Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Memorial Benches..... The Return of

You blindly logged on today thinking "Wow I wonder what Mike is complaining about today? Is it school, the job, a co-worker, a dumb movie, hackey sacking? I must know!" Then you get here and I am complaining about Memorial benches at the nearby park again. It makes you wonder why anyone would be allowed to blog at will...

Set all your dashed dreams and hopes aside I am ready to begin my story. So I have been taking walks when the weather permits again. They are still doing major construction at my park so I photograph the heck out of the nearby rose garden. I stopped harassing the old people and the retirement center unless I need a flushing toilet... So it occurred to me to look at the various plaques on the memorial benches in the memorial rose garden. I was amazed at some of the things I found so I photographed them to bring back to you. Keep in mind that I do not want a memorial bench when I kick the bucket, I would rather have a tree planted or a strip mall bulldozed in my name...

This is my rose garden. I may not own it but I love spending time there. The gazebo in the background is pretty nice but I never see it in use. They rent the place out to functions supposedly but it does not host local music or anything nifty. Which is a downright shame. We shall start the bench tour a wee bit on the inane side...

I am not sure if these people are dead but if any of my 'Friends' buy me a bench it better say something a lot more clever then that! I am actually offended that someone wasted money on this. If I knew these 'Friends' I would so own their behinds it is not even funny!

What exactly does this saying mean? This is the biggest bunch of hooey in the world. I feel like finding out how to start a Night of the Living Dead scenario just so this memorialized person can eat this dedicators brains. I mean they are not using them as this stupid memorial plaque can attest too! Really what does that mean "Time takes all but love and truth"? But that's not what it means it distinctly means to blathe, and as we all know to blathe means to bluff. Heh, so they were probably playing cards and he cheated...
"Liar! Liar! LI-AR!"
Get back witch!
"I'm not a witch I'm your wife but after what you just said I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!"
You never had it so good! Wait! Somehow I twisted this into a Miracle Max and Valerie quote from the movie The Princess Bride. The twists my writing unexpectedly tape... and just because I ran out at 10 Pm at night to buy the movie to get the quote right have nothing to do with lessening the spontaneity.

Just so we are all clear 'clinge' is not a word. Cling, clingy, clinger, clinginess is a word and clingier and clingiest are even words but 'clinge' is not. The closest we come is a Dutch town called Clinge. It is in the province of Zeeland. It lies about 28 km southwest of Bergen op Zoom. Clinge is located on the Dutch-Belgian border and joins with the Belgian town of De Klinge, a border that can normally be freely crossed. The town consists of about 1447 inhabitants according to a report taken back in 2001. (The information in italics is taken and summarized from Encyclopedia.com) So what I am trying to say is that the 'Clinge' the plaque uses is not actually spelled right.... just to double check try to fit in "Clinge a Dutch town in the province of Zeeland". I will do it for you: "I will Clinge, a Dutch town in the province of Zeeland, to the old rugged cross and exchange it someday for a crown" It does not make much sense does it? So I guess nothing beats purchasing a plaque and then misspelling an easy to spell word like cling. You probably are thinking Mike you misspell words all the time but hey I didn't pay to put the misspellings there I did it all for free.

This one really boils my blood! I absolutely hate this plaque. Let's read it together: "When the past meets the future stop and smell the roses...." Ok you guys go first what does this mean? I have had fortune cookies in Chinese characters make more sense then this. I could understand Sanskrit before I could tell you what the goal of this saying was. It was like a computer crash happened and this saying should have been two different plaques but the crash melded them together! I just want to let Mickey and his half-wit family know that I am ready for a fight on this one! Your stupid plaque has bothered me for days already and if I don't kick a little tail over this I will utter this utterly retarded phrase on my deathbed and like Citizen Kane's last words people will be like "What the crap did that mean!" (Direct quote from the movie I swear!)

This one is my favorite! GO ahead click on it and make it a wee bit larger. If you do so you will see that the plaque was installed upside down. That has appealed to my very core so I have claimed this bench as my own. Every time I walk into the rose garden to take a seat I head for this bench and have a seat. To me this is the best way that any one was memorialized in the garden because it stood out.

Some of you may remember that I once had a bench in here dedicated to me from the Milwaukie Seniors. That can be seen by clicking here: Mike's Bench! Unfortunately Mary's bench has pushed me out of the garden but I am happy to say that I was not forgotten in the reorganization attempts. I have my very own little room dedicated to me as the photo below illustrates:

Yep and there you have it! Always the most popular bench in the house! I have people come into the park just to sit on my bench! My dedicated bench even has several repeat performances from the local construction crew! Flies also like to gravitate towards my new bench! Man, I never thought my bench would gain in popularity by moving it out of the garden! Maybe if you come and visit you can enjoy the many pleasures of my new and improved bench! You should only be so lucky!

Hope you enjoyed my return to memorial benches! OH AND WRITE A FREAKING COMMENT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE PEOPLE! This excludes Robert because he actually comments on a frequent basis so he can be choosy about when and where to add his comments.

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