We woke up and convened at our table for breakfast. This time I slept until 6:45 and I felt rested because I slept the whole night through. Two days of walking all over town and a sleepless night tend to do that. Anyway when I got down there they decided that I would plane the next two days and all I had to do was make sure we fit the Tour de France in. I was excited because I wanted to fit everything in. This was the day I would learn it was impossible to fit everything in....
Anyway my first stop was Mission Dolores. It is the oldest intact building in San Francisco having been built in 1776. It is actually the Mission San Francisco De Asis but is also known as Mission Dolores due to a nearby creek named Arroyo de los Dolores, or "Creek of Sorrows" (info obtained from the Mission's website). So the cemetery has some important early Californians. The reason I was attracted to the site was the movie Vertigo has a scene that was shot in the cemetery and I wanted to see it for myself. The mission is very beautiful and was a fun and interesting stop.
We headed to the Golden Gate park after we left the Mission. Our bus took us down Haight street and I witnessed the legendary 60's hangout at 30 miles an hour. When we got to the park we zagged over to a little pub and watched the Tour de France. It was a little strange because the bartender seemed content to allow us to sit and watch the race without wanting us to buy anything. I tracked him down and we ordered a beer but after he delivered the beers he never came back over. We had originally thought we would go into the park have lunch at the Japanese Tea Garden and then head to the de Young museum and end the day at the Cliff House by the ocean. That was when my mom asked if they served food at the Tea Garden and I consulted my tour book and found out that they didn't. So we decided to go to the Cliff House first and eat there. So we hopped on a bus and headed there.
The Cliff House lies along the ocean and has a beautiful view. It is now just a restaurant but it had quite an interesting history as well. The first Cliff house was built in 1863 and seems to be a place of lodging that were used by some pretty prominent families. In 1881 it was sold to a man named Adolph Sutro who was a self made millionaire. He also became mayor later on. Anyway that building burned down and he spent 50,000 dollars rebuilding it into a french chateau that boasted 8 stories. He also made it accessible to the regular public by having a train come out there. That was not the only thing Sutro did with that area. He owned a fair chunk of land there and had elaborate gardens with statues (a few still remain but most have been removed) and he built an elaborate bath house. It was huge and right along the ocean boasting huge windows facing the ocean and was within walking distance of the Cliff House. Apparently the place had enough restaurants to feed 100 people at a time. Slowly interest in the Baths waned and it ended up burning down and all that is left is the foundation and a few photographs of the heyday. The Cliff House also burned down again and was rebuilt. Eventually it was given to the National Park Service and is maintained by them. Nothing has really been kept up besides the Cliff House, as I am sure rebuilding any of the other things would be cost prohibitive (more historical info at their website). Anyway we ended up having to wait to get a table in the Bistro since we demanded an ocean view. Just as I was getting irritated, and about to leave,(I was hungry and I have less patience when I am hungry) a table became available. The wait was worth it as I dined on a wonderful Caesar salad and a bowl of clam chowder. The view was also worth the wait as we watched seagulls and pelicans fly by.
Due to the time spent traveling to and from the Cliff House and the wait time at the restaurant, we had run out of time for the de Young museum. We headed to the Japanese Tea Garden and enjoyed a stroll through the grounds and a few cups of tea. It was nicely done but not quite on the scale of Portland's Japanese Garden. The painstakingly detailed gardens in Portland made this look rather quaint and cute. I still enjoyed it although I did not find as much peace as I do when I am strolling though Portland's garden. However the tea is a nice touch and was fun to sit and watch the people come by. As we left we walked past the de Young and they had two amazing structures outside. A crazy yellow glass structure and a magnificent detailed metal vase with all sorts of people, cherubs and grape vines around it. I took several pictures of the day. I did a much better job then I had the day before of documenting our travels.
Anyway after we got home I realized I was hungry so I went out. I ended up having crab and French onion soup at a restaurant called Absinthe. I ordered a cocktail there that contained the liquor that also was the name of he place. Anyway it was a nice ending to a good day.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
The second day
Sorry for the delay in posting more info on the San Francisco trip but I had a huge wave of apathy wash over me. Ok so I left off at the end of Monday....
Tuesday morning we were planning on going to a bar to watch the Tour de France... after some investigation my mom and Becky had discovered that a bar claimed to be open at 6 and that we could watch the tour there. So we set the alarms for 5 and planned to leave by 5:30. I unfortunately woke up at 4 so I was ready to go by the time they woke up. Anyway we hopped a few busses and walked down to the bar. It was closed and did not open until 11 am. So apparently some wires were crossed. We were trying to figure out what to do at 6 AM so we decided to head back to the hotel to have a free breakfast. Breakfast was available at 7 AM so I took a little nap while waiting for 7 to roll around.
