I am glad that week is over. I had some fantastic times and some grueling completely irritating times. With the end of last week, the worst classes I have ever taken, since my undergraduate degree, also ended, the class on Adolescent Development. Before I get all weepy and celebratory I want to dwell on the good things.
I have a friend named Edie who I used to work with at the evil insurance company. She also writes a blog, Displaced Brooklynite - http://adisplacedbrooklynite.blogspot.com/. It has not been updated since President-Elect Obama was elected but we shall forgive her non-writing ways since I have a tendency to fall off the radar as well. Anyway we had tried to meet up at the Wordstock event but had failed miserably and we resolved to meet for a cup of coffee and a lively discussion of her trip to France. What happened in reality was a day long event of shopping, eating and drinking. We had a good time and I visited some places I would never have walked into on my own. Some of those were women's clothing stores but another was a little eatery downtown and a nice little bar. Anyway we had a great time.
That was a great escape from reality, which was a group paper and presentation on why a junior high school should become a middle school for the Adolescent Development class. And another lesson plan for my Reading class. Apparently becoming a middle school is more then a mere name change, there is meaning behind the words; it was probably the most boring topic in the history of the world. Once again something that had nothing to do with learning to become a teacher was what we were tasked with for an assignment. How knowing the difference between a middle school and a junior high school will help me teach is beyond me. I figure either one will work for me as long as they pay me. This assignment was bad but not as bad as pretending to Be Erickson and assess our own adolescent experiences in the context of his theory. My attempt was comical at best.
Anyway I got home after that long day of lighting up the town and I was exhausted. So within an hour of getting home I was in bed. Unfortunately sleep was elusive that night and kept slipping through my fingers. I ended up tossing and turning and managed 4 hours of sleep before I gave up and went out to the living room and watched a movie and surfed the net. I stumbled across a web exclusive show called Gemini Division and was instantly intrigued. It is at NBC.com and they have 60+ episodes already. It is set in the future and is sci-fi in nature. It has some recognizable actors in it and it seems to be set in front of a green screen. Some graphics are better then others. Anyway I watched that until it was time to go to court.
No.... I didn't do anything bad. I was there to serve Jury Duty and I was allowed to sit in a room and drift in and out of consciousness from 8 AM until about 2:30 PM. That was when my name was called and I went in to a room for jury selection. I am too dang nice or honest looking because I was picked to serve on the jury. It was a criminal case and it was a complete and total mess. The case would end up bleeding over into Thursday and tie up a day and a half. The complete incompetence of the two attorneys and the strangeness of the case were amazing. We ended up only convicting the defendent of one count and not the other. If you want to know more about the case just post a comment and I will go into detail... of course with names altered to protect those involved.
As a result of the sleep deprivation and being on a trial that kept me occupied for a day and a half no homework was done Wednesday and only one slide was made for the presentation by the end of Thursday. Part of my reluctance to do the assignment came directly from apathy. I did not care about this topic nor had I bothered to understand it. Friday was spent doing everything but homework and I was at Barnes and Noble when my friend Cat called to ask me some questions about the assignments facing us. She reminded me that we had to go out the next night (after class) to celebrate slaying the demon that was this class. So I went home and got busy. I wrote a snippet for the paper and turned my one slide and couple paragraphs in for the assignment. I had essentially done the minimum on an assignmentand felt a little guilty but I got over it. Then I began hammering out the assignment for my reading class. This class has been kicking my butt. Well both have been but this class especially. I was working on the third lesson plan, the first two had not went over that well, and I was hoping that the third one was the charm. I am still up in the air about how well it was received but this week I need to make 2 more and clean up the mistakes in the first three and turn them in as an integrated unit. It is ridiculous.
Anyway we went to class Saturday and did our presentation and went through our dog and pony show. I pretended I cared and got involved in the discussion because the first class we had with this teacher had resulted in no participation points for me. My problem stemmed from not having ever fantasized what my future classroom would look like one day and so I had nothing to add and so she felt it necessary to grill me on the topic. I came up with some stupid ideas but since she had to call on me and I had not volunteered I got low participation points. So I decided to talk a lot in class but I still did not get full participation points. How irritating! I have a few choice words for her but I will not share them here. Anyway we muddled through the class, all 5 of us, yes there were only 5 people taking the class and we all hated it. Then as Cat and I were discussing where to eat while leaving another classmate mentioned he was stranded until 5:30 and it was only 3:30. He had been dropped off by his wife and had been sure the class would run the entire class time because the teacher had said as much. Even though she had only one presentation to watch and nothing really to discuss, she managed to drag the class on for 2 hours when in reality it was 50 minutes of material tops. Anyway we had him hop in the car and he, Cat and I had some nosh at McCormick and Schmick. They have a happy hour with fantastic prices as the non-happy hour prices are out of my ball park. After much belly aching about the class and laughter was had we dropped him off and parted company. Cat and I ended up hanging out later that night and our 4 stop tour included Pambiche, which is a fantastic Cuban restaurant. A place everyone should experience. It was a good time.
So a weird and fun week came to a close.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Heckler - A Rambling Review
I was walking through the local video store, when I should have been writing a paper or two for school, and something caught my eye. It wasn't the first time this particular video had caught my eye and I knew I had to rent it. (No, it had no naked ladies on the cover promising to do inappropriate things) You simply can't walk past a movie over and over again, stop to read the back, think "Man that looks interesting" and not take it home eventually. So I rented it....
It should have been interesting. The cover was interesting, the people that took part in it were all famous and successful people..... so what went wrong? Nothing. It was a good flick. The movie is called Heckler and it was made by Jamie Kennedy in response to being heckled during live shows and some seriously brutal reviews. Jamie Kennedy has had a crazy backlash after movies like Malibu's Most Wanted and Son of the Mask. I have seen Malibu's Most Wanted and the movie is completely retarded but it is supposed to be. It works for what it is, a ridiculous naive rich white kid attempts to "keep it real" while spending time in the "ghetto". You don't walk away enlightened but what is wrong with you if you expected to? I have not seen Son of the Mask... so I have no opinion about it. I didn't even know that there was a movie called Son of the Mask. I am getting off track a bit..... and you probably thought "A Rambling Review" was just a clever name and not an apt title. So, without further ado, I give you my review of HECKLER!
The movie starts by displaying the word heckler and supplies a definition.
It starts off showing an example of Jaime getting heckled and then interjects comedians, movie stars, directors and sports stars being interviewed about their take on hecklers. They continue to go from interviews and splices of people getting heckled and their responses to those people. They have David Cross, Joe Rogan, Louie Anderson, Paul F. Tompkins, Vince August (who has a scene with a fantastic come back to someone heckling him as he completely rips the rug from under her feet), Lewis Black, David Alan Grier, Dave Attell, Jon Lovitz, Bill Maher, Craig Ferguson, Paul Rodriguez, Mike Ditka, Andrew "Dice" Clay and a lot more. It is a documentary of how people who entertain you feel about the abuse you dish out to them while they are doing their jobs. The comments they make in the interviews combined with the clips of these comedians handling the hecklers are absolutely fantastic. I was laughing hard and the harder they came at these hecklers the more I laughed. They have a clip of Bill Hicks going absolutely crazy when a woman yells "You suck!" at him. He is so mad that he just keeps verbally bashing her but the entire time it was hysterical. Brilliant.
They then kick it up a level by having Jaime talk to some of his hecklers and hear what they have to say. The scenes are slightly uncomfortable but that is what is pretty amazing about it. He sits there and listens and asks for more detail... Who does that? It was brutally fantastic.
Then they move on to critics. This is where I found out that Jamie Kennedy made a movie called Son of the Mask. I knew people had universally panned Malibu's Most Wanted but they do that to all movies that are like it. Critics don't seem to like silly, funny movies. They like art films and movies that have "meaning". Or at least that is what I get from reading critics' reviews. I stopped reading critics' reviews before seeing a movie because that guy/gal does not know me enough to make a recommendation for me.... and I like to see it, possibly review it and then find out what others said.
WAIT. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?
Yes, you are right I critique movies from time to time. So this is about me too isn't it? I guess the simple answer is yes. For every movie I have told you to go see I have definitely ripped one apart. Just take a look at last month where I tore apart The Happening. So how can I sit here and judge these other critics? How can I pretend that I am any better then they are? Well let's get this straight right now. I am a critic and so is every other person on the planet. The only difference is some people feel the need to publish their critiques and some people actually get paid for what they publish. I fall into the first category, occasionally I either see a movie I liked or disliked enough to write about. I would even say I have tended to write more about movies I disliked then movies I liked because they are more fun to write about. It is great to make fun of the dialog or the silly plot. It is even stupendously entertaining to make fun of horrible acting or to pretend like you knew what the director was thinking when they lost their mind and made that movie. Here is the other thing about those reviews.... people like them because people like to get a laugh or two themselves. I don't feel guilty that I reviewed a film and was rough on it nor that I was rough on those involved in the making of the film. It is what it is. When you make a movie and get people to pay you to see it you have to expect they will say what they think. I think in reality people do expect people to say how they feel about movies, actors, comedians, musicians, athletes but that their message in this movie is "Hey we are human too. I have feelings and they are no less delicate then yours." Fair enough.
For those that are curious I listened to the running commentary of the movie as well. What that says is that I really liked this movie, I never listen to commentary. The point for me to bring up listening to the commentary is they make some great points in the movie and then even more directly in the commentary. Not all movies are made to be measured on the same scale. Jaime Kennedy talks about Spy Kids vs. There Will Be Blood, two completely different movies and genres, why exactly would the same reviewer be used for both movies. It would make more sense to get a review of Spy Kids from a kid and perhaps their parent. Who knows if a kid movie hits the bulls eye on the target better then a kid? Add a parent to round out the recommendation for parents or adults who are thinking of seeing it. The point I took from this was have the reviewer be a genuine fan or the right market for the movie. Jon Lovitz talks about the movie Benchwarmers, which took a beating in the press. If you were the right market (adolescents), it delivered all the farts and nose picking you come to expect in a fine movie. Now, it might sound like I am saying we should pick people that will like the movies to do reviews of the movies..... but I'm not. We should pick people who might actually know what a good movie in that genre should be like. Grab the overly literary guy/gal to review Cold Mountain, There Will Be Blood and The Red Balloon. Then grab the guy/gal who still laughs when they fart to see a movie like Benchwarmers.
Then I learned I am completely damned for doing my criticism in a blog on the internet. I am such a bastard. The internet and all of us reviewers are scum. Here is the thing.... I am over it. I am going to continue to critique films and occasionally I am going to make fun of people that made the movie or appeared in it. I figure it this way... I write these reviews and publish them publicly and you can say whatever you want to me, about me or my writing. I don't delete any comment unless I wrote it myself and I realized I misspelled half the words because I did not read it before submitting it. You are also free to say whatever you want about my writing skills or lack of them on my creative pieces. I put it out there and you have the right to say whatever crosses your mind about it. Film, comedy, music, art, writing that is mass produced is going to be critiqued and occasionally a little fun will be poked at your expense. You have to learn to move past the negative, even if that means making a movie about it. I do not, however, think you should heckle a live act. Ask yourself this: would I start making comments like "You suck!" to my boss while he was presenting the quarterly presentation to you? I am thinking you wouldn't. First of all you would be unemployed and secondly it's not polite. Leave the live presentations alone.
Wait.... I take that back. Continue heckling, I like watching them rip you apart piece by piece.
Great movie. Check it out and make sure you see the extras. There are some classic deleted scenes and edited scenes that add a laugh to the viewing.
It should have been interesting. The cover was interesting, the people that took part in it were all famous and successful people..... so what went wrong? Nothing. It was a good flick. The movie is called Heckler and it was made by Jamie Kennedy in response to being heckled during live shows and some seriously brutal reviews. Jamie Kennedy has had a crazy backlash after movies like Malibu's Most Wanted and Son of the Mask. I have seen Malibu's Most Wanted and the movie is completely retarded but it is supposed to be. It works for what it is, a ridiculous naive rich white kid attempts to "keep it real" while spending time in the "ghetto". You don't walk away enlightened but what is wrong with you if you expected to? I have not seen Son of the Mask... so I have no opinion about it. I didn't even know that there was a movie called Son of the Mask. I am getting off track a bit..... and you probably thought "A Rambling Review" was just a clever name and not an apt title. So, without further ado, I give you my review of HECKLER!
The movie starts by displaying the word heckler and supplies a definition.
Heckler (noun) one who tries to embarrass, harass and/or annoy someone speaking or performing in public with gibes, questions and objections. Someone who provokes to affect a performer in a critical or negative way.
It starts off showing an example of Jaime getting heckled and then interjects comedians, movie stars, directors and sports stars being interviewed about their take on hecklers. They continue to go from interviews and splices of people getting heckled and their responses to those people. They have David Cross, Joe Rogan, Louie Anderson, Paul F. Tompkins, Vince August (who has a scene with a fantastic come back to someone heckling him as he completely rips the rug from under her feet), Lewis Black, David Alan Grier, Dave Attell, Jon Lovitz, Bill Maher, Craig Ferguson, Paul Rodriguez, Mike Ditka, Andrew "Dice" Clay and a lot more. It is a documentary of how people who entertain you feel about the abuse you dish out to them while they are doing their jobs. The comments they make in the interviews combined with the clips of these comedians handling the hecklers are absolutely fantastic. I was laughing hard and the harder they came at these hecklers the more I laughed. They have a clip of Bill Hicks going absolutely crazy when a woman yells "You suck!" at him. He is so mad that he just keeps verbally bashing her but the entire time it was hysterical. Brilliant.
They then kick it up a level by having Jaime talk to some of his hecklers and hear what they have to say. The scenes are slightly uncomfortable but that is what is pretty amazing about it. He sits there and listens and asks for more detail... Who does that? It was brutally fantastic.
Then they move on to critics. This is where I found out that Jamie Kennedy made a movie called Son of the Mask. I knew people had universally panned Malibu's Most Wanted but they do that to all movies that are like it. Critics don't seem to like silly, funny movies. They like art films and movies that have "meaning". Or at least that is what I get from reading critics' reviews. I stopped reading critics' reviews before seeing a movie because that guy/gal does not know me enough to make a recommendation for me.... and I like to see it, possibly review it and then find out what others said.
WAIT. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?
Yes, you are right I critique movies from time to time. So this is about me too isn't it? I guess the simple answer is yes. For every movie I have told you to go see I have definitely ripped one apart. Just take a look at last month where I tore apart The Happening. So how can I sit here and judge these other critics? How can I pretend that I am any better then they are? Well let's get this straight right now. I am a critic and so is every other person on the planet. The only difference is some people feel the need to publish their critiques and some people actually get paid for what they publish. I fall into the first category, occasionally I either see a movie I liked or disliked enough to write about. I would even say I have tended to write more about movies I disliked then movies I liked because they are more fun to write about. It is great to make fun of the dialog or the silly plot. It is even stupendously entertaining to make fun of horrible acting or to pretend like you knew what the director was thinking when they lost their mind and made that movie. Here is the other thing about those reviews.... people like them because people like to get a laugh or two themselves. I don't feel guilty that I reviewed a film and was rough on it nor that I was rough on those involved in the making of the film. It is what it is. When you make a movie and get people to pay you to see it you have to expect they will say what they think. I think in reality people do expect people to say how they feel about movies, actors, comedians, musicians, athletes but that their message in this movie is "Hey we are human too. I have feelings and they are no less delicate then yours." Fair enough.
