the thing, I am sure as an old fart I will envy these days too.... maybe. Anyway enough of my 'the corporate world is a fascist regime' tirade.

So I am on word 30,090 on my story. Just 19,910 left until my goal is achieved. I have a story with a crisis and I am in way over my head because I know nothing about the crisis I chose to write about, but I feel alive. It is fun, scary, intense and exhilarating all at the same time. I would highly encourage any budding wordsmiths to tackle this with me next year. I have a book that helps you keep going through the ups and downs that I could loan you. It is pretty entertaining to just let a story take you but some people spend quite a while laying out their ideas and the research needed to pull it off as opposed to coming up with and idea and then googling it mid writing stint like I have been doing. Anyway, the words still flow and I am still having fun. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Don't Count Me Out!

I had a heck of a weekend in productivity for my book. I was feeling pretty down Saturday because I was only at 17,000 words and I was super whiny and defeatist, just ask my dad. I was worried about the plot (or lack of one) and my characters not doing anything interesting. I read the instructions for week 2 in 'No Plot? No Problem!', which was written by the founder of the National Novel Writing Month. He basically tells you how to survive this crazy ride you signed up for and says week two is tough because it is when the novelty of 'writing a book' wears off and the writing gets harder to complete. He said lots of people find they still don't have 'plots' during this week and usually feel panicked but he says don't worry, just keep writing about your characters and they will tell you where they want to go. So I churned out 5,000 words between Saturday night and the end of Sunday night. I still had no concrete story but I had decided the 2 male characters needed to ask out the females. I was thinking this is it, this is my story it's about being a dork and trying to have a relationship with people that aren't dorks. So I started writing at work today because work was super slow, I guess people thought the evil corporations would be closed on a national holiday but of course they weren't. I wrote 2,400 words before heading home and things had happened and I was ok with what had happened but I could see a sad little tale developing with a storyline of relationship woes. When I got home I decided to watch some football and that was boring, the 49ers suck. Then I decided to do some work for the Grove Review and I read all of the poets I had taken home with me. So I sat down in front of the computer and I started writing. And I had a complete left turn come up and smack me in the face and I had finally been delivered a problem to confront..... YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH YEAH!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

26,000 words and I feel fan'freaking'tastic! I have a story here! WOO! This is awesome! I want to keep writing and ditch work tomorrow, but I won't (booooo). I am going to bed in a helluva good mood though! I have a story to tell! Yay!

I have a story but you don't got one cuz' you're on welfare!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Meow Meow Meow

Hello all!
Well it seems at 22,000 words my characters all still alive. They aren't doing illegal drugs. It is scarily calm. I am not sure what storm is approaching but I feel one building. I have a feeling I will attain 25,000, the halfway mark very soon, hopefully tonight. Yay my writing is growing in size..... yay.

In other news I am a reader for the Grove Review. I went to the informational meeting last night, in case you don't know what day I am writing that was Sunday night. The day I usually lay around watching football all day and night. I have a stack of poetry to read and rate by next Sunday.

Other then that life is moving along. I am in 4th place in fantasy football. ASU is in 8th. The Blazers are 3 and 3 and the Cards are 4 and 5.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

18 k and feeling fine....

I am sure you are all just dying to know what is going on with my novel. Well is still has no plot but I like the characters enough to keep charging ahead. I took Thursday night off so I am at 18,000 words instead of 20,000 today. I have been stressing a lot lately and I read some tips and they say that most people experience moments of panic and despair in the second week. That calmed me down quite a bit. I am still struggling to develop a story but I am taking another tip from what I have read and I am just writing and trusting my characters to help me decide something should happen. In the meantime I am just putting together more words that help me get to know my characters. There are 4 main characters now and each of them interests me for some reason. I can't wait until they let me know where I am supposed to take them.

Anyway.. I have some more words to ramble.

Oh and the Blazers won the last 2 games! Yay! Beat Dallas tonight!

UPDATE: 9:30 PM, I am at 19,000 words and the Blazers beat Dallas! Woohoo 3 wins in a row. Next game....The Pistons on Tuesday...
The Pistons Booooo!