We debated our next move and soem fantastic ideas were tossed around. We ended up going on a boat tour of the bay. The tour had a recorded track that had actors voice important historical figures in San Francisco's past. They told us a lot about the place and even told us about the Golden Gate bridge construction. We sailed under the bride right next to one of the supports. I would have to say the view was fantastic. Then we sailed back toward the docks but made a stop near Alcatraz and we got a nice view of the island. I had been to Alcaraz before and that was fun but it was neat to have the voices telling us about life on the rock. One of the voices told us about his failed escape attempt.
Then we came back into the dock and got off. We walked down to a pub next so the ladies could watch the bicycle race. We had some fantastic sweet potato fries and garlic fries and a few beers.
When the race concluded we headed down to the Exploratorium. It is a hands on science museum designed to teach kids things. What actually happens is kids run wild and get very annoying. I made it through a third of the exhibits before tiring of the kids running amuck. I would not mind going when the place was empty or filled with sensible people. There was no attempt to figure out what was going on just a bunch of kids punching buttons. Occasionally a few kids would be accompanied by adults and the adults would guide them through the lesson but mostly it was like Pinocchio's visit to the Island of Lost Boys. Utter insanity. My suggestion to the museum is maybe have a late night with cocktails for the curious adults once a year (or more depending on interest).
After that museum we wondered the wharf area again before heading back to the hotel. We had dinner at the Boudin Restaurant wher my choices were all very disappointing. Their clam chowder was light on the clams and heavy on the potatoes and the egg salad sandwich was bland. Luckily they make a mean sourdough bread. This might have been before the Exploratorium but I am having memory problems.... hehehe
Tuesday morning we were planning on going to a bar to watch the Tour de France... after some investigation my mom and Becky had discovered that a bar claimed to be open at 6 and that we could watch the tour there. So we set the alarms for 5 and planned to leave by 5:30. I unfortunately woke up at 4 so I was ready to go by the time they woke up. Anyway we hopped a few busses and walked down to the bar. It was closed and did not open until 11 am. So apparently some wires were crossed. We were trying to figure out what to do at 6 AM so we decided to head back to the hotel to have a free breakfast. Breakfast was available at 7 AM so I took a little nap while waiting for 7 to roll around.
We debated our next move and soem fantastic ideas were tossed around. We ended up going on a boat tour of the bay. The tour had a recorded track that had actors voice important historical figures in San Francisco's past. They told us a lot about the place and even told us about the Golden Gate bridge construction. We sailed under the bride right next to one of the supports. I would have to say the view was fantastic. Then we sailed back toward the docks but made a stop near Alcatraz and we got a nice view of the island. I had been to Alcaraz before and that was fun but it was neat to have the voices telling us about life on the rock. One of the voices told us about his failed escape attempt.
Then we came back into the dock and got off. We walked down to a pub next so the ladies could watch the bicycle race. We had some fantastic sweet potato fries and garlic fries and a few beers.
When the race concluded we headed down to the Exploratorium. It is a hands on science museum designed to teach kids things. What actually happens is kids run wild and get very annoying. I made it through a third of the exhibits before tiring of the kids running amuck. I would not mind going when the place was empty or filled with sensible people. There was no attempt to figure out what was going on just a bunch of kids punching buttons. Occasionally a few kids would be accompanied by adults and the adults would guide them through the lesson but mostly it was like Pinocchio's visit to the Island of Lost Boys. Utter insanity. My suggestion to the museum is maybe have a late night with cocktails for the curious adults once a year (or more depending on interest).
After that museum we wondered the wharf area again before heading back to the hotel. We had dinner at the Boudin Restaurant wher my choices were all very disappointing. Their clam chowder was light on the clams and heavy on the potatoes and the egg salad sandwich was bland. Luckily they make a mean sourdough bread. This might have been before the Exploratorium but I am having memory problems.... hehehe
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
My busy week...
Well this past week was a whirlwind. It was also a much needed break from all the stresses of school and the last 6 months of that job that laid me off. I am working on pictures of my vacation and hope to have a slide show soon.
Some of you may be wondering what I am referring to. Well I went to San Francisco. My mom and Becky flew me out and we had a marvelous time. They flew me into Oakland and from there I took public transportation to the civic center. They had reserved two rooms at the Inn at the Opera. I am not sure why they call it that. Sure the Opera is nearby but I am positive that is simply a coincidence..... Surely they did not mean the opera when they said that their inn was at the opera. I mean i had a large fat woman sharing my shower and she kept singing and I kept asking "Is it over?" Apparently it was not over and just because the woman singing happens to be rotund has no bearing on whether the proverbial "it" is over. But I digress...
