The Rambling Review of NACHO LIBRE!!!

It is hot today! This is the second day in a row of heat. It is so hot and I am without air conditioning. I hate the builders of apartments up here. I want air conditioning at 80 degrees and today it was in the 100 degree range. It's 98 degrees right now! I tried to move far away from that. "Just when I thought I was out, they bring me back in"

I spent the day making calls to local businesses and hearing a lot more dial tone then last time. About 3 PM we called it a day and I headed to the movie theater. I remembered it as a cool refuge from the heat. It always was in Phoenix. Up here not so much. It was cooler then my apartment or outside for that matter. but it was not cold and I wanted cold. I had already paid for the movie so I figured I better watch it. That is why today I give you the review of NACHO LIBRE!!!!!

This movie was made by the same guy that made Napolean Dynamite. If you just cringed stop reading now. This is not your movie. Jack Black stars as Ignacio the man of the faith that just has to wrestle. I have felt that passion myself a time or too. I unfortunately do not want to subject the world to me in tights. For Jack Black this is not a problem. He spends almost the entire movie in clothes even a reasonably fit man should not wear. That is the curse of the Luchadores!

Everybody knows that wrestling, or rasslin', is great. Everybody knows the Hulkster and the Macho Man. These people pale in comparison to the famed Luchadores of Mexico. The Luchadores are typically much more agile then their US counterparts. They fly off the ropes and take wonderful dives on top of each other and genuinely put their bodies at risk. In this movie Ignacio has always wanted to be a Luchador. We see him as a young boy making his own costume and prancing around only to get punished and put to work in the kitchens of the orphanage. That is where we find him today making awful looking food for the orphans. A new person is introduced to his world and things seem to mean something again. The new person is a very cute nun. She is the reason for Ignacio to make something of himself and as he tries to entice her into an engaging night of toast munching and awkward conversation another brother comes by and sends him off on an errand. On the way back he does his errands to get the next day supply of chips for the orphans when he is accosted by Esqueleto and he loses the battle and the chips. On his ride of shame he notices a famous Luchador mobbed by fans. He turns away to see a sign that says Lucha Libre and it tells him amatuers can wrestle the next night. His chance has come. He unites with Esquelito and together they become the worst wrestling team ever! They get paid anyway since everyone shares the profits and for a while he lives high on the hog buying fancy shoes and new clothes. He soon finds out that he is a horrible wrestler and that what he really wants is to win and be admired. About this time fe discovers that his idols, including the number one Luchador are all self conceited jerks. After a heartbreaking night he vows to give up wrestling and refocus on his orphans. That day he is found out at the orphanage and pledges the next fight will see him victorious and that all the orphans will see the profits. He has found the reason to win. At his low point he realizes he has to do it for the orphans....

The movie is stupid. Lets put that out right now. The other thing to let you know is that stupid can be good. I liked this movie. I think that it had the same type of awkward social interaction that Napolean had plus it had the crazy antics of Jack Black. It's true I hated Jack in King Kong but I like him as the funny guy. His facial contortion work for this movie. That being said I have to tell you that every reviewer I have read absolutely hated this movie. I am not sure what they were expecting. It stars Jack Black in tights and a mask how dramatic could it be? It does not have a gangly teenager that needs chapstick so it is not Dynamite II and after all their is no llama named Tina. If you want to see a dramatic movie about a monk that wrestles to save the orphanage all the while trying to find forgiveness for his impure thoughts I recommend you get a camera and start filming that movie because this isn't it. This is camp and silliness at an absurd level. The wrestling matches were fun. The little munchkin wrestlers were great for laughs and Esquelito's shrieks of pain were dead on funny. I really liked Esquelito and the nun they were great. They did not get credit for their acting skills. Sometimes the best way to act with a person like Jack Black is to just look confused and these two did a great job of that. I love the looks of shock from the girl who plays the nun.

GO see this if you like Jack or if you like stupid movies. Otherwise don't go see it. If you read this all the way through and you hate stupid movies, I warned you in the beginning so don't come whining to me!

Saturday is a fun day for exploring

The call center place is at it again. They sent me home early, 2 hours early. I was sitting next to someone who was upset that they sent me home because she had asked fto be sent home. At my job they give out VTO or Voluntary Time Off, in theory this allows people to go home early that would rather be home and leave the rest of the slackers that need to stay at work. What I was issued was MTO or Mandatory Time Off. I didn't ask to be sent home I was told to go home. This has happened a lot lately but the last 2 days seemed to be picking up as far as call volume so they had not offered VTO and were not handing out MTO. Today it was slow the minute I got in and 3 hours into my shift I was handed a slip for MTO. It was irritating to realize that she had requested time off and still they had made me go home. What is new?

So I was off at 8 which through my whole days plan into disarray because nothing opens until 10 AM. I had planned to go straight from work to sell some DVD's and CD's but I had 2 hours to kill. Which is pretty hard when you are broker then broke. I headed home and wrote today's first 2 entries. Then I emailed people that probably won't email back and a few that might. FInally it was 10, so I grabbed some books I had wanted to keep and I headed downtown. I parked in the $5 maximum parking and discovered in all my brilliance that I had left my card at home so I was hoping I made at least 5 so I could drive home I had no plan B. My luck held out and I was able to buy a full tank of gas, pay the garage fee and have a beer and a burger at Henry's Tavern. The beer and the burger were not my brightest idea as far as money was concerned but I have been selling things left and right trying to pay bills and it just felt like I should at least enjoy a moment this month. So I ordered a Brewery BBQ Burger and A Deschutes Buzzsaw Brown to wash it down. The books I grabbed at the last minute paid for this indulgence the cds paid for the gas and I had 9 dollars left for the next fill up. The Brewery BBQ Burger was really really good and it was huge. It had a slice of Tillamook Cheddar, ham, the burger (obviously), an onion bun, and a great BBQ sauce. I was thrilled with it. I was irritated by the beer selection. Not because it was a bad beer selection but because it ionly had 2 of the brewery's own beers on tap. I am not sure I mentioned this Henry's Tavern is Henry Weinhard's place. There were over a 100 beers listed and the list was great. It had imports, local and not so local small breweries beers, rare and hard to find beers and a beer for every palatte. That includes the uneducated swine that only drink a steady diet of Budweiser and Bud Light for their dieting days. The beer I chose was pretty good, probably one of the better beers I have tried from Deschutes so far. Deschutes is a beer brewed in Bend, OR and no I have not been to that brewery nor have I been to Bend. Just to paint a picture of the awesomeness of the beer list I want to tell you that they had a Hoegaarden White Beer that Kevin K turned me onto when I visited him before Maryann's wedding. I have not seen nor heard of that beer since and had I seen it before I ordered that would have been the beer I chose because I think it was on tap. That is always an adventure. The decor of the place was a little disheartening. The name may say Tavern but its aim is definately for high dollar eatery. They had huge windows and big thick window drapes. Everything was black including the waiters uniforms and it had the definate feel of swank. They need to rename it Henry's Fancy Schmancy House of Other People's Beers. I was pleased with my burger, my beer was good, and the service was great. Was it a unique must have experience? NO, it was just like every other brewery that is popping up. An overdressed place to drink a beer, next time someone calls ther place a tavern I want a darkened room and shady characters in it and I want the beer to flow like waterfalls of delightful thirst quenching goodness. Would I go back again? Yes I would, in fact I am fairly certain that when I do start making money I will go back and have another go at the ginormous beer list. If I happen to be brewery jumping (if a beer drinker ever comes my way this will be something we do) Henry's will be passed over since it isn't really a brew house.

