Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: A Rambling Review

I would be remiss if I failed to review the biggest movie of the summer. Especially considering I saw it this last weekend. You know..... my drunken all nighter weekend. ;)

Let it be said that I was ready for this movie. As ready as almost any Potter dork could be. I rewatched all 5 of the previous movies. I went out and purchased the 6th book and reread it. Then when that was done I reread the 7th book. Just for good measure. When the movie came out I was totally ready to see it and it was excruciating not to see it on opening day. It was excruciating even knowing that I only had 40 dollars to my name. I had long ago decided to wait until I could see it with my dad and nephew Ricky. So I made myself wait..... Was the movie worth it?



Yes, the movie was worth it. It was not completelty like the book though. Before you pull out your soap box and lecture me about the difficultes of literally translating a 652 page book into a 2 and a half hour movie just hear me out. The begining of the book has the real world British Prime Minister getting a visit from the Minister of Magic. This did not happen in the movie and although I can see easily why this was cut (the British Prime Minister does not help the plot nor does he reappear later) I was still bummed that it didn't happen. I like the book beginning with how the return of an evil wizard has affected the non-magic world. You do see that the magical war is affecting the muggles (what magicals call non-magicals) in the movie but that part of the book was rather amusing. Of course it would probably have been too difficult to pull off because she writes it through the mind of the muggle Prime Minister. So they probably made a good cut to keep the movie flowing. They deviated from the story a little bit in other ways as well and I have decided to discuss a few of them.

Warning! Between the two bolded small paragraphs is an italicized section where I discuss points of the movie. I certainly will be discussing the ending in this area. If you have managed to go this long and are (somehow) unaware of the ending of the book/movie 6 please avoid this section. If you are in the other camp and have read the book and want to watch the movie with out my take on the ending then do not read this section either. After the next bold paragraph will be the review minus the overly revealing plot points.

Harry is distraught at the end of book/movie 5. His godfather is dead and Harry had a small role in bringing Sirius to the ministry where he would eventually be killed. His dreams of a family life and someone who could be like a father to him are over and so we join him at the beginning of book 6 hiding out in his room at the Dursleys. The room is a mess and you get the feeling he has not been out of it often that summer. Dumbledore has warned Harry he would be by to pick him up and escort him to the Burrow (the Weasley's domicile). For whatever reason Harry has taken no precaution to be in any state of readiness for this visit. He has not let his Uncle know and he hasn't packed. It seems we are supposed to realize that the broken promise of a life with Sirius has kind of made him doubt the adults around him. In the movie we find Harry sitting in a coffee shop in the London underground. He is reading the Daily Prophet (with the usually moving pictures) and ends up setting a meeting with a pretty cute waitress. Instead of going on a date that evening Dumbledore arrives and whisks him away to get Slughorn. If you ask me this was a better take on Harry Potter's personality. As far as I am concerned he must feel he has nothing left to lose. A prophecy saying it is he or Voldemort dying as an end to this feud and he death of Sirius would definitey prompt him to start taking risks. So here he is wandering the world that he can't do magic in and reading a magical newspaper. He is acting like someone who has faced and lived through Voldemort's attacks 5 times (at the age of 1, 11, 12, 14, and 15). He went from hero to villain to the chosen one. His life in the magical world has been difficult, challenging, fun and heartbreaking. Even then when he gets back to muggleville he waits feverishly for summer to end and school to resume. It only seems natural that he would be taking a few risks and finding ways to make it a passable summer; one in which he can tempoarily forget the loss of another person.

The next change is that the Hagrid storyline is barely there. In the book, Hagrid is bummed that Hermione, Ron and Harry did not sign up for his care of magical creatures class. Of course most of the last few movies have kind of cut a lot of Hagrid's role. I was perfectly fine with them doing this to tell you the truth as I found the note about Aragog's funeral to be ridiculous. I just couldn't see Hagrid wanting his favorite people risking expulsion to bury a dead spider, no matter how deluded he was about Aragog's personality. Once again the movie gets a silly storyline elimination right. Harry does get the confession from Slughorn after Aragog's funeral but it all comes down to a whim caused by the luck potion he drinks.

Then there is Christmas. In the movie there is a fight outside of the Weasleys' home and the destruction of the burrow. This did not happen in the book. I liked it because I needed a little action at this point and this provided it. Plus I love Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange and I figure more of her taunting is definitely ok. Of course their is no answered questions about how this destruction will affect the 7th movie. It is a safe place in all the books (including the 6th book) and it does not fall under attack until the beginning of the 7th book. So one must wonder what happened directly after the fire and how this loss was resolved. It certainly shatters any delusions of a safe haven for Harry.

They cut out the new minister of magic's appearance and his attempt to woo Harry to his side. I liked this part of the story but I can see cutting it. JK Rowling lays the groundwork here and has this battle of wills a few times in the book only to get rid of him early in the 7th book. He was a character that was not necessary to the plot besides drilling the fact in about how loyal Harry is to Dumbledore. Of course her treatment of how Harry handles the task given to him by Dumbledore (getting Slughorn's secret) sends an opposite message. It says he is all talk and little action. Luckily they treated him digging for the secret differently in this movie. He is watching Malfoy but not as obsessively as in the book and no one is yelling at him to stop neglecting his duty to Dumbledore. That part of the book irritated me and I was glad it was eliminated. Instead, Dumbledore reveals the task much later and after the failed attempt Harry can't get a minute with Slughorn until the trip to Hagrid's. You never get the feeling he isn't trying.

Let's skip to the ending. They played this one completely different. During the book's ending Harry arrives with a weakened Dumbledore to find a dark mark above the school. They get to the tower and Harry is under the invisibility cloak and gets a petrification curse to keep him from interfering at all. Everything happens in front of his eyes but there is no way for him to change anything. The curse is lifted only when Dumbledore dies and then he is running after the Death Eaters through a battlefield of the Order, the DA and more Death Eaters. People know they are under attack and he is running past them screaming at Snape. It was an intense scene and I was amazed that they would completely change it. This time I think the movie makes a mistake. First off in the movie Harry is unfettered by a petrification curse and is not under an invisibility cloak. He is hiding below watching when Snape comes up and shows him the universal "be quiet" gesture (the finger to the lips). Harry puts his trust into Snape; something he has never done in any of the previous movies or books and watches him kill Dumbledore. Then there is no battle raging on, the death mark is only cast after Dumbledore is killed, no one is roaming the halls and the handful of Death Eaters are cackling and breaking goblets in the feast room. Harry does not catch up to them until the field outside of Hagrid's hut. If he wasn't frozen in place what was he doing all that time? He was up and watching it happen not stuck watching something happen without being able to move. It seems to me they changed the dynamic here. Harry should have gotten at least one of the Death Eaters in this altered ending. Plus with the lack of a battle going on how did anyone know to come out to see the body? The battle happened outside and it wasn't much of one. I felt like the final betrayal of Snape in the 6th book was poignant but in the 6th movie it seemed lacking. In the book, Dumbledore is not even able to stand when Snape comes in and kills him. It seems much more like Dumbledore is pleading for help. In the movie it seems like Dumbledore is finishing the argument he and Snape had before the night began. Which in fact is what it was but we have no inkling of that until the end of book 7. Dumbledore looked too confident and in control; evena s he recieves te killing curse. It was way more of an Obi-Wan Kenobi sacrificial ending then an old man defeated. I also missed the chaos of battle that Harry runs through to catch up while attempting to kill Snape. That allowed us to know why it took him so long to catch up. He was ducking killing curses and it had taken a moment to realize he was no longer paralyzed. I also felt that this movie needed a battle at the end as the action was lacking a bit. The various supporting characters really needed to be ready for a fight and then have the blow of losing Dumbledore to properly set the stage for the 7th movie's opening feel. It is always best to end at as low of a point as possible. Instead they seem to been caught unaware and that seems silly. I think having most of the order of the Phoenix, the aurors and a few of the DA roaming the halls trying to protect the school and failing is a better way to set up the impossibility of the task set forth in the 7th book. Instead a small group of people sneak in and kill the main dude in charge and then walk brazenly out the front door unmolested. It was insulting!

They also left a lot of the silliness of the Gryffindor quidditch team tryouts out and just left in Cormac and Ron's face off. I was sad to not see the inanity of kids from other houses coming out to try out with the whole school looking on. Of course, once again, I can see why they did that; it wasn't really necessary for the plot.

They cut out the crazy making out of Harry and Ginny and kept it as just a little kiss here and there. They also left out Harry telling her at the end he is too busy to be in a relationship with her and the whole "it's too dangerous" crap. I liked them leaving it out a little better because I saw it as silly.

And finally.... Harry only uses the invisibility cloak once in this movie which was a little weird. Instead he seems to have inherited a great streak of luck to avoid being caught and the ability to go undetected whenever he decides to.


The review will now go back to being ending obscure.....

The movie begins amidst a troubled time for the world; for magic and non-magic citizens alike. The Death Eaters are active and running amuck and people are afraid regardless if they know what is going on. Of course being a kid you still have to go to school and Harry finds himself back at Hogwarts. Probably one of the few kids who has ever continually looked forward to the start of school. We are introduced to a goofy new character almost immediately, a Professor Slughorn. Slughorn has a key role to play in the movie, the unlocking of secrets, and it falls on Harry's shoulders to make it happen. Except that there is more going on then Slughorn. Snape gets promoted to the Defense Against the Dark Arts post much to the displeasure of most of the students and he seems to be up to something. He makes an unbreakable vow to help Draco Malfoy out in completing a dangerous task he has been given by Voldemort. Harry sees Draco up to no good in Knockturn Alley and decides he must be a Death Eater even though no one believes him. Harry is spending time with Dumbledore learning the secrets of Voldemort's past in adition to his classes. There is a lot going on for Harry this year and yet we haven't even touched on the mystery of who the Half Blood Prince is. The only clue is an inscription in Harry's used Potions book that says "Property of the Half Blood Prince". Is this mysterious person good or bad. Is his help really something Harry should follow so blindly?