For those that are curious I listened to the running commentary of the movie as well. What that says is that I really liked this movie, I never listen to commentary. The point for me to bring up listening to the commentary is they make some great points in the movie and then even more directly in the commentary. Not all movies are made to be measured on the same scale. Jaime Kennedy talks about Spy Kids vs. There Will Be Blood, two completely different movies and genres, why exactly would the same reviewer be used for both movies. It would make more sense to get a review of Spy Kids from a kid and perhaps their parent. Who knows if a kid movie hits the bulls eye on the target better then a kid? Add a parent to round out the recommendation for parents or adults who are thinking of seeing it. The point I took from this was have the reviewer be a genuine fan or the right market for the movie. Jon Lovitz talks about the movie Benchwarmers, which took a beating in the press. If you were the right market (adolescents), it delivered all the farts and nose picking you come to expect in a fine movie. Now, it might sound like I am saying we should pick people that will like the movies to do reviews of the movies..... but I'm not. We should pick people who might actually know what a good movie in that genre should be like. Grab the overly literary guy/gal to review Cold Mountain, There Will Be Blood and The Red Balloon. Then grab the guy/gal who still laughs when they fart to see a movie like Benchwarmers.
Then I learned I am completely damned for doing my criticism in a blog on the internet. I am such a bastard. The internet and all of us reviewers are scum. Here is the thing.... I am over it. I am going to continue to critique films and occasionally I am going to make fun of people that made the movie or appeared in it. I figure it this way... I write these reviews and publish them publicly and you can say whatever you want to me, about me or my writing. I don't delete any comment unless I wrote it myself and I realized I misspelled half the words because I did not read it before submitting it. You are also free to say whatever you want about my writing skills or lack of them on my creative pieces. I put it out there and you have the right to say whatever crosses your mind about it. Film, comedy, music, art, writing that is mass produced is going to be critiqued and occasionally a little fun will be poked at your expense. You have to learn to move past the negative, even if that means making a movie about it. I do not, however, think you should heckle a live act. Ask yourself this: would I start making comments like "You suck!" to my boss while he was presenting the quarterly presentation to you? I am thinking you wouldn't. First of all you would be unemployed and secondly it's not polite. Leave the live presentations alone.
Wait.... I take that back. Continue heckling, I like watching them rip you apart piece by piece.
Great movie. Check it out and make sure you see the extras. There are some classic deleted scenes and edited scenes that add a laugh to the viewing.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
November!
Holy crap we are soon getting a new president! YAY!
I hope you enjoyed the Halloween story, I had fun writing about it. I felt compelled to tell you that the idea of zombies that think and don't eat brains was kind of derived from a book I am reading called Generation Dead. My story was meant to be funny while theirs seems to talk about social responsibility and humanity. ANyway it is an interesting book.
I am writing my little tiny brains out this month and having a blast. If you know someone who is doing NANAWRIMO this month pat them on the back and hand them a coffee. They probably have not slept well at all and could use the caffeine. Then tell them silly things like "I can't wait to read it!", "I bet it'll be fantastic!", "How exciting!" or "My infant can write 50,000 words in half a day! You wuss!"
I have my first interview in nearly a month happening tomorrow. It is a phone interview.... so I am going to act really excited and enthusiastic. Yay me.
I am getting excited about visiting ya'll in PHX. Woo!
Speaking of impending events... it is Christmas card time. I NEED you're addresses. Please email your addresses to crazedlunatik@gmail.com, that way I can get started writing them after I am done with this novel writing thing. They will have all new lies and half truths. It will be fun! Be part of the Christmas card zaniness! Remember as always you do not need to send a card to recieve a card, if you want one give me your address. I can almost guarantee I won't use that address to come over and rob you.
I hope you enjoyed the Halloween story, I had fun writing about it. I felt compelled to tell you that the idea of zombies that think and don't eat brains was kind of derived from a book I am reading called Generation Dead. My story was meant to be funny while theirs seems to talk about social responsibility and humanity. ANyway it is an interesting book.
I am writing my little tiny brains out this month and having a blast. If you know someone who is doing NANAWRIMO this month pat them on the back and hand them a coffee. They probably have not slept well at all and could use the caffeine. Then tell them silly things like "I can't wait to read it!", "I bet it'll be fantastic!", "How exciting!" or "My infant can write 50,000 words in half a day! You wuss!"
I have my first interview in nearly a month happening tomorrow. It is a phone interview.... so I am going to act really excited and enthusiastic. Yay me.
I am getting excited about visiting ya'll in PHX. Woo!
Speaking of impending events... it is Christmas card time. I NEED you're addresses. Please email your addresses to crazedlunatik@gmail.com, that way I can get started writing them after I am done with this novel writing thing. They will have all new lies and half truths. It will be fun! Be part of the Christmas card zaniness! Remember as always you do not need to send a card to recieve a card, if you want one give me your address. I can almost guarantee I won't use that address to come over and rob you.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Candy Sticks - A Halloween Story
He had one stop left to make. Then he was free to head home and sit down in his big, comfy recliner. He had rented every horror movie he had ever liked. He was going to have a marathon of horror flicks running until he passed out. The only thing left were movie snacks, Halloween candy for trick or treaters (but really for him), soda and a frozen pizza. He parked in front of the grocery store and went in.
He grabbed microwavable popcorn, red licorice, cola and a huge pepperoni pizza. Then he headed to the candy aisle. It was filled with signs that said: "MORE CANDY IN THE SEASONAL AISLE!" He was a little irritated at that sign because he had no idea where the "seasonal aisle" was. This was a big store. One of those stores that had groceries, sports equipment, clothes, housewares and a lot of other crap. So he started wandering around. He was nearly to the garden section when he figured he better ask, he must of past it because it couldn't be near the garden section. He approached a uniformed female employee who was busy sweeping the floor.
"Excuse me. I need to find the seasonal aisle with all the Halloween candy. Can you help me?" He asked.
The employee slowly stopped sweeping and lifted her head even more slowly. He thought her movements were really stiff and odd. Then he saw her face.... she looked dead. So this person took Halloween seriously. She was not only dressed up at work but she was playing the part. The girl looked like she was pretty when she did not have the sick pallor of death hanging on her cheeks. Then he looked into her eyes and a chill ran up his spine. This girl was a good actress. Her eyes even looked devoid of life. That was when she dropped the broom, slowly turned and began awkwardly shuffling forward. He stood there stunned for a minute not sure what to do until he realized she was simply staying in character. So he did the only thing he could.... he followed her.
They were heading back toward the garden section. He had let logic get in his way again. Who puts the seasonal aisle near the garden section? Shouldn't the seasonal aisle be closer to the middle of the store? He turned his attention back to the girl in front of him, her gait remained awkward and she was definitely taking her time. He was positive that walking like she was would slow anyone down. It was like she was willing one of her legs to move as she dragged it forward with the foot facing perpendicular to the direction they were going. The other leg was pointed in the right direction but it also looked like she was very determinedly making it move. He decided to try and mimic the walk. It was so George Romero zombie-ish that he was nearly ready to propose to this pretty girl pretending to be dead. The walk was harder to pull off then he expected and he nearly fell over. He decided to try the walk later, when less people would see him fall face first into the ground. He was not really interested in achieving public embarrassment.
The girl stopped and then slowly maneuvered her body to face an aisle and slowly lifted her arm pointing down the aisle. That was when he looked and saw the Halloween candy. He thanked her but she ignored him and slowly turned and began lumbering back the other way. He smiled at her back and then turned to see what candy was still available.
The candy aisle had been pretty well plundered but there was still some left. He picked up a bag of M&M's, Snickers and Bug Hunk. Then he saw a bag of "Candy Sticks" which were packaged in small boxes with superheroes on them. He saw that they were only a buck and he put a couple bags in his basket. He was not entirely sure what the heck a candy stick was but he was curious. If they weren't any good he would hand them out to any kid that showed up at his door. It was always good to get a cheap crappy candy and hand that out with one good candy. That way he could give the kids a handful of candy but only lose 1 good candy at a time. It was a method designed to leave him with plenty of tasty Halloween candy to devour over the next few days. He purchased his personal Halloween party goods in a self check out lane and headed out to his car.
When he got home he turned on the oven to heat it up for the pizza and put the cola in the refridge. Then he grabbed a large mixing bowl and emptied all of his candy into it. He grabbed another bowl for the popcorn but that was for later. He put the licorice on the coffee table next to the bowl of candy and then he put in his first movie, The Shining. As he waited for the oven to get hot he sat down to watch the movie. His curiosity drove him to grab the candy sicks. He opened a little box and found two little sticks that reminded him of the candy cigarettes he used to play with as a kid. If one end had been died red it would have been a candy cigarette and not a candy stick. He chuckled at the PC-ness of it all as he pretended to smoke it, letting it hang loosely from his mouth as he talked to the TV in his best mobster impression. The oven beeped to let him know the desired temperature had been attained. He put the self rising pepperoni pizza inside and went back to pretending to smoke while he watched Jack Nicholson's descent into insanity play out in front of him. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKE JACK A DULL BOY
The doorbell rang. He hopped up, grabbed the candy bowl and whipped open the door. To more people looking like zombies, even the children. They merely groaned and stared at him with their disturbing eyes. The TV seemed overly loud just then as Jack was hacking at the bathroom door with an axe while the super skinny lady screamed. He quickly grabbed a handful of candy and gave it to the way too real looking zombie children. They looked in the bag and slowly turned to head to another door. The parents merely moaned again before turning to go. That was creepy... he was not entirely sure why the only people he had seen this evening were dressed like zombies. Even the little girl was a zombie.... shouldn't she have been a princess or something sweet? Maybe the family couldn't afford anything but face make up. He shut the door and sat back down to watch Jack chase the little boy through the hedge maze.
The cooking timer buzzed and he got up to pull the pizza out. He was starving as he used his pizza cutter to cut it into pizza slice sized pieces. He grabbed a few slices and set them down in front of his chair before heading back into the kitchen to grab a soda, a paper towel and the Parmesan cheese. He set them down next to the plate and quickly changed DVDs. He decided on the Ring next and he popped it in.
He watched the movie begin and looked away right before they showed the face of the dead girl in the closet. He hated that scene it always freaked him out, the creepy moving girl in the video was terrible but the first girl she kills in the movie was the worst. The doorbell rang as Naomi Watts made her first appearance. He certainly liked Naomi and was a little irritated at the interruption but he had seen the movie before and he got up and grabbed the candy bowl. The door was filled with normal children in cute little princess costumes and Star Wars characters. The disconcerting part was that they merely moaned and held up their plastic pumpkin. He quickly handed them candy and shut the door. His heart was racing. He did not like those moans. He wanted a good ol' fashion "Trick or Treat" and smiling children.
He tried calming down and focused on his breathing when the door bell interrupted him again. He jumped and a startled yelp leaped from his mouth. He opened the door slowly and was greeted with more moaning children that looked like zombies in Halloween costumes holding up plastic pumpkins. This time after handing out the candy and shutting the door he turned off the porch light. He was done with this trick or treat crap. He turned the deadbolt and added the chain lock. Then he turned off all the interior lights and closed his blinds. He sat down and that was when he noticed his pizza was sitting untouched next to a pile of candy stick boxes. Had he not eaten any of his pizza? Had he eaten all these candy sticks? He saw the other half of the pizza sitting on his cutting board in the kitchen. He had not eaten any of it yet. His soda was not even opened yet. That was odd.... he picked up a slice and took a bite but it tasted terrible. He set it back on the plate and looked up to see the kid telling Naomi Watts about the little girl in the video. He reached into the candy bowl and hunted around until he felt one of the candy stick boxes.
The door bell rang again. He irritably moaned, grabbed the candy bowl and opened the door. He was greeted by moans and plastic pumpkins. He dutifully filled them with candy and then closed his door after he moaned back at them. He grabbed another candy stick and slowly began chewing it down to nothing before popping in another. The movie had ended and he headed over to change the movies. It seemed to be quite an effort as he had to think his way through each step. While he worked on opening the case the DVD player went on standby mode and the news appeared on the screen. The reporter was talking "... Candy Sticks. Apparently the candy sticks have been causing some strange reaction to the people who eat them. The government has not clarified what type of reaction people are experience but they urge you not to eat them. If you have them please put them aside and stop handing them out to children. Then call the number that is on this screen. Once again this is an emergency notification to stop handing out or eating the Candy Sticks...." The reporter began repeating herself and he stopped listening. He moaned as the DVD box finally opened and he put the next film into the player. He grabbed another box of candy sticks and stood up and shuffled back to his seat. The whole time he focused on his candy sticks. When he finally sat down the movie was already past the beginning and if he was not mistaken he felt that it was nearly the middle of a movie. How long had it taken him to get to his chair? There must be something wrong with his DVD player and then he remembered the news lady talking about his candy sticks. He decided to take a look at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and he made his way there.
When he finally looked into the mirror he saw something dead looking back at him. He felt like he should be alarmed but he could not bring himself to be. He headed back to his chair. When he arrived he saw the movie had ended and he reporter was back on. "... cause people to appear to be the living dead. According to our sources those that have consumed the Candy Sticks this year have been poisoned. The people appear to be zombies but unlike the horror moves they do not seem to require brains or human flesh. If you see someone that looks like a zombie please call your local police. Do not attack them or be overly afraid as they seem to be going through the normal motions of daily life but just a bit slower. The government is working on a cure for this affliction and the police are tasked with bringing all affected people back to a treatment facility. We repeat our earlier warning to not consume or hand out any more Candy Sticks this year. Put them aside and call the police. They will come and get them when they get into your neighborhood....." The reporter's voice droned on but he stopped listening. He continued eating his candy sticks and thinking about being a zombie. The only thought in his mind was "at least I don't have to eat brains." He opened his mouth to laugh and a moan came out instead.
He grabbed microwavable popcorn, red licorice, cola and a huge pepperoni pizza. Then he headed to the candy aisle. It was filled with signs that said: "MORE CANDY IN THE SEASONAL AISLE!" He was a little irritated at that sign because he had no idea where the "seasonal aisle" was. This was a big store. One of those stores that had groceries, sports equipment, clothes, housewares and a lot of other crap. So he started wandering around. He was nearly to the garden section when he figured he better ask, he must of past it because it couldn't be near the garden section. He approached a uniformed female employee who was busy sweeping the floor.
"Excuse me. I need to find the seasonal aisle with all the Halloween candy. Can you help me?" He asked.
The employee slowly stopped sweeping and lifted her head even more slowly. He thought her movements were really stiff and odd. Then he saw her face.... she looked dead. So this person took Halloween seriously. She was not only dressed up at work but she was playing the part. The girl looked like she was pretty when she did not have the sick pallor of death hanging on her cheeks. Then he looked into her eyes and a chill ran up his spine. This girl was a good actress. Her eyes even looked devoid of life. That was when she dropped the broom, slowly turned and began awkwardly shuffling forward. He stood there stunned for a minute not sure what to do until he realized she was simply staying in character. So he did the only thing he could.... he followed her.