From there I headed to the streetcar and hopped on for a ride around. I was inside fairless square which meant I didn't have to pay to ride and I knew no matter what my parking bill would still be $5 dollars so I decided to get a free tour of the Pearl District. I caught it going South so actually all I saw was the Downtown. I rode it to the end in the downtown area and hopped back on when it cruised back by to take us back North. When I got near Portland State University I hopped off and checked out the farmer's market. Then I hoofed it North past the detestable Art Museum that I just discovered is at least 2 buildings which explains how we got lost in it and how come we never saw the Egyptian items they kept talking about. I kept walking until I was near the area where the library was. I had never been to a library in Multnomah County and I had been meaning to check out the Central Library so I walked in and was marveling at the beauty of the place when I discovered an exhibit on the 3rd floor. It was the opening of an exhibit showcasing some books from the rare books room the library has. Some books were from the 1400's , one was an original Beatrix Potter book and they also had an excellent and beautiful copy of the Audobon book with the wonderfully colored illustrations. As luck would have it this was the opening day so I was treated to my dinner and a three part orchestra from the Oregon Baroque Orchestra. It was really neat to see the old books and munch on free food while being entertained by professional musicians. I found two books as the music was playing and I signed up for a library card and then performed a Waltz as I left the building and headed across the street to wait for the streetar to take me back to the Pearl district. As I waited I took in the beauty of the Library's surroundings. THe youth shelter behind me, the kids hanging around the door way until someone from the shelter told them to stop milling about. The half naked bums that kept talking to me about the weather, at least it wasn't about how much money I should spare for them. Might not be a bad idea to spare that dime next time and find out where a good spot is so when I get tossed out on my ear for paying rent late I would have a heads up. Hehe. Anyways it was strange to see that amazing division of people just by walking out of the library.

After all that excitement my feet were killing me and I decided to head home and relax.

Hey Sun! Go down already!

One of the things I have noticed about the NorthWest is that the sun never goes down.... ok that's an exaggeration it goes down but it is so late! Right now it is 9:23 PM at night and it is still working on setting! I am trying to go to bed and the sun is in my eyes! What is up!? I mean who would ever have thought that my bedtime would be before the neighbors' kids? Seriously they are out there right now running around and laughing! In fact they knocked on my door and made fun of me for being a big stupid baby head. I of course replied by exclaiming "nuh-uh!" and they said "nuh-huh!" and I called them a dumb dodo poop face and ran away crying.

Stupid neighbors' kids!

I am so not a big stupid baby head!

The Rambling Review of Peter Jackson's King Kong

It seems that all Hollywood can do is remakes these days. The movie doesn't even have to be a good one originally to warrant a remake. Hollywood is all out of ideas and way too afraid to take risks so they keep schlepping half-witted movies at us to see if they can make a buck. Peter Jackson decided he would actually try to present us with a good remake. So he assembled his cast loaded onto a ship and went to skull isl.... wait that is where they go in the movie. Peter Jackson takes the movie back to hobbitville better known as New Zealand. He takes the ideas from the original groundbreaker film of the same title sans the 'Peter Jackson's' part and tries to flush out the story a bit. I figure he felt that the 1933 version was a little light on the whys and he felt today's modern audience would need to know some whys. Actually I think it's just because he has no clue how to make a short feature since all his blockbusters clock in at 3 hours or more. After watching The Brown Bunny I was ready for a good movie and good ol' Petey did not disappoint.... well for the most part. Here is my review of PETER JACKSON'S KING KONG!!!!!!!!!!

The movie starts in depression era New York and Peter Jackson spends the entire opening credits making sure we get that. We are introduced to Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) an impoverished Vaudeville stage actress with big dreams and a reality that is about to go bust. The playhouse she performs in closes the doors and she is out of a job and hungry. Her old manager tells her to pursue her dreams of the big stage and she tries to but she is shut down by the talent scout and handed an address of a place that is hiring. He recommends she work there and then get out of this crummy town.... We head across town as Carl Denham (Jack Black) watches the film he has shot with the investors who of course hate it. When they decide to turn it into stock footage to get their money back he runs off with the film and decides to set sail that evening for 'Singapore'. At that point his naive assistant lets him know that his actress has dropped out and he sets off to find a new girl to fit her dresses. Ann shows up at the place she was sent to only to find that it is a burlesque show and with her dreams fading she takes off. Carl happens to see her before he is about to go into the burlesque show to search for his star. He somehow convinces her to go to 'Singapore' and they head to the boat. Where we have a reluctant captain that takes a check to set sail that night from a man he already knows is broke. He traps the reluctant author of his screenplay Jack Driscoll (Adrien Brody) on his boat so that he can get a completed screenplay. So Carl is a real winner a liar, cheat, con-artist and kidnapper. As they leave the docks the cops show up to late to arrest carl for stealing the footage he had shot, which makes him a fugitive as well. On the boat he reveals to Jack the real destination is Skull Island. The crew and captain freak out but this unlikable guy that Jack Black brings to life convinces them to follow his plan anyhow. Then the first mate and captain discover Carl is a wanted man and they are ordered to turn around just as a strange fog settles down and they crunch right into the big rock skull on Skull island.

At this point I was ready to call it a day. I was bored to tears and was afraid the movie would continue like this and that Mr. Jackson would totally 'Godzilla' this film. I had been reading the paper and doodling through the whole part and only stopped occasionally to wonder how Carl could convince people of his plans when no one seemed to like him. He was not all that compelling and his ambition was outright ugly to see. I know that there wouldn't be a movie if they didn't but what type of excuse is that? I like Jack Black but I did not like him in this movie and perhaps that was what he wanted to do with the character. Either way I had a hard time believing the crew of the ship wouldn't have knifed him a few times and dumped him overboard. The captain who seemed to deal in poaching and smuggling animals was a more likeable character. I almost stopped watching the movie when they were about to turn around because Carl was a fugitive. I couldn't buy that the entire crew had missed New York's finest send off at the beginning of the voyage. It almost derailed the film for me. It definitely made me stop and start doing other things. I washed dishes, made my bed, read email, went for a walk, bought groceries, talked to my grandfather, ate some grapefruit, cooked dinner, watched some tv, watched a made for tv movie, and took a nap. Then knowing that I had to finish it for the sake of the review at least I sat back down and started from where I paused it.