The movie is an interestingly dark story and holds true to the spirit of the book if not to the exact letter. Harry is dealing with more and more pressures as his world has once again changed. No longer the outcast he became in the 5th movie after the Daily Prophet's lies about him fabricating the return of Voldemort. He is now being touted as the 'chosen one' and the world is eager to have a piece of him. At the same time he is being asked, by Dumbledore, to be more active in his duties and is meeting with him regularly. He is trying to butter up Professor Slughorn while keeping an eye on Draco, questioning Snape's loyalty, not being believed when he shares his fears about Draco and Snape, captaining the quidditch team, handling his course load, playing intermediary between friends and pining for Ginny (Ron's sister). There is a lot on his plate and the movie does a good job of showing that but not beating us over the head with it. There are some differences between the movie and the book and some are good and only one is completely bad but over all I recommend this movie. Go out and see it today.

Seriously!

I should have known my confession of a 5 AM beer would raise concern..... Maybe I am naive. Or maybe I believe that writers have certain privileges. You know like writers can explore the darker side of thoughts and feelings without the suicide hotline being called on to make a house call. I didn't know they made house calls until I wrote that blog. Another thing I think falls under writers' privilege is the ability to exaggerate. For example the whole sentence about the suicide hotline people making a house call. Or the whole drinking all night thing. Let me tell the real story.

I definitely had been up all night but in reality my drinking started at dinner at 10PM. I had a glass of wine with my salmon.

Then I decided to switch to beer but I was watching anime and wanted to wait until the episode was over. When it was over I started another episode, forgetting about the beer, and when that episode was over I remembered the beer.... it was a little after midnight at this point. I drank the beer while watching another couple shows and I decided to have another. The beer I had just drank was the last one of it's kind and I had a decision to make. This time I decided to have a half and half (a beer that is half Harps and half Guinness). I poured the beer so that the guiness hung nicely over the Harps and put the slightly over half full bottles back in the fridge and went back to watching shows online.

When I finished the mixture I relaxed for a while. In fact I forgot all about the beers in the fridge and I was drinking a peach tea. I have the little packets you can buy and pour into a bottle of water. They are less calories then soda (or the previously mentioned alcoholic beverages) and they provide a little variety in my drink choices. I get bored only drinking water so I have bought these hoping they would stem my craving for soda. It works mainly because I have no soda in my house and no available money to waste on soda. Either way by the time I finished that tea it was nearly 4 am. I was almost finished watching this anime series; just two more episodes left. I was hungry and had not eaten in 6 hours so I went to the fridge to reheat the side dish I had eaten with the salmon, black beans and rice. I saw the two open bottles and felt that I should finish them off. So I heated up the rice and beans and poured the mixture and admired the beauty that is a Half and Half. Unfortunately there was still a little left in each bottle.... the glass I was using must not hold 16 ounces.

I went back and watched another episode and then decided to tell about my week. It had been a week from holy Heck and I wanted to get some stress off my back. I find that I tend to write pretty well in the blog window. For some odd reason I can just write and write without really running out of things to say. It is the reason the stories pop up from time to time. I dont usually write as much in my notebooks and I run into a writer's block scenario when I see a large blank Word document. Something about the little blog post box makes me write.

I poured the last little bit of each bottle into the glass and sat down to write that update. I decided to make an issue of the time and the beverage in my hands. It made it fun....

Later that day, after sleeping for a few hours, I was headed to my dad's house. I got a distressed call from my mother.... the blog had worried her. When I got online I had a couple readers email me to see if I was alright. Apparently I had struck the "OH NO!!!" chord with that blog. I reread it before I posted it at 5:30 AM and felt proud. The blog had made me chuckle and I felt better just having confessed my concerns. I decided to post the entry because I really thought it was a good entry. I may have a weird sense of what is good.... but don't worry I have no intentions of doing any harm to myself. I have thought of storming government facilities and unleashing a computer virus that would reroute all the bailout money to the people and away from companies that suck. I have thought about flying to Phoenix and using a chainsaw to cutdown the traffic camera that took my picture and dispose of it in places that might be highly uncomfortable for those responsible for instituting trafic cams. I have even thought about reinventing Robin Hood and his band of malcontents... which would include a few hackers, bank robbers, some bashers, that guy who wrote that program that stole tenths of pennies from all business transactions, maybe a few wizards (according to the Potter movie Harry Potter dropped out of school, he could help), Tyler Durden, and maybe those monsters from Where the Wild Things Are. Of course I won't do any of this stuff; I will merely daydream about it. But I will do is exaggerate my alcohol intake and write blogs where I whine a lot. :)

Because I haven't written in a while

Why, at 5 AM, I am sitting here drinking is a question I can't answer. I didn't mean to spend the night and early hours drinking but it happened anyway. I would love to apologize for this violation of adult responsibilities and observance of proper drinking hours. I would love to say that I was sorry or sickened by my actions but at the same time I am trying not to tell lies... like George Washington (minus the fictitional cherry tree). What I am saying is that I do not have any contrite words to partner with my actions. Hold on...

Had to take a quick drink.

Much better.

Anyway it is 5 in the morning and I am finishing my (possibly) last drink. To be fair I started late in the evening and I have been feeling a little stressed. The money situation I find myself in would be better drowned in a constant flow of alcohol but I lack that kind of money. You see the government is not paying unemployment wages because going to school twice a month might mean I am unable to take a job. How twice a month means I am being impossible and hard to deal with is beyond my mental capacity.... Hold on.... Just a quick sip.... Ahhhh.

Oh and the school is taking their sweet time, getting their ducks in a row, when they should be sending some financial aid my way. To add to my constant state of worry I woke up at 7 AM because I recieved a text message from my cellular service letting me know I had a new bill waiting for me. This rude awakening helped me see my crisis a little clearer (holy crap.... I have bills!) and as a result the house of cards that I had taken refuge behind was tipped over. I came face to face with the full spectrum of my money woes. My heart started racing, even as I tried to fall back asleep, and I could not calm down. This was how I greeted the day and the urge to rob a bank has not left me since.

I originally thought that a glass of wine would calm my nerves and send me into dream land. As of yet the fierce "hamster ball" like workings of my mind continue to roll on. Not even when I switched to beer did it stop. My mind is in panic overdive. So I wrote this little note to let you know where my head is at. I also wrote this note to get some of the stress and worry out of my system. And of course I wrote this note because I hadn't written in a while......

The Unlikely Disciple - A Rambling Review

I recently picked up an unlikely book at Barnes and Noble and read a 3rd of it before they closed. It was an unlikely book because it does not fall easily into my usual choices. It was a real story written by a young journalist hopeful. There are no wizards, vampires, zombies or epic sword fights. Instead there is one person's journey into an unknown and bizarre world. The world of the Evangelist college student, a place where few non-Evangelists enter. Anyway I read a third of it before Barnes and Noble announced that the impending closing time had arrived. Fueled by impulse, I walked the book to the counter and bought it. That way I could bring you my rambling review of The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner's Semester at America's Holiest University by Kevin Roose.


Kevin Roose is still in college, at least he was when this book was published. He was a senior at Brown. At the beginning of the book he is attending Browne as well but had been captivated by Liberty University on an excursion with his employer. His employer, A.J. Jacobs, wrote the book The Year of Living Biblically and had taken Kevin along to Jerry Falwell's church Thomas Road. At Thomas Road he had an awkward conversation with a couple college aged church goers. They were attending Liberty University and by extension attended Thomas Road church every Sunday. Liberty University was started by Reverend Jerry Falwell and Thomas Road is on one end of the campus making for easy access. The school has a strict set of rules built around keeping the students from the evils of secular colleges (you know... all the fun stuff). The more Kevin reflected on his awkward conversation the more he began to be interested in the vast divide between Evangelists and most of American society. Suddenly he felt the urge to experience Liberty first hand and enrolls in the school. He had to pave the way for this move with Brown University, his Quaker parents and a group of family and friends that think he might be making the biggest mistake of his life.

Luckily for us, Kevin eventually got everything set up to go to Liberty for a semester. He decided that he needed to be undercover for the assignment to work and he concocted a story about recently becoming an Evangelist. With the help of a friend, who had been raised in an Evangelist household, he prepped as much as possible for his adventure. It was a good thing he had thought about it ahead of time because almost immediately people asked about his religious beliefs and if he had been saved. Expecting the worst stereotypes to be made flesh, Kevin is surprised at the warm welcome he receives. He actively pursues the lifestyle he is trying to investigate. In doing so, he says yes to prayer groups, bible studies, mentor meetings with a pastor, and even becomes part of the Thomas Road choir. Along the way he makes friends, meets a fun and enticing girl, attends a group for men that encourages them to battle against masturbation, goes to Panama Beach during spring break with a group determined to proselytize to the drunken debaucherous masses and gets the last print interview with Rev. Jerry Falwell.

Of course not all is fun and light at this university. Immediately he runs into homophobic slurs and attitudes. He witnesses a racial divide when a black friend begins dating a white girl. He has a roommate who starts to intensely dislike him; to the point where I began to wonder if he was safe sharing a room with the guy. Worst of all he begins to have severe guilt about lying to all these people he is growing closer to. Not to mention a severely worried family and an intense questioning of his spiritual beliefs. Add all that together and you have a big stress cloud hovering over Kevin.

All of these interesting little twists and turns makes for a good read and Kevin Roose is a great narrator and guide. His introspection and quest for understanding really help you see the complexity of the situation he finds himself in. I definitely recommend this book and can loan it to the next person who asks because I have a copy sitting right next to me.

Michael Jackson - Beat It

I have a story to go along with this video. In 1982, I was 5 and I loved Michael Jackson. I was such a fan of Michael Jackson that my mom bought me a Michael Jackson t-shirt as part of my going to school bundle. The minute she bought it I was ready to wear it, but as things go when you are 5 things don't always work out how you like. I had to wait until school actually started and then I could wear the new clothes.