They were heading back toward the garden section. He had let logic get in his way again. Who puts the seasonal aisle near the garden section? Shouldn't the seasonal aisle be closer to the middle of the store? He turned his attention back to the girl in front of him, her gait remained awkward and she was definitely taking her time. He was positive that walking like she was would slow anyone down. It was like she was willing one of her legs to move as she dragged it forward with the foot facing perpendicular to the direction they were going. The other leg was pointed in the right direction but it also looked like she was very determinedly making it move. He decided to try and mimic the walk. It was so George Romero zombie-ish that he was nearly ready to propose to this pretty girl pretending to be dead. The walk was harder to pull off then he expected and he nearly fell over. He decided to try the walk later, when less people would see him fall face first into the ground. He was not really interested in achieving public embarrassment.
The girl stopped and then slowly maneuvered her body to face an aisle and slowly lifted her arm pointing down the aisle. That was when he looked and saw the Halloween candy. He thanked her but she ignored him and slowly turned and began lumbering back the other way. He smiled at her back and then turned to see what candy was still available.
The candy aisle had been pretty well plundered but there was still some left. He picked up a bag of M&M's, Snickers and Bug Hunk. Then he saw a bag of "Candy Sticks" which were packaged in small boxes with superheroes on them. He saw that they were only a buck and he put a couple bags in his basket. He was not entirely sure what the heck a candy stick was but he was curious. If they weren't any good he would hand them out to any kid that showed up at his door. It was always good to get a cheap crappy candy and hand that out with one good candy. That way he could give the kids a handful of candy but only lose 1 good candy at a time. It was a method designed to leave him with plenty of tasty Halloween candy to devour over the next few days. He purchased his personal Halloween party goods in a self check out lane and headed out to his car.
When he got home he turned on the oven to heat it up for the pizza and put the cola in the refridge. Then he grabbed a large mixing bowl and emptied all of his candy into it. He grabbed another bowl for the popcorn but that was for later. He put the licorice on the coffee table next to the bowl of candy and then he put in his first movie, The Shining. As he waited for the oven to get hot he sat down to watch the movie. His curiosity drove him to grab the candy sicks. He opened a little box and found two little sticks that reminded him of the candy cigarettes he used to play with as a kid. If one end had been died red it would have been a candy cigarette and not a candy stick. He chuckled at the PC-ness of it all as he pretended to smoke it, letting it hang loosely from his mouth as he talked to the TV in his best mobster impression. The oven beeped to let him know the desired temperature had been attained. He put the self rising pepperoni pizza inside and went back to pretending to smoke while he watched Jack Nicholson's descent into insanity play out in front of him. ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKE JACK A DULL BOY
The doorbell rang. He hopped up, grabbed the candy bowl and whipped open the door. To more people looking like zombies, even the children. They merely groaned and stared at him with their disturbing eyes. The TV seemed overly loud just then as Jack was hacking at the bathroom door with an axe while the super skinny lady screamed. He quickly grabbed a handful of candy and gave it to the way too real looking zombie children. They looked in the bag and slowly turned to head to another door. The parents merely moaned again before turning to go. That was creepy... he was not entirely sure why the only people he had seen this evening were dressed like zombies. Even the little girl was a zombie.... shouldn't she have been a princess or something sweet? Maybe the family couldn't afford anything but face make up. He shut the door and sat back down to watch Jack chase the little boy through the hedge maze.
The cooking timer buzzed and he got up to pull the pizza out. He was starving as he used his pizza cutter to cut it into pizza slice sized pieces. He grabbed a few slices and set them down in front of his chair before heading back into the kitchen to grab a soda, a paper towel and the Parmesan cheese. He set them down next to the plate and quickly changed DVDs. He decided on the Ring next and he popped it in.
He watched the movie begin and looked away right before they showed the face of the dead girl in the closet. He hated that scene it always freaked him out, the creepy moving girl in the video was terrible but the first girl she kills in the movie was the worst. The doorbell rang as Naomi Watts made her first appearance. He certainly liked Naomi and was a little irritated at the interruption but he had seen the movie before and he got up and grabbed the candy bowl. The door was filled with normal children in cute little princess costumes and Star Wars characters. The disconcerting part was that they merely moaned and held up their plastic pumpkin. He quickly handed them candy and shut the door. His heart was racing. He did not like those moans. He wanted a good ol' fashion "Trick or Treat" and smiling children.
He tried calming down and focused on his breathing when the door bell interrupted him again. He jumped and a startled yelp leaped from his mouth. He opened the door slowly and was greeted with more moaning children that looked like zombies in Halloween costumes holding up plastic pumpkins. This time after handing out the candy and shutting the door he turned off the porch light. He was done with this trick or treat crap. He turned the deadbolt and added the chain lock. Then he turned off all the interior lights and closed his blinds. He sat down and that was when he noticed his pizza was sitting untouched next to a pile of candy stick boxes. Had he not eaten any of his pizza? Had he eaten all these candy sticks? He saw the other half of the pizza sitting on his cutting board in the kitchen. He had not eaten any of it yet. His soda was not even opened yet. That was odd.... he picked up a slice and took a bite but it tasted terrible. He set it back on the plate and looked up to see the kid telling Naomi Watts about the little girl in the video. He reached into the candy bowl and hunted around until he felt one of the candy stick boxes.
The door bell rang again. He irritably moaned, grabbed the candy bowl and opened the door. He was greeted by moans and plastic pumpkins. He dutifully filled them with candy and then closed his door after he moaned back at them. He grabbed another candy stick and slowly began chewing it down to nothing before popping in another. The movie had ended and he headed over to change the movies. It seemed to be quite an effort as he had to think his way through each step. While he worked on opening the case the DVD player went on standby mode and the news appeared on the screen. The reporter was talking "... Candy Sticks. Apparently the candy sticks have been causing some strange reaction to the people who eat them. The government has not clarified what type of reaction people are experience but they urge you not to eat them. If you have them please put them aside and stop handing them out to children. Then call the number that is on this screen. Once again this is an emergency notification to stop handing out or eating the Candy Sticks...." The reporter began repeating herself and he stopped listening. He moaned as the DVD box finally opened and he put the next film into the player. He grabbed another box of candy sticks and stood up and shuffled back to his seat. The whole time he focused on his candy sticks. When he finally sat down the movie was already past the beginning and if he was not mistaken he felt that it was nearly the middle of a movie. How long had it taken him to get to his chair? There must be something wrong with his DVD player and then he remembered the news lady talking about his candy sticks. He decided to take a look at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and he made his way there.
When he finally looked into the mirror he saw something dead looking back at him. He felt like he should be alarmed but he could not bring himself to be. He headed back to his chair. When he arrived he saw the movie had ended and he reporter was back on. "... cause people to appear to be the living dead. According to our sources those that have consumed the Candy Sticks this year have been poisoned. The people appear to be zombies but unlike the horror moves they do not seem to require brains or human flesh. If you see someone that looks like a zombie please call your local police. Do not attack them or be overly afraid as they seem to be going through the normal motions of daily life but just a bit slower. The government is working on a cure for this affliction and the police are tasked with bringing all affected people back to a treatment facility. We repeat our earlier warning to not consume or hand out any more Candy Sticks this year. Put them aside and call the police. They will come and get them when they get into your neighborhood....." The reporter's voice droned on but he stopped listening. He continued eating his candy sticks and thinking about being a zombie. The only thought in his mind was "at least I don't have to eat brains." He opened his mouth to laugh and a moan came out instead.
Friday, October 24, 2008
AQNP - A Quick November Preview
Hey all!
Well October is nearing an end and I have made a few decisions about November. First of all I should let you know it is National Novel Writing Month. I participated last year and wrote over 50,000 words. I then followed it up by not finishing editing it and it is almost a year later. So I have a half edited story that I was intending to get out to readers and have them give me feedback and I was going to rewrite from there. Well I am a slacker. Writing is way more fun then editing. Anyway I almost decided not to participate this year. I have a lot more going on, with school and job hunting. I also have an unedited novel sitting around collecting dust (not literally as it is digitally stored). Then I received a message that my niece Jessica is taking part. I thought to myself how cool is she? Pretty darn cool. She inspired me to give it another shot. I hope I can pull it off again this year especially knowing I have someone else I know that is doing it. Someone to shout encouragement to. Having said that if I don't finish it because of my homework load and other responsibilities that is fine.... disappointing but fine.
Secondly November is also the month Portland has a festival called Wordstock. Authors, small newspapers, magazines and presses get together set up booths and sell their wares and also have little seminars. I went to it 2 years ago and had a good time. Last year I was devoted to making 50,000 words and skipped it. This year I decided to volunteer for it. i will be part of the stage crew on Sunday morning. I get a t-shirt for free and get in free. If you live in Portland and this seems interesting to you and you think you might want to work the festival go to their website and look up volunteering. They are still looking for volunteers last I heard. If you don't want to work it you might want to go to the festival and check it out as it is pretty dang cool.
Then the last thing is I am making a reappearance in Phoenix over the Thanksgiving holiday. Thursday I am going to some friends house to eat some turkey. Saturday evening I am going to be at a gala event at my mom's house. Friday is still up in the air although some talk of hitting up RA has come up. We shall see. Anyway if you are down in PHX keep me in mind and maybe we can make some magic happen.
Well October is nearing an end and I have made a few decisions about November. First of all I should let you know it is National Novel Writing Month. I participated last year and wrote over 50,000 words. I then followed it up by not finishing editing it and it is almost a year later. So I have a half edited story that I was intending to get out to readers and have them give me feedback and I was going to rewrite from there. Well I am a slacker. Writing is way more fun then editing. Anyway I almost decided not to participate this year. I have a lot more going on, with school and job hunting. I also have an unedited novel sitting around collecting dust (not literally as it is digitally stored). Then I received a message that my niece Jessica is taking part. I thought to myself how cool is she? Pretty darn cool. She inspired me to give it another shot. I hope I can pull it off again this year especially knowing I have someone else I know that is doing it. Someone to shout encouragement to. Having said that if I don't finish it because of my homework load and other responsibilities that is fine.... disappointing but fine.
Secondly November is also the month Portland has a festival called Wordstock. Authors, small newspapers, magazines and presses get together set up booths and sell their wares and also have little seminars. I went to it 2 years ago and had a good time. Last year I was devoted to making 50,000 words and skipped it. This year I decided to volunteer for it. i will be part of the stage crew on Sunday morning. I get a t-shirt for free and get in free. If you live in Portland and this seems interesting to you and you think you might want to work the festival go to their website and look up volunteering. They are still looking for volunteers last I heard. If you don't want to work it you might want to go to the festival and check it out as it is pretty dang cool.
Then the last thing is I am making a reappearance in Phoenix over the Thanksgiving holiday. Thursday I am going to some friends house to eat some turkey. Saturday evening I am going to be at a gala event at my mom's house. Friday is still up in the air although some talk of hitting up RA has come up. We shall see. Anyway if you are down in PHX keep me in mind and maybe we can make some magic happen.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
A Rambling Review of The Happening
So I decided to watch The Happening. I figured M. Night Shyamalan had to have a good movie left in him. I mean he keeps getting the green light to make movies and it is inevitable one of them would be good again. Surely he did not kill all of his creativity making The Sixth Sense. I mean eventually he has to make a good movie again, right?
I have seen almost all....
The Sixth Sense - Talk about a crazy movie. I did not see that ending coming. It blew my freaking mind MAN!
Unbreakable - I liked this movie. I did not love this movie but I could see what he was trying to do and I decided to forgive him. Besides Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson as super hero vs. super villain? It was meant to be. He just managed to get it wrong enough.
Signs - Water kills aliens? Really? Of all the retarded events ever! I could almost like this one except for the frigging water killing the aliens.
The Village - Holy crap! Talk about vomitorama! Even though I fell in complete love with Bryce Dallas Howard this movie sucked.
Lady in the Water - Really? I skipped this one. Did you see the ads? They were completely stu!
Which brings us to The Happening..... and here is my review.
***SPOILER ALERT: The whole movie is below this line.***
"Let's stay ahead of the wind." - Elliot Moore (played by Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg)
So we begin the movie in a park and the wind is blowing. Some chick turns to her friend and asks what she is reading. Her friend laughs and tells her. A second later this idiot asks the same frigging question. Then she kills herself. We flash across town as people are killing themselves. Oh my goodness must be terrorists!
Next we find ourselves at a high school where Elliot Moore (M. Wahlberg) is teaching science to a bunch of high schoolers. Remember that Mr. Wahlberg is a science teacher.... it's important. The vice-principal pulls him from class and has already done so with all of the teachers so they can hear the news. Yes... she pulled all the teachers from every class and brought them to one room to tell them people are dying. Yep, no supervision for the kids at all.... just a big meeting to tell a bunch of bad actors that there is some sort of epidemic hitting a major city. Sure let's leave the kids to their own devices... no need to protect our wards! Really? When they finally get back it appears that they don't tell the kids anything. School ends with Mr. Moore telling them to make sure and work on their science projects because they are due Monday. I guess the teachers are not worried because all the dying was happening in New York. I think they are in Philadelphia... and they figure terrorists are responsible for these deaths and then they assume the terrorists won't bother with Philly. Either way Mr. Moore and a co-worker, Julian, decide to go to the co-worker's mother's house, who is frantically trying to get everyone to get out of dodge.
Elliot brings his weird wife Alma with him, she is played by Zooey Deschanel (very cute). Apparently Zooey has one look because she makes it the entire movie.... whether she is mad, sad or happy.
Of course, her character does not "feel comfortable sharing her emotions with others" so perhaps she is a good actress in other films. You certainly have no idea from this movie. Oh and Zooey and Mark have terrible chemistry... they seem more like strangers then married people even if this particular marriage is going through a "tough time".
They meet up with Julian (John Leguizamo), the co-worker at school, and his daughter Jess. Apparently there is bad blood between Julian and Alma.... which was a stupid storyline. Julian thinks Alma is incapable of loving anyone. Alma just so happens, conveniently, to have hung out with a male co-worker after work and lied about it to Elliot. It was "only dessert", perhaps this little lie is is the reason she dislikes Julian. No one likes proving someone right about being a bad person. Either way I didn't care.... which as a storyteller is the completely wrong reaction for the audience to have.
At this point in the movie I like Julian, as John Leguizamo always does a fantastic job in everything I have seen him in. I think the reason he seems compelling in this movie is he actually displays emotion. None of the other stars do. This is where we find out his wife is not going with them on this train but will catch the next one. Once again no one is expecting "the terrorists" to strike good ol' Philly, since that wouldn't be respectable. So they get on the train and they keep hearing more and more stories about it spreading to big cities. Then the train stops because the train conductor can't raise anyone and is not sure it is safe to go on. After sitting around in some Podunk town for a while the whole train load decides they better keep moving. So Elliot finds a crazy dude and his wife to give passage to the 4 of them. Meanwhile Julian is looking to go save his wife and gets passage for one and leaves his daughter with Elliot and Alma. Really? I am not a father but I am imagining that I would stay with my daughter and hope my wife is OK. I am also assuming that if our roles were reversed I could rely on my wife to protect our children and not leave them behind to rescue me. I mean who leaves their kid behind to look for someone they have not heard anything from in the last 2 hours? Did I fail to mention that he had not spoke to his wife in 2 hours? Yeah... so Julian runs off to 'save her' because he has not heard from her. Even the dirt knows that faceless woman is dead. Hello! IDIOT!