Anyway I flew in Monday morning and met up with them near the BART station. We headed to the hotel so that I could hang up some clothes and get ready to be a tourist. I packed a jacket in my bag and a couple guide books and we were off. We went directly to the Stinking Rose where I ended any dreams of romance with local ladies. We had a fantastic garlic filled pesto to spread on our bread and we did so with much gusto. We ordered the garlic Swiss chard fontina fondue for an appetizer and followed that with the margherita pizzette and the arugula pesto. It was fantastic and very fragrant, as we left we were too. We headed from there down to the wharf.
When we arrived we decided to enjoy the Aquarium of the Bay which is at Pier 39. If you have been to San Francisco you know the pier. It has the carousel, Bubba Gump shrimp company, Hard Rock Cafe and the aquarium. Anyway the Aquarium is not huge but in the tunnels they have a glass tunnel through the water and you can see the fish and sharks swim above you. They also have a petting zoo of sorts, you can touch a ray and a little tiger shark. It was worth the visit for sure. Anyway the temperature dropped by the time we left and my lite jacket was not cutting it. Being a smart individual I had brought two light jackets but being a non-smart person I had left one of them at the hotel. I ended up purchasing a nice $20.00 jacket at pier 39. It is reversible, one side is wind breaking and the other is fuzzy, both sides say San Francisco and the fuzzy side has a stitched cable car on it. It was a great deal in all reality and I ended up sweating in it because it was nice and warm and we were walking up hills.
Our ultimate goal that day was Ghirardelli since Becky and I were craving sweet goodness. Along the way we took a small tour of Boudin's bakery and had a few samples of bread. We also stopped and had a few Irish coffees at the Buena Vista. I ended up getting a shirt from their after sampling the wares. We finally stumbled into Ghirardelli square and dined on fine ice cream sundaes. It was marvelous....
It seems to me that it is a wee late at night and I must continue the tale tomorrow... hopefully with a few pictures from day 1 at least.
Some of you may be wondering what I am referring to. Well I went to San Francisco. My mom and Becky flew me out and we had a marvelous time. They flew me into Oakland and from there I took public transportation to the civic center. They had reserved two rooms at the Inn at the Opera. I am not sure why they call it that. Sure the Opera is nearby but I am positive that is simply a coincidence..... Surely they did not mean the opera when they said that their inn was at the opera. I mean i had a large fat woman sharing my shower and she kept singing and I kept asking "Is it over?" Apparently it was not over and just because the woman singing happens to be rotund has no bearing on whether the proverbial "it" is over. But I digress...
Anyway I flew in Monday morning and met up with them near the BART station. We headed to the hotel so that I could hang up some clothes and get ready to be a tourist. I packed a jacket in my bag and a couple guide books and we were off. We went directly to the Stinking Rose where I ended any dreams of romance with local ladies. We had a fantastic garlic filled pesto to spread on our bread and we did so with much gusto. We ordered the garlic Swiss chard fontina fondue for an appetizer and followed that with the margherita pizzette and the arugula pesto. It was fantastic and very fragrant, as we left we were too. We headed from there down to the wharf.
When we arrived we decided to enjoy the Aquarium of the Bay which is at Pier 39. If you have been to San Francisco you know the pier. It has the carousel, Bubba Gump shrimp company, Hard Rock Cafe and the aquarium. Anyway the Aquarium is not huge but in the tunnels they have a glass tunnel through the water and you can see the fish and sharks swim above you. They also have a petting zoo of sorts, you can touch a ray and a little tiger shark. It was worth the visit for sure. Anyway the temperature dropped by the time we left and my lite jacket was not cutting it. Being a smart individual I had brought two light jackets but being a non-smart person I had left one of them at the hotel. I ended up purchasing a nice $20.00 jacket at pier 39. It is reversible, one side is wind breaking and the other is fuzzy, both sides say San Francisco and the fuzzy side has a stitched cable car on it. It was a great deal in all reality and I ended up sweating in it because it was nice and warm and we were walking up hills.
Our ultimate goal that day was Ghirardelli since Becky and I were craving sweet goodness. Along the way we took a small tour of Boudin's bakery and had a few samples of bread. We also stopped and had a few Irish coffees at the Buena Vista. I ended up getting a shirt from their after sampling the wares. We finally stumbled into Ghirardelli square and dined on fine ice cream sundaes. It was marvelous....