Skull Island. Carl steals a life boat and takes the film crew, the writer and the actor and actress to the island and they start filming on the 'deserted island'. It is really creepy and then all of a sudden the natives spring forth and start attacking leaving several in the party dead. The captain shows up and saves the day. Once again I was not real clear on why. They all go back to the boat and are getting ready to leave when Ann is taken off the boat by a pole vaulting native. The pole vaulting was rad by the way. Jack who has fallen in love with her by now realizes she was missing and sounds the bell as the captain is about to take off. The men, every one of them outstanding people that want to restore Ann to the boat for pure virtue, amass a rescue mission. They come in guns blazing only to miss the arrival of King Kong as he takes his snack back to his lair. Carl of course sees him and keeps it to himself and they all run out into the jungle to save her. Carl apparently figures that KK just wants to be a star and tags along with his camera. This is where it finally gets good. King Kong flings Ann around all over the place and you wonder how she would survive. I am betting she could have had a major whiplash case against KK had she pursued it. The boys run into a huge bunch of stampeding brontosaurus's for a spectacular scene where several men and brontosaurus's lose their lives as they run from what appears to be velociraptors. The remaining group of rescuers have a few people give up including the dashing actor who always plays the hero in his movies but is not so heroic in real life. The remaining group head further into the forest. Meanwhile Ann puts on a vaudeville act until KK gets a little rough and she is forced to put her foot down. KK has a major tantrum and when it doesn't work he runs away and so does Ann. She runs off through a jungle with the largest gorilla anyone has ever seen and does so with out thinking "Where the devil am I going?" King Kong terrorizes the rescuers as they are crossing a ravine and sends them all plummeting. Ann sees this and ends up running the other way. She of course gets in trouble with a few large lizards and then bigger trouble with a few large Tyrannosauruses. King Kong shows up from nowhere and takes on the T-Rexes. There are three of them in this version and this scene trumps the great brontosaurus scene. Flashback to the intrepid rescuers, a few survive the fall only to be assaulted by ginormous (pronounced like gigantic and enormous had a baby) bug and scorpion. They are saved by the actor and the captain and as they all decide she is dead Jack decided to continue searching on his own. Carl and the captain decide to hatch another money making scheme and try to capture KK as he follows Jack and Ann back to the boat. Jack rescues Ann, KK follows and somehow gets captured and then we are in New York.

It appears to be months later and Carl is promoting his show of the 8th wonder of the world. Jack is watching his play he wrote for Ann to star in be performed by another actress and Ann is elsewhere. Plug in the old story. KK sits chained in iron, Carl says he is harmless they have a show and camera flashes infuriate KK and he goes ballistic and starts smashing wintery New York. Trying to help out Jack shows his face to lead KK away from a trolley and KK remembering the jerk that took his special lady friend takes off after him. Ann arrives in time to save jack and to hang out with KK and just before they get married the army starts firing missiles at them. KK climbs up the empire state building to get away and once again just before the marriage the military spoils his fun. Airplanes shoot at him even though all he wants to do is smash up town and maybe eat a few people or so. She tries to save him but cant and he dies and falls off the Empire State building to make it complete.

Hope I didn't spoil the ending.... if I did do yourself a favor and see the original version too. I do recommend this movie just be ready for the stupidly long beginning. I enjoyed it even if it made me start thinking: How would the insurance companies respond to claims from large ape damage?

Oh yeah and: Do you think anyone was unlucky enough to have a 20 foot gorilla fall on them? Could you imagine telling that to your family? Hehe.

A Rambling Review of The Brown Bunny

Warning: This movie review is of an incredibly bad movie with a controversial scene. I give a synopsis of the entire movie including the ending..... So you might want to prepare yourself.

I was told by some guy on one of the many websites I visit that I needed to see Brown Bunny. Having Netflix I figured why not? If it is even half as good as that guy said it was it would be worth it..... So I requested it and watched it.... here is my review of The Brown Bunny.






Some of you may have heard of Vincent Gallo. He is a guy that seems to think of himself as a genius. He writes, directs, act, photographs, paints, races motorcycles professionally, musician, metal worker, sculptor, model, t-shirts salesman, and he even sells himself. Some people adore him and some people can't understand how he has gotten so damn rich. I am one of the latter group members. I think this guy is ridiculous. I have been told by fans that this is his whole point. He is mocking society with his jerk persona and his pointless movies. Whatever. The resume of his makes me wonder what scheme he is pulling over on us and every once in a while I watch something he mad and I regret it. The first time was the critically acclaimed Buffalo '66. I think I must have gotten a different copy then the critics did. That movie made me wish I had died it was so boring. Knowing all this why did I bother? Simple I forgot who this guy is. If I had watched a clip of this movie and seen him and equated him to Buffalo '66 I would have never requested this movie. You may remember that this is the movie that Mr. Ebert said was a horrible awful waste of time which inspired good ol' Vince to say that he hoped Ebert would get colon cancer and die. Yeah... maybe that might jog the memory. These are things I wish I had remembered YESTERDAY!

I'm Vincent Gallo and I'm scary, creepy and lame!


So here is the movie because no one should ever watch this movie ever. A motorcycle racer has a race, does he win? I have no friggin clue. He loads his bike into his black panel van and drives to a gas station. He begs the counter chick to go with him to California and she finally gives in. Then while he sends her into grab her stuff from home he leaves without her. Then we see him drive and look depressed. 30 minutes later he is still driving and looking depressed. An incredibly long time goes on with him driving, looking depressed and occasionally stopping. In one of his stops he talks to old people about some chick named 'Daisy'. In another stop he makes out with some random chick (Cheryl Tiegs) at a rest stop and then looks depressed and leaves her. Then he is in Las Vegas and he drives around stopping and talking to hookers and then driving on. One hooker he goes back for. He takes her to a McDonald's drive-thru and then starts looking depressed again. He stops the car, kicks her out, gives her money and drives off. Looking depressed and driving again. He has a flashback of 'Daisy' a couple of times and then he is in Los Angeles. He drives to a house which seems to belong to 'Daisy'. He knocks on the door for like ten minutes and then leaves a note. Then he goes to his hotel room and lays around looking depressed. Then 'Daisy' shows up. Daisy is played by Chloe Sevigny. They talk and he looks depressed. She does lots of drugs and they talk more. Then they make out and we have THE SCENE. Then we find out she is not realy there because she is dead and it's all his fault. They were at a party where she ends up getting raped while she was passed out and he did not stop it or help her. She choked on her own vomit. We then see him crying and then the next scene is Vince driving again and looking depressed. Then the movie is over.

I referred to THE SCENE earlier. If you do not know what I am referring to Google The Brown Bunny.... Or I could just tell you. Good ol' Vince receives 'Monica Lewinsky' for like ever from Chloe. Honest to goodness porn quality 'Monica Lewinsky' and still I would say there is no reason in the world to ever see this flick. The scene inspired a pretty funny shirt though.

I think what I am trying to say is don't watch this movie. Did that come across at all? If you want to watch Vincent look depressed for two hours and still have relations I guess this movie might be for you.

Just stopped in for a Quick Lunch.....

I had a few moments to kill while my food cooks so I thought I would say hi. I have no great news to report other then the callcenter job has been slow and sending people home early everyday. I talked them out of sending me today but I was not so succesful yesterday. Nothing beats losing 4 hours of pay that you already spent! Awesome! After I left I started worrying again and I ended up making myself sick. Now I understand the worried sick phrase. Another way to say that is to say that I was involved in an indepth porcelain inspection for most of yesterday. It pretty much knocked me out of everything yesterday so after I eat I have to get down to business. I need to get some leads so I can make some cash.