Not having started off well you figure the movie will either climb back out of the ditch or at least will not get any worse, but you'd be wrong. So the crazy couple decide to stop at their home to get food. They don't really spend anytime getting food but somehow in ten seconds they do. Then the crazy guy is talking about hot dogs and then starts rambling about plants being behind this attack. Everyone figures he is crazy (which in a movie like this it means you know the crazy guy is finally right for once) but, even thinking this guy is crazy, they still get in the car with this idiot. We flash to Julian who is in the town his wife is supposed to be and we see some landscapers have hung themselves in trees. Some chick starts freaking out in the car Julian in because of the hanging people. Julian is yelling at the others to roll up the windows and seal up the car. To calm this girl down he tells her to do a math problem to take her mind off what is going on. The problem with the math problem he selects is that it is not one she can figure out without a calculator... how giving some one an exponential math problem to calm them down is a good idea is beyond me. You might as well ask her to explain flight. Sure an expert could rattle on and sound like they know what they are talking about but I sure as heck have no clue and neither did she when confronted with this problem. This would have had half the desired effect as it would stop me from screaming because I would be strangling the math dork.
This scene did not happen like this in the movie but it might as well have.The problem I site is the one he uses in the movie. She was screaming out stupid answers like "Ten dollars!" and he is staring at a rip in the fabric roof of the jeep. Then he finally gives her the answer and the driver drives full speed into a tree. I am figuring the driver did not want any more frigging math problems and felt killing himself in a collision with a sturdy looking tree was the only way out. Can you really blame him? Anyway since Julian died we flash back to Elliot, Alma and Jess. They just discovered everyone in all the roads going in any direction are dead. So all these people, coming from several different directions are in one spot trying to figure out their options. They decide to go to less populated areas because big cities and large towns are being "targeted". The crazy guy is still rambling about frigging plants and everyone is still nodding and smiling politely at him. When suddenly a giant oak tree bites his head off.... just kidding but that would have been a heck of a lot cooler.
They decide to travel to a town that is not on the big national map because apparently only locals care about the town. They walk in two groups, one group heads out right away but the others are grabbing items from the car. Elliot, Alma and Jess are in the first group, this is when Alma reveals her devastating dessert secret (yawn). The second group is walking and then the wind starts blowing and they start offing themselves. The first group argues about what to do and some of them want to go back and help... Alma is one of them (still wearing the same sullen expression, refer to above picture). Elliot, the science teacher is yelling at them to let him think, as he is the de facto leader of this group. "What if it is the plants? We can't go back there." He decides and notices that the wind s blowing near those people offing themselves. "Let's stay ahead of the wind!" Remember when I told you that he was a science teacher? This is why it is important. How many science teachers would utter "Let's stay ahead of the wind!" I mean forget that in this movie the wind only picks up when the frigging plants go all homicidal on people. What is with that? It can't just be a windy day? Are you telling me Mr. Shyamalan thinks plants make wind? Are you telling me that a science teacher seriously believes he has a chance of outrunning wind? IS EVERYBODY TAKING CRAZY PILLS!?
Either way they all start running as the wind picks up. They split off into smaller groups and now it is Elliot, Alma, Jess and two teenage hooligans. Trying to outrun the wind.
The wind calms the heck down and they see a home. They decide to get some food and a moments respite. The family in the home wants them to leave and keep their "poisonous gas" to themselves. The hooligans get themselves killed by these crazy hillbillies when they demand some food from the people locked in the house and then there were 3. The three survivors run away and keep traveling when they finally see another house. Before checking out the house Elliot decides to share a deep dark secret, which is the best part of the movie. He talks about asking a cute pharmacist where the cough syrup was even though he did not have a cough and that he nearly spent 6 dollars on cough syrup he didn't need. Which I guess was his way of telling her that she is forgiven but the line was actually clever and I am not doing it justice. In the house they find a crazy old lady and shack up with her and then in the morning she goes even crazier then she was before. Then the wind picks up while she is freaking out in the garden and she kills herself by bashing her head into the house and Elliot realizes the plants are killing all humans regardless of how many people there are. Group size no longer matter. Of course he and Alma (who has Jess with her) are in separate parts of the crazy lady's place and can't reunite. They finally act like they love each other and decide if they are going to die they should be with each other. Of course they don't die and life begins anew.... Jess is going back to school. Alma is pregnant and scientists are telling the world the plants are warning us to change out ways and no one is listening. Then it starts happening again in another city... dun dun duh!
YOU NEVER EVER HAVE TO SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!!! YOU'RE FREAKING WELCOME!
Anybody feel like outrunning wind? Holy crap, this movie is terrible. I am really sorry we dragged you into this little girl.
I have seen almost all....
The Sixth Sense - Talk about a crazy movie. I did not see that ending coming. It blew my freaking mind MAN!
Unbreakable - I liked this movie. I did not love this movie but I could see what he was trying to do and I decided to forgive him. Besides Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson as super hero vs. super villain? It was meant to be. He just managed to get it wrong enough.
Signs - Water kills aliens? Really? Of all the retarded events ever! I could almost like this one except for the frigging water killing the aliens.
The Village - Holy crap! Talk about vomitorama! Even though I fell in complete love with Bryce Dallas Howard this movie sucked.
Lady in the Water - Really? I skipped this one. Did you see the ads? They were completely stu!
Which brings us to The Happening..... and here is my review.
***SPOILER ALERT: The whole movie is below this line.***
"Let's stay ahead of the wind." - Elliot Moore (played by Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg)
So we begin the movie in a park and the wind is blowing. Some chick turns to her friend and asks what she is reading. Her friend laughs and tells her. A second later this idiot asks the same frigging question. Then she kills herself. We flash across town as people are killing themselves. Oh my goodness must be terrorists!
Next we find ourselves at a high school where Elliot Moore (M. Wahlberg) is teaching science to a bunch of high schoolers. Remember that Mr. Wahlberg is a science teacher.... it's important. The vice-principal pulls him from class and has already done so with all of the teachers so they can hear the news. Yes... she pulled all the teachers from every class and brought them to one room to tell them people are dying. Yep, no supervision for the kids at all.... just a big meeting to tell a bunch of bad actors that there is some sort of epidemic hitting a major city. Sure let's leave the kids to their own devices... no need to protect our wards! Really? When they finally get back it appears that they don't tell the kids anything. School ends with Mr. Moore telling them to make sure and work on their science projects because they are due Monday. I guess the teachers are not worried because all the dying was happening in New York. I think they are in Philadelphia... and they figure terrorists are responsible for these deaths and then they assume the terrorists won't bother with Philly. Either way Mr. Moore and a co-worker, Julian, decide to go to the co-worker's mother's house, who is frantically trying to get everyone to get out of dodge.
Elliot brings his weird wife Alma with him, she is played by Zooey Deschanel (very cute). Apparently Zooey has one look because she makes it the entire movie.... whether she is mad, sad or happy.
Of course, her character does not "feel comfortable sharing her emotions with others" so perhaps she is a good actress in other films. You certainly have no idea from this movie. Oh and Zooey and Mark have terrible chemistry... they seem more like strangers then married people even if this particular marriage is going through a "tough time".
They meet up with Julian (John Leguizamo), the co-worker at school, and his daughter Jess. Apparently there is bad blood between Julian and Alma.... which was a stupid storyline. Julian thinks Alma is incapable of loving anyone. Alma just so happens, conveniently, to have hung out with a male co-worker after work and lied about it to Elliot. It was "only dessert", perhaps this little lie is is the reason she dislikes Julian. No one likes proving someone right about being a bad person. Either way I didn't care.... which as a storyteller is the completely wrong reaction for the audience to have.
At this point in the movie I like Julian, as John Leguizamo always does a fantastic job in everything I have seen him in. I think the reason he seems compelling in this movie is he actually displays emotion. None of the other stars do. This is where we find out his wife is not going with them on this train but will catch the next one. Once again no one is expecting "the terrorists" to strike good ol' Philly, since that wouldn't be respectable. So they get on the train and they keep hearing more and more stories about it spreading to big cities. Then the train stops because the train conductor can't raise anyone and is not sure it is safe to go on. After sitting around in some Podunk town for a while the whole train load decides they better keep moving. So Elliot finds a crazy dude and his wife to give passage to the 4 of them. Meanwhile Julian is looking to go save his wife and gets passage for one and leaves his daughter with Elliot and Alma. Really? I am not a father but I am imagining that I would stay with my daughter and hope my wife is OK. I am also assuming that if our roles were reversed I could rely on my wife to protect our children and not leave them behind to rescue me. I mean who leaves their kid behind to look for someone they have not heard anything from in the last 2 hours? Did I fail to mention that he had not spoke to his wife in 2 hours? Yeah... so Julian runs off to 'save her' because he has not heard from her. Even the dirt knows that faceless woman is dead. Hello! IDIOT!
Not having started off well you figure the movie will either climb back out of the ditch or at least will not get any worse, but you'd be wrong. So the crazy couple decide to stop at their home to get food. They don't really spend anytime getting food but somehow in ten seconds they do. Then the crazy guy is talking about hot dogs and then starts rambling about plants being behind this attack. Everyone figures he is crazy (which in a movie like this it means you know the crazy guy is finally right for once) but, even thinking this guy is crazy, they still get in the car with this idiot. We flash to Julian who is in the town his wife is supposed to be and we see some landscapers have hung themselves in trees. Some chick starts freaking out in the car Julian in because of the hanging people. Julian is yelling at the others to roll up the windows and seal up the car. To calm this girl down he tells her to do a math problem to take her mind off what is going on. The problem with the math problem he selects is that it is not one she can figure out without a calculator... how giving some one an exponential math problem to calm them down is a good idea is beyond me. You might as well ask her to explain flight. Sure an expert could rattle on and sound like they know what they are talking about but I sure as heck have no clue and neither did she when confronted with this problem. This would have had half the desired effect as it would stop me from screaming because I would be strangling the math dork.
"Oh my God! Oh my God!"
"OK calm down. Seriously! I know what will calm you down here is a math problem. Say I give you a penny today and tomorrow I give you 2 cents. Then the next day I give you 4 cents and each day the amount doubles. How much would you have after 30 days?"
"Well heck Julian I have no frigging clue but I sure feel calm now..."
"Of course you do, you silly goose! Now let's go off ourselves!"
This scene did not happen like this in the movie but it might as well have.The problem I site is the one he uses in the movie. She was screaming out stupid answers like "Ten dollars!" and he is staring at a rip in the fabric roof of the jeep. Then he finally gives her the answer and the driver drives full speed into a tree. I am figuring the driver did not want any more frigging math problems and felt killing himself in a collision with a sturdy looking tree was the only way out. Can you really blame him? Anyway since Julian died we flash back to Elliot, Alma and Jess. They just discovered everyone in all the roads going in any direction are dead. So all these people, coming from several different directions are in one spot trying to figure out their options. They decide to go to less populated areas because big cities and large towns are being "targeted". The crazy guy is still rambling about frigging plants and everyone is still nodding and smiling politely at him. When suddenly a giant oak tree bites his head off.... just kidding but that would have been a heck of a lot cooler.
They decide to travel to a town that is not on the big national map because apparently only locals care about the town. They walk in two groups, one group heads out right away but the others are grabbing items from the car. Elliot, Alma and Jess are in the first group, this is when Alma reveals her devastating dessert secret (yawn). The second group is walking and then the wind starts blowing and they start offing themselves. The first group argues about what to do and some of them want to go back and help... Alma is one of them (still wearing the same sullen expression, refer to above picture). Elliot, the science teacher is yelling at them to let him think, as he is the de facto leader of this group. "What if it is the plants? We can't go back there." He decides and notices that the wind s blowing near those people offing themselves. "Let's stay ahead of the wind!" Remember when I told you that he was a science teacher? This is why it is important. How many science teachers would utter "Let's stay ahead of the wind!" I mean forget that in this movie the wind only picks up when the frigging plants go all homicidal on people. What is with that? It can't just be a windy day? Are you telling me Mr. Shyamalan thinks plants make wind? Are you telling me that a science teacher seriously believes he has a chance of outrunning wind? IS EVERYBODY TAKING CRAZY PILLS!?
Either way they all start running as the wind picks up. They split off into smaller groups and now it is Elliot, Alma, Jess and two teenage hooligans. Trying to outrun the wind.
The wind calms the heck down and they see a home. They decide to get some food and a moments respite. The family in the home wants them to leave and keep their "poisonous gas" to themselves. The hooligans get themselves killed by these crazy hillbillies when they demand some food from the people locked in the house and then there were 3. The three survivors run away and keep traveling when they finally see another house. Before checking out the house Elliot decides to share a deep dark secret, which is the best part of the movie. He talks about asking a cute pharmacist where the cough syrup was even though he did not have a cough and that he nearly spent 6 dollars on cough syrup he didn't need. Which I guess was his way of telling her that she is forgiven but the line was actually clever and I am not doing it justice. In the house they find a crazy old lady and shack up with her and then in the morning she goes even crazier then she was before. Then the wind picks up while she is freaking out in the garden and she kills herself by bashing her head into the house and Elliot realizes the plants are killing all humans regardless of how many people there are. Group size no longer matter. Of course he and Alma (who has Jess with her) are in separate parts of the crazy lady's place and can't reunite. They finally act like they love each other and decide if they are going to die they should be with each other. Of course they don't die and life begins anew.... Jess is going back to school. Alma is pregnant and scientists are telling the world the plants are warning us to change out ways and no one is listening. Then it starts happening again in another city... dun dun duh!
YOU NEVER EVER HAVE TO SEE THIS MOVIE NOW!!! YOU'RE FREAKING WELCOME!
Anybody feel like outrunning wind? Holy crap, this movie is terrible. I am really sorry we dragged you into this little girl.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Adolescent Experiences... the paper
I have been very busy today finishing up my school work that is due this week. One of the classes wanted us to write about adolescent experiences and I enjoyed what I wrote even though I did not want to ever actually write it. Since I liked the end result, I am sharing it. Here is what the assignment was:
Here is my interpretation:
Adolescent Experience: Part 1
Michael Williams
University of Phoenix
I do not look back on these years and have a great level of clarity. I remember it was awkward but I do not entirely remember why. So this assignment has definitely given me some pause. At first I despaired that all of my memories were beyond my reach so I called on a friend to help jog my memory. This long time friend definitely jogged my memory and quite a few laughs were had at both of our expenses. This is the result of our mutual remembrances.