Beat the Pistons! Yay!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Nanowrimo Crisis #1

Well it seems that I have hit the wall..... I am 11,000 words in and I still have no clear idea of what I am doing. I have one main character and I think she is too mild and not all crazy so if I am going for a young adult feel here I need her emotions to kick up a bit. That is another thing should I have went with a female lead? I mean it is not too late to totally kill her off. It's not like it's a first person role. Mostly it is thought driven so I could switch people and just rotate or whatever. I mean I have read some interesting things lately with a multiple person take on things, ie. Jodi Piccoult. I mean all I really need to do is find something to write about. That is where I fall into a bigger dilemma. I do not want to write a heavy book about death, rape, teenage sex or other retarded ills of the world. Hell the world is dark enough isn't it? I want a lighter feel where you just escape your life and get into someone else's problems that are not completely overwhelming. Something that might make you laugh and might make you remember and even possibly relate but I do not want you balling or trying to figure out the mystery. I guess I have to make a decision tonight......

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Yo! CLD Rocks!

Well the weekend was pretty good to me. I am currently sitting at 7700 words written on my novel that I still have not titled or figured out where it is going. I am trying to get to 8500 tonight before I call it a night. I just needed to take a break and say hi to you all. I wanted to mention a few things. ASU lost to the stupid Ducks... that was horrible. My roommate was all happy and I felt like kicking him in his fat head a couple times. So I decided to write for a while with my headphones on so as to stay on good terms and all. It wasn't his fault the Ducks finally started playing defense. We went out and saw Michael Clayton on Friday night and I would recommend it to you. It is not an action packed thriller but it is highly intriguing and I liked it. It kinda of showed corporations as being super evil and I felt like I should point out my poem called Corporate Practices that I posted in October about corporations and there evilness. We are totally on the same wave length there. Then Saturday after watching the Devils lose (boo!) I went with my evil roomie to a place called Indian Grill that had some awesome food. I had a Lamb Tikka Kabob and loved it. Then we rented Alpha Dog which was actually pretty entertaining. It had a horrible ending and all but it was kind of amusing until then. Other then that I have been lying low and close to the home front. Anyway I need to get back to writing.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

A quick November howdoyado!

So it's freaking November! I had a great weekend this last weekend. Halloween wasn't too bad either. I would love to tell you about it and you might even want to hear about it but I have promised my time to a few other projects instead. The first thing you should know is it's NANOWRIMO month (google it) and I am involved in crapping out 50,000 words in some semblance of a story. The second is a little book called the Grove Review has asked for volunteers to staff their little office to help them put out their book. I have decided to look into being one of the volunteers so Sunday the 11th I will be checking it out at an informational meeting. We shall see but it seems intriguing. So I am currently at 1322 words in my story and I have a mere 48,688 left to type. So my words here are going to brief this month. Suffice it to say my pumpkin won a contest at work for being the coolest and most creative pumpkin. Of course there were no other pumpkins but my beast of a pumpkin would have eaten them for breakfast or at least fallen on them crushing their souls and their pumpkinness. Either way it got me a gift card at Starbucks and a week of dress down to be used in December. Well hope all is well. I will check back in. I have some more writing to do.

If you have little people you dressed up in costumes for Halloween I would love to have a copy sent to me and your permission to post them, if you do not mind, on this blog. If you do mind the posting of the cute lil' people then send the pic to me and say "No posty!" The message being little kids in little costumes are cool and I want to see what they were dressed up as and I am sure most sane people do too.... Actually any of you silly people out there can send me a pic of your costumed self and I will post it! DO it! DO IT NOW!!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Stewey: The Rabbit in Black

Well.... I have more bad news on the blog contributers front. Stewey has passed on to the big pasture in the sky where he can cavort about and meet ladies and make hundreds of babies and never worry about running out of food or becoming food. Stewey the zany little gangster rabbit died recently in a horrible gangster style hit by one of his many many enemies. It was unexpected and unfortunate. Stewey's right hand man Sherbie the Love Bun was also found dead at the scene. Stewey was known for his zany behavior like disappearing for weeks to Florida and then pretending to be hiding in the closet all that time. He also was a roommate of mine and I will definitely miss hanging out with the Stew.