My bacon is almost done so I better stop writing. I just thought I would update now in case I don't feel like it tonight....

Do you ever run out of things to talk about? I seem to be having that problem today...


I will leave you with a random quote from the Simpsons....
"I'm a level 5 vegan. I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."

Things will work out, they always do

Well three days of training and I am back in the world of 5 AM calls from people needing their phones cut back on. Damn phone companies always cutting 'dees bidnes ownas phones off'. Unspeakable really. I mean why should they have to pay for using the phone I mean c'mon they are bidnes ownas!

I can't wait! I am so looking forward to being at work at 5am!! Woohoo! I love making nothing per hour it's awesome!

I learned a lot in the classes I was in. Like, most of the people only do AFLAC. They don't have a part time job and they are making money that way. I think the fact that they have to make money is a huge part of it. I wish I could do that but I am in a monetary situation where I am focused on paying last weeks bills and can't even face opening the mail box without freaking out. I am not sure if these people have a working spouse or if they actually had some money saved up because I couldn't even fathom leaving work before I had a few sales in the can. I also think that I am allowing this part time job to trip me up. I think I allow it to be an excuse for why I am not getting it done. It is a challenge but it is something I need to learn to work around. I need something that is guaranteed to keep coming in as long as I keep showing up until I can get some money rolling in from the thing that will end up absorbing every ounce of free time. It's free time wasted anyway.

I have learned that I really need to dedicate my week day to Aflac from 8 until 5. I think what I really need to do is to stop working morning hours at the dead end callcenter job and request a schedule change from the 5 am to whenever to the 5pm to 10 or 6 to 10. I hate the idea but it really is only temporary. I have said that I viewed jobs as temporary before but this time I already have my next big thing sitting in my lap. I never had that before. I was always confused about the next move professing wishes to be a journalist, a teacher, a peace corp volunteer.... anything that seemed like I might have a future with or that might keep me interested past the faked interview excitement I have been on autopilot for years and it is scarier then hell to turn that autopilot off and actually commit to something.

I think I need to work weekends and evenings at my part time gig and I need to focus on insurance the rest of the time. I will be filling out the schedule change request forms tomorrow. I am a little worried that the callcenter job will not work with me on that. The company I work for is a staffing agency and as far as I can tell they just keep you on for 90 days and I am getting real close to that time frame. At 90 days you either get the axe or you get hired by the company they staff from what I've heard but that probably should be taken with a grain of salt considering the accuracy of office gossip. I am highly doubtful that I will stay employed if that is true. I guess that this is a problem I need to stop worrying about until it happens. I am just wasting brainspace. When I am put in that position I will just let Jason (my district coordinator and trainer) know that I need to make dough and I need to make it fast and then I will become like glue and he won't be able to have a bowl of raisin bran without me there. I need to focus on making what I have in front of me at this moment work. SO making my crap job schedule less of a hindrance is the goal. The company either will work with me or it won't and until either happens all I can do is ask.


I keep telling myself things will work out because they always do......

Things will work out they always do....

A Rambling Review of X-Men: The Last Stand

A Rambling Review of

X-Men: The Last Stand

It was May 2003 and I was walking out of a theater after seeing X2. I was ecstatic. I had just seen one of the best films made from a comic strip ever and they hinted at a grander sequel. They were going to tackle the infamous 'Dark Phoenix' saga, a tale that turns the loveable and amiable Jean Grey into a horrible and unstoppable mass murderer. I could not be happier or more excited. How long would I have to wait? I knew that it would take a while but after the second movie how could they mess up. The characters were dead on, just the right amount of cheekiness mixed in with real human emotion set in a world with mutants that had amazing power. As long as they took the time to tackle it they could have the best movie ever.

May 2006....

X-Men: The Last Stand. It finally came. The box they packaged it in sure was shiny. That should have been my first sign something was wrong. Never being one to pick up on signs I took no notice of these ones. Even when I learned that the director was somebody new I did not worry. I am too optimistic sometimes. The new director was Brett Ratner; he was the director of both Rush Hour and Rush Hour 2 and apparently the impending Rush Hour 3. Bryan Singer the director of the first two X-Men titles ran off to play with Superman and Brett took over the reins of the hugely ambitious storyline of X3. The fan boys (a cute pet name for the die hard comic book dorks that could tell you everything that has happened in the comic book world but can't tell you if they will ever date) were up in arms apparently. Brett Ratner knew that he had a huge story in his hands and it was his to destroy, so he did what any good director and non-comic enthusiast would do. He added characters and I mean a lot of them. There are so many characters in this film that it's ridiculous. They even had to get Frasier Crane to play one of them, that's how many characters there were! I mean Frasier Crane! All these characters and yet he forgot that he needed a character driven plot. Instead he focused on having Magneto leer and Wolverine slash. Everyone else stood around. They introduced one of the coolest X-men characters into the film, Angel. In the comic books he is a Greek god; amazingly powerful and graceful in flight. In the movie he looks like the blond dorky kid (Anthony Michael Hall) from Weird Science, Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles fame. Great casting.

So our little Dark Phoenix, aka, Famke Janssen, how was she? Well I could not tell if she read the script or not. She spent most of the time alternating between looking confused and looking apathetic. When she was supposed to be really upset about something she kind of looked like she suffered from constipation. So her acting consisted of her looking constipated while the special effects department tried to make something cool happen or a blank stare as people tried to interact with her. What about Wolverine, he was slash happy so that is good right? It should have been. Hugh Jackman had put in a decent Wolverine act in the previous movies so he had it down right? Not really a lot of the jokes he delivered were jokes you could have seen Wolvie say but the delivery wasn't quite right. He seemed happy go lucky and it just didn't feel right to me.

So I hated the movie... but I also enjoyed it. I made myself watch it for what it was. A light hearted romp through one of the best and most shockingly grim comic book tales ever layed out in the X-men comic books. I let myself enjoy the computer graphics. With no character story what else was there. I enjoyed seeing Magneto move the Golden Gate Bridge to Alcatraz. I enjoyed the effect that the Phoenix had on the people as she some how turned them into ash and disbursed them into the swirling air. How she was like an atom bomb always about to go off or a girl that really needed ex-lax; that when you stop and think about it might be one and the same. I let go of the fact that what I like about comics is that these characters have lives that go on even during the fights. That they worry about never embracing their loved ones ever again as they try to crawl out of the rubble of a collapsed building. Or that they get a choice between saving that loved one from death or saving the world. I love that when it's all over and they win they still have to go home and face whatever they had left behind to save the city. Whether it is a painful separation, a loved ones death, increasingly unpayable bills or just the fact that they are so different and alienated from the world. I let myself forget and forgive Ratner for not telling the story right. For taking a great epic tale and turning it into a package of Pop Rocks, all fizz and pop and no relevance and no story. I even allowed myself to not feel robbed by the emotionless final scene on the battlefield as someone made a sacrifice that went against his heart and his own emotions. I allowed myself to enjoy a total failure but when I tried to review it all I can remember it as is a step backward. So that is what I will call it a step backward and a computer generated pile of poo. It lacked story and substance but wow did it look pretty. Well maybe not Famke's Dye job.

