I feel like an update is in order....
So I had a few e-mails and even a phone call from my mother over that last poem. I just want to assure everyone I am OK. I am not crying myself to sleep, I am not typing this while curled in a fetal position and I am not planning on jumping off a building. I tend to work through feelings in my journal when I start to feel irritated with myself, my recent behavior (or lack of said behavior), when I am frustrated with the current course my life is on, when I feel insecure, when I feel super happy, when I am excited and can't sleep, when I have a story idea but I am not ready to write it out yet, when I am reflecting on the days events, if I am bored and feel like practicing my writing skills, after looking in the mirror and seeing my ridiculous morning hair, or any other stupid whim that crosses my mind. Most of the time what I write in the journal is complete and utter crap. Sometimes it is really whiny. Other times it is just too stupid. This time though I thought the poem was pretty good. As I typed it up I did some editing and rearranging of words and ideas. Then I dubbed it Deep Sleep.... I paused for a second before submitting it to the blog because I was worried that it might be a wee bit too dark. I usually strive for the funny and was worried I would lose my audience. Then I realized it was the first poem I had written in a couple months that I actually liked enough to share..... so I posted it. I learned that I should not be dark and self loathing in the future after posting the poem. It just isn't worth all the ridiculous emails and phone calls. In fact the concern the poem caused made me not even feel like writing for a while. I am over it though.
I have actually been applying to jobs that I have a chance of getting the last couple weeks. I want more money even though I still don't want to work. I never want to work again but that is not an option.
Other then that I have been enjoying the sunshine.