Well it was a slow weekend for me. I spent most of Valentine's day watching TV and doing homework. Today I decided I was going to go out and do something.... and before I knew it, it was 9 PM. I am not sure how that happens but it happens a lot when I have no plans and nothing to do. I decided around 6 PM that I would see a movie tonight. Now that it was 9 PM I realized I needed to get going. I had a quick errand to run before I spent time staring at a movie screen. I had to return some movies to Hollywood Video that were rented while Maryann was here. Which meant they were at least a day late and I did not need them to get any later. Hollywood Video is right next to the grocery store and I wanted to get some Valentine's candy on sale, I love discounted holiday candy. On the way in to the store I saw a sale on the digital converter boxes. Instead of $55.00 it was $40.00, the exact amount of the government coupon. I ran out to my car, got the coupon and bought the box, along with a box of chocolates and a mini m&m's cupid figure. Knowing I was running out of time to have a wide selection of movies I headed over to the theater. When I got there I was too late to see the movie I had planned to see, Push. I looked at the available movie times and decided quickly on a second movie, bought a ticket and headed in. I wish I had taken an extra minute to decide....
Now for a review of Friday the 13th
I am sure you know the rough semblance of the story, even if you have never seen one of these movie. Some dude in a hockey mask loves slaughtering naughty teenagers. Of course it was not always the hockey mask guy slaughtering people. In the first movie it was Jason's mother killing the horny camp counselors. You see mommy dearest sent her disfigured/retarded son, Jason, to Camp Crystal Lake. In an amazing move of incompetence the camp counselors are too busy fornicating to see that Jason is drowning. Mommy dearest gets her revenge for her son's death by slaughtering a whole group of new counselors who had nothing to do with the death of her son. Nothing like a little justice! How exactly Jason came about to star as the silent killer of the whole mess of sequels, considering he dies in the first movie, is a little beyond me. It makes no sense but I say stop worrying about the illogicalness (technical words are what I am about) of it all. Just accept that Jason, the dead kid, is now Jason the giant, hulking, machete wielding, hockey mask sporting killer we all love.
OK... so this is a sequel then right? Another movie towards Jason's never ending list of movies? Nope. In yet another bewildering move that makes you wonder what is wrong with Hollywood, this is a retelling. I am not sure what is going on but it seems that every year there is another Horror movie being redone. Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes and The Omen are a few that pop into mind. So Friday the 13th is not the first to get the reshoot treatment. It is weird that this is happening because it doesn't seem like they are old enough to get the new spin.... I hear that the next movie redub being tossed around is the Nightmare on Elm Street series. They are going to relaunch Freddy.... either way that is not my review today. I am focusing on Friday the 13th and that is why I wanted you to know the original movie was a tale of a mother seeking revenge for the death of her son.
I was curious when I heard this movie was coming out and even more curious when I saw that it had a hockey mask toting, machete wielding fiend in the ads. I wondered aloud if they had decided to do without the mom aspect. I had a chance to see this movie on Monday the 9th for free as part of a preview audience. I declined the chance because my sister was in town and this is not her type of movie. I still wanted to see the movie though. So when I missed Push's start time I pulled the trigger on this movie. The movie starts with a girl running through the wilderness and you can tell she is scared. She is limping along and using something as a crutch but you can't tell what because of the camera work. You know, the shaky cam that I can't stand. Then we hear Jason's mama giving her the "You let my boy die" lecture right before she lunges at the girl who is pleading and crying that she was not responsible for Jason's death. Of course the girl uses her crutch to chop off Jason's moms head at the last second. The crutch was a machete, apparently. As the opening credits roll we see little hands scavenge a locket from the mother's body and run off with the abandoned machete as well. Apparently that was Jason and he had been there to witness his mother's demise. Oh no! YAWN!!!!
We pick up with a group of rejects camping out in the abandoned camp area. They get killed pretty quickly, all except one girl who we never see die. YAWN!!!
The "possibly not dead" girl's brother is looking for her and he meets a bunch of new rejects headed to a rich kids parents cabin. The rich kid is a jerk and we want a great death scene for him immediately. YAWN!!! Unfortunately the death scene he gets is stupid and not worth it. In fact most of the deaths were just kind of... boring. I started yawning in the middle of the movie. I was suddenly wishing that I had waited to see this movie at the beer theaters... At least then I could have had a beer and made the movie viewing worthwhile.
I am sure you can guess how the movie went... people died then other people went looking for those dead people and then they died. All of this is something I expected in a Friday the 13th move but usually I get a laugh or two at the absurdity of the death. This movie used the fame of the series and the date to make a few bucks on a movie that made the schlocky precursors look fun, exciting and intelligent. I am seriously offended that the movie was this boring and that I spent more time wishing I had seen Confessions of A Shopaholic then paying attention to the screen. I can't stop you from seeing this movie and I am not trying too.... I am just hoping you go in expecting a suckfest. It was like Michael Bay tried to inject realism into an unrealistic flick.... totally not worth it.
Luckily I had the converter and the candy in my car to look forward too. I now have several free stations to watch and I am very happy. I am watching OPB Nature programming.... there are like 4 OPB stations. The picure looks great!