We begin with something that would definitely lend itself to the social realm of an adolescent’s development. It also highlights a shift in thinking about girls, which means it also dabbles in the cognitive development realm. Yes, I no longer felt free to shove a girl off the jungle gym to get ahead of her but my new feelings were not completely clear. The female half of the population had become somehow intriguing, utterly incomprehensible and truly terrifying. As I understand, there is an intense need to socialize with peers during adolescence but not everyone is gifted enough to do so smoothly. I was far from smooth and tended to stick close to friends when I was in social situations. I remember one particular time that my best friends and I went to our first dance. The three of us were holding up the wall fairly well, daring each other to talk to the young ladies who unknowingly struck fear and longing to the very core of our beings. As we stood there, wasting time trying to goad each other into making the first move, the poor girls were forced to also sit and wait. I am sure that none of them wanted to become a social outcast by asking a boy to dance, which meant they had to wait for us to gather our courage. Finally I decided to take that first step. I asked a girl to dance and she immediately said yes, much to my relief. I had taken what I believed to be the first and hardest step and I was now dancing with a cute girl. It was the most frightening and awkward dance I have ever been a part of. I just lightly held her, unsure where to put my hands, attempting to think about baseball (not that I knew anything about baseball) and swayed back and forth like a robot from a bad 1950’s sci-fi flick. We didn’t speak nor did we make much eye contact either. All my bravado and convoluted planning had been focused on getting her to dance with me, not the actual dancing part. When the longest song on earth finally ended, I bolted back to my friends. In my haste to find the security of insecure male bonding I probably sent a very confusing message to the girl. I won’t even attempt to decipher what my hasty departure meant to her but I am sure it was as awkward for her as the asking and dancing had been for me. I then spent the rest of the time daring my friends to take the plunge but managing to feel completely relieved that I had “made a move.” I still remember that first dance as a great adventure although I look upon it now and see how silly I truly was.
My voice changing was the biological development that I clearly recall. I am not sure when it happened or how long it took but it could not end fast enough. I was embarrassed and people’s reactions didn’t help. Whether it was an amused glance or an escaped giggle it sent heat through my cheeks turning them deep scarlet. What I wanted to do was not speak ever again but that is not an option. Knowing that the voice change was just a part of growing up was not any help at the time. I figure the best thing for an adult to do is to not react and just keep on talking with them. After all it is something natural and it should be treated that way. Of course the problem was generally with kids the same age and I am not sure how to get them to cut each other some slack. Now that I am past that stage I definitely see how a smile or giggle is also natural but try to remember that everything is “utterly and devastatingly” embarrassing at that age.
3. Adolescent Experience Paper, Part I: Think back to your early adolescent years, during grades 6 – 8. Based on your assigned readings for Week One, write a 350-700-word paper describing three experiences (transitions) that could be labeled as the following:
a. Biological
b. Cognitive
c. Social
For each experience, describe the effect on you. Was it positive or negative? Has that interpretation changed over the years?
Here is my interpretation:
Adolescent Experience: Part 1
Michael Williams
University of Phoenix
I do not look back on these years and have a great level of clarity. I remember it was awkward but I do not entirely remember why. So this assignment has definitely given me some pause. At first I despaired that all of my memories were beyond my reach so I called on a friend to help jog my memory. This long time friend definitely jogged my memory and quite a few laughs were had at both of our expenses. This is the result of our mutual remembrances.
We begin with something that would definitely lend itself to the social realm of an adolescent’s development. It also highlights a shift in thinking about girls, which means it also dabbles in the cognitive development realm. Yes, I no longer felt free to shove a girl off the jungle gym to get ahead of her but my new feelings were not completely clear. The female half of the population had become somehow intriguing, utterly incomprehensible and truly terrifying. As I understand, there is an intense need to socialize with peers during adolescence but not everyone is gifted enough to do so smoothly. I was far from smooth and tended to stick close to friends when I was in social situations. I remember one particular time that my best friends and I went to our first dance. The three of us were holding up the wall fairly well, daring each other to talk to the young ladies who unknowingly struck fear and longing to the very core of our beings. As we stood there, wasting time trying to goad each other into making the first move, the poor girls were forced to also sit and wait. I am sure that none of them wanted to become a social outcast by asking a boy to dance, which meant they had to wait for us to gather our courage. Finally I decided to take that first step. I asked a girl to dance and she immediately said yes, much to my relief. I had taken what I believed to be the first and hardest step and I was now dancing with a cute girl. It was the most frightening and awkward dance I have ever been a part of. I just lightly held her, unsure where to put my hands, attempting to think about baseball (not that I knew anything about baseball) and swayed back and forth like a robot from a bad 1950’s sci-fi flick. We didn’t speak nor did we make much eye contact either. All my bravado and convoluted planning had been focused on getting her to dance with me, not the actual dancing part. When the longest song on earth finally ended, I bolted back to my friends. In my haste to find the security of insecure male bonding I probably sent a very confusing message to the girl. I won’t even attempt to decipher what my hasty departure meant to her but I am sure it was as awkward for her as the asking and dancing had been for me. I then spent the rest of the time daring my friends to take the plunge but managing to feel completely relieved that I had “made a move.” I still remember that first dance as a great adventure although I look upon it now and see how silly I truly was.
My voice changing was the biological development that I clearly recall. I am not sure when it happened or how long it took but it could not end fast enough. I was embarrassed and people’s reactions didn’t help. Whether it was an amused glance or an escaped giggle it sent heat through my cheeks turning them deep scarlet. What I wanted to do was not speak ever again but that is not an option. Knowing that the voice change was just a part of growing up was not any help at the time. I figure the best thing for an adult to do is to not react and just keep on talking with them. After all it is something natural and it should be treated that way. Of course the problem was generally with kids the same age and I am not sure how to get them to cut each other some slack. Now that I am past that stage I definitely see how a smile or giggle is also natural but try to remember that everything is “utterly and devastatingly” embarrassing at that age.
Friday, October 17, 2008
The new apartment... a story told in pictures
I know some of you do not like viewing photos this way with the crazy filter and what not, so I have another way to see them: http://www.flickr.com/photos/crazedlunatik/sets/72157608118288428/show/with/2949691045/
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Updating the update
I am now moved and the unpacking is going forth as planned. I ended up moving in Saturday instead of Tuesday which was a huge relief. I will take some photos and share the new place with you as soon as I get a chance.
The job was a disaster and I decided the best move was to not pursue it any longer. Some lies were told to me when I interviewed and they soon were uncovered when I started working. It is for the best but it makes everything a little harder.
I am pretending I understand my school assignment about doing reading assessment with some kid but I am at a loss for what is expected of m. I have found a kid to torture but I am not sure what I should do. Of course I am meeting the kid tomorrow morning. Joy.
I am going to try to write section 4 of the grainery tonight. So hopefully I can post it tomorrow.
The job was a disaster and I decided the best move was to not pursue it any longer. Some lies were told to me when I interviewed and they soon were uncovered when I started working. It is for the best but it makes everything a little harder.
I am pretending I understand my school assignment about doing reading assessment with some kid but I am at a loss for what is expected of m. I have found a kid to torture but I am not sure what I should do. Of course I am meeting the kid tomorrow morning. Joy.
I am going to try to write section 4 of the grainery tonight. So hopefully I can post it tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Busy freaking bee!
Hey folks....
Hope none of my readers have defenestrated themselves recently due to the stock market. My advice? Start learning a foreign language now.... I am thinking Chinese, Japanese or Spanish. hehehe
I wanted to apologize that the story is at a pause for a moment. THings are crazy here in Portland. I will get back to the story as soon as I can. I am going to tell you the latest so if you hate these posts then just skip it....
September was a month of change. Chad who had been planning to move Boston but something changed and he was now thinking he would make the move to Bend. Much closer and less dramatic. I was looking for an apartment but not super hard. I went out looking a couple times and inquired online and by phone a lot. Then things began changing. First Chad was moving to Boston again. Second, I had suddenly realized I had 2 weeks to get an apartment. Third, I was starting to need a job and no longer felt I had time to consider what I wanted in a job. So last week I set up 3 appointments on a Wednesday for apartments. One canceled as they rented it after I had set up my appointment and before I saw the stupid place. Obviously without meeting me they did not realize that I am way cooler then those people they rented to, their loss completely. Then the next place had taken an app as I pulled in so it was off the market. The third place was all mine and I jumped at it. Meanwhile I got a job offer right before I headed to the third place. I took it without a thought to whether I wanted it. So I think I got the apartment I liked and I definitely got the job I am nt sure is a good fit. Then Thursday Chad and I started the going away party early. THen Saturday was the official sayonara party. He actually left town Yesterday morning... safe travels man! Good luck!
I spent all day on the job.... I am still indecisive about whether I made the right call but I have decided to give it a fair shake. So I will put my head down and attempt to do what they ask me to do. Hopefully I make a few bucks from it.
As far as the apartment..... When I get moved into my new place I will try to give you all a few photos.
Hope none of my readers have defenestrated themselves recently due to the stock market. My advice? Start learning a foreign language now.... I am thinking Chinese, Japanese or Spanish. hehehe
I wanted to apologize that the story is at a pause for a moment. THings are crazy here in Portland. I will get back to the story as soon as I can. I am going to tell you the latest so if you hate these posts then just skip it....
September was a month of change. Chad who had been planning to move Boston but something changed and he was now thinking he would make the move to Bend. Much closer and less dramatic. I was looking for an apartment but not super hard. I went out looking a couple times and inquired online and by phone a lot. Then things began changing. First Chad was moving to Boston again. Second, I had suddenly realized I had 2 weeks to get an apartment. Third, I was starting to need a job and no longer felt I had time to consider what I wanted in a job. So last week I set up 3 appointments on a Wednesday for apartments. One canceled as they rented it after I had set up my appointment and before I saw the stupid place. Obviously without meeting me they did not realize that I am way cooler then those people they rented to, their loss completely. Then the next place had taken an app as I pulled in so it was off the market. The third place was all mine and I jumped at it. Meanwhile I got a job offer right before I headed to the third place. I took it without a thought to whether I wanted it. So I think I got the apartment I liked and I definitely got the job I am nt sure is a good fit. Then Thursday Chad and I started the going away party early. THen Saturday was the official sayonara party. He actually left town Yesterday morning... safe travels man! Good luck!
I spent all day on the job.... I am still indecisive about whether I made the right call but I have decided to give it a fair shake. So I will put my head down and attempt to do what they ask me to do. Hopefully I make a few bucks from it.
As far as the apartment..... When I get moved into my new place I will try to give you all a few photos.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
The Grainery: Edge of Sanity
Part 3
He felt eyes on him but everyone managed to avoid his gaze when his eyes fell on them. He felt like a prized cockerspaniel at a dog show and he did not like that feeling very much. He walked into the area before the stalls of vendors selling illegal items and services better left unexplained. Some unsavory tyoes came in past him but they made no notice of him and headed to a man advertising dentistry services. Screams of pain told him this dentist practiced without painkillers and probably without a license. That waas when he saw three rather large men walking toward him with an intent that said he was going with them to talk to their boss. His old boss. He could also see that they wanted him to put up a fight so they could pay him his comeuppance. Instead of turning and running like a sane person would have been compelled to do, Scott let a smirk hit his mouth and he headed straight for them. With his hands out to the side to show he was not looking for trouble and would go with them. "Hey boys!" He said loudly enough that people finally turned to openly stare at him. His smirk grew larger, it paid to be gregarious in a tense situation. Confidence made people second guess you and that gave you time to act first. "Where is that old bastard at? I need to have a few words with ol' Riley about coming home."
His words had the desired effect a lot of people flinched including 2 of Riley's goon squad. The one that didn't flinch was an old general of Riley's and at one time he had answered to Scott. Now he seemed to be in charge. That was fitting. His name was Gregory and he made sure no one called him Greg.... he hated nicknames unless he was using a derogatory one for you. Gregory had never used one to Scott's face which showed a certain amount of respect and Scott had shown him the same by always using his correct name when speaking to him or about him. They had been as close to friends as anyone could be with someone who wanted your job and knew the only way to get it was with you ending up dead. Gregory's face broke into a smile that looked like a sneer. Probably because he was afraid Scott wanted his old job back and that meant trouble for him. Gregory was ruthless when he needed to be but he liked to appear gentlemanly. Scott wanted to assure him he didn't want the old job he had other ideas that had nothing to do with being a general for Riley but he knew until he said it in front Riley it would be like he never spoke.
"Scott.... you coming back is a surprise. I can not pretend to be happy to see you but your reappearance has greatly interested Riley and he wants to see you. Although I am not sure you are close enough to call him rude names any longer. It is of no consequence.... for now. Follow us, things have changed since you left. We would hate for the changes here to end in an unfortunate surprise for you." Gregory said with an implied edge to his tone.
"Gregory! So good to see you! Especially with such a warm greeting. It is like we are reunited tween girls at a slumber party." Scott spoke with a false tone of excitement. A tone Gregory recognized the true intent of. It was nothing more then a warning to Gregory to stop threatening and Scott's warnings were always backed up. He would hate to have to do anything to Gregory and he had just told him as much. A flash of an approving smile crossed Gregory's face before he reset the mask of indifference.
Gregory's men fell in behind them as the two old comrades took the others hand and began to walk into the market place. Scott could tell the two men who walked behind them were nervous.... apparently his reputation was still intact. He and Gregory did not speak as they walked a route that Scott knew by heart. Gregory had spoke the truth though... there were different faces lining the illegal marketplace. Faces that showed no sign of recognition for him either. In fact he did not see one familiar face among the vendors. He was suddenly on edge and glad that Riley wanted to speak to him. This would have been a different journey otherwise and it gave him time to contemplate what the changes meant to him without any confrontations.
They approached a building that looked slightly more permanent then the markets slapped together lean to appearance. It still gave off the feeling of a condemned hovel but compared to the others it was a palace. It was Riley's palace and it was a lot nicer on the inside then it appeared on the outside. Riley was fond of old Arabian tales and had modeled his room after something he had seen in one of those old movies. Scott had referred to it as the 'King and I' room when he used to go there to make his reports. It would have been ridiculous for anyone besides Riley to indulge in this way but it worked for him. Something about it just made sense. Gregory opened the door and pushed through the curtains behind the door allowing Scott to enter the audience chamber ahead of him. Which meant 3 guys behind him at the door and who knew how many in the room. It was dark and he waited until his eyes adjusted to the low light. He was going to be made to wait on Riley, he had seen this same technique used before. A person that was "in need of a lesson", according to Riley, would come into this dark room and wait with about 30 armed guards watching his every move. When Riley felt he had them where he wanted them he would come out and bring them back in line. Most people were so ready to get out of there alive that they would toe the line for a while. For any threat of force to work there had to actually be visible consequences to fear. Riley had gained control ruthlessly and people never knew if they would be the next "example" or if they would be allowed to leave. Scott felt his irritation begin to grow. He figured he could kill half of these guards before they took him and he also knew that a lot of them would flee if he started to fight. Of course Gregory wouldn't and he would either have to kill Gregory or Gregory would kill him. He respected Gregory too much to force that situation to come about and decided he would wait until they made a move against him. He of course could force Riley's hand if this lasted more then another minute. Riley was prideful and that could be used to force him to get on with things. This fear practice had always irritated Scott. He felt like it was a huge waste of time and would end up being the death of Riley one day. Perhaps today if this lasted too much longer.
Scott reflected on his agitation and the fact that his thoughts were filled with vengeance. He had never actually killed anyone, he had never needed to. He out thought people and add a few broken bones to that and people learned to toe the line a lot better then this theatrical dark room act. He could feel his ire rising and he knew why his fuse was so short and thoughts of slaughter coursed through his mind. The thing that was different was that he had experienced true happiness and hope and then had it snatched away. Gwen had changed his life and when she left it had been with Scott left broken. He needed something more then the life he had created with Gwen. Which explained why he was here, the legal world was too tame. He liked the edge of danger.... he always had. Even while he was with Gwen he had missed the danger but he had her and he was able to ignore those impulses. Without her he had been tempted to do stupid and daring things. He had even gotten a raise and a promotion for how he pursued an account for his company. It was not truly dangerous or anything but putting his career on the line had been a little thrilling. Except it had not been enough. So here he was in a dark room, in the underground. Waiting for a man who might be less then happy to see him again. Suddenly he was tired of waiting and reflecting on what lead him to this place. He decided to force the issue. "C'mon Riley! If you are too busy washing your hair I can always come back. I saw some crap for sell out there that I might actually want to take a second look at. You never know when you might need a baby alligator or a stuffed rabbit."
