Tuesday, October 20, 2009

About a Rabbit

I woke up the other day and tripped over the rabbit on my way to go use the bathroom. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not completely functional in the morning. They also know that anyone silly enough to get in my way, might be tripped over. So most people give me a wide berth. Additionally, my conversational skills are devoid of substance and I frown a lot for the first few hours of consciousness. Basically, I am not a morning person. Anyway, I began that morning by being tripped by the rabbit. I swear I heard the damn thing snicker. I kind of mumbled an apology that also included a warning to move next time. When I got out of the shower, my eyes had opened but my brain was on autopilot. I thought food, coffee, and go to work. So I enter the kitchen and the rabbit is stalking me all over the place. Like, literally! The psycho rabbit was running at me and chasing me around the kitchen. It was silly. I was doing my best to avoid the rabbit while contemplating what psychotropic drug it might need to stop being so aggressive. Then I realized the reason it was stalking me. There was no water or food in it's bowl. So I stopped what I was doing and got the poor starving and dehydrated thing some food and water. I am not sure if any of you have ever been menaced by a rabbit before but it is a little unsettling. At first you think it is going to hop past you but instead it stops in front of you and then follows you around. I have had managers, in some of my past jobs, manage like that. They follow you around and appear suddenly at your shoulder when you take a second to breathe. You may be thinking that I was over reacting but you must take into account that I was not fully awake. Then realize that finding the rabbit charging me at every turn, especially after it peed all over my flip flops, to be a little strange. No sleep, deliberately tripping, pee sabotage, and other odd bunny behavior could be the sign of a coming apocalypse but in this case it just meant the rabbit was hungry.

In another bunny related adventure, I felt you should learn about the naming of this bunny. Maryjo got this rabbit from a school. Apparently a class found this rabbit and took it in for the school year. At the end of the year she took over caring for it. Maryjo has a funny nack of not remembering this rabbit's name. I can't say I blame her because it was a completely sucktacular name like Laverne or Shirley, named after the characters of that old sitcom. An utterly forgettable name if you ask me. So I realized this rabbit desperately needed a name. Last time one of Maryjo's rabbits had a horrible moniker, I asked for the readers of this blog to help. The response was mediocre at best. Add that response to the fact that I have hardly posted in the last couple of months and I realized that leaving it up to you would not be a great choice. So I started thinking about what I knew about this bunny and other rabbits in general. This bunny is brown, soft, relatively mellow, likes grapes and sits in odd and uncomfortable looking spots. I then thought about rabbits in general. Rabbits like to have sex and reproduce, they hop and they are vegetarian. So I put all this information in my amazing name-o-matic machine (also known as my brain) and I came up with "Sexual Chocolate". The rabbit's name is Sexual Chocolate! For those who think this name is odd, realize that I didn't ask you. If you think the name sounds familiar you are right. It is not an original name! The name comes from the movie Coming to America. In that movie, Eddie and Arsenio head to a fundraising event in New York and there is a band performing at it that is named Sexual Chocolate. The announcer says "Give it up for Sexual Chocolate everybody! Sexual Chocolate!" Maybe like 1 person besides the announcer claps. Any way I figured bunnies like to hump and this bunny happens to be brown; the name is pure kismet!

If you have a better name, Maryjo would like something besides the name I have come up with. Please post your suggestions, as a comment, here. I will take the best and debate whether it is a more fitting name for the rabbit. If it is, then you will be the proud namer of a rabbit, and I might even get you a copy of my next year's photo wall calendar! (still in development)

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