Some of you haven't known me long enough to know that I was a shy kid. I tend to get overly antsy and worried before starting something new. So every year I would worry about starting a new class, meeting new class mates and the new teacher. In some respects that hasn't changed. For example, I get extremely nervous about new things until I finally start doing them. Every job I have held I am always convinced, as I head to my first day of work ,that everything is about to go way wrong. The feelings are the same now as it was then. The difference is now I have learned ways to channel the stress.

Getting back to the story. There I was going to school on the first day; wearing my new lucky Michael Jackson shirt. I was very scared that I would be friendless and that my teacher wouldn't like me. I was more then likely clinging tightly to my mom or dad's hand for support (not real clear on who took me because I was 5!). I remember being welcomed to class but still feeling like maybe I ought to go home. Of course when you are 5 going home of your own volition is not an option. If going home had been an option I might have never went to school. Anyway I was directed to sit in my assigned seat and right next to me was a quiet kid named Derrick. Immediately I knew we were destined to be friends.... he was wearing a Michael Jackson shirt too! Even better was his shirt had the words "Beat it!" in a large red font! Boy did I envy that shirt! Amidst all that commonality ,envy, and the excitement of a new friend I forgot all about being nervous.

Michael Jackson - The Way You Make Me Feel

I was thinking while watchin this... "I wonder if suggestively dance stalking while singing is a good way to pick up girls?" Apparently, according o this video, it is.

I have been watching videos like crazy since Michael Jackson's death. I guess even though I am not really in mourning I am reliving some awesome and fun moments his music brought me. So if another video pops up I am just sharing things that I really liked about his music. I still have mixed feelings about the man behind the music but I can't deny that I have always loved the music and the dancing.

Michael Jackson - Thriller

Hi all!

Yesterday was a bad day to be a celebrity. Farrah Fawcet dies, Ed McMahon dies and then out of nowhere Michael Jackson dies. I can't say that I am overly sad about any of these people passing away but I felt I needed to share a good Michael Jackson memory. I loved this music video/mini-movie when I was little. I remembered it's premiere. It's too bad Michael Jackson kept getting weirder because he used to be brilliant. R.I.P Michael. Hope you stop having to deal with people being ignorant. I wonder if any of you get the "That's ignorant." reference....

I hope the others rest in peace as well.

Enjoy watching Thriller! It is still super awesome!

3 Rambling Reviews; 1 Blog

I recently went on a 3-D movie kick. The movie Up and Coraline are both viewable in 3-D and so I went. I figured I would review them tonight. In addition I would like to review a third movie that I saw that was not in 3-d but was very enjoyable. Let's start with Up.

The movie Up spent a great deal of time being slightly depressing. I almost started bawling within the first 20 minutes of the film! The movie is about an old man who set big dreams with his wife but in the course of living a life they never pursued them. The wife passes away and he is left in a world ready to leave him behind. He is the last holdout in a neighborhood that is being developed into some mega-structure. A little thorn in the side of someone dressed in a suit with dreams of making money hand over fist and is building around this old man hoping he can take a hint. In a weird twist the old man ends up being declared a menace to society and is being shipped off to Shady Acres a retirement community that sounds like a cemetery. In a last defiant step the old guy fills his house with balloons and floats his house toward South America. Unfortunately he has a guest a local scout that is determined to earn a 'helping the elderly' badge even though the old man doesn't want his help. Either way they are stuck on this floating house and end up in the South American spot he and his wife dreamed of visiting. Except not exactly. They land on the wrong side of the Plateau and he and the boy scout set off to get to the other side. Along the way the old guy runs into a childhood hero who should be dead or at least way older then the old guy but he isn't because then who would be the villain? The old hero dude is a kook who lives with hundreds of talking dogs. The talking dogs were awesome because the film makers remembered that they were at the base level dogs. They get distracted easily and are really easy to keep happy. Anyway the old hero/crazy guy is looking for a bird that the scout befriended and he is willing to kill to acquire this bird. So an all out race breaks out between the old guy, the scout, the bird, and one dorky misfit dog versus hundreds of dogs and a crazy old guy in a Hindenburg looking blimp. It was quite fun even though it has probably the most bitter sweet and heart breaking beginning. I recommend it, especially in 3-D!

That brings us to Coraline. Coraline is a stop motion animation about a girl who is not entirely happy with her life. Her mom is too busy and her dad is busy and weird. They have recently moved from Detroit to a place in the country and she seems alone. Of course there is a weird neighbor kid and strange apartment neighbors but nobody she wants to be with. I did not really get the sense that she was unhappy but apparently later in the movie it is the basis for all the events that take place. The weird neighbor kid brings an old doll that looks like Coraline and some how that doll is a link between her world and an alternate reality. In the alternate reality the mom is sweet, attentive and quite a cook. The father is a musician... kind of, and a garden virtuoso... kind of. Her weird neighbor friend is not a talker in this world and her strange neighbors are talented performers. It seems perfect except for the creepy button eyes all these alternate characters sport. hey all seem good natured in an evil sort of way and sure enough they are evil. This was a fun 3-D movie. Not a half bad effort by the new studios from the Knight family (Nike people). I liked it but I also didn't. I have seen better stop motion movies but the 3-D bridged the gap. See this in 3-D if at all possible.

So I was sitting here thinking, "Why aren't all movies in 3-D?" The 3-D was amazing and added a lot to these movies. I do not know much about 3-D but I certainly hope they continue to expand it's uses. It was quite a treat. Next up in 3-D land as far as I know is a U2 concert movie. I will check it out and report back on the real world 3-D versus the animation 3-D. Whenever it comes to theaters near me.

I wasn't quite done with the movie kick after seeing Coraline. I wanted to see another movie and take advantage of the Living Room Theater's 5 dollar Tuesday pricing. Coraline was regular price. No... it was more expensive because of the novelty of 3-D. 12 bucks expensive... but so was Up. But in Up I kept the glasses. Anyway I had seen a preview while I was drinking beer and waiting for Coraline to start. It had Steve Zahn, Woody Harrelson, and Jennifer Aniston in it. The movie is called Management. It is a romantic comedy and quite a good one actually. Jennifer Aniston plays a lonely corporate art salesman, named Sue, who is traveling through Kingman, AZ. In Kingman she is a guest of The Kingman Inn a little motel owned by a family. The son Mike, played by Steve Zahn, is instantly interested in Sue. He awkwardly makes his moves and despite herself she indulges him. Apparently feeling this is over and done she is surprised when Mike flies out to Maryland where she lives. Strangely she allows him to hang out for a day before giving him bus fair and sending him back to Kingman. Her work brings her back to Kingman.... conveniently. She hangs with Mike all day and then flies to Seattle. Mike gets his gumption up to try gain and discovers she has moved to Washington to be with her ex-boyfriend Jango. Jango, played by Woody Harrelson, is an ex-Punk....as in Punk rock guy and kind of strange. Mike tries to show her that he is the guy for him but she chooses Jango and his palacial estate, dogs and corporate yogurt franchise. It is weird to see two movies in a week where one character in the movie is obsessed wit dogs and has a lot of them. Anyway the movie is a romantic comedy and I am fairly certain you know the vague idea of what happens next. The movie is cute, funny and sweet. It also scores some great shots of Portland's Japanese Gardens in it that are being used for a Buddhist Monastery. Anyway go see this movie about the little weirdo, stalker, loser guy that could.

Speaking of Buddhist Monks I saw some monks doing a book signing when I was in Powell's between movies. It was strange to then have monks be a part of the Management movie.

Computer, Art and Podcast Plans

Well the computer and I are barely on speaking terms this week because their is still something wrong and it is crashing. I am not sure what I should do about it though. Just taking it to a specialist to look at and get an estimate of possible repairs cost money. This is a 600 dollar computer so I have a very finite window of what I am willing to pay to repair it. So I have been looking at computers to purchase just to refamiliarize myself with what is out there and the prices of them. Anyway my first course of action would to take this thing in and have them look at it. The problem with that is I need a computer for my schooling and if they don't diagnose immediately I would run into problems waiting for it to be fixed. So do I just buy a cheap laptop to work with and then take this beast in? Should I put this crashing monstrosity aside and get a little better of a computer and seek getting this fixed later on down the road? Should I get a netbook (the mini laptops) and use it for school while this gets fixed? I could probably get a cheap laptop for 400 bucks or a cheap netbook for 250 to 300 bucks. Then I have a little bit of money to get this thing looked at. Of course if I spent 700 bucks I could get a pretty decent computer with better features and specs. These are the things running through my head.

Besides the computer dilemmas I have been working on my latest class. It is about teaching art to elementary and middle school kids. This week our assignments were to create a resources list and to critique a work of art. I chose The Suicide of Dorothy Hale by Frida Kahlo for my art critique. I am not sure if you have ever seen that painting but it is spectacularly gruesome. Dorothy Hale, a friend of Frida, committed suicide by leaping off the balcony of her skyscraper apartment. She had recently lost her husband and was depressed, she had a going away party, wrote letters to friends, said her goodbyes and then jumped. Frida was commissioned by a mutual friend to paint something in her memory for Dorothy's mother. Frida painted a scene of her death. The painting is a story it shows a small figure jumping, then a larger figure wrapped in clouds going down and finally one laying on the ground dead. Blood is coming from her, a little recap of the events is written in the same color as the blood and there are blood splatters at the base of the painting. It is something I originally saw last summer at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art with my mom and Becky. It was quite a horrific exhibit as Frida Kahlo is a wee bit morbid. That being said I like her artwork and I think this particular painting is extraordinary. It made an impression on me and is one of the ones I always think of when I think of Frida Kahlo. Anyway, the nice thing is I did a lot of art inspired lessons for my last class and I will be able to choose one and refine it for this week's major assignment.