Rest in peace Stewey!

Rest in peace Sherbie!

A recent Get Fuzzy comic by Darby Conley (click on it to make it bigger):

Even comic artists who never met Stew sing his praises.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

My Tips for A Successful Blog

I have been looking around at people's blogs a lot lately.... I like to see their designs and what they prattle on about and I have noticed a trend. Some of the worst looking, most boring blogs feel it necessary to share how to be successful at blogging. I figured, since they suck at blogging themselves and I actually find my blog to be very entertaining, I should write how I have gathered my legion of 2 or 3 hard core fans. So here it is: My blog about blogging blog stuff good.

1. Your blog is yours.
You have to realize first and foremost any a-hole with access to a computer can blog. Case in point... me. So you are not unique and you have not reinvented toast. You are the one that ultimately has to be satisfied with what is on your blog since you will read it a few times just to make sure it is post-able. If you're anything like me you will occasionally revisit some of your old posts that were freaking classics and laugh at them for their sheer awesomeness.

2. Content is important.
Some people say focus your blog so you can be "THE" blogger people turn too for info on whatever stupid topic you are "THE" blogger of. That probably works for really incredibly boring people very well. I am sure it is a great strategy if you want to be the guy that makes the stupid cat pictures that make me laugh at 3 am when I am sleep deprived. Or if you want to be all 'News' oriented. I don't read these blogs... I am sure they are very well done or whatever, but news? Really? Can you be any more lame? I tend to write about things that catch my fancy. Like stupid cops or bad laundry users or whatever. Once again the key to content is ultimately you like what you have at your blog. Maybe Bobby Jo in Tuscaloosa does too but do you really freaking care? I mean who names their kid Bobby Jo? What grown individual doesn't just say enough I want to be called Bobby or Joe but not freaking both!

3. Variety Is awesomeness!
Sometimes when you feel you should blog but you really don't have anything to write or express it helps to find some stupid video from the 90's where a guy raps about copyright laws.... then pretend like people really should watch it because you watched it for 30 seconds and laughed.

4. Mockery is the closest thing to godliness.
Sometimes you should blog just to make fun of people; like the Portland police, other bloggers or old people. It helps you feel happy and gives a few people a laugh and one of those few people is you and hell I know a good laugh would do you some good you silly sour puss!

5. Ego is as ego does.
I have no idea what that means and neither did the people who made Forrest Gump say the same thing about stupidness. It means nothing. It's brilliant! Just like you should feel about your own blog about nothing. It's how I feel about my blog about nothing.

Now that you know my secrets go into the world and multiply.... but read my blog daily. It keeps your heart healthy and stuff! And buy my blog stuff at It has a calendar for you to put on your wall..... and it has cool pictures of things that are not about nothing! Yay!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Don't Copy That Floppy (HIGH QUALITY version!)

This is a pretty funny anti-piracy ad from back in the day. You don't have to watch it all but at least let him spit some game for ya.

There was, as there usually are, some comments after the video but this time one of them was funny so I stole it and I am posting it here:

napyuu (commenter's name)
wow, you see kids,

In the 80's all you had to do was senselessly mash on the keyboard to play a game and magic hip-hop artist would enforce the copyright laws.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Steam - A poem

Steam released in the crisp morning
Sends signals to my brain
I look in shock
thinking the world is on fire

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Portland Bomb Scare

I was sitting at work minding my own business when this email was sent out...

Breaking News From KATU: Please use extra caution when outside of our building and note road closures and MAX shutdown.

PORTLAND, Ore. - Bomb-sniffing dogs being used for a TOPOFF exercise in northeast Portland on Thursday detected the real thing, prompting police to cordon off a hotel, close nearby streets and shut down the MAX.

According to Brian Schmautz with the Portland Police Bureau, as officials were doing a sweep of the Doubletree Hotel located near the Lloyd Center, bomb-sniffing dogs got a hit on a vehicle in the vicinity.

There is currently a heavy police presence in the area while police investigate. The TOPOFF exercise scheduled to take place at the hotel has been canceled.

Nearby Benson High School is in lock-out mode and will be for the duration of the school day. Since the MAX is shut down, school buses will be transporting students who normally take a train home to alternate MAX platforms away from the Lloyd Center area.