Was it a good movie? No. Would I see it again? Maybe. Could it have been better? Infintely. My rating: See it but don't expect to like it if you have ever enjoyed a comic book or one of the previous movies.

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I am robot model 12345. How may I help you?

Working in a call center sets you up for interesting experiences. As a Liberty Mutual agent I was yelled at for calling when in fact they called me. At Leslie's Pool Supply I advised people on replacement parts for their pool equipment and offered treatment advice even though I have no real clue about pool maintenance besides what Leslie's pamphlets said. At HSBC I was yelled at, compared to bat guano and told what I should try doing with myself when I got a moment. At Vesta I have a different issue. As most of you know the world has become one automated phone option after another and unless you mess up you never talk to a person. I am the person that the computer sends you to when you do mess up. Being a person is the crux of my problem. When I say my intro and ask for the last four numbers of their wireless numbers a few people punch the number into the phone. Nothing beats a number being dialed on the phone while you are on it. I give people a break though because they probably were asked several times for the same info and maybe they just aren't paying attention. So I say "I'm sorry I did not get that number could you please say the last four numbers?" At this point you have a 50% chance that people will say the numbers and a 50% chance they will punch the numbers in again. My immediate response is to yell at them to knock it off and point out that I asked them to say the number but I refrain. Instead I don't yell I just calmly point out that I am thankful they are attempting to give the number but I need it verbally since I am not a machine. You are probably only half believing me but I swear it is true. I will give an acted out example.

The phone: Beep (my cue to talk)
Me: Thank you for calling __________! My Name is Mike my rep ID is __________. May I please have the last four digits of your wireless phone number?

Customer: Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

Me: I'm sorry I did not catch that could you please SAY the last four digits of your wireless number?

Customer: BEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Me: Thank you! Unfortunately I am not a machine and I am unable to understand the buttons you press. Can you please verbally tell me the last four digits of your wireless number?

Customer: (huge sigh) I just did!

Me: Actually....

Customer: Fine it's fififfoto!

Me: I'm sorry could you repeat that slower?

Customer: (larger sigh) FI! FI! FO! TO!

Me: Thank you sir, that was 5542?

Customer: YES!

Me: Thank you and may I have your.....


One time I actually had a person hit the buttons into the phone a third time. I hung up on that person. I figure they were messing with me or natural selection had failed....

The Birthday Training

Thanks for the birthday wishes everybody!

I was at work from 9AM to 6PM learning about the first visit to a company: The approach, what to say and what the goal is. Basically we are trying to set an appointment with them for later to explain the Aflac policies and benefits. Everything I learn about AFLAC so far has really got me excited. I am looking forward to putting what I learned into practice. I am not worried about falling flat on my face I have to get started somehow! Luckily tomorrow we get a chance to do that. We hit the pavement at 8 and besides lunch we are not stopping until 5. I am ready to set some appointments! Thursday we are back in training to learn what we do at the appointments. I have to fit in Action insurance sometime this week so I think I will be thoroughly exhausted by the weekend. I found out I need to request 3 more days off two weeks from now as well. The training is good though so I will try not to whine..... too much.

I have some reading and mental preparation to do before tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Before I go I did want to complain that since I moved to Oregon I stopped getting all the freebies from local businesses on my birthday. In Phoenix I used to get a free appetizer from Rock Bottom and I usually ended up with a few more free things in the mail.... Oh well.

We Give You Training For Your Birthday. WooWoo!

Hello all! I am going to attempt to make this quick....

I have to go to bed soon I am exhausted!

Some of you may know that tomorrow is my birthday. I am sure all of you know that I am broke..... I mention that at least once per week.... SO I did not have any plans for my birthday except for the possibility that I might get some training with AFLAC or I might do some marketing for leads. I hadn't heard anything about the training so I was not sure I would be able to get in. I had requested the 4 days off for the training which prompted my panic attack this weekend due to the lack of fundage that resulted in the nonexistent work hours..... The worst part about Saturday was that I had no idea if I was even in the class. I convinced myself that I wouldn't be and started envisioning tomorrow as a day of sleeping in until 8 AM and then doing some marketing and cold calling! The late start would have been luxurious considering my usual work time of 5. I couldn't wait until my shift at the call center was over this morning. All I had planned for the rest of the day was a meeting with my boss at the Action Insurance place to set up how to run the store while he was in Mexico for the week, a run to a used bookstore to cash in some books and maybe a little nap. I got out of work and headed to the bookstore when I saw a message on my phone; thinking it was probably Jason (my AFLAC trainer) I figured I would sell the books since I was there and then call him back and figure out when to meet with him this week. I sold the books for 19 bucks and felt very excited about it. I listened to the message and it wasn't Jason it was Jason's boss saying. "Hey Mike! It's 9 AM I was wondering if you were able to make it today. Give me a call." I instantly exclaimed "WHAT??!!!" and I gave him a quick call. Apparently I was supposed to be there at his office for a product overview and a few other things. I am still not sure how I was supposed to know this.... some people mentioned an email... but I have no email address as far as I know. I am still waiting for a company computer. So apparently the computer chip in my brain should have received an email.... unfortunately I was absent on the day they gave those chips out. Either way I was required to get there and I headed there post-haste! Luckily he was not upset because he knew I work the other job and I was able to say that I was ready to head to the training the next 4 days with no problems at all and that was what he really wanted me to say.... I didn't mention that my gas tank might go empty while I was training with no pay and not working at my crappy call center job... Figured that would be seen as a motivator as opposed to an obstacle so I tried to view the financial woes in that light without being told to think of it that way. Anyhow the best part was that this meeting included a free lunch! The boss man brought in some Hawaiian food from a local restaurant and it was awesome! I definitely need to know where that place is! I met with Jeff afterwords about the Action Insurance duties and this week I will be pulling a lot of hours between the two responsibilities.

So just what I always wanted a birthday where all I get to do is work! WOOHOO! I will type at ya later! I am headed to bed.