It seems to me that it is a wee late at night and I must continue the tale tomorrow... hopefully with a few pictures from day 1 at least.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Paradise
I felt it only fair to share with you that I have recently returned from Paradise. Yes my unemployed butt has found Paradise.... oddly enough it is East of Eugene along the McKenzie river. I also was amazed to find that Paradise costs a mere 16 dollars a night. That is pretty affordable for Paradise.... I would think it would cost more. Even stranger still is that it is a campground. The camping thing is not usually what I think of when paradise is tossed around but who am I to question a sign that says "Paradise Campground"? Well I definitely found it to be quite enjoyable while I was there. It is relatively easy to find... just Google "Paradise Campground in Oregon".
So maybe you are asking "What made it so freaking great?" My response would be "Whoa! Whoa! What is with the tone? Why are you being so nasty?" You probably would say "Sorry. I work all week and can't go camping so I am a little tense." To which I would say "OK I have been there I can understand all your pent up aggression." To which you might say "Thanks Mike, you freaking rock! Now tell me about the campground." So then I would probably tell you this:
My roommate and I have been talking about going camping for a while.... He kept mentioning campsites trying to elicit a response. I guess he figured I might have a preference, an idea of what I like or where I want to go but in reality I don't know. I have not went camping since college.... and camping in college was basically drinking way more then anyone should and ending up passed out next to your tent with your pants around your ankles. Or at least one of my friends had that experience... I always ended up in my tent. So to say I am good at camping would not be an accurate statement.... So my only rule is that it has to be cooler (both temperature and coolness factor is implied here) then our house. So he picked a spot he used to go to in his collegiate days. The campsite is East of Eugene along the McKenzie River and a lot of the sites are right on the river. We had a short walk to the river but we were not in a spot where you could turn your tent to face the river (which means during the pee run at night you might end up falling into the river and be swept away which unfortunately did not happen to anyone while we were there).
Anyway it is close to 3 hours of driving to get there so we stopped in Eugene and rode our bikes through campus and along the river to the Valley River Center where we ate lunch at Mucho Gusto. Then we turned around and headed back to the car. When we were back in the car we headed East to the campground. Paradise campground has 60 spots and some are near the river and others are along a small creek and a few are in the middle of these sites without direct water access. The site has flushing toilets and running water as well. We chose lucky 13 for our site, it was not too near anyone and was on the river side so we had our own little spot to watch the raging river from. The first night we had no one around us which was nice because we trampled all over looking for wood and might have bothered other people with our campfire antics.
The next day I collected firewood while my roommate slept in... how he did is any one's guess. I could not get comfortable. When he did awake we went to a nearby town and had breakfast at Takoda's (not a bad spot) and bought ice and some food for that evening at the store next door. We headed back to the campsite and let the food digest before going for a hike. Our intended destination was a hot spring but in reality it was a resort (Belknap Lodge and Hot Springs) that had piped the hot spring to their pools and wanted 7 bucks for non guests to use it. We had expected a fee but the book said it was 2 bucks.... 7 was more then we were willing to do plus it wasn't at all natural it was a pool with 100 degree water. It was also mid 80's and a hot springs after a sweaty hike was not as desirable at that moment as it had been when we started. So we hiked back.... A little disappointed by the "hot springs" but the hike was awesome anyway. We cooked up some tasty smoked sausages and had some fruit and then got the fire going. We had new neighbors on both sides of us but they did not bother us and we apparently did not bother them. We played with the fire for a while and when the wood was all gone and we had coals only we called it a night.
The next morning I managed to sleep in again but I was still the first one up. That ground is hard! I need to get a pad before the next time I camp. Anyway we broke camp and I spent 20 minutes trying to repack my tent.... stupid tent! (I eventually got the tent in the bag) We cleaned up as best we could put on clean clothes and headed to Eugene where we had breakfast at Glennwood. Then headed home to a wonderful shower....
It was a good time and a place I may go back to camp at in the future. Maybe one day I can even take a girl to Paradise. Why does everyone laugh when I say that?? Hehe
I hope to publish a few pictures soon.