Naturally I freaked out and hid under my desk whimpering like a wee little lass. The hotel in question was just across the freeway and if it blew up there would probably be hardly anything that happened to my place of work. So I sat there all atwitter with fear. Of course within moments of reading this email I had turned it into a joke and kept asking people if they wanted to go to the Lloyd Center to go shopping. No one did.... Then this email came out a few hours later.

From KATU: Please find an update to the earlier news story.
.........Police immediately cordoned off the area so they could investigate. They later discovered that the dogs had detected traces of explosives in police and military vehicles that were involved in the exercise that was being staged. The bomb residue is something common in those type of vehicles.

Crews are working to give the all clear. Meanwhile, MAX service remains shut down between the Rose Quarter and the Hollywood District. TriMet is offering bus service to get people around.

So in case you missed it.... The cops freaked out because during an exercise to train dogs to find bombs, the dogs found something that smelled like a bomb. They naturally barricaded the place stopped traffic from going through there, messed up a bunch of people's commutes especially the people that use mass transit. Then after a few hours of intense investigation they deduced that the dogs could smell the bomb residue in the officers cars....

I wonder if this was their official statement: "Ladies and Gentlemen of Portland. Thank you for you concern about the 'bomb' but it was actually are crack team of professionals that transport bombs that made the dogs smell a bomb. Yes, what we are saying is that our test to see if our dogs were any good proved that the dogs were indeed excellent but their human counterparts are incompetent. We have decided to rethink giving badges out with every tenth coffee bought at the downtown coffee shop near the precinct as it might not have been our best move. Furthermore our bomb squad is hiring.... if you are actually almost as smart as a dog we want you."

Portland PD rocks! WOO!!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Cold Medicine Is Magic - a poem

My dayquil addled brain
is awash in pretty images
I react slowly to questions
I seem to almost ponder my words
And damn if I don't come off as a good listener
But it won't last
I can't have a cold forever
Does dayquil make me a better person?
Should I never stop taking it?

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Leaf Blowers Blow - A Poem

Yellow leaves fall
I kick them as they brown
It's a flow of vibrant colors
Always amazing, the beauty,
And out of death.
The leave falls to the ground
Waiting for loud blowers to come by
Move them to where they belong...
But I am not done kicking them!
I missed the seasons as a kid
No yard of leaves to rake into a pile
That call for you to jump in
Stupid leaf blower man
Stop that!
How will I ever recapture my lost youth!
Evil, evil satan worshipping gardener!

- Rev. Michael James Williams

Thursday, October 11, 2007

A new calendar!

Hello All! I have recently put together a new calendar! Check it out and then buy it by going here:

You know you want it!

Mastermind - A Poem

He swore it wouldn't happen again
And yet there it was
Plain as day
What would be his excuse this time
"how did that get there?"
The old innocence technique, Good one!
Yet they don't buy it
"It followed me home, honest!"
Good show old chum,
That one will definately work
That's odd they seem to be rejecting it
"my dog ate it!"
Hmmm... a bit confusing
Good ploy throw them off their game!
And yet still no success...
I am at a loss for how will he explain it this time
I think he is caught this time...
"I love your new hairstyle! You look radiant!"
UH...... uh.....

- The Reverend Michael James Williams
July 19, 2004

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Corporate Practices - A poem

The company stock has dropped.
A cry from above,
An evil CEO overlord calls out
"I need the blood of CHICKENS TO FLOW!
Fill the streets with their blood....
Your job depends on it!"
The company has failed to sacrifice enough chickens
And their doom has been spelled out
People no longer feel the need to be loyal
The spell is broken
The devil made a new deal
He has a new top corporation
They steal, they cheat, they lie
And worst of all they give more blood
Poor, poor chickens!

-Michael Williams 10/5/2007

Tuesday, October 09, 2007


I went out to a pumpkin patch this weekend. I ended up taking 3 pumpkins home. Two small pumpkins I keep meaning to bring to work.... and one huge mammoth Pumpkin. I am not kidding when I say huge, it weighs 44 pounds! This is the point where I would normally supply a picture but.... that will have to wait. We are getting internet at home this week so it won't be long. How is fall treating you so far?