The Stores:

http://www.cafepress.com/cldholiday

http://www.cafepress.com/crazedlunatik

http://www.cafepress.com/rentmydad

http://www.cafepress.com/cldstewey

http://crazedlunatikdesigns.tripod.com/

Rain, Money Woes, The Cigar Smoking Gas Man, The Surprise and The Rubber Band Plane Memorial Ceremony

The day began with rain and dark clouds….. It was an ominous sign. I was at work looking at my schedule for next week and almost fainted from shock. I had all but forgotten that I had requested Tuesday – Friday off for the upcoming week and I had half believed they would not give it to me. I was wrong they did give it to me. So I am scheduled for only 15 hours next week…… I started calculating my budget and came to the sickening conclusion that even with the usual 25 to 30 hours of work I was way off budget. I deduced that since I have not friviously bought anything except for the planes and the Frisbee at the dollar store it must be because of the lack of work hours earlier in the month. I started freaking out, my stomach was upset and I was not sure if I would keep my oatmeal down…. I kept taking calls and worrying about my monetary issues until I was released from my internment. I stepped outside into the surprising sunshine. I hardly noticed the weather change; I was too busy planning the sell of all my valuables. I saw boxes of books, cds, movies and comics all heading down to used bookstores, music stores, comic stores and pawn shops. I then imagined myself paying half of the money earned to the gas attendant, the gas attendant was smoking a cigar made of 100 dollar bills and laughing at me……

I arrived home to a note on my door from UPS saying I had a package at the manager’s office…. I was not sure what it was. So I grabbed the sticker and walked over to the manager’s office and was handed a Cafepress (these guys produce my store items) bag… I took it home and ripped it open and found a CLD Ringer shirt and a Rent My Dad Messenger bag! It was a birthday present from Maryann (you may remember that she was reader of the week a little while back) and it made me smile. I immediately changed shirts and started stuffing things in the bag. I walked around modeling the stuff for George and Baz. They were very impressed! I was still majorly worried about rent and all the bills that were due next month and the fact that I only had a fraction of the money for but I felt a little more positive worrying about those things with my shirt on and my new bag by my side. I started grabbing books off the shelf like I had planned to do anyway when I remembered that Kevin was working so I figured I should email him and bother him while he was at work. I also used that time to finish up my last Father’s Day design for my Holiday store. While I was doing all of that I made a half dozen calls to people’s answering machines until I finally reached my dad. After a few seconds of restraining myself from being all doom and gloom I launched into my financial nightmare tale of woe. He managed to calm me down considerably but I still plan on selling some books and cds for cash. I hope they will help me pay a bill or two.

So I was in a better mood. I finished my designs for the Father’s Day merchandise and got the CLD Holiday Store up and running. I decided to take my bag out for a stroll and I headed to the park but before I left I grabbed my remaining half of the wing from the plane that was tragically lost on Thursday. As I entered the park I found the plane devouring tree from Hades and I did a little ritual to memorialize the loss of my ultra cool plane which consisted of me waving the wing fragment around in front of the tree and giving the tree the ‘evil eye’. After I felt the point was made I headed into the park. I discovered that the park seems to be getting ready for renovation because all the movable benches were gone and the road through the park was closed…… and the entrance had been repaved. Oh and the road closed for renovation sign helped me figure it out as well….. Nothing gets by me! I’m CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! Wherever something is completely obvious and in no need of being pointed out you can count on me, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! to point it out. This has been another episode of CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! Next Episode: With the heat soaring CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! comes by to tell you “It’s HOT today!”

I found some more interesting things that sparked my interest in the park and I began visualizing this blog entry. Except with a completely different tale…. So not like this entry at all. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! strikes again. I decided to head back home and on the way out I stopped to give the tree the ‘evil eye’ as I left when I saw my plane sitting below it. I ran to the plane and grabbed it and then hugged the tree…. I guess what they say about Portland is true; it turns you into a tree hugger. Dang hippie!

The Stores:

http://www.cafepress.com/cldholiday

http://www.cafepress.com/crazedlunatik

http://www.cafepress.com/rentmydad

http://www.cafepress.com/cldstewey

http://crazedlunatikdesigns.tripod.com/

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My dollars worth or The tree that ate my plane

Thursday..... my day off this week. In a surprise move I was given Monday and Thursday off this week. Which means I work both weekend days.... Which only slightly bothers me. I was able to spend some time both days learning a little more about AFLAC. I don't have anyone to hang out with this weekend anyway.

My friend at work (the call center work) has been MIA so I assume he quit. If he happens to be you... give me a call we should grab a beer.... The bad part about him quitting is now work is that much more painful to be at. I knew when he was working there I would have someone to shoot the breeze with at breaks. I have been deluged with stupid neighbors since he left. This one guy that sat next to me Wednesday was overly loud and full of advice. I felt like smacking him as he tried to help me. I didn't ask for help and it isn't my job to help troubleshoot phones for people so why was he chiming in? Shouldn't he be taking calls? I almost kicked him.... Oh well. At the moment this job is the only one paying bills so I have no choice but to go..... I can't wait until I have a choice.

Speaking of paying bills. Last week I got the idea that I should do some extra time at work. Of course the minute I decide that they stop offering overtime but I did manage 3 hours extra. Today when I checked my bank account I saw that I hadn't made anymore then normal.... That kind of totally deflated my sails... That extra 3 hours made for a long and painful day but absolutely no monetary gain. I was expecting to be able to tell on the paycheck.... maybe have ten dollars more then normal... but instead it was exactly the same as normal.... I will be studying the pay stub when it arrives.

I needed to pick up some things from the dollar store (I shop here because of my measly paychecks and because I like the place as well) like sandwich baggies and some lunch snacks like pretzels and the cracker and cheese packs. While I was there I wandered around the store and ended up picking up a 3 pack of airplanes you launch with a rubber band and a frisbee that looked like a propeller. When I got home I packed a little picnic, an airplane and my frisbee and headed to the park. Within 5 minutes I had ripped the airplane wing in half. I decided to see what would happen with just half the wing. It flew farther but the flight was a spiral. I learned one reason that the wings are so big on an airplane, the flight would be horrible and people would die because they blacked out during the flight and the plane crashed.... I was having a blast any way and the frisbee was pretty much forgotten when my airplane took a startling right turn into the top of a tree and disappeared. I couldn't shake it down and I couldn't even see where it went. It was like Amelia Earhart's lost flight.... never to be seen again... Charlie Brown has a kite eating tree and I have an airplane eating tree. With my airplane swallowed by a demon tree from Hades I turned to my frisbee. The first few launches went no where. I decided to throw it up and that was when it worked. It was actually quite fun once I figured that out. It would speed upward and then top out and on the way back down it would level out and start spinning and float down slowly. It was impossible to predict where it would land. It did not seem to be something you would throw around with a couple people because it simply didn't fly right. I was tossing the frisbee and chasing it down when I found one of those heavy duty frisbees they use in the ultimate frisbee game and the frisbee golf things. I waited a few minutes before I snagged it to see if anyone came running at me and when no one did I started slinging that thing around and let me tell you that thing could fly! I stopped for a while and broke out my snacks and had my picnic. I was quickly out of water so I had to head back. I stopped by my plane devouring tree and shook it a few more times but my little plane was gone! I gave up, for the second and final time and left the park. On my way back I found a racquetball and I had a new toy to play with as I walked. It was like an amazing toy discovery day today.

I have a new store that will be opening officially Saturday. Yes that makes the 3rd store in a week. You can get a sneak peak today by going to
http://www.cafepress.com/cldholiday. Which is where all the big holiday gifts will be. The next holiday I am designing for is Father's Day. I have 2 designs up and 2 more designs in the works. them out today!

Don't forget to check out my other new store for cds and movies, http://crazedlunatikdesigns.tripod.com/ And remember this one is available to be used by artists, writers and other entreprenuers. If you have something to sell let me know! We can get you online!

And the old standbys:
Rent My Dad Store
Stewey Store
CrazedLunatikDesigns.com Store

Have a great day!

HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT!

