This program is sponsored by Crazed Lunatik Designs and other many fabulous organizations such as Mud On My Sneakers and Vomiting Green Records. Without further ado we introduce our hosts for the night Croc and Wolf!
Croc: Greetings Folks! Glad to be here today! It's a beautiful day outside here in lovely Portland! Woo I love you Portland you have been a great crowd!
Wolf: Croc! Slow your roll! We just got here the show just started and we have awards to give out! You can't leave!
Me: Yeah besides just a few of us are up here in Portland. Some people are in Phoenix, some in Roseburg and other spots in the world. In fact the protester is actually in Chicago.... which is probably why there is no picket line to cross to get in the doors. Now shut up and read your cue cards.
Croc: Wow.... real nice guy you are. Just because you draw me and write my words doesn't mean you control what I do! I know where you live! Seriously! I am so not playing! Lucky for you I am a showman and the show must go on.... so lets try this again. Greetings Folks! Glad to be here today! I am so glad we are here and not where all the rest of you are. Portland is having a nice day outside, the sun is shining and flowers are blooming.
Wolf: Not that we want to rub it in or anything.....
Croc: True! Anyway we are here today to honor the people who will never be rich, the common people. The sorry, the poor, the unwashed, you are my inspiration. You inspire me!
Wolf: Shut up Croc! Do you even look at the cue cards he wrote for you? This is a special day for the ordinary people not lazy poor people! I, for one, am glad that I could take part in this extremely pointless award show. I mean the pointlessness of this event is only barely less pointless than the Food Networks "Foodies" or ESPN's "Espys". It is at least as equal to the MTV Music/Movie Awards in pointless level. Don't even get me started on the other award shows... they suck. Wait do I have to say that? I love watching the red carpet reports and I love the music acts and the silly comedians that sold their souls to earn the right to host the show....
Me: Croc! Wolf! Don't make me erase you two! I kind of like you!
Croc: Like you would even dare! What an empty threat! You draw in pen!
Wolf: He has a point...
Me: Could you present the awards?
Croc: Actually, no... there are no acceptance speeches. Just a protest statement by your cousin in chi-town.
Wolf: Yeah didn't you tell them to get the speeches ready?
Me: Well yeah I guess I did. Hmmm.... I wonder why the speeches never came in?
Croc: I say we go out and drink up the award money!
Wolf: Actually I think you should give them another chance... because maybe they didn't know they had to have a speech to win.
Me: Well why wouldn't they? I told them that.
Croc: You're right you did tell them that! I smell beer and pizza in our near future!
Wolf: NO!!! Give them a week. Then if still nothing lets get that beer and pizza.
Me: Ok Wolf that sounds good to me. Dale, Maryann, Glenn, Pete S, Pat G and Crystal! You have one week left to actually get an award. You are the winners but I need an acceptance speech to spend the cash.
Wolf: Can I tell the surprise winner?
Me: Yeah go ahead.
Wolf: Robert W, what size shirt do you wear? You are the surprise award winner for most repetitive anti-award show poster! You are a wiener of a new RTA shirt! I meant winner, really!!
Croc: Woo! I love wieners with mustard and relish!
Me: Yes, wieners with mustard and relish are good... especially with some onion and a spot of ketchup... or is that catsup? The rest of you: ONE WEEK + ONE SPEECH = AN AWARD!