***Updated! 10/10/2007****

The pumpkin as promised. Of course this means someone has internet! Oh my!

Monday, October 01, 2007


IT'S OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woohoo! I love October. I have no idea why. It might be the whole halloween thing, or the constant excuse to watch horror flicks, or my memories of being a haunted house spook, or the feeling that it's ok to carry around a big bag of little bags of candy. It really doesn't matter in all reality but I really like October. I am going pumpkin picking next Saturday! Yay! Which of course means pumpkin carving! Pumpkin seed roasting too! I also like that the season changes. The leaves are all starting to turn and I am wearing a fuzzy jacket outside. I love wearing fuzzy jackets! The weather is chilly enough to bundle up in the mornings and evenings here and it is great. I think I am going to go buy a bunch of hot chocolate and hot apple cider packets! Woo! It makes me wonder what other parts of the year make other people feel unnaturally giddy. I mean something besides summer. I think everyone feels like stripping to their skivvies and going down to a watering hole and playing the days away when summer hits. So I guess I don't really see looking forward to the summer as being realistic. Actually now that I think of it I love living where seasons change because every change makes me all excited. Even when the sun stops coming out and it never warms up (otherwuse known as winter) I like that change. Although not as much as summer to fall.

I suddenly feel like walking again. I like being outside in the colder time periods. I walk faster and I use my headphones as earmuffs and I just get going. I like kicking leaves. I always find myself wishing I had some big plans for Halloween that involved getting dressed up and handing out treats or taking someone to get treats. It's funny but I miss that more then the wild ragers we had in college. I like the idea of getting free candy and being one of the people that hands out the free candy. Free candy is a very good thing. Unfortunately my experience with apartment living is no one comes by and you end up eating all the candy yourself and sometimes you end up being sick for like a week after Halloween because of your constant candy intake. That is kind of fun too. I like the post sugar binge mornings where any food makes you feel ill just by glancing at it and some jerk decides the day after Halloween is a good day to bring in donuts. It's like vowing never to drink again after one of those long ago Halloween ragers.... only to end up having another drink that very afternoon when you think the worst had passed and starting the cycle all over again. I do that now with the Halloween candy... let me tell you those sugar hangovers are pretty hard to shake. See your taste buds still crave the sweet but your tummy will not allow it. Some people's minds can't let them even imagine eating sugary goodness either but mine is too busy thinking up little stories for my comics to pay attention to my tummy or my tastebuds...

Anyway Happy October!

Monday, September 24, 2007

The ALL NEW RENT MY DAD 2! The second coming!

Well some of you may remember the overwhelmingly successful Rent My Dad product I created a few years back. Some of you may not. I have no time to worry about it either way because I am now proud to present the All New RENT MY DAD 2!!!! Wooo! HE is more effective, more useful and more fun to include in any activity you may have planned. He is no longer a bringer of rain. Although he proved his powers once again during our trip to Vancouver BC and Seattle. Both places started out sunny when we arrived but started raining by nightfall. Talk about amazing but he has recently revealed even more capabilities and it is totally amazing.

Imagine needing a pole barn built.... or a stable constructed. If you have 9 short months and countless dollars to fly him around and provide 5 star quality service you too can have him build something! Mary Jo shipped seperately.

Imagine you have a dinner party coming up but you happen to be way too lazy to actually cook. This no longer will be a source of frustration with the all new Rent my Dad 2! HE will come cook up a meal and make you look fantastic! He can even entertain people with wild stories of the Oregon wild in which he currently lives. Imagine your guests being entertained by gallant stories of rabbit wrangling, chicken rustling and horsey poop scooping!

All this can be yours and more by emailing:

Some restrictions may apply!

But wait there's more!!

Rent My Dad 2 can also split logs, eat food, watch television, carry heavy loads, go shopping for paint, feed animals, barbeque and give advice! Imagine getting all this for the low low low price of PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOCAL DEALER FOR PRICES AND AVAILABILITY.