Riley laughed from behind the curtain. Then sounds came from that area as he seemed to be making his way into the room. He began speaking before he had even entered the room, "Damn Scott! You never change! 2 minutes of waiting and you start making fun of the marketplace and my hygiene habits. I hate to admit that I missed it." He entered the room then with a large smile on his face wearing a black suit, black tie and a shiny gold tie. The tie looked ridiculous, who besides Riley would have the guts to wear a gold tie? Scott smiled in spite of himself.
"Speaking of never change.... a gold tie Riley? Really? What is that all about? The rest of the outfit looks like you might be a character in a bad mob movie but the gold tie makes you look like a broke pimp!" Scott said before adding, "I missed your sense of style Riley. It is always so unique but still seems to work for you. No one else could pull that off but somehow it makes sense for you."
Riley's smile widened to reach his eyes. He had thought of Scott as a son. When Scott had left Riley had looked like his heart had broke. Scott liked this expression better but he knew he wasn't out of danger. Riley was clearly not sure what to do about Scott's return. Scott had to play this right.
"I got to say this is pretty gutsy of you Scott. And you know by gutsy I mean stupid." Riley's smile was gone. He looked at Scott for a while and Scott held his gaze. Riley was not going to do anything at this particular second, Scott knew it all the way to the core of his being. He just had to be patient and eventually Riley would make up his mind and Scott would have to react. "But it is good to see you."
Scott smiled at Riley but did not speak. Riley was still undecided as to what to do and rushing him into a decision at this point would be a mistake. That mistake would be fatal. Seeking danger was one thing but inviting death and making it dinner was another thing entirely. Riley sat down behind his desk, keeping his eyes on Scott. Scott's impatience was not a factor during this exchange. There was something tangible behind all this because he could watch Riley and evaluate his next move. At the moment he stood still and held his gaze waiting on Riley.
"I can't say I am suprised to see you. Well not completely, perhaps just a little surprised. I knew she would leave you and I knew you would be back but it took longer then I expected. Before you say something in response to my words that you might end up regretting for a few seconds before you enter darkness, let me tell you that I hoped I would be wrong and I find no joy in seeing you here. I do not enjoy seeing you so broken and I wish I had been wrong just this once." He paused and studied Scott for a minute, Scott stayed quiet and waited. "Of course knowing you would be back does not let me know what your intentions are. I am not sure what you want now and I am not sure if I can trust you if you want to come back. You have become a dangerous unreadable component to crop up. So I am trying to figure out what my next move is as I am sure you are aware. You have always been gifted with perception." Scott nodded at his words and Riley pursed his lips before continuing, as if not sure of how to phrase the next question. "So tell me why are you back here Scott? What do you expect to happen by coming here tonight?"
Scott met Riley's eyes for a minute before opening his mouth. "I am glad you asked that Riley...."
He felt eyes on him but everyone managed to avoid his gaze when his eyes fell on them. He felt like a prized cockerspaniel at a dog show and he did not like that feeling very much. He walked into the area before the stalls of vendors selling illegal items and services better left unexplained. Some unsavory tyoes came in past him but they made no notice of him and headed to a man advertising dentistry services. Screams of pain told him this dentist practiced without painkillers and probably without a license. That waas when he saw three rather large men walking toward him with an intent that said he was going with them to talk to their boss. His old boss. He could also see that they wanted him to put up a fight so they could pay him his comeuppance. Instead of turning and running like a sane person would have been compelled to do, Scott let a smirk hit his mouth and he headed straight for them. With his hands out to the side to show he was not looking for trouble and would go with them. "Hey boys!" He said loudly enough that people finally turned to openly stare at him. His smirk grew larger, it paid to be gregarious in a tense situation. Confidence made people second guess you and that gave you time to act first. "Where is that old bastard at? I need to have a few words with ol' Riley about coming home."
His words had the desired effect a lot of people flinched including 2 of Riley's goon squad. The one that didn't flinch was an old general of Riley's and at one time he had answered to Scott. Now he seemed to be in charge. That was fitting. His name was Gregory and he made sure no one called him Greg.... he hated nicknames unless he was using a derogatory one for you. Gregory had never used one to Scott's face which showed a certain amount of respect and Scott had shown him the same by always using his correct name when speaking to him or about him. They had been as close to friends as anyone could be with someone who wanted your job and knew the only way to get it was with you ending up dead. Gregory's face broke into a smile that looked like a sneer. Probably because he was afraid Scott wanted his old job back and that meant trouble for him. Gregory was ruthless when he needed to be but he liked to appear gentlemanly. Scott wanted to assure him he didn't want the old job he had other ideas that had nothing to do with being a general for Riley but he knew until he said it in front Riley it would be like he never spoke.
"Scott.... you coming back is a surprise. I can not pretend to be happy to see you but your reappearance has greatly interested Riley and he wants to see you. Although I am not sure you are close enough to call him rude names any longer. It is of no consequence.... for now. Follow us, things have changed since you left. We would hate for the changes here to end in an unfortunate surprise for you." Gregory said with an implied edge to his tone.
"Gregory! So good to see you! Especially with such a warm greeting. It is like we are reunited tween girls at a slumber party." Scott spoke with a false tone of excitement. A tone Gregory recognized the true intent of. It was nothing more then a warning to Gregory to stop threatening and Scott's warnings were always backed up. He would hate to have to do anything to Gregory and he had just told him as much. A flash of an approving smile crossed Gregory's face before he reset the mask of indifference.
Gregory's men fell in behind them as the two old comrades took the others hand and began to walk into the market place. Scott could tell the two men who walked behind them were nervous.... apparently his reputation was still intact. He and Gregory did not speak as they walked a route that Scott knew by heart. Gregory had spoke the truth though... there were different faces lining the illegal marketplace. Faces that showed no sign of recognition for him either. In fact he did not see one familiar face among the vendors. He was suddenly on edge and glad that Riley wanted to speak to him. This would have been a different journey otherwise and it gave him time to contemplate what the changes meant to him without any confrontations.
They approached a building that looked slightly more permanent then the markets slapped together lean to appearance. It still gave off the feeling of a condemned hovel but compared to the others it was a palace. It was Riley's palace and it was a lot nicer on the inside then it appeared on the outside. Riley was fond of old Arabian tales and had modeled his room after something he had seen in one of those old movies. Scott had referred to it as the 'King and I' room when he used to go there to make his reports. It would have been ridiculous for anyone besides Riley to indulge in this way but it worked for him. Something about it just made sense. Gregory opened the door and pushed through the curtains behind the door allowing Scott to enter the audience chamber ahead of him. Which meant 3 guys behind him at the door and who knew how many in the room. It was dark and he waited until his eyes adjusted to the low light. He was going to be made to wait on Riley, he had seen this same technique used before. A person that was "in need of a lesson", according to Riley, would come into this dark room and wait with about 30 armed guards watching his every move. When Riley felt he had them where he wanted them he would come out and bring them back in line. Most people were so ready to get out of there alive that they would toe the line for a while. For any threat of force to work there had to actually be visible consequences to fear. Riley had gained control ruthlessly and people never knew if they would be the next "example" or if they would be allowed to leave. Scott felt his irritation begin to grow. He figured he could kill half of these guards before they took him and he also knew that a lot of them would flee if he started to fight. Of course Gregory wouldn't and he would either have to kill Gregory or Gregory would kill him. He respected Gregory too much to force that situation to come about and decided he would wait until they made a move against him. He of course could force Riley's hand if this lasted more then another minute. Riley was prideful and that could be used to force him to get on with things. This fear practice had always irritated Scott. He felt like it was a huge waste of time and would end up being the death of Riley one day. Perhaps today if this lasted too much longer.
Scott reflected on his agitation and the fact that his thoughts were filled with vengeance. He had never actually killed anyone, he had never needed to. He out thought people and add a few broken bones to that and people learned to toe the line a lot better then this theatrical dark room act. He could feel his ire rising and he knew why his fuse was so short and thoughts of slaughter coursed through his mind. The thing that was different was that he had experienced true happiness and hope and then had it snatched away. Gwen had changed his life and when she left it had been with Scott left broken. He needed something more then the life he had created with Gwen. Which explained why he was here, the legal world was too tame. He liked the edge of danger.... he always had. Even while he was with Gwen he had missed the danger but he had her and he was able to ignore those impulses. Without her he had been tempted to do stupid and daring things. He had even gotten a raise and a promotion for how he pursued an account for his company. It was not truly dangerous or anything but putting his career on the line had been a little thrilling. Except it had not been enough. So here he was in a dark room, in the underground. Waiting for a man who might be less then happy to see him again. Suddenly he was tired of waiting and reflecting on what lead him to this place. He decided to force the issue. "C'mon Riley! If you are too busy washing your hair I can always come back. I saw some crap for sell out there that I might actually want to take a second look at. You never know when you might need a baby alligator or a stuffed rabbit."
Riley laughed from behind the curtain. Then sounds came from that area as he seemed to be making his way into the room. He began speaking before he had even entered the room, "Damn Scott! You never change! 2 minutes of waiting and you start making fun of the marketplace and my hygiene habits. I hate to admit that I missed it." He entered the room then with a large smile on his face wearing a black suit, black tie and a shiny gold tie. The tie looked ridiculous, who besides Riley would have the guts to wear a gold tie? Scott smiled in spite of himself.
"Speaking of never change.... a gold tie Riley? Really? What is that all about? The rest of the outfit looks like you might be a character in a bad mob movie but the gold tie makes you look like a broke pimp!" Scott said before adding, "I missed your sense of style Riley. It is always so unique but still seems to work for you. No one else could pull that off but somehow it makes sense for you."
Riley's smile widened to reach his eyes. He had thought of Scott as a son. When Scott had left Riley had looked like his heart had broke. Scott liked this expression better but he knew he wasn't out of danger. Riley was clearly not sure what to do about Scott's return. Scott had to play this right.
"I got to say this is pretty gutsy of you Scott. And you know by gutsy I mean stupid." Riley's smile was gone. He looked at Scott for a while and Scott held his gaze. Riley was not going to do anything at this particular second, Scott knew it all the way to the core of his being. He just had to be patient and eventually Riley would make up his mind and Scott would have to react. "But it is good to see you."
Scott smiled at Riley but did not speak. Riley was still undecided as to what to do and rushing him into a decision at this point would be a mistake. That mistake would be fatal. Seeking danger was one thing but inviting death and making it dinner was another thing entirely. Riley sat down behind his desk, keeping his eyes on Scott. Scott's impatience was not a factor during this exchange. There was something tangible behind all this because he could watch Riley and evaluate his next move. At the moment he stood still and held his gaze waiting on Riley.
"I can't say I am suprised to see you. Well not completely, perhaps just a little surprised. I knew she would leave you and I knew you would be back but it took longer then I expected. Before you say something in response to my words that you might end up regretting for a few seconds before you enter darkness, let me tell you that I hoped I would be wrong and I find no joy in seeing you here. I do not enjoy seeing you so broken and I wish I had been wrong just this once." He paused and studied Scott for a minute, Scott stayed quiet and waited. "Of course knowing you would be back does not let me know what your intentions are. I am not sure what you want now and I am not sure if I can trust you if you want to come back. You have become a dangerous unreadable component to crop up. So I am trying to figure out what my next move is as I am sure you are aware. You have always been gifted with perception." Scott nodded at his words and Riley pursed his lips before continuing, as if not sure of how to phrase the next question. "So tell me why are you back here Scott? What do you expect to happen by coming here tonight?"
Scott met Riley's eyes for a minute before opening his mouth. "I am glad you asked that Riley...."
The haps
Hey all!
I have been feeling a wee bit stressed this month. I want to have a job so bad that I have been talking to insurance companies again... which is questionable considering the current market. Anyway I had 3 interviews with a company that sells supplemental life and health policies to union members. I was excited because I figured I had landed a job but they said they would call Friday afternoon and they didn't so I guess I struck out.Which is probably a sign to go back to plan a which was to land a job in the education realm. Yeah, it won't pay like the insurance gigs but it will get me some much needed experience. So I am gearing up to make an honest and dedicated run at those jobs.
The thing that is complicating the hunt and intensifying my need to land a job is that I also need to move. My roomie is moving to Boston at the end of the month and we gave notice to be out by October 5th. I am not having any luck finding an apartment in my price range in any of the places I want to live. So I may have to move out into a suburb again and I really don't like that idea. Oh well.
Other then that I have written two installments to add to The Grainery. The 2nd section appeared yesterday and the third will appear this afternoon. I have not started on the 4th piece but I will soon.
Oh and I have joined up with Facebook recently and I spend way too much time running around there. I like it way better then MySpace because I do not get random friend request from girls that want me to join there porn site. If you are on there or about to join, look me up. We can become Facebook friends!
I have been feeling a wee bit stressed this month. I want to have a job so bad that I have been talking to insurance companies again... which is questionable considering the current market. Anyway I had 3 interviews with a company that sells supplemental life and health policies to union members. I was excited because I figured I had landed a job but they said they would call Friday afternoon and they didn't so I guess I struck out.Which is probably a sign to go back to plan a which was to land a job in the education realm. Yeah, it won't pay like the insurance gigs but it will get me some much needed experience. So I am gearing up to make an honest and dedicated run at those jobs.
The thing that is complicating the hunt and intensifying my need to land a job is that I also need to move. My roomie is moving to Boston at the end of the month and we gave notice to be out by October 5th. I am not having any luck finding an apartment in my price range in any of the places I want to live. So I may have to move out into a suburb again and I really don't like that idea. Oh well.
Other then that I have written two installments to add to The Grainery. The 2nd section appeared yesterday and the third will appear this afternoon. I have not started on the 4th piece but I will soon.
Oh and I have joined up with Facebook recently and I spend way too much time running around there. I like it way better then MySpace because I do not get random friend request from girls that want me to join there porn site. If you are on there or about to join, look me up. We can become Facebook friends!
Friday, September 19, 2008
The Grainery: Enter the Underground
Part 2
As the sun set Scott sat watching the shadows stretch across his body. The sun burned that weird orange color as it set, the color that compelled you to look and admire the way it painted the sky. The sun had a beautiful pallette on hand tonight, the colors dazzled. He found part of himself annoyed as he felt an overwhelming apathy at the idea of the impending darkness falling and the underworld finding him here. He wasn't afraid of the dark and he wasn't afraid of any threat lurking in the darkness. At the same time he wasn't a fatalist or suicidal, of course anyone who watched him now might think he was. The grainery had an unsavory reputation and good people steered clear of it when the sun set. People that looked, dressed and spoke like Scott usually stayed away from this place in the daylight but Scott was not really one of those people. He could survive in the unseemly underbelly of this city's depravity. He used to do more then survive it but Gwen had talked him out of that life. He had made a lot of waves by giving up his life and pursuing another but Scott was strong. He was even successful in his new life, he just happened to no longer be happy with it.