I am working on a new podcast idea in between school and fighting with this computer. I am really hoping this will be a little more fun to listen to. The main thing I am going to try to do is make it real fun for me to do the podcast. If I am enjoying what I am doing I could care less if most people don't. Of course I am hoping that you do. The first podcasts I did were not a lot of fun as I had no idea what to do. I was doing what I do in my occasional updates (like this one) and just telling you what was going on. I am sure these updates are the least favorite blogs I write so why would I make them the crux of a podcast and expect people to listen. So I decided to think about what I wanted from the podcast and what I could do to make them fun. First off I think I have figured out how to get a few interviews. One way I will do this is by getting a digital voice recorder to do some recording in the field. I ordered a Sony online and added a few components to broaden my abilities. The first is a noise canceling microphone I can use if I am doing a solo podcast. Then I added something I can add to a phone to record phone conversations. Of course if I record you I will let you know first that we are recording for a possible podcast. The next major step is I am spending more time thinking my way through the podcast flow. I am writing down questions to ask in interviews and topics to discuss with other people or even to explore by myself. The last portion I am doing is writing some poetry I am planning to turn into a spoken word piece. This will take a little longer then the other things because I have to like the poem and then I have to figure out how to present it. I imagine a lot of revising and recording to get one spoken word poem. I am hoping to have the first revised podcast posted this week. If it goes according to plan it should be an interview. Wish me luck.

Computer Apocalypse

Well I got back from my trip to Phoenix and was working hard on getting my photos in order. I spent a couple hours sorting them and selecting the best but I hadn't started uploading them to my Flickr page or backed them up on my external hard drive yet. I was running low on battery life (I had taken my computer out with me and had been doing the work at a cafe and had nowhere to plug in), so I closed up and headed home. Unfortunately I had spent a moment too long on it and it went into hibernation mode. I couldn't get it out of hibernation mode. I tried everything I could think of including letting it sit overnight and hopefully work itself out. In the morning I still had a computer in a frozen state, it was still pretending to be going into hibernation mode. I did the only thing I could think of I did a hard shut down. When I went to restart the stupid thing it wouldn't get past the initial Toshiba page. I grabbed the system disc and popped it in and it recommended a reconditioning of the computer. I tried to find a way for it to leave the files alone or for me to boot up save my files and then reformat but it wasn't having it. I lost several months worth of pictures and homework assignments. I am reinstalling programs and searching for authentic passwords to my software. It has been a nightmare. Until a few months ago I was up to date with my backups. Then I would periodically back things up but I had become lazy. It was strange. The entire day I was working outside my house I kept thinking I need to back this crap up. In fact, I was going to do it when I got home but I couldn't get the damn machine booted again. Needless to say I am a little distressed by this recent event. I am thinking I need to figure out how to have something set up to automatically back up as I go. I know it can be done but I don't really know how.

The most irritating thing is the loss of the music from iTunes. They maintain a record of all your purchases but they will not allow you to download again. I find it frustrating to say the least. I will be looking into other providers to find ways around repurchasing the music and I am thinking of future new purchases being cd's again. I am not sure if I will because I hated storing the dang thing... I might just purchase an extra external hard drive just for redundancy. Either way I am irritated enough to be willing to try other vendors. Heck I might even try a zune pass out where you pay a monthly fee and have access to the music. I need to research that a bit more. This is irritating and distressing because of the money involved and the fact that Apple knows what I purchased.

The heartbreaking loss was the pictures and videos I made that are not online somewhere. I don't even know what to say about it....

Oh well... lesson learned. Remember to back your crap up.

The least distressing thing is the school work as I have most of it already backed up. The majority of what I lost I could still access as the last class I took was still accessible. Thank goodness.

Impending Doom or am I just paranoid?

Do you ever get that feeling that the work you put into something will backfire? I have this vague foreboding sense that the unit I have spent 2 weeks crafting will not be received so well. Like maybe I have some stuff missing or it isn't clear enough. Let me back up and start from the beginning.

It's March and I start a new class on teaching science and math in elementary schools. The major message is to combine science and math with other topics, aka integrate. The prevailing focus, no matter what our prez has recently said, is on reading and writing. That is where the money is and that is where the focus is. It makes sense to focus here but to ignore science and math is not that great. Of course teachers aren't ignoring math or science. At a lot of schools I have been a Mad Scientist at, the students are familiar with the topics we are discussing and know a lot about them. What these smart teachers are doing is finding ways to make science and math work hand in hand with reading and writing. The message of this class is a good one, these subjects aren't really that far removed from each other if you take the time to think them through. Just because it's a science lesson doesn't mean they can't improve other skills as well.

So our final project is a unit of our own devising. One that incorporates science, math, reading, writing and anything else you can fit in. I, being a bit of a rogue, decided I need a unit that interested me. The thinking behind this idea was that I need motivation to get the unit done on time and maybe even early. The problem was that I failed to explore pre-existing topics for items that might interest me. At first I was thinking of this map to GPS device kind of evolution unit but then I got excited about cameras. My niece, Katie, is a camera enthusiast and I decided to purchase a used 35mm slr camera for her. I ended up doing a lot of research to make his a reality and the more I talked to photograph enthusiasts the more excited I became. I began seeing possibilities for a unit incorporating cameras. We could make pinhole cameras, learn some history, do a cool photo essay project and learn how a camera lens works. I was patting myself on the back while smarter classmates were finding ideas from lesson plan sites. Most of my lessons would be created in my own head without much help from a pre-existing lesson plan. I did glean some ideas for the photo essay project and a lesson plan on Kodak's website inspired my math lesson but the rest was just me. Well me, the internet and several fantastic books.

When it came to write out the lesson I had trouble knowing what to include in the sequence and what to leave out. The result of this being that I am not sure if I met the right balance. I could have supplied too much information or I could have supplied too little. There is no doubt in my mind that I could teach the lessons or properly tell my classmates the ideas and highlights of the unit. The questions and the sense of dread stem from not really knowing if I have hit the required marks of the lesson plan I am turning in. Is it just an outline that would require a lot of research by a teacher or is it overkill on description and possibly too much info to throw at 5th graders? I don't know.

Either way I turned it in. I am not going to spend anymore time on it at this point. I may retouch it later so I could use it again (for my future classes or my actual teaching) but that would be about it.

As far as the unit goes we start with the Camera Obscura which was around for centuries. Some artists used it to sketch scenes and add realism to a painting or drawing. A lot of places had Camera Obscura booths where people could go in and gaze at the view projected upside down in a dark room. In fact there is one of these places still in operation at the Cliff House in San Francisco. It closed before I had a chance to check it out, it closed while we were waiting for a table. Anyway the kids learn about them and how they work and then get to build one for themselves.

Then we discover how we went from the camera obscura to the cameras we see today. One invention leading to a series of successive inventions. We travel from the first photograph to the digital age. We also discuss how cameras have been used and are being used.

Then we talk about the camera lenses. How they work, how they are built, the difference between convex and concave. They get to see the various effects of lenses (28mm, 50mm and the telephoto). I was even thinking of taking apart a damaged lens and allowing them to see the pieces up close and personal. My dad has one and I have one in need of cleaning.

Next we talk about how photos are used. We discuss famous photos and get reactions to them and then give the background behind the photo. We compare the initial reaction to the reaction coupled with knowledge. Then we talk about how people set up shots and the thought behind them. We talk about how the photographer can really control what we focus on and what we see.

Then we use a camera. In this lesson we hunt for objects that are 3 dimensional; ie., the cube, pyramid, sphere. They will take photos of these objects and create a shape book where they identify and define the shape under their picture.

Finally we end with a photo essay project. Students will write about and photograph their neighborhood and ultimately present them to their fellow classmates.

Two things I would add would be a unit on creating pinhole cameras and experience mixing chemicals to develop those pictures captured on the pinhole cameras. I was starting to worry about expense of this unit and decided not to include them. The other thing that prevented me from creating them was I would have needed more research into the development process and I was running out of time. The final reason I did not create the unit was that I only needed 5 lessons and I already had 6. Although in hindsight the lesson on photo development would have been a great science and math lesson. If I was to teach this lesson in a classroom we would definitely build the pinhole camera and we might partner with a photo enthusiast group and see if they would help us learn to develop photos. The community involvement angle may help defray costs a little. Anyway I need to shower and head to the university to present my unit. Wish me luck on the teacher's unit review.

Birthdays and Phones

Hola!

Well it's that time of year again when I get phone calls. Yep, the rest of the year I make phone calls and on this day every year I get them. So it might seem odd that I have not answered any of them. I am sure you would rather wish me a 'Happy Birthday' over a phone connection but you will have to talk to my answering device. So call if you want and I will talk to you all later. Maybe.

I am not saying that I am ungrateful. I like being alive and I like having people care enough to let me know they remember my birthday. That is all great stuff. I just have elected to not answer or make calls today. It's my birthday and I have decided to lay low and leave my phone off.

Reader Email Time!

Hey folks,
I have had the privilege of receiving some reader email lately and figured I would write a blog where I answer the email publicly. Here is the first email, sent in by Julia:

From: JuliaS334
Subject: I can be your trophy girl!

You have an invite to JuliaS334 personal profile.
*******************************************************
Hey there, Lover!
I'm 20 years old and looking for a sugar daddy.
If you make me happy, I'll make you happy too! ;)
Kisses!
*******************************************************

Want to say hi?
http://WEB ADDRESS WITH HELD

Julia! Thanks for being a reader! I am so glad that you enjoy my blog. There are a few things I should address with you. First of all I am in no position to be your sugar daddy because I am unemployed and have been so since June 2008. I appreciate the offer though... keep up the good work. Finally, last time I checked love and knowing people have to happen before you can call me "Lover." Either way it sounds like things are going well for you Julia, I am sure your parents are proud!

The second letter comes to us all the way from the United Kingdom!