So maybe you are asking "What made it so freaking great?" My response would be "Whoa! Whoa! What is with the tone? Why are you being so nasty?" You probably would say "Sorry. I work all week and can't go camping so I am a little tense." To which I would say "OK I have been there I can understand all your pent up aggression." To which you might say "Thanks Mike, you freaking rock! Now tell me about the campground." So then I would probably tell you this:
My roommate and I have been talking about going camping for a while.... He kept mentioning campsites trying to elicit a response. I guess he figured I might have a preference, an idea of what I like or where I want to go but in reality I don't know. I have not went camping since college.... and camping in college was basically drinking way more then anyone should and ending up passed out next to your tent with your pants around your ankles. Or at least one of my friends had that experience... I always ended up in my tent. So to say I am good at camping would not be an accurate statement.... So my only rule is that it has to be cooler (both temperature and coolness factor is implied here) then our house. So he picked a spot he used to go to in his collegiate days. The campsite is East of Eugene along the McKenzie River and a lot of the sites are right on the river. We had a short walk to the river but we were not in a spot where you could turn your tent to face the river (which means during the pee run at night you might end up falling into the river and be swept away which unfortunately did not happen to anyone while we were there).
Anyway it is close to 3 hours of driving to get there so we stopped in Eugene and rode our bikes through campus and along the river to the Valley River Center where we ate lunch at Mucho Gusto. Then we turned around and headed back to the car. When we were back in the car we headed East to the campground. Paradise campground has 60 spots and some are near the river and others are along a small creek and a few are in the middle of these sites without direct water access. The site has flushing toilets and running water as well. We chose lucky 13 for our site, it was not too near anyone and was on the river side so we had our own little spot to watch the raging river from. The first night we had no one around us which was nice because we trampled all over looking for wood and might have bothered other people with our campfire antics.
The next day I collected firewood while my roommate slept in... how he did is any one's guess. I could not get comfortable. When he did awake we went to a nearby town and had breakfast at Takoda's (not a bad spot) and bought ice and some food for that evening at the store next door. We headed back to the campsite and let the food digest before going for a hike. Our intended destination was a hot spring but in reality it was a resort (Belknap Lodge and Hot Springs) that had piped the hot spring to their pools and wanted 7 bucks for non guests to use it. We had expected a fee but the book said it was 2 bucks.... 7 was more then we were willing to do plus it wasn't at all natural it was a pool with 100 degree water. It was also mid 80's and a hot springs after a sweaty hike was not as desirable at that moment as it had been when we started. So we hiked back.... A little disappointed by the "hot springs" but the hike was awesome anyway. We cooked up some tasty smoked sausages and had some fruit and then got the fire going. We had new neighbors on both sides of us but they did not bother us and we apparently did not bother them. We played with the fire for a while and when the wood was all gone and we had coals only we called it a night.
The next morning I managed to sleep in again but I was still the first one up. That ground is hard! I need to get a pad before the next time I camp. Anyway we broke camp and I spent 20 minutes trying to repack my tent.... stupid tent! (I eventually got the tent in the bag) We cleaned up as best we could put on clean clothes and headed to Eugene where we had breakfast at Glennwood. Then headed home to a wonderful shower....
It was a good time and a place I may go back to camp at in the future. Maybe one day I can even take a girl to Paradise. Why does everyone laugh when I say that?? Hehe
I hope to publish a few pictures soon.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Hancock: The Rambling Review
Imagine you are impervious to pain, you can fly, you are super strong and you have a drinking problem and an issue with self loathing? What kind of hero would you make? Apparently you would be Hancock. Will Smith's latest July blockbuster... does he not get tired of consistently destroying all comers in the month of July? Anyway you have entered my review of Hancock.
Will Smith is Hancock in case you missed the trailer. Hancock is kind of a big drunken jerk. He helps people and all but he wrecks a lot of things in the process and people hate him. Of course he is drunk so he eggs them on but make sure you avoid calling him an A--Hole, he doesn't like it much. In reality it is kind of like calling Marty McFly a coward, chicken or yellow belly. What is wrong with having a yellow belly besides the possibility of having tuberculosis? I guess tuberculosis would suck....
Anyway he rescues Ray (Jason Bateman) from meeting up with a speeding train. Ray decides he needs to help him out because in realiy this guy saves people he just tends to do a lot of damage while doing so. As luck would have it Ray is a PR expert but he sucks at it. Hancock for some odd reason lets him help. Maybe it's because Ray is right and he needs people to like him or maybe it's because Ray's wife, Mary (the ultra hot Charlize Theron). Anyway he links up with him and takes Ray's advice to turn himself in under the newly issued warrant. Apparently L.A. hates all the messes he makes.... one particular intervention cost 9 million.
So he is turning himself around but Mary can't stand him... Ray thinks he is misunderstood... and their son thinks he is the absolute! Anyway Hancock has 2 allies and somehow the stint in jail allows th criminals free reign and finally they come crawling back and Hancock saves the day. From pariah to hero in a couple weeks... maybe Ray is actually damn good at PR!