So here he sat, about to do what he had promised Gwen he would never do. Of course that promise was made when she had been with him and he had made the promise because all he wanted was her. Without her he did not feel bound by words he had spoke after she had promised him they would have forever together. He felt tears threaten to boil up to the surface. He choked them down and stood up. It was time.
He pushed the chained door of the grainery's entrance and it opened wide enough for him (and probably 3 other people) to fit through. He slinked in and headed to the steps that lead down. He walked down the winding steps and the wafting scent of the underworld assaulted his nose. He almost felt like home when the bizarre mixture of spices and mildew hit his nose. He stopped on a step to breathe in the scents. If he walked down another flight of stairs he would be officially back. People might not be happy to see him but what was different about that. Scott had always been good at reading people and he had never been in danger when this had been his life. He knew what the people he was with would do even before they did, it was like a sixth sense. It had only one blindspot and that had been Gwen. He never knew what she was going to do which is why he had been so devastated when he came home to find her completely gone. Every posession had been removed from their... his apartment. He pushed that thought to the back of his mind as he stealed himself to go down those last few steps.
When he reached the bottom he looked up to the metal doors before him. Knowing their were armed sneaks watching his every move and that everyone behind that door already knew he was there. He let a smile creep onto his face for just a moment. Then he let the expressionless mask slip into place, it felt like an old friend. His face felt normal like this. He felt in control again. He pushed the doors open and entered the swirling masses of those that were the underground.
As the sun set Scott sat watching the shadows stretch across his body. The sun burned that weird orange color as it set, the color that compelled you to look and admire the way it painted the sky. The sun had a beautiful pallette on hand tonight, the colors dazzled. He found part of himself annoyed as he felt an overwhelming apathy at the idea of the impending darkness falling and the underworld finding him here. He wasn't afraid of the dark and he wasn't afraid of any threat lurking in the darkness. At the same time he wasn't a fatalist or suicidal, of course anyone who watched him now might think he was. The grainery had an unsavory reputation and good people steered clear of it when the sun set. People that looked, dressed and spoke like Scott usually stayed away from this place in the daylight but Scott was not really one of those people. He could survive in the unseemly underbelly of this city's depravity. He used to do more then survive it but Gwen had talked him out of that life. He had made a lot of waves by giving up his life and pursuing another but Scott was strong. He was even successful in his new life, he just happened to no longer be happy with it.
So here he sat, about to do what he had promised Gwen he would never do. Of course that promise was made when she had been with him and he had made the promise because all he wanted was her. Without her he did not feel bound by words he had spoke after she had promised him they would have forever together. He felt tears threaten to boil up to the surface. He choked them down and stood up. It was time.
He pushed the chained door of the grainery's entrance and it opened wide enough for him (and probably 3 other people) to fit through. He slinked in and headed to the steps that lead down. He walked down the winding steps and the wafting scent of the underworld assaulted his nose. He almost felt like home when the bizarre mixture of spices and mildew hit his nose. He stopped on a step to breathe in the scents. If he walked down another flight of stairs he would be officially back. People might not be happy to see him but what was different about that. Scott had always been good at reading people and he had never been in danger when this had been his life. He knew what the people he was with would do even before they did, it was like a sixth sense. It had only one blindspot and that had been Gwen. He never knew what she was going to do which is why he had been so devastated when he came home to find her completely gone. Every posession had been removed from their... his apartment. He pushed that thought to the back of his mind as he stealed himself to go down those last few steps.
When he reached the bottom he looked up to the metal doors before him. Knowing their were armed sneaks watching his every move and that everyone behind that door already knew he was there. He let a smile creep onto his face for just a moment. Then he let the expressionless mask slip into place, it felt like an old friend. His face felt normal like this. He felt in control again. He pushed the doors open and entered the swirling masses of those that were the underground.
Monday, September 08, 2008
The Grainery
The radio was blaring from Tony's room "Ch-ch-ch-changes!" Scott could not understand why his new roommate had such abominable taste in music. David Bowie wasn't even cool when he was popular and nobody should continue to be subjected to his music. He felt his ears begin to bleed... ok that wasn't real but his ears definitely wanted to. Scott felt that his roommate needed to invest in some headphones. He poured a bowl of Corn Pops and grabbed a cup of the freshly brewed coffee and looked at the clock. It was 1 PM and he was just getting motivated. Hangovers lasted a lot longer then they did 10 years ago when he was 19. Not that he was drinking then because that would have been illegal he thought to himself before laughing. His room mate walked in at that moment, "Why are you laughing?" Scott hated that his roommate never seemed to let things go unnoticed but this was not something he felt like picking a fight over. "I feel like shit and I was thinking how 10 years ago I would have already been buying beer for this evening's events." His roommate grinned and then launched into a tale of debauchery so indepth that Scott tuned him out.
After what seemed like forever his roommate had stopped his diatribe on how he could out party the world. Of course that was only because he had recieved a phone call and was busy telling the person some other long pointless stories about something completely different. This was his chance to escape, he put his bowl in the sink, grabbed his keys and headed out the door. He had no destination in mind just anywhere but there.
He found himself outside an abandoned grainery, he always ended up here when he didn't have a destination in mind. The place had a strange magnetic pull on him. This was where he had met Gwen, who had shared the same sort of compulsion to visit this place. They had developed their relationship beyond strangers with a common secret attraction for a derelict grainery building. She had been his whole life after the first time he layed eyes on her. Even now he would drop everything if she called. But she wouldn't call...
He got out of the car and headed toward the grainery to clear his mind. He walked past several 'No Trespassing' signs, signs with posted warning of the dangers of the buildings eminent collapse, past the nearly faded notice of condemnation. They did not stop him or even register the proper warnings within his mind. He did not stop walking until he came to the wall that had been covered in graffiti the last time he had been there. Scott had a certain connection with that graffiti, as it had been him that had put it there. The graffiti was a poem left there for Gwen's eyes, a last ditch attempt to win her back. He was fairly certain she had been the one who painted over it, as the building's owners were not bothered too much about maintaining the property. He put his back to the wall and slowly slid down into a seated position and then he put his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut.
The sun was close to setting when he finally lifted his head up. He was not sure where the time had went but it certainly was gone. He knew he needed to get out of there before night fell as the property lent itself to all sorts of illegal activity in the dark. The kind of thing he was no longer interested in getting involved with. He kept thinking about how he needed to get up and head to his car but he made no effort to do so. He just sat there and watched the sun set, willing whatever might come of this.
So, should I continue the story?
After what seemed like forever his roommate had stopped his diatribe on how he could out party the world. Of course that was only because he had recieved a phone call and was busy telling the person some other long pointless stories about something completely different. This was his chance to escape, he put his bowl in the sink, grabbed his keys and headed out the door. He had no destination in mind just anywhere but there.
He found himself outside an abandoned grainery, he always ended up here when he didn't have a destination in mind. The place had a strange magnetic pull on him. This was where he had met Gwen, who had shared the same sort of compulsion to visit this place. They had developed their relationship beyond strangers with a common secret attraction for a derelict grainery building. She had been his whole life after the first time he layed eyes on her. Even now he would drop everything if she called. But she wouldn't call...
He got out of the car and headed toward the grainery to clear his mind. He walked past several 'No Trespassing' signs, signs with posted warning of the dangers of the buildings eminent collapse, past the nearly faded notice of condemnation. They did not stop him or even register the proper warnings within his mind. He did not stop walking until he came to the wall that had been covered in graffiti the last time he had been there. Scott had a certain connection with that graffiti, as it had been him that had put it there. The graffiti was a poem left there for Gwen's eyes, a last ditch attempt to win her back. He was fairly certain she had been the one who painted over it, as the building's owners were not bothered too much about maintaining the property. He put his back to the wall and slowly slid down into a seated position and then he put his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut.
The sun was close to setting when he finally lifted his head up. He was not sure where the time had went but it certainly was gone. He knew he needed to get out of there before night fell as the property lent itself to all sorts of illegal activity in the dark. The kind of thing he was no longer interested in getting involved with. He kept thinking about how he needed to get up and head to his car but he made no effort to do so. He just sat there and watched the sun set, willing whatever might come of this.
So, should I continue the story?
Friday, August 29, 2008
Flight of the Conchords
This is my new favorite band, Flight of the Conchords. Apparently they have a show on HBO that I have not seen. I heard the cd recently and I decided to check them out at YouTube. They make me laugh... so I figured I would share this video of "The Most Beautiful Girl (in the room)".
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Fo' Sho'
I feel like an update is in order....
So I had a few e-mails and even a phone call from my mother over that last poem. I just want to assure everyone I am OK. I am not crying myself to sleep, I am not typing this while curled in a fetal position and I am not planning on jumping off a building. I tend to work through feelings in my journal when I start to feel irritated with myself, my recent behavior (or lack of said behavior), when I am frustrated with the current course my life is on, when I feel insecure, when I feel super happy, when I am excited and can't sleep, when I have a story idea but I am not ready to write it out yet, when I am reflecting on the days events, if I am bored and feel like practicing my writing skills, after looking in the mirror and seeing my ridiculous morning hair, or any other stupid whim that crosses my mind. Most of the time what I write in the journal is complete and utter crap. Sometimes it is really whiny. Other times it is just too stupid. This time though I thought the poem was pretty good. As I typed it up I did some editing and rearranging of words and ideas. Then I dubbed it Deep Sleep.... I paused for a second before submitting it to the blog because I was worried that it might be a wee bit too dark. I usually strive for the funny and was worried I would lose my audience. Then I realized it was the first poem I had written in a couple months that I actually liked enough to share..... so I posted it. I learned that I should not be dark and self loathing in the future after posting the poem. It just isn't worth all the ridiculous emails and phone calls. In fact the concern the poem caused made me not even feel like writing for a while. I am over it though.
I have actually been applying to jobs that I have a chance of getting the last couple weeks. I want more money even though I still don't want to work. I never want to work again but that is not an option.
Other then that I have been enjoying the sunshine.
So I had a few e-mails and even a phone call from my mother over that last poem. I just want to assure everyone I am OK. I am not crying myself to sleep, I am not typing this while curled in a fetal position and I am not planning on jumping off a building. I tend to work through feelings in my journal when I start to feel irritated with myself, my recent behavior (or lack of said behavior), when I am frustrated with the current course my life is on, when I feel insecure, when I feel super happy, when I am excited and can't sleep, when I have a story idea but I am not ready to write it out yet, when I am reflecting on the days events, if I am bored and feel like practicing my writing skills, after looking in the mirror and seeing my ridiculous morning hair, or any other stupid whim that crosses my mind. Most of the time what I write in the journal is complete and utter crap. Sometimes it is really whiny. Other times it is just too stupid. This time though I thought the poem was pretty good. As I typed it up I did some editing and rearranging of words and ideas. Then I dubbed it Deep Sleep.... I paused for a second before submitting it to the blog because I was worried that it might be a wee bit too dark. I usually strive for the funny and was worried I would lose my audience. Then I realized it was the first poem I had written in a couple months that I actually liked enough to share..... so I posted it. I learned that I should not be dark and self loathing in the future after posting the poem. It just isn't worth all the ridiculous emails and phone calls. In fact the concern the poem caused made me not even feel like writing for a while. I am over it though.
I have actually been applying to jobs that I have a chance of getting the last couple weeks. I want more money even though I still don't want to work. I never want to work again but that is not an option.
Other then that I have been enjoying the sunshine.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Deep Sleep - a poem
I dream so deep when I sleep
Never as much as now
I see my failings,
and all my true fears,
brought to life
I have felt so dead,
so completely devoid,
for so long
That these dreams,
my inner thoughts,
are remembered while awake
With a profound sense of dread,
I continue along my chosen path
believing in a miraculous cure
One that can't possibly exist
Hoping that one more word,
one more look,
or perhaps one more drink
will be all I need.
As the saying goes,
life is for those that sieze it
Yet I dream so deep when I sleep
that sometimes I refuse to open my eyes
Never as much as now
I see my failings,
and all my true fears,
brought to life
I have felt so dead,
so completely devoid,
for so long
That these dreams,
my inner thoughts,
are remembered while awake
With a profound sense of dread,
I continue along my chosen path
believing in a miraculous cure
One that can't possibly exist
Hoping that one more word,
one more look,
or perhaps one more drink
will be all I need.
As the saying goes,
life is for those that sieze it
Yet I dream so deep when I sleep
that sometimes I refuse to open my eyes
Saturday, August 16, 2008
The Coast is a campers.... nightmare?
I don't know if I should tell this story....
About a week ago we, my roommate and I, decided to go camping along the coast.... A beautiful plan right? What could be better? Camping, a big campfire, marshmallows, the ocean sound like a dream trip. So we got up Wednesday, at the ultra early time of 11 AM and packed the car. We hit a drive thru on the way out of town and gobbled a burger while my roomie showed his unbelievably patient nature when it came to stupid slow drivers. OK so he does not have any patience for incompetent drivers but who does? Anyway we finally made it out of town and our first destination was a spot on the river in order to go for a swim and soak up some sun. The little spot was heaven and it was nearly deserted as luck would have it. The water was a little too cold.... the second time I got in there I made myself hang out until I acclimated. Then I swam around a little bit and realized how bad of a swimmer I have become. Anyway after another 30 minutes in the sun we headed to Tillamook where we stopped to get camping supplies like food and stuff. We decided to just go out to eat as the time was flying by and we were feeling a little lazy after sitting in the sun for a couple hours and had no desire to cook. We bought some snacks including marshmallows and a cheesy potato chip (which were pretty tasty). We also picked up a few beverages which included Gatorade.... yeah. Then we decided to go eat and decided we had to sit down and be served because my roomie wanted mashed potatoes and gravy..... he said he wanted a full Thanksgiving style dinner. I think I would have preferred Taco Bell because it is quick and cheap but I figured "What the heck!"
So we found some little place that appealed to him and we headed in. The menu was a little more expensive then I was expecting. The place was connected to a crappy Motel but they felt like 16 to 25 dollars were acceptable prices. This should have been our first sign... the place looked mom and pop but wanted to make us pay like it was a 5 star restaurant. The second sign should have been that the waitress was a complete idiot. I asked for a coke and my roomie asked for coffee and then she had to ask me what I wanted again. She followed up by not asking if cream was required and then disappeared before he could ask for some. He finally flagged her down and she went to get it and like maybe 10 minutes later she showed up with it.... mind you this place is not that freaking big or crowded! Anyway we had settled on a steak (you know because everyone has steak on Thanksgiving) that was around 15 bucks and had some decent sides. She took our order (then had to ask me what I wanted again)and then like 5 minutes later came back and advised us they were out of that particular steak but they had the rib eye. It was like she expected us to just go with that because I had to ask to see a menu again as I am not fond of blindly saying yes to something I have no knowledge of the price of. The rib eye steak was 22bucks.... and I did not like that price. I stared at the crappiest looking menu ever for like 10 minutes before I settled on clam chowder and a Caesar salad (which I had to order twice). My roomie went for another Thanksgiving dinner classic.... a Cheeseburger. Why didn't we just go to a fast food joint for a burger? I have no freaking idea. Anyway the food came and the chowder was mediocre and the Caesar salad was also a let down despite it's large size. We left there full but not exactly satisfied and decided to head to the Cape Lookout campground. It was full.