From: Kelvin Smith
Subject: Vacancy Opening (respond immediately)

Dear Representative,

I hope this email meets you in good health. I feel quite safe dealing with you in this mutual beneficial transaction. Though, this medium Internet has been greatly abused, I choose to reach you through it because it still remains the fastest way to get in touch with people.

I am Mr. Kelvin Smith; an artist married with a wife and 2 lovely kids. I am 40 years old and paint for a living (I have been painting for the past 18 years). I have a vacancy opening available in my studio because I am setting up studios in different parts of the world and will need a Representative to work for me on a part time basis in the US now.

I sell Arts all over the world and have sold to both galleries and private collectors. I always face serious difficulties selling my art works to most of my US clients. This is because most times they offer to pay with either Money orders or checks which are difficult for me to cash here in United Kingdom. I need someone in the states to work as my representative and assist me in processing these payments and I will be willing to pay 10% for every transaction completed.

For this to be possible, I will need you to provide me with your basic personal info such as:

1. Full Name:
2. Contact Address:
3. City:
4. State:
5. Zip Code:
6. Country:
7. Phone Number:

I will never ask you for anything more than that, no bank name, bank account number, credit card, social security number etc. If anyone asks for those on my behalf please do not give out this info. This is to ensure that you will not be the victim of identity theft.

First step in this job is for you to wait at home for checks sent by my clients via regular mail or FedEx to get to you. After you receive the checks you will have to go to the bank to cash them, this will happen of course after the bank clears them. The time it takes for the check to clear depends on your bank.

I need you to be trustworthy and honest with me for I am ready to employ you for 6 months until I am fully established. If you are interested in working for me, kindly send the needed information to my email: kelvinarts007@gmail.com. I await your reply

Regards
Kelvin Smith

Kelvin my art peddling friend! How are you doing? I was excited to hear from you in your recent letter and was amazed that you had time to also read my blog and know that I was looking for a job! Your offer sounds very generous and like something I could do in my spare time! People that say nothing comes for free must be suckers! I mean here you are barely even knowing me and willing to send me a lot of money just to cash checks for you! That is fantastic! You should just send those puppies immediately! I am standing right next to my mailbox in anticipation! I had no idea that the banks in the United Kingdom had such a hard time processing money! Talk about a win for me! I hope you, your beautiful wife and the 2 lovely children have a fantastic year peddling art! Keep reading!

This last letter comes from someone who has a few choice words about my videos and podcasts. You may recognize this person as they are kind of a big deal!

Subject: An upset fan!
From: Rod Blagojovech (Imdaguv@exgovernors.com)

I have to lodge a complaint with you! I am not satisfied by your blog of late. First off I don't get what happened to the very intriguing podcasts. You promised that you would record weekly and I would get to hear your sweet sweet voice! You do like 3 and then leave me hanging! You are a cruel cruel man.

Even more egregious are the videos you keep putting up! First you tell me about the evils of flowers, then you show me the Volvo tractor and your weird tractor like cars. I don't know what to make of this! It was baffling! Since when do you think it is ok to not write blogs and simply make inane videos? Even more distressing is that you never show yourself in these videos and simply tease me with your voice. I could take all the videos as long as you appeared in them. Instead I have to sit outside your window and hope you open them... which of course you never do! Are you a vampire?? The latest videos are baffling to me. You have a cow and a dog talking and a pig playing music??? What evil sorcery is this! How did you get those animals to talk?! My dog never talks and certainly doesn't work at Wendy's!
Sincerely,
Former Governor Rod Blagojevich

Wow! Blago! What an honor! It is rare to get a disgraced politicians email! Even for someone as popular as me! I need to first ask you to stop standing outside my windows.... that's creepy. Now that we cleared that up let's get down to business. I am sorry that I have disappointed you by not doing the podcast more often. It was rather time consuming and you are the first person that claimed to like it. Most people never seemed to listen! As far as the videos go I can't say that I will stop doing them or that I will start appearing in them. I like making them and they are not terribly time consuming. This time you are the first person to react negatively to them. As far as talking animals are concerned... they are puppets, not animals. Anyway thanks for reading and keep up the stellar decision making!


Hope you enjoyed reader emails today. Keep writing to me and keep reading the blog!

Musical interlude

Piggy finally gets his solo.

lactose intolerant

I went to Wendy's the other day and was pleased to have a show with dinner. This lady was ordering a burger in front of me and she was crazy! So I felt it was important to recreate it with my new puppets for your enjoyment!

Sorry for falling off the face of the earth.....

I was going strong. I had picked up some steam (talk about an old saying) and I was posting left and right. Then I just stopped. I'm sorry. I have no excuse.

I have had an adventure with vehicles lately. The videos you see on my site, that I actually made, were taken at the Tulip Festival. I stopped in and wandered around for quite a while and took pictures before heading South to meet up with my dad. I dropped my car off at a mechanic he and I like to use down there. Then we headed to his place and hung out with MaryJo, Ricky, the horses, the hens, 2 baby roosters and a bunny. In case you don't know Ricky, and many of you that read the blog don't, he is my nephew. MaryJo's daughter, Anto's son. (I don't think the punctuation or grammar is correct on that last sentence) Anyway we dug a trench for a water line and played some Wii. Then I stole their little blue car and headed to Portland. So far things in Mike's world were fine. Then on Tuesday I went to Clackamas High School to observe a mentor meeting and ran some errands. On the way home I was sitting at a stoplight when the car died. You see, the part I didn't mention was there was a fuse that had been blown before I left and we replaced it. It worked fine. We grabbed some more fuses just in case and that was what blew again. So I was at an intersection, that was all goofy with traffic, because the street had been closed off going one direction because of an accident and because people don't drive very well. So I had a line of cars behind me all honking and pissed while I was changing fuses. The first two I put in popped immediately. Finally the third fuse got the car going and I made it across the street. Only to have that fuse pop. So I pulled over and sat for a few minutes thinking maybe I could milk the last two fuses to get me home if i let the car cool for a bit. It was one of the warmest days we had so far this year, the warmest was the Sunday before this. Well, after several minutes, I put the new fuse in. It actually popped the minute the it was inserted. So I decided to wait a bit longer this time. I grabbed a book and read a couple chapters and tried again. The fuse broke when I turned the key. It was dead, I was stranded. I was also parked on a street that said "No Parking". So I called AAA and nearly 3 hours later got towed home. The mechanic shop was investigating the issue so I was without a car and Ireally needed a car. I ended up having to rent a car. Everything was resolved by Saturday but I had 3 days of rental that I had not planned for. My car was finished and ready to go that week as well but I was not able to get it until this weekend, a week and a half later. I cruised my dad's ride last week waiting to get my car.

My dad went to Eugene, that same crazy Saturday when I got his car back and returned the rental car, and he flew down to visit my Grandpa. He took my car and left it at the airport. The plan was that he would get back Thursday and come for a visit bringing my car up. His flight was goofy. He drove to Eugene. Then got on a plane and headed to Portland and then got on another plane and headed South to California. On the way back they had overbooked and he took the option to stay in Portland for a voucher credit and a refund of his flight to Eugene. So on Saturday we headed South to get my car and I then followed down to his homestead. This time I took pictures and helped put chicken wire on a frame to give the now much bigger baby roosters a separate space from the hens. They had also acquired 3 new baby hens since I had last visited. Ricky and I went exploring a little bit and we watched some Youtube. I came back up to Portland amidst the craziest rainy day ever! It was pouring all day. My friends decided it was to wet to go get a drink (that we had planned to get three days before) and so I sat around playing with camera stuff.

Ebay and I have become friends as I have been searching for 35 mm SLR cameras in working condition. Now I am looking for lenses for these cameras. One of the cameras is going to my niece Katie, who is a photography enthusiast, for her birthday. I never should have started with Ebay... It might just be the devil! I simply can't stop checking it. Although I have seriously slowed my bidding. My advice to new ebayers is to bid on one item at a time. If you bid on 8 cameras you might end up winning 8! I ended up winning 3 but it was close on the other 5. I had actually wanted 2 so I will be figuring out what to do with the third camera later. Once I get the 3rd camera I will be deciding which to give, which to keep and which to try and sell! If you want a 35 mm slr camera I might just be your guy!

In other news, I have recently bought my plane ticket to Phoenix. I will be down May 31st to June 5th. Jessica is graduating high school and Kevin is graduating college this month. So I am heading down to celebrate!

Sorry about not having any funny story about metal detectors and government buildings this time.

My cruising vehicle!

I take you on a breathtaking tour of "how I roll!" Take a look at my sweet sweet ride!

Volvo makes a tractor

My second video explores the wonderful legacy of the Volvo tractor. It is groundbreaking!

The Flower Conspiracy

My first video with my new Flip Ultra video camera! Taken at the Tulip Festival.

This is a test of the emergency updating system.

This is only a test.


Haha! It's strange how this test will look and feel like a real update (because it is). I woke up this morning ready to record a podcast.... unfortunately the groundskeepers decided today would be a fantastic day to use leaf blowers and other amazingly loud devices. The place is not very big so it always amazes me how long it takes these.... people.... to take care of the property (expletives were wanted here but I chose to say people to keep this more or less a PG rated blog). I always go through various urges to go out and kill. I tend to daydream of smashing their overly loud equipment against the concrete and handing them a broom. What ever happened to using a freaking broom? I can't stand the leaf blowers especially when they start before 8 AM! Of course, I have used a leaf blower and know that they are fantastically fun when you are the wielder. The noise is less annoying when you are using them then when you are debating whether or not to move from your comfortable bed and some jerk is running one right outside your window. Either way it is too loud to record a podcast at the moment and I can't say that I am completely awake enough to pull it off anyhow.

Let's move on to other topics. Lately I have been learning a new set of lessons for Mad Science. They are pretty cool looking but I feel nervous because I am not as familiar with them as I would like to be. Of course I will only be fully familiar with them once I actually teach them and get a real feel for the class. Either way I am looking forward to the challenge, unease and all.

