Hey all I am in here procrastinating on a perspective drawing due tomorrow but this blog has been neglected way too long. I have had an idea boiling about in my head for a while. I may have talked to you about it if you dared to broach the subject of the multiple award shows where actors and musicians get an award for doing what they are paid to do. I am not fond of this practice, I think it is ridiculous that these people get paid a lot of money to play pretend and then they award themselves for doing what they should do. It is ridiculous that people would have the audacity to organize an event to pat themselves on the back. I hate awards, I am not really enthused about getting them at work for being nice to customers because that is what I am paid to do but it is something the company does for morale. I like the 15 minutes off the phone. However, I do not get to be on television and give an acceptance speech where I thank God 250 times and everyone I ever met:
"I would like to thank God for letting me wake up feeling positive in the morning. I also want to thank my parents because without that special night I wouldn't be here. I would like to thank the Lord for watching out for me. A big thanks goes out to the Starbucks guy that convinced me to make my drink a triple shot latte, the Baby Jesus that showed up to wash away all the sins, and the grocery checkout lady who did a price check on an item I thought was 20 cents less then the register rang it up for. I want to give a shout out to God, because without him I would stab pizza delivery men and most of all I want to give another shout out for the baby Jesus" Music starts to play. "Oh no! Don't start the music yet you big ol' baton waving goon, I am not done. Oh Lord help me not kill the man with the little stick. Please Baby Jesus take that Oboe player in the third row. God don't hate the orchestra because they done your follower wrong. I am going to finis my thank you's!" Crowd cheers, orchestra gets louder. "Alright I can talk loud too! I want to thank my manager Jojo the circus monkey, without him all my talent would be wasted. I want to thank the guy that sat in the cubicle next to me that gave me a croissant last week. And most of all I gotta give it up to God, my Lord and the Baby Jesus!"
Another thing I hate is they get all kinds of free things for being rich and famous. Why do they get free stuff I have to pay for? They can afford it!! Oh and don't get me started on the fact that designers create dresses for the super famous wealthy people and they don't have to buy the dang thing they get to wear it for free! It is a bunch of crap! So I am fighting back I have decided to start the REPETITIVE TASKS AWARDS. I have selected a few categories already. They are as follows:
Chewing Your Food Thoroughly Award
Opening Your Mail Award
Going To Work Award
Answering The Phone Award
Paying Bills Award
Deleting Spam Emails Award
And my personal Favorite:
Best Excuse Used To Not Be At Work Award
I have yet to find sponsors so if you want to sponsor the event I am more then willing to put your logo anywhere. Even if you are A little blue pill company or a prophylactic company. If you think that is random place the company names along with the Award show name and you will get the humor, maybe. I am working on a proper statue or something to give the winners. I am also looking for TV airtime so if you are a TV company and have space to fill this is your Awards show! If we do get on the air I need a host. I could also use some judges and just to let you know bribing judges is an acceptable practice for this series of awards, in fact it's encouraged. If you think I need to add a category let me know.
Most importantly if you know someone or are someone who would be a great candidate for an award please submit your name to me. I hope to announce the nominees by next Friday aka, March 9th.