Anyway the twist happens right around here.... WHich I won't tell you. I will tell you I did not see it coming and even thinking back on it I can not see all the pieces that lead there. I see one sign but there are so many signs pointing in another direction it hardly seems like a signal at all. In fact I am sure the other componenet will fall into place like aybe they mixed up the ending just to screw with me.
Now I guess a lot of people hated the movie because of this twist... they site things like poor writing or the mystery taking too long to be revealed. I think these people are all retards. I mean window licking, ride the short bus mentally challenged citizens. I like seeing an ending I don't expect... it does not happen very often. This movie does what Superman Return fails to do. It paints a picture of a completely lonely person who happens to be super powerful. A person who doesn't have a friend in the world and has sunk to the bottom of the bottle to hide. Yet he has a conscience and feelings still and they lead him to do things but he is careless. It paints a new side of the haunted superhero. One where his heart is kind of near the right place but he can't see his own worth enough to do anyting right. I guess if you went there simply to see a funny screw up or lots of explosions the idea of a story might disturb you... of course that is because you are a retard.
My take? The movie was good. I liked it and I think if you go just enjoy it and let your preconcieved ideas stay at home. Don't be a retard.
Will Smith is Hancock in case you missed the trailer. Hancock is kind of a big drunken jerk. He helps people and all but he wrecks a lot of things in the process and people hate him. Of course he is drunk so he eggs them on but make sure you avoid calling him an A--Hole, he doesn't like it much. In reality it is kind of like calling Marty McFly a coward, chicken or yellow belly. What is wrong with having a yellow belly besides the possibility of having tuberculosis? I guess tuberculosis would suck....
Anyway he rescues Ray (Jason Bateman) from meeting up with a speeding train. Ray decides he needs to help him out because in realiy this guy saves people he just tends to do a lot of damage while doing so. As luck would have it Ray is a PR expert but he sucks at it. Hancock for some odd reason lets him help. Maybe it's because Ray is right and he needs people to like him or maybe it's because Ray's wife, Mary (the ultra hot Charlize Theron). Anyway he links up with him and takes Ray's advice to turn himself in under the newly issued warrant. Apparently L.A. hates all the messes he makes.... one particular intervention cost 9 million.
So he is turning himself around but Mary can't stand him... Ray thinks he is misunderstood... and their son thinks he is the absolute! Anyway Hancock has 2 allies and somehow the stint in jail allows th criminals free reign and finally they come crawling back and Hancock saves the day. From pariah to hero in a couple weeks... maybe Ray is actually damn good at PR!
Anyway the twist happens right around here.... WHich I won't tell you. I will tell you I did not see it coming and even thinking back on it I can not see all the pieces that lead there. I see one sign but there are so many signs pointing in another direction it hardly seems like a signal at all. In fact I am sure the other componenet will fall into place like aybe they mixed up the ending just to screw with me.
Now I guess a lot of people hated the movie because of this twist... they site things like poor writing or the mystery taking too long to be revealed. I think these people are all retards. I mean window licking, ride the short bus mentally challenged citizens. I like seeing an ending I don't expect... it does not happen very often. This movie does what Superman Return fails to do. It paints a picture of a completely lonely person who happens to be super powerful. A person who doesn't have a friend in the world and has sunk to the bottom of the bottle to hide. Yet he has a conscience and feelings still and they lead him to do things but he is careless. It paints a new side of the haunted superhero. One where his heart is kind of near the right place but he can't see his own worth enough to do anyting right. I guess if you went there simply to see a funny screw up or lots of explosions the idea of a story might disturb you... of course that is because you are a retard.
My take? The movie was good. I liked it and I think if you go just enjoy it and let your preconcieved ideas stay at home. Don't be a retard.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Get Smart: A Rambling Review
I hated the television show.... I tried to like it but ruth be told I hated it. That beng said I have no clear recollection what the dang show was like so I had no way of putting this show in perspective as it applies to the show.
One thing I knew is that it had Anne Hathaway.
As far as I am concerned that is a reason to watch it.... Yeah there were other stars but who really cares? I don't.
Anyway the review.
Max is a complete dork. An office worker that dreams of making the all emcompassing status of AGENT. Anyway somehow he passes the tests, is a good shot and is somehow brilliant and a total dumbass all at the same time. Yet he does not get promoted until he meets Agent 99.... Anne. Oh I love Anne!
Why does it say agent 86?
Uh.... OK. At the same time she shows up the headquarters gets attacked. All over the place agents are eliminated. So he gets paired up with 99 because she just got out of reconstructive surgery and noone knows what she looks like (which, by the way, is like the completely hot Anne Hathaway!!!!).