Ooooh.... they have moved on to a power washer. Fantastic! If I only had Archimedes' Death Ray!

I have started a new 8 week course in my masters program and it is going swimmingly. Except for the whole fact that I think school sucks and wish that the purveyors of higher education, in all it's ridiculousness, would spontaneously combust in a most hilarious manner. I am forcing myself to jump through the hoops and the whole "I should have ran off to China" idea keeps reverberating in my brain. Yay school!

Of course in a weird turn of events I am thoroughly enjoying my beginning Japanese class. I can't say I remember very well yet but it is only my second week. Either way I like the class and feel excited to go every Wednesday! I think the excitement stems from actually learning something, which is sorely lacking in classes that shall remain nameless.

Last Friday, my friend Edie and I went to see The Roots in concert. The Roots are my favorite hip hop band and have nothing to do with the Alex Haley book or the made for TV miniseries starring the Reading Rainbow guy. Either way they are one of the few hip hop groups using real instruments. They have a fantastic drummer, Questlove, who is also a great DJ. They had a gentleman on the bongos, bass guitar, guitar and tuba as well. They completely brought it and rocked the night away. It was amazing. You should check out their music at Last.FM for free, realize that they are awesome, and then buy an album or two.

Yesterday I got a call from my friend Betty who was in a bit of a quandary. You see she needed to deal with some tax issues left over from the 2007 taxes. She was headed downtown and wanted company. She was not terribly worried about the evil of the IRS, at least not anymore worried then most people are. No, she was worried about the randoms. Betty is the type of person that attracts the randoms to lather in excitement. By random I mean the crazies of this city. Betty must look like someone they can and should talk to because they do and they follow her around as she ties to make good her escape. Of course she also lacks the ability to tell them "No, go away!" Not that I have that ability either but it is not that much of an issue. The conversations don't start very often and when they do they don't go on for very long. They most certainly don't follow me. Which is why I am a great person to elect for a mission such as this. All I had planned besides that was killing time with Facebook, doing some boring homework, finishing my Japanese writing homework and then going to NELA. All of which I managed even with a day of occupying various government offices. The Federal IRS office was very similar to a DMV. We got a number and had to stare at a digital display waiting for out number to come up. Of course like the DMV they don't just have one set of numbers but several so what looks like 12 people in front of you is more like 20. Unfortunately we needed the state office..... which was not in the same building and was actually back across the river nar my house. We snuck into a Buffalo Wild Wings before heading over to the other office. I had a tasty salad topped with buffalo tenders drenched in the Asian Zing sauce and a wonderful Huckleberry Lemonade. Then we headed over the river and through the woods, to grandmother's house we... wait. Nope, just over the river. We entered the building and headed to the office. There we discovered what she needed to know, which of course will require a follow up visit and more copies. Either way I was entertained and had the opportunity to get out of the house with something to do besides window shop.

Wait! I forgot an entertaining subplot of the story. Recently I have become enamored with Anime. The one I am currently in the midst of watching is Naruto. Naruto is about a ninja named Naruto and his various friends. It is pretty entertaining but I had not really expected it to hold interesting ideas for me. The idea was subtle enough that at first I had no idea that I had picked up on it. What is this brilliant idea I got from a cartoon? Well in Naruto's world everyone trains and works hard to move to the next level of ninjadom. Of course as ninja they can do some pretty cool things like flip around, build up energy until it crackles like electricity and what not. Of course my ideas were simpler then that and they came from several characters but they were driven home by a character named Brock Lee. Which is probably the funniest name in the show. At first you think Brock is his first name? And then you put the two together and add in his green jumper and laugh hysterically about him being a vegetable. Or at least I do. That is beside the point. Brock Lee is fighting an evil psycho kid to get in to an exam to test for the next level of ninja. He is fighting the kid and moving fast but the other guy is faster. So as his reveal he takes off these huge ankle weights that literally crack the floor and is now moving like three times faster. Now, I am not thinking "ooh I wish I was 3 times faster!" I am thinking "Ankle weights seem like a good way to get a little extra leg workout while just doing normal walking." So I go out and buy ankle weights and of course I have them on for our visit to the Federal building. I had to explain that they were just ankle weights and felt goofy taking them off and putting them back on again. Of course the weights did not quite dent the floor as they are not super heavy. I am kind of surprised I didn't get a more intimate search by the feds after being so silly as to where them into their building.

The Guest Room pt. 9

It had been nearly a week since Joshua had arrived in Flagstaff. Dave had not said a word about New Mexico. He had simply went about his regular business; computer work he did from his home office. He put out two plates of food at each meal even if Joshua was not up to coming down the hall to eat. Joshua felt as if he was in limbo. He knew Dave was just waiting for the word, he was ready. Joshua wasn't. The downtime he had endured after the accident had allowed him to think. He wished he hadn't had the luxury. He had been overwhelmed by fears of the unknown becoming his worst nightmare. The fear of finding out what happened was paralyzing. He couldn't talk about it and he sure couldn't move forward. Part of him wondered if he truly needed to know what had happened to Sarah; she was gone after all. He knew this was just his fear and vulnerability talking. He knew that he would never truly sleep until he knew what happened and could lay her to rest.

Knowing that he needed to do it had not driven him to get it done. There was so much he had to take care of medically before he could do what he needed to do in New Mexico. He was getting used to moving awkwardly and his breaks, cracks and sprains were hurting him less each day. In fact, unless he did something incredibly stupid his ribs hardly hurt him. Unfortunately incredibly stupid things were done at least once a day. The doctor had advised he rest for at least 6 weeks to heal the ribs and broken leg; he was currently amidst the second week and going crazy. His ankle needed anywhere from 4 to 8 weeks to heal. He had been looking at Web MD hoping to find better news about the time it would take to be fully mobile but had been disappointed when the information provided had coincided with the doctor's predictions. He had no idea why he had thought it would be different, he was just hoping it was. He had definitely done a number on himself. He often wished he could see what his car had looked like after the accident. It must have been ugly.

The court case was a little bit of a stress as well but Tom was true to his word and was on top of it. Tom had made an offer to the prosecutor to lower the DUI to something less notorious and so far the offer was still on the table. Joshua's rates would probably go up but a lesser offense was a world better then a bogus DUI charge. DUI's stayed with you forever and required a lot of extra paper work. To have a DUI without being intoxicated seemed incredibly unfair. He sighed at the thought and turned back to the window. He watched the elderly man ride his scooter out to check the mail; there seemed to be another day of no mail for the old man. He wondered what the man had been hoping for. He closed his eyes on that world of possibilities.

______________________________________________________

Joshua saw her that night. She was outside his window just staring at him. There was no emotion on her face but Joshua felt as if she was calling to him somehow. Screaming for him; psychically reaching for him. He woke up screaming her name. He attempted to move toward the window, forgetting his body's condition. He fell hard to the ground and pain shot through him but he kept crawling toward the window and pulled himself up to see her in the window. He stood there looking out; searching for her. It took him several minutes to realize that she had been in his dream. Sarah was not standing outside wating for him.

His heart was racing and his breath came in fast bursts that sent pain shooting through his body. The door was thrown open and a half awake Dave rushed in holding a pistol. He looked at Joshua and nodded. "I'll pack the car. We'll leave at dawn." Dave turned and left the room.

Joshua felt the hot tears bubble to the surface and send hot rivulets streaming down his cheeks. He was broken in more ways then one.

Arty of the Irst Art Podcast

This was a tiny pain to get online but it is finally up. Enjoy!

arty of the irst art.mp3

Sorry that I was MIA!

Wow! I promise I am still alive even though it has been a while since I posted anything. School progressed to such a point that the idea of writing anything became deplorable and I wasn't even able to outline anything for a podcast. Without the outline I am not much good at making a podcast with any direction. Of course some would argue that I had no direction anyway but it could be much worse. Believe me... I actually hear dozens of recordings before I send out the crappy one for you to listen to. So yeah my apathy was incredibly high last week and most of this one. Tonight I get to pontificate upon the reform movement sweeping through science and mathematic curriculums. It shall be riveting....

I signed up with Twitter this week and I am not exactly sure why. So far I am not enamored by it but I will let you know how that goes. Speaking of things I am enamored with... SKYPE! Get on it and let's chat! All you need is a web camera and a quick Skype download and we could connect. It is fun to not only hear people but see them too! I am going to try and get another part of The Guest Room up by Sunday and hopefully a podcast as well. Keep your eyes peeled!

The Guest Room Pt. 8

They arrived in Flagstaff and were waiting at Buffalo Wild Wings for Dave to join them and lead them back to his house. Tom had ordered a giant batch of wings to share and a beer for himself. Joshua's pain medication negated his ability to imbibe in an alcoholic beverage and instead he was staring, slightly sullenly, at a cola. Tom was chattering away with the cute little waitress; a normal behavior. He loved flirting with any girl that crossed his path. Joshua just zoned out and stared at one of the big screens displaying Sportscenter. He was not sure what the show was going on about as the pain medication made zoning out a blissful art form. At least he was not drooling. Another benefit he received was not feeling insecure about his cast and his seriously bruised face.

As he slowly thought about the benefits of pain medication, his line of sight was blocked. He refocused his eyes with a little effort and saw it was Dave standing there. Dave had a smile on his face that was framed by a mess of dark curls. He looked like someone who had no use for a comb; anyone could tell those curls would not submit to being told how to lay. Dave's mouth began moving and Joshua applied all his attention to focusing on what he was saying. His fondness for the pain medication began to wane as he found it difficult to shit gears. He of course was able to focus for "You look like crap Josh!" He offered a grimace before offering a reply.

"My appearance will slowly get better. You are stuck with how you look." Dave laughed in response and took a seat. Then grabbed Tom's beer and drank down half of it before launching into the wings. Tom tried to protest but Dave simply smiled at Tom with a sauce covered grin before downing the rest of the beer. Tom gave him an evil glare then ordered a couple more beers.

