Thursday, July 30, 2009

Hot enough for ya?

If you glimpsed the temperatures in the Northwest corner of the US you may have seen that we broke 100 degrees several days in a row. It was hot and a good majority of us do not have air conditioning. So we all went to the movies (those with a few bucks), the mall, and the library. Every place that offered a spot to sit in the air conditioning was packed and not until they closed their doors did we head home to face our homes from Hades. I have been unable to get a good night of sleep because of the heat. It was suffocating and no amount of fans could cool off my apartment. I am letting you know this for a reason. I am building toward a point.... really!

It was unbelievably hot and miserable this entire week. I spent a lot of my evening lounging around in boxer shorts. It was too hot! Of course when the heat started really putting out the waves aroud mid morning, I would shower (in an attempt to wash the sheen of sweat off) and head to a place away from my apartment. A place with air conditioning. I was doing all I could do to stay cool. Except for walking around town with my shirt off. I get it.... it is not against the law for men to be topless. So walking around shirtless is not illegal. No man will go to jail or even receive a ticket for taking off their shirt. But does that make this ok?

I am thinking no. I am not standing on a soapbox saying that the fact that women can't do this makes it unfair. I am not saying that topless women should flood the streets and overturn an unjust rule. Sure, there are quite a few women I would love to watch run around topless when ever they wished. I think that topless women can be an awesome thing. Of course the drawback is that you would have the problem of the not so attractive people flopping out the goods. The reality is that 3/4 of the women I saw today should stay clothed. Even this is not the reason I am against males going shirtless. I am not irritated by the inequality of the sexes when it comes to toplessness. If you think about it the whole tabooo-ness of topless women is what drives sales of some adult magazines and gets tips at the topless bars. The balancing of the topless scales would eliminate thousands if not millions of revenue for people. We wouldn't want that to happen. A stripper has to eat too!

So what is the reason? I mentioned the 3/4 of non-appealing ladies when I nixed the topless ladies idea. Well men have the same issue but if you ask me the scales are tipped more substantially against men. I am not even talking about my own sexual tastes here. I can admit their are some dudes that look specifically designed to keep their shirt off. I would like to add that I do not see myself in this subset. It's the people who are in the 7/8ths of the male population, the ones that should remain clothed in public places, that insist on walking around sans shirt. So right here I am making a stand against topless men and here is my rallying cry: I do not want to see you half naked on the city streets.

My feeling is that if a person is near a beach, lake, river, pool, in a park soaking in rays, or in and around their home they are more then welcome to be shirtless. In fact I say this about both sexes, attractive or unattractive, old or young, toothpick or beached whale. Go shirtless, if you want, in the places I have described. I am talking about the context of the toplessness; it is an important detail. Leaving the context out of your shirtlessness is like deciding you don't really need an engine in your car. So please America, put your shirts back on. Nobody wants to see your beer belly, your fur-like covering of hair, your weird tan lines, the innie or outie belly button, or your deformed nipple. Put your shirt back on before you wait for the bus. Put your shirt back on before you go to the grocery store. Put your shirt back on when you ride the Max trains. Put your shirt back on when you are 80 years old and sitting outside your nursing home. Put your shirt back on anytime you leave the safe zones I have described.

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