PS. I needed some attention recently so I thought of several ways to get it. I was debating two of them and I decided on writing this blog resubmitting my dad for rental service. I had thought maybe I could go to a political debate and ask some really stupid poorly thought out questions to see how long it would take before I was removed but I saw someone had beat me to the punch! He even won the fabulous door prize: a tazering while crying like a little girl. I am so jealous!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is on Fire!!

Well I was like a monkey today! Up and down ladders crawling around on 2x6's and 4x4's. I only almost died once and I was only startled twice. The near death time? A 4X4 I was walking on decided to come unrooted when I was on one end. It tilted up and I used my arms to stop it from continuing. It was at that point I started bracing against the 2x6's. We only had 1 more roof piece to put in and I wanted it done. So I just climbed back up there and got my screws in and called it a day. I said "DAY!!" really loudly and scared everyone..... Ok so I didn't but either way I am all shiny and clean and good smelling again. We may be back up there tomorrow but you can see the end is within reach. I got in touch with Bob and Mary Jane and arranged a rendesvous down in Roseburg around 2:30 tomorrow. That will be fun.

What am I forgetting? Oh I fed the chickens..... which consists of tossing feed into their pen and I loved it the second and third were aimed in their general vincinity. They would run out of the way, then even more quickly, swoop back in and start eating. I also got to take the big red truck into town to get lumber and gravel. Oh and I put poles in the ground for a new rabbit home.

It was a pretty busy day and now it is time to go have Thai! Yay!

Friday, September 21, 2007

The Haps on the Craps.....

I am down in Roseburg for the weekend. I had an overwhelming urge to do something besides watch football. So I came down to see a barn be finished at my dad's place. The ride down took nearly 4 ad a half hours! Rediculous! It wasn't just traffic it was a broke down car that was blocking a lane. It was completley terrible. Either way I made it here finally and I am getting ready to go to bed. I thought I would throw some words your way first.

I interviewed for a better position at my company. I am still at my current position and have no future interviews scheduled. You guess how it went. Easy come and even easier go!

The roommate world is still working out. The room is still in progress but I have a path and no longer hurdle items to get to my bed. That is improvement!

Bob and Mary Jane are in Portland and I am in Roseburg. Oh sweet irony! Well I am planning on figuring out how to see them while they are in town anmd I plan to figure that out tomorrow. Bob decided the air was too fresh in Portland and went ahead and got a super cold due to all the non-smogness.... so we could not make it happen tonight. SO instead I got stuck in traffic just for fun! Yay! I am not sure how we will get together or where but I think it will happen. So you're saying there's a chance!? Yes there is, maybe Sunday. We shall wait and see. I hope to sneak one more blog in before I head back North so keep an eye out for it.

My fantasy football team Spaceman's Lunatiks are tied for 8th. Pretty good, right? Except that there are only ten freaking teams! Last week was rough. Everybody send good vibes LT's way. Thanks.

Friday, September 14, 2007

A moment to reflect....

He grew up in a 6 oz dixie cup, but he was destined for bigger, greater things. I found him toiling away in a pet store and saw the spark in him. I picked him up, bought a new 2 gallon tank and took him home. He moved into his new 'deluxe apartment in the sky-i-i'. He had moved on up to the South East side. It was at this point that he, George Jefferson the fish, started to have better luck. He was shades of blue and red and when he swam his fins puffed out and he owned the bowl. He was a bad mamba jamba and people stood up and took notice when he was nearby. He occasionally contributed as a guest blogger on this very blog. Due to some non-believers, his contributions became more behind the scenes as time went on. He was my idea man and the two of us came up with some fantastic material. In fact he was the one who came up with the incredibly successful Repetitive Tasks Awards! His presence will be sorely missed and I only hope to continue blogging at the level he brought to this dive. He gulped his last bit of oxygen giving water late last night. He will be honored in an extravagant flushing ceremonty tonight. I just ask that where ever you are and what ever you are doing, you pour a little out for my little dead homie.

His name was George Jefferson. He was my fish.

His name was George Jefferson.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Fo' Real??