"So what is the deal about the accident? You in trouble? Do we need to wait until that is cleared up?" Dave asked between shoveling wings in his mouth.

"Court is set for a month from now. As long as Joshua can remain in contact with me everything that needs to get done can be figured out. Keep me up to date and stay in contact and we can make it work." Tom replied.

"No problem. We will definitely keep you in the loop. You gonna stay the night at least?" Dave asked.

"Yeah but I will be out of here early tomorrow. I have to get back to the office and get ready for trial for a doozy of a case on Monday."

"Thanks again for getting me out of jail and on to Flagstaff. I hope I didn't cause too much trouble." Joshua said.

Tom just nodded and smiled at the waitress as she approached with the beers.

The Second Podcast

I am still working out how best to display the podcasts.

March 21st podcast.mp3

March 21st Podcast

I did a few book reviews and a few movie reviews on this installment.

Check out this spot to get to the podcast: http://www.box.net/shared/3g5xstt2my

You can also go to Last.FM and find me there. You won't even need to download anything! You can check out both podcasts there but the latest one is called March 21st Podcast. Here is my page at Last.FM: http://www.last.fm/music/Crazed+Lunatik+Designs

This spot should lso have a link but so far is not showing it much to my irritation.
http://feeds2.feedburner.com/CrazedLunatiksBlog

Looking for some feedback! I am thinking of switching blog providers and will let you know if I do so.

The Guest Room Pt. 7

Joshua had two cracked ribs, his left leg and ankle were broken, sore wrists, a concussion, an aching back, 2 black eyes, a broken nose, a lot of minor cuts, a pretty decent one above his eye, a slightly ticked farmer complaining about his irrigation ditch and a few feet of barb wire fence, and a cop who was telling him he might face a possible DUI charge. He kept hoping his smashed car would fall through the roof and smash the officer. Since that was not likely to happen, he utilized his right not to incriminate himself and sat there silently. A call had been made to a lawyer friend earlier. His friend lived in California, the state where Joshua was and the state he had almost made it out of before falling asleep behind the wheel and flipping his car into an irrigation ditch. His friend had told him to request a toxicology report be taken by the hospital staff and not to say anything at all to anyone about what happend or didn't happen. He was to refer all questions to his friend, who was now his lawyer.

The police man sighed with frustration as he realized Joshua wasn't talking. It was an overly dramatic sigh as far as Joshua was concerned. Close as he could tell, other then the cop's irritation over people exercising their rights, the man had nothing to be exasperated about. It wasn't as if the officer was in a hospital bed, in pain, stranded far away from home and his intended destination, and feeling delayed grief over his missing wife. Nope, that described Joshua, not the cop. Yet this guy sighed like Joshua was unreasonable for keeping his mouth shut instead of helping him make his case. Joshua wasn't going to open his mouth and get himself hooked with a stickable charge, especially a false one. Why couldn't this man just go away?

Then, like magic, the officer did. He promised, as he left, to be available when Joshua "felt like telling the truth." Instead, Joshua called for the nurse. He was starting to feel the injuries again and just wanted to sleep.


-------------- A day later ------------------------

"Josh! You look like someone dragged you through Hades, face first." Tom said in greeting. Tom had come down from San Diego to pick Josh up and get him the rest of the way to Flagstaff. He had apparently stopped at a few places first, one of which had been the police station to get a copy of the incident report. Tom was taking his job as lawyer seriously. He had managed to keep Josh out of jail when he got released from the hospital and was preparing a case to fight the DUI charge. He told Josh not to worry about it too much as he would be kept in the loop as the case progressed. He had also advised Joshua to not head out of reasonable range for the next month as he might be needed back here.

"Tom. It looks like you slimed your way to the top! Check out that tailored business suit!" He said in a mocking response. This was the first smile Joshua had given in days. It was good to see Tom. It was even better to be leaving the hospital, and soon the town.

"C'mon! You know me I'm too manly for suits off the rack! Let's get you out of here!" Tom grabbed the wheel chair reigns from the orderly and wheeled Joshua towards the exit. "Will get something to eat before we hit the road. This town has a great little burger place. I stop here every time I pass within an hour's drive of here...." Joshua just nodded his assent as they headed out of the hospital.

Interacting While Sick

I have a cold and I have had a cold since Wednesday of last week (although it really hit full force Thursday evening). I have made 7 days with this stupid thing and by all reports this particular cold is a lingerer. The first few days were terrible. I was achy and exhausted but I went and did stuff I needed to do. I had no real option. It was in these first few days of my cold that I had an encounter that made me wonder about people's lack of tact and compassion. Let me explain. I was waiting in an area where a group would congregate and a meeting of some sort would take place (I am being vague on purpose). I set myself as far away from people as possible and told the people I usually sit by "Hey I have a cold so keep a protective bubble around yourself." Anyway this was before most of these people showed. I was the third person there. I had a few sneezes that I had tissues all prepared for, if I coughed I did so in a tissue. Luckily it was not the coughing part of the cold yet, that is happening now. I was just sneezy which is always heaviest in the beginning of the cold for me. Anyway I sneezed while I was getting a tissue out of one of those small packs (I had 4 small packs in my pocket). The sneeze was real loud and powerful but combined with the plastic of the tissue pack it was also high pitched. You see I had been trying to get the tissue out in preparation when, without sufficient warning, a sneeze hit me. I covered my face in the attempt to keep my germs away from those around me. The 2 people made fun of the high pitched sneeze as I went to make sure I had nothing on me and wash my hands. I came back to the room and sat down. From then on I had tissues out of the package way before I even needed them, in fact I think I sneezed like once more. That had sucked, I had learned a lesson. Anyway, like ten minutes later, while I was staring at a text message on my phone (I was really early) one of the 2 people asked "Wait.... are you sick?"

To which I said "Yeah." As honesty is always an option for any question. Plus I was way too sick to offer a clever remark.

What do you think her response was? Here is a multiple choice selection.

A. Oh, that sucks. Hope you get better soon.
B. Maybe you could see about skipping the meeting and going home early.
C. Stay away from me!
D. Well, you better cover your mouth if you cough or sneeze!
E. I love the Mets!

Maybe this will help you guess the right answer. My response was a stunned smile.... the kind where you have no response because what the person said was not only self centered but also amazingly insulting. The response was D.... and good try to those that missed it. It wasn't C because although it is self centered it is not really terribly insulting. It wasn't A or B because there was no chance of compassion causing me to silently stew over this for days. It wasn't E because I have yet to meet a Mets fan, and as a result, I have concluded that they don't in fact exist. It's like saying you know Bigfoot...

Back to the response. Here is why it is insulting. First of all I am not a 5 year old. Second of all part of the reason she asked was because I have a tissue in my hand and had just used it to cover my mouth for a half cough (meaning the kind where you cough like once but it isn't the full fledged forceful cough nor is it a coughing fit). Third, she saw me sneeze in to my hand and on a package of pocket tissues (and mocked me afterward). I am doing everything I can to keep the germs near me. I am not sitting close to her. I am also covering my mouth and nose because I am, in fact, an adult. So I smiled because I was hoping she was teasing me and also because I was stunned by her comment (knowing instinctively that she was not kidding).

Of course the smile got me a lecture as to why it was paramount that she avoid getting a cold. She mistook my stunned smile as a sarcastic reply. I was on cough medicine! I am not all that good at sarcasm when most of my brain is in the clouds! I was just going through the steps I usually take on a Friday night, perhaps I should have plead to skip the meeting or something but I did not even think of it until nearly three days later. That is what I mean, cough syrup puts me in cruise control. I almost need someone saying "Hey you look terrible. Go home and go to bed and come back for Monday's meeting." To which I would say "OK" and my cruise control would take me to the car and get me home. Later I would think "Why didn't I think of that?" Anyway this girl had very good reasons to want to avoid getting sick. Of course, who doesn't? Being sick sucks and is very inconvenient. What other reason do you need? It wasn't like I had went over and licked her or that I had even sat near her. I avoid people when I am sick as much as possible. Just ask the people I felt I could cancel with... the volunteer gigs. I have only went to the places I had to go since Thursday afternoon; the paying job and school. I emailed and contacted the various volunteer gigs and canceled my scheduled time for the day. I don't want to get people sick. I do admit this particular girl has a lot going on in the next month or two that requires her to not be sick. More so then the average person but why be rude about it? Why assume I am an idiot or a cretin? Or a maroon!? (thank you Bugs Bunny)

Maybe I am totally blowing this out of proportion, I am a little whiny because of this stupid cold. However, my whininess doesn't mean that I am not right. The whole thing could have been handled better. The best part is this particular person is a bit of a hypocrite. She dragged her dumb butt there when she was sick a month before. What is with the attitude when I do the same thing? Did I give you attitude? No all I said was "That sucks. Get better soon." You know the saying about kicking someone while there down? I just don't get it. Were is Miss Manners when I need her? Where the heck have all the "polishing schools" gone??? We could all really use them!

The Guest Room Pt. 6

He was not real sure what woke him but he wished it hadn't. Pain erupted through out his body all at once and he let out a strangled gasp. Only one eye opened the other eye felt like it was taped down, he felt like that should worry him but the pain kept that worry from actually reaching him. He used his one eye to look around and he deduced the world was skewed. He was in his car and it wasn't very comfortable the roof was too close, the front window was smashed and the dash seemed to be lower then it normally sat. Of course he was not so sure about that as he soon realized both of his arms were hanging up near his head. He moved his arm a little and let out a moan again as still more pain awakened in his body. He was upside down, this was bad. He started to feel panic. He called out for his wife "SARAH!"

"Hey! This guy's alive! Get those Jaws of Life over here now!" A gravelly authoritative voice barked out from somewhere above him. Every single word had brought a new shot of pain through his head but the meaning of the words drifted through. He tried to move but his body seemed pinned. A head appeared in the triangle of the bottom of his window, or would that be the top when the car is upside down? "Don't try to move. You've been here, unconscious and upside down for quite a while. I doubt your body will work correctly even if you aren't broken. Give us a few more minutes and we will get ya out of there."