NEWEST STORE!
I am selling a few movies and cd's cheap! I will also be selling other items like stories, poems, photographs, and comics here in the future! Go and check out the newest stores! Movie Store & CD Store

Do you have items that are in good condition? I can sell them for you as well. Are you an artist, writer, photographer, seamstress or crocheter? I can host your items for sale as well! Ask me how!

This was funny

Stephen Colbert was invited to give a speech for some odd reason for the White House Correspondent's Dinner. Who was in charge of that decision?

Stephen Colbert With the Prez!

Where was I.....

Well I took a weekend break....

Did ya miss me? Of course you didn't! You guys have things to do besides live on the Internet! I'm not bitter! Ya big fancy party all the time people! Not bitter at all....


What did I do with my weekend with out the blog? It was jam packed with excitement. Let me lay it out for you... It may take several pages, Saturday: Work, Comic Store for FREE COMIC BOOK DAY, eat left over tostadas, watch TV go to bed... Sunday: Lay around all day, it was raining so no exploratory walks, take a walk in the nearby mall and started feeling like stabbing people so I went home, sent out email to you all, watched TV went to bed....

Like I said action packed! I bet you were amazed by all that excitement!


Anyway back to FREE COMIC BOOK DAY! Every May they have Free Comic Book Day at comic stores. Last year I was in Kevin and Becky's wedding so I never made it to the comic store. I kind of feel like burning their house down over it but I won't... This year I did get to go and I got 3 free comics, 2 little toy characters, a music download card worth 50 free downloads and a couple posters! Woowoo! It was like Christmas!

The mall...... hmmm...

The mall is an interesting place. There were way to many people there for me to handle. What is with people stopping in the middle of the aisle? GET OUT OF THE WAY! I almost ran into a few people on accident and had to restrain myself from barreling through other people on purpose! "Hmmm the mall is so crowded today! I think my 400 pound behind needs to stop right here and block 3/4 of the walkway while I talk with my 2 sons age 6 and 8 that way the combined weight of a large elephant." MOVE!! It boggles my mind. I felt like getting a cattle prod sometimes! The young kids were the worst. They just parked in the middle and pretended you didn't exist. How they could stand in the middle of a crowded mall flopping their heads about like that defies logic. It is places like crowded malls that make me realize why I never will buy a tazer. I would be tempted to use it. I was daydreaming about going all Blues Brothers in the mall and driving my car through it at high speeds with a cop car chasing me..... I can see the crash ending with the 400 pound woman trying to swat me away like I was a mosquito instead of a car going 60 miles an hour into her backside.

While I was busy not tazering people or trying to run them over with a car I noticed a job that must suck. This lady was standing by the big group of gum ball machines and was cleaning them and when I passed her a second time she was still standing there. I began to wonder if she was just a lazy member of the cleaning crew or if she was in charge of the bubble gum island. If she was confined to the bubble gum island I think she would really hate kids as they squeal about wanting gumballs as they walk by. Smearing their germ ridden hands all over the glass and screaming until the parents coughed up the quarters. She probably shouldn't have a tazer either.

I found a show I really like this weekend. It's called Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. It airs on the cartoon network and I watched it after I watched a few recorded episodes of another fave from that channel called Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The ATHF show is not for kids so it airs late at night but the FHIF is good for everybody and it is pretty entertaining to boot. So I added it to my list of shows to record. So if you like cartoons, you may just want to check out the show. It is about these imaginary friends and they all live in this house run by Mrs. Foster who is this little old lady with a mischievous streak. Her granddaughter is the caretaker and a stuffy old rabbit is the manager and he is always bellowing about rules. The main characters are Mack and his imaginary pal Bloo. Bloo is a rule breaker and tends to cause most of the trouble. Some of the other imaginary friends are just as much fun. A personal favorite is Edwardo who is this large purple guy with huge teeth and he has a Spanish accent. He is the biggest crybaby and scaredy cat and he makes me laugh out loud. The show is great! If you need a kid around for an excuse borrow one and watch this thing!

Well I hope your weekend was good... let me know! Drop me a line!

Assisted Living Apartments always have the best Look

Is it weird to anyone else besides me that some of the best looking apartments happen to be assisted living apartments? In my neighborhood most of the apartments are old and run down but the assisted living apartment complex is well maintained, beautiful and the newest non-office building around. I find it interesting. I think it has a small part to do with the reasoning that these people are forced to live in the apartment because they have requirements for assistance to accomplish day to day tasks. I think the other apartments are shabby because they figure only young people and poor peopl live in apartments. Which might be true. Then again this might be just my neighborhood is low rent and the assisted living is a large trend right now with all the aging baby boomers... whon knows

Cars, Pedestrians and My Name is Earl!

I hope you all had a grand Cinco de Mayo!! Otherwise known as Cinco de Drinko! I didn’t drink I just made some tasty tostadas (I forgot to buy tortillas for burritos). Either way they were extremely tasty!

I managed to do something different this afternoon. I didn’t head straight to the park like I swore I would instead I came home, had lunch and checked my email; it was completely empty as usual. Then I decided to head over to the library area and from there I walked to Sellwood and then back. The total trip was a little over 3 and a half miles. It was a nice walk. Sellwood has some nice looking cafes and coffee houses; I stopped in one and sat down to write with a large iced Mocha. The name of the place was Twin Paradox and it is open pretty late most days, which is always good to know. The walk did exactly what I hoped it would it started some new thoughts and I want to share this one with you.

One of my favorite shows on television is ‘My Name is Earl’. It is a great show that to me channels the spirit of that comedy gem ‘Raising Arizona’, I love this show. I was thinking about the opening where Earl gets hit by a car, after winning the lottery, and ends up in the hospital without the winning ticket. In the hospital he learns about Karma by watching Carson Daly talk about Karma and he decides to stop being a petty crook and to turn his life around by doing good things for people he wronged. He makes a list of his misdeeds and the show is all about him dedicating his life to setting right the wrong he caused and that is when the winning lottery ticket returns to him to help him accomplish his new goal. Anyway it is the car hitting him that started me thinking about things. I have always found people getting hit by cars on television and movies to be extremely humorous; even when it is not meant to be funny. The most glaring example of this happened in college. The show in question was ‘Felicity’. Ok sure go ahead and laugh it up. Yes, I saw an episode of ‘Felicity’. I was actually mooching food from some sorority girl and they started watching ‘Felicity’. Which brings up another point, college was where I learned that girls always have food. They might not have a television or a radio but they always have food. Where as single guys seem to have the gadgets and condiments but no actual food. That is one of the many reasons why guys need women…. I am still hazy on what the ladies get out of it. OK, back to the story I was heating up their leftovers from some restaurant when the show started. Trying out my good manners I decided to stay and socialize while I ate their food. So I tucked into watch the show. Felicity was being flirted with by some dumb guy that all the girls thought was charming because he was earnestly trying to win her over. In the scene I sat down for he is walking with her and finally gets a yes to a date and dramatically walks backward away from her right into an oncoming bus. Ok wait a minute let me stop laughing; the scene in my head still makes me laugh. Anyway I was laughing so hard that I was asked to leave and was not invited back for a couple weeks. The next example was very similar to this one. It was in the movie ‘Meet Joe Black’ starring Brad Pitt. The first part is this guy (Brad Pitt) flirting with this gorgeous girl (Claire Forlani). I am not sure but I think she was charmed by the guy and they part ways when Brad gets hit by a car and if I remember correctly he ricochets into another car and bounces off that one too; it was spectacular! It was like he had been turned into a pinball! I saw that scene and I was in tears of laughter. I do not remember the rest of the movie so you can see what I was thinking about while I was watching it; Brad Pitt as the human pinball. I mean how many times do you get to see people like Brad Pitt hit by a car? It was a beautiful thing! Other Examples include ‘The Craft’, ‘City of Angels’ and several other shows and movies. They have this happen as if it’s a common occurrence. What I find amazing is how many romance shows have some charming guy pulverized by a car after the girl gets interested. In my opinion it says a lot about women… or maybe it doesn’t. Either way I know it says a lot about me when I find these dramatic scenes and horrible scenarios so dang funny. It is kind of like when you are supposed to be quiet in church and all you want to do is giggle or like when you were a kid and you were being scolded and you try to be contrite but all you want to do is laugh. It is inappropriate but I would not change that reaction for the world. Before I leave you just picture with me: Brad Pitt bouncing off the hood of a car….. Leonardo DiCaprio as a human ice cube in ‘Titanic’. Ok the last one has nothing to do with a car but you have to admit that it gives you a smile to think of that scene.