Of course she thinks he is a tool... mainly because he is. However he does manages to get a few things right... and she starts to like him. When they have to arrest him for being a double agent! AAAHH!
So anyway... the movie continues and the world ends... or does it? I guess you will have to go see it.
I liked this movie it was funny, clever and a feel good type of movie. Steve Carrell is good in it, the Rock is funny, and Anne is simply fantastic in every way! The casting was great... they even got the Hiro guy from Heroes! Did I mention Anne Hathaway is in it and looks stunning?
Wow!
One thing I knew is that it had Anne Hathaway.
As far as I am concerned that is a reason to watch it.... Yeah there were other stars but who really cares? I don't.
Anyway the review.
Max is a complete dork. An office worker that dreams of making the all emcompassing status of AGENT. Anyway somehow he passes the tests, is a good shot and is somehow brilliant and a total dumbass all at the same time. Yet he does not get promoted until he meets Agent 99.... Anne. Oh I love Anne!
Why does it say agent 86?
Uh.... OK. At the same time she shows up the headquarters gets attacked. All over the place agents are eliminated. So he gets paired up with 99 because she just got out of reconstructive surgery and noone knows what she looks like (which, by the way, is like the completely hot Anne Hathaway!!!!).
Of course she thinks he is a tool... mainly because he is. However he does manages to get a few things right... and she starts to like him. When they have to arrest him for being a double agent! AAAHH!
So anyway... the movie continues and the world ends... or does it? I guess you will have to go see it.
I liked this movie it was funny, clever and a feel good type of movie. Steve Carrell is good in it, the Rock is funny, and Anne is simply fantastic in every way! The casting was great... they even got the Hiro guy from Heroes! Did I mention Anne Hathaway is in it and looks stunning?
Wow!
Tying up loose ends...
I just received my unofficial CBEST scores. I passed all sections and I did the best in math... which was the only section I studied. YAY!
I should be getting a replacement phone today.... which means I will be reachable tomorrow (due to charging time). I still need people's phone numbers because they existed only in my phone so please email me your number, my email is: crazedlunatik@gmail.com
OK getting back to last Friday. The last day at the evil insurance company ever! I slept in... that was wonderful. When I woke up I spent an hour and a half doing homework. Then my room mate and I headed into work. It was 11 AM... We turned in our badges and then headed to La Buca. We ended up becoming a party of 15 or so and we had a marvelous lunch.... well the food was OK. Then my friend Jana and I headed to the beer fest. We were there at it's opening at 3 PM.... Somewhere between 6 and 7 she headed home. I stayed there with my friend Jason, his wife and friends. At 9 PM they stopped pouring and I hopped on the MAX and headed home. Completely thirsty and totally sun drained. It was a warm day and possibly too warm to drink for 6 hours straight which is why I only spent the initial 20 bucks. It took me 6 hours! Anyway I was drained and I ended up drinking a vitamin water and a bunch of water when I got home. Then I drank a Sobe water. Then I had more water. The weekend was blazing hot and I ended up hiding out in libraries and Barnes and Noble... sometime within that time period I lost my phone and that soured the weekend. I had taken a few pictures while at the beer fest with my phone but they will never be seen.
Anyway I am working on statistics this week so if any of you know about statistics let me know I could use some guidance... The books aren't doing it!
And then I get my new phone! Yay! It was just delivered... I am charging it now. I should be back up and running tonight!
I should be getting a replacement phone today.... which means I will be reachable tomorrow (due to charging time). I still need people's phone numbers because they existed only in my phone so please email me your number, my email is: crazedlunatik@gmail.com
OK getting back to last Friday. The last day at the evil insurance company ever! I slept in... that was wonderful. When I woke up I spent an hour and a half doing homework. Then my room mate and I headed into work. It was 11 AM... We turned in our badges and then headed to La Buca. We ended up becoming a party of 15 or so and we had a marvelous lunch.... well the food was OK. Then my friend Jana and I headed to the beer fest. We were there at it's opening at 3 PM.... Somewhere between 6 and 7 she headed home. I stayed there with my friend Jason, his wife and friends. At 9 PM they stopped pouring and I hopped on the MAX and headed home. Completely thirsty and totally sun drained. It was a warm day and possibly too warm to drink for 6 hours straight which is why I only spent the initial 20 bucks. It took me 6 hours! Anyway I was drained and I ended up drinking a vitamin water and a bunch of water when I got home. Then I drank a Sobe water. Then I had more water. The weekend was blazing hot and I ended up hiding out in libraries and Barnes and Noble... sometime within that time period I lost my phone and that soured the weekend. I had taken a few pictures while at the beer fest with my phone but they will never be seen.