It's funny.... today we had a fire drill at work. It was right between calls for me so no big deal at all. We all filed out and hung around outside for ten minutes. When we all started filing back in I chose the stairs and some chose to wait for the elevator. I was walking behind a few co-workers and they, like me, are a wee bit larger then health experts feel we ought to be. Anyway they were talking and complaining about having to walk up the stairs when one of them said "Well at least we got some exercise in." So I thought to myself this is precisely why we have a weight problem in America. If that lady thought this one time of not going by elevator to the third floor was adequate exercise I would hate to see her really exercise. To be fair, we are in a call center environment, which for the non-call center people out there means that for the greater majority of the day you are to await calls at your desk. We don't move a lot. When I first put on my pedometer I discovered my average work day was under 3000 steps if I did not take little walks at break. That is with me taking the stairs and not the elevator. Which means we basically take in food and sit on our butts all day and never burn what we take in. So we are all getting larger. This is corporate America. This is what we have brought down upon ourselves. Sad really. So I take walks at breaks and when I can I do so at lunch but if I do anything but eat there is no time. Then I make myself walk a little at home. The running is on hold at the moment. I am getting blisters regularly and I have been too broke to get new shoes to see if that will stop the fricking blisters, any suggestions?

Oh, in an unrelated point I put in for a new position at work and have a phone interview tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Well keep doing what ever it is that you do.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The rest of the Eugene weekend

I definitely had an interesting Sunday. I was in Eugene with Maryann and Glenn, and we had a nice time at the festival the night before. After we woke and greeted the next day he headed for breakfast at a place that specializes in Vegan chow.... The Keystone Cafe. They were busy. So we were ready for a wait. Maryann was bound and determined to eat there and I was game. The problem was no one acknowledged us after we were seated. We sat there for an hour waiting for our order to be taken or for a waitress to notice us. Finally we gave up and the day improved considerably. We went to a place called the Sweet Life that specializes in baking Vegan treats. I picked up a non vegan cinnamon roll, Maryann had a vegan raspberry danish, and Glenn had vegan cheese cake. I tried the cheesecake after there cries of delight at the 'realness' of the cheese cake. It was interesting, not unpleasant interesting but definitely not a replacement for cheesecake. If you have no qualms about dairy and other animal products just eat regular cheesecake. I would eat it again though, which says a lot about it. Of course I would have to be hanging with Vegans….. Then we met up with Dad, Maryjo, Aunt Wanda and Uncle Don and headed to a place called Cafe Yumm! It was pretty good, they had some meat dishes and a lot of non meat dishes. It was a little too healthy though…. I had an overwhelming urge to buy a bunch of chocolate just to offset any possible healthiness! We lost Aunt Wanda and Uncle Don to Salem after lunch and soon we all parted ways. I was up in Portland around 5ish and watched Sunday night football before calling it a night. A very nice weekend but a little too short!

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Hello from Eugene!

I am down here in Eugene enjoying a great internet connection in the lobby of the Broadway Inn. It's a pretty nice hotel here. Maryann and Glenn look good and seem to be in good spirits. We headed down to a Celebrate Eugene festival and walked around and enjoyed music, wine and food. Eugene is an extremely vegetarian and vegan friendly town. In fact the street food vendors had a lot of vegan options. Maryann got a vegan tamale and a vegan polish sausage. I had real chicken from a Hawaiian food vendor. It was called Huli Huli chicken and had macaroni salad and rice to go with it. The highlight was the kettle corn popcorn, it was great. Anyway time to go back to the room and the company of family, have a good evening.

Going Down to Eugene!

Hello All!

Well I am headed down to Eugene. Maryann and Glenn are flying in there tonight and I am heading to meet them for dinner. I, of course, forgot my camera... actually I can't remember what box it is in so you will have to trust me on this one since I will not have any photographic proof. I am looking forward to it as I have not seen these two since March. The best part is that I am broke! I hate moving. Anyway my dad promised to fill the tank up if I could make it down so I am headed down.

I had thought about going down early enough to watch the Ducks play at Michigan in some sports bar near campus but my room mate told me that school had not started yet. SO instead I have stopped off to visit Aunt Wanda and Uncle DOn only to find they went to Washougal and were stopping at Ikea in Portland as I was heading into Slaem. i stopped anyway and took advantage of an internet connection so I could post to you. Anyway I am heading over to Olive Garden where we are meeting up for dinner.