Or not…


PS. Thanks for signing the Guest List Dad!

#1 Fan Email

I have recently been getting a flood of emails on my site but I was very surprised and happy to hear from one group specifically and that group is the Milwaukie Seniors. Apparently they have seen my blog and in particular the articles on the Park's dedicational benches and their senior center. They had a few words of encouragement for me:

On 4/26/06, Judith Garland wrote:
To Mr. Crazed Lunatik,

We have recently been made aware of your 'website' through Edna's grandson little Billy. When little Billy mentioned we were featured on a 'website' we were naturally very excited and we raced to the computer to see it. We couldn't figure out how to turn the blasted thing on so we signed up for a 'Computers for Seniors' class. The instructer kept confusing us by saying the computer had a mouse and we tried putting out mouse traps but apparently computers need mice. We are still very confused by this whole computer information virus thingie so we have made the teacher show us the 'website'. What we found has shocked us! We are outraged. It made Harold so upset that he had a heart attack and had to be rushed to the hospital! We are sending his bill to you and we are expecting you to come over and listen to us talk about the 'good ol' days'!

We don't find your material funny. It is not ok to make fun of memorial benches or to show pictures of naked people on our billboard. It is definitely not ok to suggest that we lack libidos! In fact just last week Edna, Martha and I were planning a game of naked twister with Harold and George before your internet shenanigans sent Harold to the hospital! So we are very very very upset with you!

We have decided to dedicate a bench to you to show our displeasure. Since it is what you wanted so badly we are giving it to you before George kills you, he used to be a gangster in the 30's. We have had the bench inscribed with: "Milwaukie Seniors Think Mike is a Big Jerk!" They are harsh words we realize and although we might not normally resort to such verbage your antics have brought it out in us!

Expect a severe caning the next time we see you in our senior center or if we catch you near your bench. We would appreciate it if you don't move too quickly when we attack you. We are old and we can't chase down big jerks like you as easily anymore.

From,
Judith and the Milwaukie Senior Swingers


Ps. Little Billy typed up this email for us and is sending the pictures of your bench. This whole email thing is crazy!

Naturally when I read this I was ecstatic! I love getting fan emails. I feel sorry for little Billy having to type about his grandma's twister parties but I am glad they made that snot nosed punk type up the letter. I sent this email back:

On 4/26/05, Mike Williams wrote:
Dearest Milwaukie Senior Swingers,

I was very happy to recieve your email the other day. I hope all is well with Harold so that the Naked Twister parties can resume. I do enjoy hearing from my fans and I will keep dedicating my highest caliber of writing for you and yours. I do recommend getting little Billy into counseling immediately since no one should have to think about their grandmothers naked. I absolutely love the bench and can not wait to have a seat on it. I guess I will see you at the senior plant swap next month, I have a great tomato plant worthy of some trading!

Just as a side note Judith, please pass on to the rest of your group that you and the rest of the Milwaukie Seniors are this week's Reader of the Week! Congratulations and keep taking those computer training courses in about two years you might be ready for the on button!

Yours truly,
Mike Williams
Crazed Lunatik Designs

And here are the pictures little Billy sent!



The bench kind of gives you a warm fuzzy doesn't it?

Gas....

So the hottest topic of the last few weeks is the ever increasing price of gas and the fact that the gas monopolies show a huge profit. Their argument that they are just adjusting to make up for the increased price of oil seems suspect. I am not surprised that they are making money; they have turned amazingly stifling summer gas prices into an expected trend for the past few years. It is a trend every single one of us has accepted. No matter how much we griped we paid the price and kept driving. Most of the time there was no choice we needed the fuel to get to work. I am in that exact situation again because my phone job starts earlier then the buses get going. My insurance job will also require me to drive. So I am up a creek and there never was a paddle for my boat to begin with.

We know that gas prices are high and no matter how outraged we get that they really won't change the price or lessen our plight. The 'investigation' by the government won't change things either. We are stuck paying the gouging prices and I hate that! It gets me upset and it causes me serious heartburn. In fact I had a panic attack after I saw the final purchase price of the gas I got tonight. I was hyperventilating and everything! What I held in my hand was an amount over 2/3 of 1 day's pay at my phone job. I told the station pump guy: "Next time can we have a little foreplay?" and of course since he is a lowly peon he did not find that at all funny. It was not meant to be. What the gas companies are doing is shooting fish in a barrel. They have a product that a lot of people need to have. Gas fuels the car that gets them to work to pay the bills. What gas companies seem to want is to make you work a second full time job so that you can pay for the gas that gets you to the first full time job to pay the other bills.

So what do we do about it? I know plenty of people that like hugging trees would say we should have a day when no one drives a car at all to show our protests of the gas prices. I am not one of these hippies. I realize that I can have all the no drive days I want but when it's over I have to get gas to go back to work. Other people suggest that we all go and buy alternative fueled vehicles and that will allow us to use less gas. Unfortunately I exist in the real world, I can not afford to have an oil change let alone get a new car that is more expensive because of the 'eco-friendly' label!

I have no choice I will keep driving to and from work everyday. So how am I helping myself and fighting the evil fuel empire? I am rearranging my thought process. My car will be used to go to and from work. I will get gas and food only if I am already in the car because of a work trip. I will walk to places in my neighborhood and I will take the bus on my days off for any sightseeing. It is not a huge change as far as gas consumption, I won't start any revolution or any noticeable dip in the gas companies’ bottom line but it might push my fill up day back 1 more day. That 1 more day may help me a little bit, but it will be a moral victory. Not using my car to see the city will definitely help me actually see more of the city as I sit on a bus cruising through streets to my desired destination and not worrying about the traffic. Most of all it will help me feel better knowing my trip to explore the city did not put money in the gas companies’ pocket. I am not exactly taking food out of their child's mouth but unfortunately that would take more then me. It would take an army....