Seeing as we are fairly optimistic lads we did not let that dampen our spirits. There absolutely had to be another campsite down the road. I mean after all it's the coast! So we headed out and passed through Cape Kiwanda where the fantastic Pelican Brewery sits on the beach. Why did we not eat there? Mainly because I forgot about it.... which is a bummer. There was no campsite at Cape Kiwanda. We drove for what seemed like forever before we saw a campsite sign which turned out to be fully reserved so some hillbilly could have a wedding there. Then we drove some more and saw another full campsite sign. Finally we had arrived in Lincoln City and it was starting to get late and we had no optimism left to deal with driving forever while searching for the fabled empty campsite. So when we saw a sign that said they had rooms for 50 bucks we stopped. Of course the 50 dollar rooms were not available so we got a 78 dollar room.... We unloaded the car and decided to take a rest before exploring the town so we watched the Dragnet movie on HBO. When we had our fill of stupid movie zaniness we decided to head out and explore the local night scene. We stumbled into a place that looked lively. It was pretty lively actually... it was completely populated by really weird ugly people. They had decent priced.... Gatorade... and a pinball game so we decided to stay a while. As I got my... Gatorade... I noticed that some of the ugly ladies were hungrily eyeing us. I was not terribly concerned because nobody was near the pinball game. We were playing our second game of pinball when a guy named Steve came over to us. He started chattering away and next thing you know he is playing pinball with us. He was a little weird but he seemed OK. Which of course was a completely incorrect evaluation but we had to figure that out the hard way. Anyway after a game of the sorriest pinball ever played he headed back to the front were the ugly people congregated and we continued drinking... Gatorade.... and playing pinball. The music was pretty bad and we noticed it was a jukebox and we decided to pick some songs to change it up a bit. I picked my 3 first and headed back to the pinball game while my roomie picked his 3.
That was when Steve came back.... but he wasn't alone. He had a very scary looking lady following him. He introduced us and then proceeded to tell her I thought she was cute. Then he took off. I was a wee bit miffed as this lady decided to give picking me up her best shot. Her method was a little weird she proceeded to talk about how she really missed her belly button piercing and thought she should get another one. She decided to lift her shirt up to show me and after I threw up a little in my mouth I started wondering what size piercing she would need and settled on one of those man sized sewer cement rings.... Anyway she kept talking at me and my roomie finally came back and she started asking us about the Steve guy. She kept assuring me that I was much cuter and that if I came up front she would protect me from the rest of the ugly ladies. Anyway she just couldn't believe that I was not interested or that we had just met Steve like 20 minutes ago. She kept rambling about GHB and I decided to keep an eye or better yet a hand on my.... Gatorade. She decided she needed to return to the front and was promising (or threatening) to be back. She decided to tell me she was going to go and take some guys hat and that I should watch because it "will be so funny!" So my retarded new friend went off to snatch a hat off some guys head to impress me. I turned to my roomie and said "I have to get out of here! Let's go!" His reply? "I want to hear the songs I picked." I was a little perturbed by that and I said let's go somewhere else and I will pay for you to pick the same songs. He decided we should stay just a little longer even though I was completely freaking out. He might have been freaking if he had been the object of this ladies manic desire but I conceded to his desire to hang out a while longer. Then Steve came back over and I asked him what the heck that was all about. He preceded to apologize but I had an overwhelming urge to introduce his face to a pool cue. That was when he kind of exchanged words with a couple people and it just got weirder. He was looking like he wanted to fight them but they were looking like they were his friends. He then insisted that they were totally into him but he wasn't into that. Then preceded to interrogate us about our sexual orientation. Then he headed back up front. This time my roomie agreed when I said "We have to get out of this place!" So we made a bee line toward the door as my retarded and extremely ugly best friend called out to us as we passed. We were moving way too quick for the GHB queen to catch us. We found ourselves in a Karaoke joint where we preceded to sing a song each. When they booted us we headed to the beach and it was empty we spent another hour and a half philosophizing about all sort of important things while watching the tide come in before heading back to the hotel.
The next morning came early and before we knew it the time to check out had arrived. We grabbed some food then walked on the beach (which helped us further realize that the people of Lincoln City are not all that compelling) before calling it an experience and headed back to civilization. Don't get me wrong, it was a fun adventure but it had a few hick ups. To cleanse our souls of Lincoln City we headed to First Thursday. Which is a Portland institution that involves galleries staying open late and enticing people to look around by offering beverages. there is also some artists without a gallery that occupy a street to set up their little shops to display what they do. It also happens to be the place to be and the incredible amount of non-Lincoln City people are enough for any body's people watching. There are a lot of beautiful people at First Thursday. So endeth the tale I should not have told.....
About a week ago we, my roommate and I, decided to go camping along the coast.... A beautiful plan right? What could be better? Camping, a big campfire, marshmallows, the ocean sound like a dream trip. So we got up Wednesday, at the ultra early time of 11 AM and packed the car. We hit a drive thru on the way out of town and gobbled a burger while my roomie showed his unbelievably patient nature when it came to stupid slow drivers. OK so he does not have any patience for incompetent drivers but who does? Anyway we finally made it out of town and our first destination was a spot on the river in order to go for a swim and soak up some sun. The little spot was heaven and it was nearly deserted as luck would have it. The water was a little too cold.... the second time I got in there I made myself hang out until I acclimated. Then I swam around a little bit and realized how bad of a swimmer I have become. Anyway after another 30 minutes in the sun we headed to Tillamook where we stopped to get camping supplies like food and stuff. We decided to just go out to eat as the time was flying by and we were feeling a little lazy after sitting in the sun for a couple hours and had no desire to cook. We bought some snacks including marshmallows and a cheesy potato chip (which were pretty tasty). We also picked up a few beverages which included Gatorade.... yeah. Then we decided to go eat and decided we had to sit down and be served because my roomie wanted mashed potatoes and gravy..... he said he wanted a full Thanksgiving style dinner. I think I would have preferred Taco Bell because it is quick and cheap but I figured "What the heck!"
So we found some little place that appealed to him and we headed in. The menu was a little more expensive then I was expecting. The place was connected to a crappy Motel but they felt like 16 to 25 dollars were acceptable prices. This should have been our first sign... the place looked mom and pop but wanted to make us pay like it was a 5 star restaurant. The second sign should have been that the waitress was a complete idiot. I asked for a coke and my roomie asked for coffee and then she had to ask me what I wanted again. She followed up by not asking if cream was required and then disappeared before he could ask for some. He finally flagged her down and she went to get it and like maybe 10 minutes later she showed up with it.... mind you this place is not that freaking big or crowded! Anyway we had settled on a steak (you know because everyone has steak on Thanksgiving) that was around 15 bucks and had some decent sides. She took our order (then had to ask me what I wanted again)and then like 5 minutes later came back and advised us they were out of that particular steak but they had the rib eye. It was like she expected us to just go with that because I had to ask to see a menu again as I am not fond of blindly saying yes to something I have no knowledge of the price of. The rib eye steak was 22bucks.... and I did not like that price. I stared at the crappiest looking menu ever for like 10 minutes before I settled on clam chowder and a Caesar salad (which I had to order twice). My roomie went for another Thanksgiving dinner classic.... a Cheeseburger. Why didn't we just go to a fast food joint for a burger? I have no freaking idea. Anyway the food came and the chowder was mediocre and the Caesar salad was also a let down despite it's large size. We left there full but not exactly satisfied and decided to head to the Cape Lookout campground. It was full.
Seeing as we are fairly optimistic lads we did not let that dampen our spirits. There absolutely had to be another campsite down the road. I mean after all it's the coast! So we headed out and passed through Cape Kiwanda where the fantastic Pelican Brewery sits on the beach. Why did we not eat there? Mainly because I forgot about it.... which is a bummer. There was no campsite at Cape Kiwanda. We drove for what seemed like forever before we saw a campsite sign which turned out to be fully reserved so some hillbilly could have a wedding there. Then we drove some more and saw another full campsite sign. Finally we had arrived in Lincoln City and it was starting to get late and we had no optimism left to deal with driving forever while searching for the fabled empty campsite. So when we saw a sign that said they had rooms for 50 bucks we stopped. Of course the 50 dollar rooms were not available so we got a 78 dollar room.... We unloaded the car and decided to take a rest before exploring the town so we watched the Dragnet movie on HBO. When we had our fill of stupid movie zaniness we decided to head out and explore the local night scene. We stumbled into a place that looked lively. It was pretty lively actually... it was completely populated by really weird ugly people. They had decent priced.... Gatorade... and a pinball game so we decided to stay a while. As I got my... Gatorade... I noticed that some of the ugly ladies were hungrily eyeing us. I was not terribly concerned because nobody was near the pinball game. We were playing our second game of pinball when a guy named Steve came over to us. He started chattering away and next thing you know he is playing pinball with us. He was a little weird but he seemed OK. Which of course was a completely incorrect evaluation but we had to figure that out the hard way. Anyway after a game of the sorriest pinball ever played he headed back to the front were the ugly people congregated and we continued drinking... Gatorade.... and playing pinball. The music was pretty bad and we noticed it was a jukebox and we decided to pick some songs to change it up a bit. I picked my 3 first and headed back to the pinball game while my roomie picked his 3.
That was when Steve came back.... but he wasn't alone. He had a very scary looking lady following him. He introduced us and then proceeded to tell her I thought she was cute. Then he took off. I was a wee bit miffed as this lady decided to give picking me up her best shot. Her method was a little weird she proceeded to talk about how she really missed her belly button piercing and thought she should get another one. She decided to lift her shirt up to show me and after I threw up a little in my mouth I started wondering what size piercing she would need and settled on one of those man sized sewer cement rings.... Anyway she kept talking at me and my roomie finally came back and she started asking us about the Steve guy. She kept assuring me that I was much cuter and that if I came up front she would protect me from the rest of the ugly ladies. Anyway she just couldn't believe that I was not interested or that we had just met Steve like 20 minutes ago. She kept rambling about GHB and I decided to keep an eye or better yet a hand on my.... Gatorade. She decided she needed to return to the front and was promising (or threatening) to be back. She decided to tell me she was going to go and take some guys hat and that I should watch because it "will be so funny!" So my retarded new friend went off to snatch a hat off some guys head to impress me. I turned to my roomie and said "I have to get out of here! Let's go!" His reply? "I want to hear the songs I picked." I was a little perturbed by that and I said let's go somewhere else and I will pay for you to pick the same songs. He decided we should stay just a little longer even though I was completely freaking out. He might have been freaking if he had been the object of this ladies manic desire but I conceded to his desire to hang out a while longer. Then Steve came back over and I asked him what the heck that was all about. He preceded to apologize but I had an overwhelming urge to introduce his face to a pool cue. That was when he kind of exchanged words with a couple people and it just got weirder. He was looking like he wanted to fight them but they were looking like they were his friends. He then insisted that they were totally into him but he wasn't into that. Then preceded to interrogate us about our sexual orientation. Then he headed back up front. This time my roomie agreed when I said "We have to get out of this place!" So we made a bee line toward the door as my retarded and extremely ugly best friend called out to us as we passed. We were moving way too quick for the GHB queen to catch us. We found ourselves in a Karaoke joint where we preceded to sing a song each. When they booted us we headed to the beach and it was empty we spent another hour and a half philosophizing about all sort of important things while watching the tide come in before heading back to the hotel.
The next morning came early and before we knew it the time to check out had arrived. We grabbed some food then walked on the beach (which helped us further realize that the people of Lincoln City are not all that compelling) before calling it an experience and headed back to civilization. Don't get me wrong, it was a fun adventure but it had a few hick ups. To cleanse our souls of Lincoln City we headed to First Thursday. Which is a Portland institution that involves galleries staying open late and enticing people to look around by offering beverages. there is also some artists without a gallery that occupy a street to set up their little shops to display what they do. It also happens to be the place to be and the incredible amount of non-Lincoln City people are enough for any body's people watching. There are a lot of beautiful people at First Thursday. So endeth the tale I should not have told.....
Monday, August 11, 2008
Announcing my 2009 Calendar
Hey kids!
It's that time of year when I go out of my way to bring you a calendar. I was working on a second one but I am doubting it will make it to print. Mainly because I have not found a theme for it so it looks a little random which is irritating me. So right now I have the one calendar with a San Francisco theme....
You can view it by clicking on this link: http://www.cafepress.com/cldcalendar
The site has a calendar with 13 pictures (the cover and one for each month), a single shot calendar, a journal with a photo on the cover, a mini poster, a greeting card, and a magnet. I am sure more will come soon, so keep an eye out. Or just keep reading as I am sure I will let you know....
It's that time of year when I go out of my way to bring you a calendar. I was working on a second one but I am doubting it will make it to print. Mainly because I have not found a theme for it so it looks a little random which is irritating me. So right now I have the one calendar with a San Francisco theme....
You can view it by clicking on this link: http://www.cafepress.com/cldcalendar
The site has a calendar with 13 pictures (the cover and one for each month), a single shot calendar, a journal with a photo on the cover, a mini poster, a greeting card, and a magnet. I am sure more will come soon, so keep an eye out. Or just keep reading as I am sure I will let you know....
Saturday, August 09, 2008
My Vocabulary Activity
So in school one of the things we are doing as a group is creating a unit plan. Each of us are responsible for one lesson. I did the lesson about the various body parts that make up an insect and my team mates are doing other insect lessons. Another task is to come up with a vocabulary activity and I decided to share with you my vocabulary activity so that you can all be glad not to be in my class while I teach you about insects.
Acrostic Poem Madness
What is an Acrostic Poem?
An Acrostic poem is a poem that takes a word and lines it up horizontally. Then uses each letter of the word to start a new word or sentence related to the word itself.
An example of an Acrostic Poem:
The Assignment:
Pick a word for the vocabulary list and turn it into your very own acrostic poem. Using a separate sheet of paper write the word horizontally. You can brainstorm ideas to help you pick sentences or words for your poem. Helping your fellow students is ok as is asking for a little help from your mean ol’ teacher.
Vocabulary Words:
abdomen, antennae, anthropod, entomologist, exoskeleton, insect, invertebrates, thorax, and vertebrate
A good question would be what demented child would pick invertebrates?
Acrostic Poem Madness
What is an Acrostic Poem?
An Acrostic poem is a poem that takes a word and lines it up horizontally. Then uses each letter of the word to start a new word or sentence related to the word itself.
An example of an Acrostic Poem:
I stepped on an insect this morning and
Not even a startled cry escaped it’s mouth.
Surely it was not happy to be stepped on,
Even though I swear it was a totally unintended accident.
Crunch! Was the only sound it made.
There was no time for a burial, because I had to get to school.
(Mr. Williams, 2008)
The Assignment:
Pick a word for the vocabulary list and turn it into your very own acrostic poem. Using a separate sheet of paper write the word horizontally. You can brainstorm ideas to help you pick sentences or words for your poem. Helping your fellow students is ok as is asking for a little help from your mean ol’ teacher.
Vocabulary Words:
abdomen, antennae, anthropod, entomologist, exoskeleton, insect, invertebrates, thorax, and vertebrate
A good question would be what demented child would pick invertebrates?
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