“Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?”
She doesn’t answer at first. “No, not really.”
I look at her back as she has not yet turned to face me. It isn’t hard to guess that she is upset and that her anger is directed at me. “Sarah…. Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you for days.”
“I know….” She offers nothing more than that and I decide not to push.
“What should we do Sarah? We have a whole night ahead of us!” I try to sound excited. I try to hold back my fears but it sounds hollow. I feel like the minute she starts talking it will all be over. I am not sure what to do to prevent it. At the same time I am not sure I should prevent it. Loving a girl in a dream is not something you can explain to people; but she is not someone I want to give up.
“Can we just sit here? Do we have to enter some crazy adventure? Can’t we just sit together on the couch?” As she says it a comfortable looking couch appears behind me. I sit down as a silent answer to her question and she follows suit; somehow avoiding meeting my eyes. She tucks under my arm and we sit on a couch in a blank white space.
It is a long time before she speaks. I felt like I was almost asleep when she did. Which is a weird feeling… to be on the edge of sleep when you are dreaming. When she spoke it was quietly but in this empty world with only her and me, on a couch, it sounds like an explosion. “I love you.” Then she kisses me and I shut my eyes. When I open them again she is gone and the vast empty white is bleeding away. Sounds start intruding on me and the couch and I am back in my normal dream world; the one of chaos and non sequiturs. I put my head in my hands and feel the pain of her loss. It feels like a hole has been ripped from me and I wake up screaming.