Saturday, July 18, 2009

Because I haven't written in a while

Why, at 5 AM, I am sitting here drinking is a question I can't answer. I didn't mean to spend the night and early hours drinking but it happened anyway. I would love to apologize for this violation of adult responsibilities and observance of proper drinking hours. I would love to say that I was sorry or sickened by my actions but at the same time I am trying not to tell lies... like George Washington (minus the fictitional cherry tree). What I am saying is that I do not have any contrite words to partner with my actions. Hold on...

Had to take a quick drink.

Much better.

Anyway it is 5 in the morning and I am finishing my (possibly) last drink. To be fair I started late in the evening and I have been feeling a little stressed. The money situation I find myself in would be better drowned in a constant flow of alcohol but I lack that kind of money. You see the government is not paying unemployment wages because going to school twice a month might mean I am unable to take a job. How twice a month means I am being impossible and hard to deal with is beyond my mental capacity.... Hold on.... Just a quick sip.... Ahhhh.

Oh and the school is taking their sweet time, getting their ducks in a row, when they should be sending some financial aid my way. To add to my constant state of worry I woke up at 7 AM because I recieved a text message from my cellular service letting me know I had a new bill waiting for me. This rude awakening helped me see my crisis a little clearer (holy crap.... I have bills!) and as a result the house of cards that I had taken refuge behind was tipped over. I came face to face with the full spectrum of my money woes. My heart started racing, even as I tried to fall back asleep, and I could not calm down. This was how I greeted the day and the urge to rob a bank has not left me since.

I originally thought that a glass of wine would calm my nerves and send me into dream land. As of yet the fierce "hamster ball" like workings of my mind continue to roll on. Not even when I switched to beer did it stop. My mind is in panic overdive. So I wrote this little note to let you know where my head is at. I also wrote this note to get some of the stress and worry out of my system. And of course I wrote this note because I hadn't written in a while......

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