The man who was talking to Joshua had a grey mustache and tired eyes. He had a brown uniform with a sparkly badge and his words had a soft drawl to them. The officer was able to portray a sense of compassion and strength. Joshua felt himself relax, as much as anyone hanging upside down in a car for hours could. He knew he could trust the man to get him out of here and to a hospital. The hydraulic tools were there suddenly and the men in uniform made quick work of the door, they placed a neck brace on him and got him out as gently and as quickly as they could. Within moments he was in the ambulance being secured. The EMT made quick work of getting him all plugged in and scanned as he asked questions. Name, Address and simple things like that. Joshua answered the questions but he did so slowly as if he was having to recall things from far away. Apparently Joshua had a decent cut above his left eye because the EMT spent a lot of time examining his forehead and carefully cleaning the area up. Joshua realized why the eye wouldn't open. The blood from the cut had stuck it shut, he hoped that was the only reason. The EMT was calm and efficient even amidst the jarring motion of the vehicle as it left the dirt road headed to the hospital.

Joshua was having a hard time connecting why he had been in his car upside down and where he was to how his life was usually running. He could not quite grasp what was missing and it bothered him. Overall he felt like something was supposed to be happening and felt overwhelmed with frustration that he was strapped to a gurney and heading to a hospital. The why he was frustrated and what was so urgent was where he kept stumbling. He had no idea. The lack of any short term memory was also frustrating for him. He then wondered where Sarah was and hoped she was OK. A thrill of panic went through him and he once again tried to move. The restraints held him in place and the EMT told him to relax. He wanted to tell the guy that he couldn't relax. He wanted to tell the guy that he needed to call his wife but something held his tongue. Some little voice told him not to mention Sarah again and he listened but he was not sure why. The ride continued but the EMT was not as frantic in his movements. Joshua assumed that he must be in stable enough condition and the Hospital must be a ways off. His guess was right, the ride took forever.

My First Podcast

Hey this is the first podcast and I hope it works. Give it a try.

If you see nothing to click it is due to technical difficulties on my part.

Try this link.... http://feeds2.feedburner.com/CrazedLunatiksBlog

It is an mp3 and should play on itunes and other music players on your computer. So download it and it should play on any audio player you use.

Let me know what you think and if it works....

A Rambling Review of Synecdoche, New York

Do you ever go see a movie people recommend to you that you just.... Ya know? It's not that you didn't like it.... well it's kinda that you didn't like it. You also kinda liked parts of it but overall it left you feeling odd, disconnected and unsure of what you just paid for? This movie was kind of like the "free drink" in Vegas for gamblers.... those drinks always cost me like 40 bucks! Those "free drinks" are rarely ever worth it.

Without further ado..... here is my review of Synecdoche, New York.



I am not sure what to make of what I just saw. There are a lot of factors we need to consider here. I had an extremely long (but good) day, after a hard night of nearly restless sleep. Then why did I go? Well I joined a Meetup group (meetup.com) based around seeing films. I had not been to an event yet mainly due to schedule conflicts or lack of interest; for example they had a showing of some movie staring Renee Zellwegger and I would almost rather have 12 root canals on the same day then see her in another freaking movie. (I loathe her!) Anyway this one was a Meetup I could make and carried the bonus of several movie selections (albeit all possible selections were not really my speed). When I got home from teaching today, I melted in to my recliner and almost never made it back up. By the time I got to the theater the movie was about to start. I watched the movie and actually ordered food and a couple pints (Living Room Theaters). I am not sure who the Meetup people were nor was I sure if we met up after the movie or not. I felt a little insecure asking people that I thought might be part of the group. Either way I had decided I was seeing a movie this day and had, as a result, not went to any other movie prior to this one. So I watched a movie mainly because I really wanted to see a movie.

I guess I should review the movie now.... it's just that the movie left me not feeling like doing anything. How weird is it to laugh while slowly falling into a depressive state. This movie seems to carry the moniker of "Tragicomedy" in the other reviews I have read. For some odd reason I kept expecting the movie to start making sense or have a good ending but it just kept on trucking along being a hugely surreal downer. The surrealness is really where the humor comes in, most of the humor stemmed from the odd flow. I think people enjoyed the oddness of the movie but why make such a downer? Really?

I am done attempting to review this movie..... I just don't get it. It was not my favorite. I could definitely have lived without ever watching it. As far as the actors.... they seemed good and I bought the surrealness of their characters. The story was often confusing (due to the main character's loose hold on time) and it all started to seem long about 30 minutes before it ended. I think really it was the last 45 minutes that killed the movie for me. Until then I was kind of thinking the movie might still do something. It never does by the way.... My recommendation? See it if you like odd and off the wall flicks. Especially if you are not as bothered by downers. Don't see the movie if you want to laugh and have a good time....

Business Week Thinks I Am Unhappy.... :(

Today was going splendidly. I woke up and read a little, for pleasure and not for school related reasons. I sat there reading this marginally decent book (by choice) and sipped coffee. I was relaxed and in a pretty decent mood. Soon it was time for me to get my rear in gear. I packed the car with equipment for today's science lesson and headed out to Gresham. Once out there I treated myself to something I hadn't had in years, El Pollo Loco. There are only two up this way and neither of them are close enough to be a real dining possibility. However, it is close to where I work on Mondays and so I decided to eat there instead of at home today. I enjoyed my tasty lunch while mentally preparing for my science lesson. I still had plenty of time so I put a larger dent in the book I was reading. 15 minutes before it was time to be at the school, I left for the school, set up the lesson and taught the lesson. It went well. There were some squirrelly kids but overall they enjoyed their time and learned a few things. Then I got in my car and I heard distressing news. I was shocked, I was scared, and I was confused.

On the radio I heard a distressing story. Business Week in all their awesomeness has decided that of all the locales in the US that Portlanders are the most emotionally damaged. Apparently my general good feeling was merely a false positive.... I was unhappy. The news was hard to take. I sat in my car and drove home under a cloud of despair.... on a sunny day. It was tragic.... I am currently learning how hard typing from a fetal position is. It is freaking tough!

The worst thing about this was thinking of all the fake smiles and false happiness I encountered the last few months. I was so glad Business Week set me straight.... the hotline I am calling has me on hold. I figured, since the all knowing people at Business Week not only told me that I live in the land of unhappiness but also included a national suicide hotline number in the story, that the least I could do was call! I was not sure what to do when I reached a person unfortunately, having just become aware of my eternal loss of happy. I am not sure how to act as Business Week did not really clearly tell me how I was feeling so I am not sure how to confess my depression. I am going to write out the conversation for you guys and hope it helps fellow sad Portlandians!

Hello Sad People Hotline!
Yeah... uh hi.
Hello, can I have your name?
It's Mike. What's yours?
Joan of Arc
You were on the Ark? Like Noah's?
No sir. Can you tell me the nature of your problem?
I was kind of hoping you could help me out with that.
Sir, this is not a place to call for jokes...
No! Wait let me explain! I live in Portland!
Portland! Holy HEYSEUSS! Why didn't you say so!? You are very valuable to society, things will get better! The sun will come out soon! You should take a happy vacation! Call your friends and Family! Stay on the phone and talk! Keep your head out of the oven! Don't do it! Unload the weapon! Put the pills down! Call 911! OH my! WHY AREN'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING TO ME MARK??!!?!?!
Uh... it's actually Mike. Not Mark.
Mark! Thank goodness you're still there! I want you to listen to me! Just because Portland is rainy is not a reason for you to die! Please don't do it!
OK. Do what exactly? You see I am confused...
Of course! It is very confusing but you have a lot to give to society! DON'T DO IT! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!!!!
Hey Ms. Of Arc? Can I tell you my thinking here? Or do you think constantly interrupting a Portlander on such a day as this is good practice?
I would love to listen. Go ahead and start talking Mark.
My name isn't Mark but OK. So I was feeling pretty good today...
Sure! Lot's of people feel a roller coaster of emotions during hard times! Hang in there Mark!
Uh... yeah. About that. I still feel pretty good but I heard that Portland is the Unhappiest City and I was worried that I didn't fit in here. I feel like I am "trapped in a glass case of emotion" right now but they are pretty happy emotions. I like Portland and would hate to be kicked out, because I insist on having a positive demeanor, to a place like Delaware that had no cities on this list. Which I don't see as being possible considering how lame Delaware sounds... I mean has anyone actually ever admitted to being from Delaware? Of course it could be worse and I could be in New Mexico.... I hate New Mexico. I was looking at this list and I definitely agree with some of the names on the list.... try as they might people who live in Tucson, AZ know Tucson sucks. Jacksonville, FL? Boo! Sacramento? Yeah... NEXT! Las Vegas? Being stuck there for more then a weekend is a depressing thought. But Portland I just don't get, and where the heck are the Delaware and New Mexico cities?
I completely agree that Portland seems out of place on that list Mark.... but it was a Business Week survey! I mean we are talking Business Week!
I know. I know. So that is where you come in. Obviously I am in denial here so what should I do?
Take it one day at a time Mark. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there ya have... the facts of life. In fact, why don't you call back in every day through this tough period in your life. Everyday at this time, OK?
Gee Joan! You are so freaking helpful! Thank goodness for Business Week's awesome reporting! With out them I would never have met someone who knew Noah! Bye! -click-

PSA - Depression and suicide are not funny things.... If you are having a rough time make a call to a hotline or a caring friend. We really do want you to hang in there :) THE MORE YOU KNOW!

PS on the PSA - I am making fun of Business Week in this post... I have yet to meet anyone who actually subscribes to this rag. Those who do must be pretty boring people. What kind of a business article focuses on the 20 Unhappiest Cities??? Stupid. Blow it out your a... elbow Business Week!