Take care, Mike

Friday, September 07, 2007

the Latest

It's football time! I am back to doing fantasy football again. This is going to be quite a feat considering I do not have an internet connection at home. Oh well I have a pretty decent team. Last nights game was not a whole lot of fun as far as exciting games go but pretty good for my fantasy team. I have Harrison and Vinatieri and they had good nights.

Yesterday we had a mega potluck at work. I don't really like potlucks but I participated a bit anyway. When I say I participated in the potluck I mean I ate some food.

I have made a little progress at home with the unpacking but work keeps interfering. Did you know they expect you to go and to participate all day?? THe nerve!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

New home update

Still surrounded by boxes in my room, it is hard finding the motivation to continue unpacking. I hate unpacking. Yesterday after work my roommate and I rented a few flicks. Then we proceeded to watch them. One was incredibly stupid but had a few funny moments.... Blades of Steel. A Will Ferrell movie about male figure skaters that become an all male pairs team. Has the Napolen Dynamite guy in it as well. Their first skating event as a pairs team is so horrible it is funny. Definately not a smart comedy. The next flick was The Contract. It had Morgan Freeman and John Cusack as the stars of the film so we rented it. It was awful, it had bad writing, bad story development and some super annoying co-stars. Skip this one because I still don't know the point of the movie. I was super disappointed because I expect better flicks from these two actors. Anyway hope everyone is doing well.

Monday, September 03, 2007


I am now at my new apartment and the organizing begins. It always amazes me how much stuff I accumulate. I had a truck load full of stuff that went to the Goodwill and still had 2 car loads and a truck load of stuff that I am trying to shove into a small room. I am sure I will further cull the herd and make another trip to Goodwill. I have a daunting task. The important thing is I am in my new place and out of the old. I have to thank my dad for a huge helping hand this last weekend, not only did he help me move but he helped me clean! That was a huge help, considering how long it took me to clean the kitchen I would still be there cleaning the rest of the apartment.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


I want you all to know my Seattle pictures are delayed I am in the process of moving and I am only half done cleaning my shots up of Seattle and have not even begun to figure out which ones to share. I am packing and have no time to get it done. I will be moving to a home without internet so it may be some time before I get a chance to finish that set. Anyway keep an eye out because I will do my best to post even without internet at home.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

A View of Vancouver From Above

These shots were taken while at the Vancouver Lookout at Harbour Centre. It had some spectacular views. It seemed a little pricey but I liked looking down into the city it was neat.

Due to Speed constraints I have added a new slide show here as a link only. This is an additional Vancouver BC slide show. It is a few that did not fit either of the already posted slide shows. It is called VANCOUVER BC REPRESENT! The link is:

It has a few pictures of the road up including an upside down Pete, and yes I did have the camera upside down when I took it and I was aware of that. It also has a few pictures from our stop at the Steamworks Brewery in Vancouver, a highlight of the trip, the hostess they have is absolutely gorgeous and the beer is good. It also has a few pics at the Border. Enjoy!

A Harrowing Walk Slide Show

Vancouver was an interesting town and a few things struck me right away. One of them being Chinatown is a scary section. I stopped and took a few pictures as we strolled to Chinatown around 6 PM. We would find all the shops were closed up for the night but the freaks were definitely out. I was to be hit up for spare change several times and offered drugs several more. The whole area was crawling with drug addicts. One of the addle brained walked by us, sneered, and said "Bet ya didn't see this part of town in your visitor guide." He was right, we hadn't. We were walking swiftly out of the area almost as soon as we got there and ended up in the Gastown district which was a bit more swank and the degenerates were fewer in number. Click on the picture for a larger view and more control of the speed.

Monday, August 20, 2007

From Seattle (and Vancouver) With Love!

Hey all!
I just got back from a trip to Vancouver BC and Seattle with my dad and Pete. It was a good time and I have pictures to share but I wanted to post this real quick because I know I missed some calls, text messages and emails. I forgot my charger and I have expensive coverage in Canada so the phone was mainly off the entire trip. I will be getting a hold of you in due course but I am home so feel free to call me.
I will give a report on the trip later but it is back to work for me!

In the meantime check out this crazy guy with his crazy blender!