Anyway I am working on statistics this week so if any of you know about statistics let me know I could use some guidance... The books aren't doing it!
And then I get my new phone! Yay! It was just delivered... I am charging it now. I should be back up and running tonight!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
No Phone to Call
Hey all,
If you are trying to reach me on my cell phone via text or a call, stop. I lost the stupid thing..... Anyway I filed a claim tonight from a payphone. I should get a new one but apparently they have to investigate first. I will let you all know when I get my phone back. I bought a Tracfone to make the follow up calls for the claim work and when it gets charged and acivated it will be my phone for a while.... Of course I need to use the minutes to make sure I get a replacement phone before I use them to make social calls. What a total pain! Anyway if you get a weird number with a 503 area code calling you I am probably calling, so answer it! I will be sending an email out looking for contact information again since I have lost the phone with all the numbers in it....
I was going to write about the epic last day but I don't feel like it... so too bad!
If you are trying to reach me on my cell phone via text or a call, stop. I lost the stupid thing..... Anyway I filed a claim tonight from a payphone. I should get a new one but apparently they have to investigate first. I will let you all know when I get my phone back. I bought a Tracfone to make the follow up calls for the claim work and when it gets charged and acivated it will be my phone for a while.... Of course I need to use the minutes to make sure I get a replacement phone before I use them to make social calls. What a total pain! Anyway if you get a weird number with a 503 area code calling you I am probably calling, so answer it! I will be sending an email out looking for contact information again since I have lost the phone with all the numbers in it....
I was going to write about the epic last day but I don't feel like it... so too bad!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The calls have stopped...
Hold on one second and let me catch my breath....
I made it! Holler with me people! Free At last! Well kind of.....
Yesterday around 2:30 the phones were shut off at our call center. We were allowed to go home.... as long as our desks were semi-sane and relatively clean. With the promise that we would be in between 8 - 11:30 today(Wednesday). Anyway my desk was clean and I was sitting around chattering... next thing I know I was at Holman's having a pint and a couple sliders. I may have had another pint or two... no one can be sure. From there I went to the library and read a bunch of boring articles that nearly put me to sleep. They were mixing with beer after all and both the articles and the beer were whispering lullabies in my ears. I fought nap time off and read a few of the super boring articles and did a little homework and then went home.....
Today I woke up and headed into work around 10ish. I checked in, printed some pay stubs and deleted emails. I am a wee bit famous at this place because I write silly blog entries about the evilness of corporate America and the place I work(ed). Anyway the readership is not merely fellow co-workers but it includes a few supervisory and managerial types. So my recent rantings have been a wee bit risky... however the management felt I should know that they read them and found them very amusing. Apparently I give them too much credit in some of my previous pontifications.... if I was them I would not admit that the plans we all believe to be true were a fluke. I would instead just accept the theories of my pure evilness. First rule in business... don't admit ineptitude or human oversight. Second rule: Know your role, no matter what happens you are still in a higher position (even when you share the same fate as the masses). Anyway the official story is they did not give us a day off so they could tell us about call volume again. Apparently it was sheer (and terribly convenient) coincidence..... Yeah. Those dang coincidences always laying around making people look culpable!
As far as the rest of the week.... I will be calling in tomorrow to check in at work but I should not have to go in. I hope my sup reads this tonight. One can always use a good conversation starter when you have to sit around taking calls from a group of lay-about malcontents (the only way to truly describe employees who have been waiting for the official lay off date for 6 months). Friday I turn in my badge.... I will no longer have any stinking badges! Yay for me!
To all my cojorts... it has been fun (occasionally) and keep in touch. (Even if we didn't talk much at work) I like hearing from people. Plus.... we need to network. I mean, after all the company did pay a lot of money to send us to class to learn how! Hopefully you all get jobs soon (or not, depending on personal preference)
And to my managerial fans... thanks for reading!
I made it! Holler with me people! Free At last! Well kind of.....
Yesterday around 2:30 the phones were shut off at our call center. We were allowed to go home.... as long as our desks were semi-sane and relatively clean. With the promise that we would be in between 8 - 11:30 today(Wednesday). Anyway my desk was clean and I was sitting around chattering... next thing I know I was at Holman's having a pint and a couple sliders. I may have had another pint or two... no one can be sure. From there I went to the library and read a bunch of boring articles that nearly put me to sleep. They were mixing with beer after all and both the articles and the beer were whispering lullabies in my ears. I fought nap time off and read a few of the super boring articles and did a little homework and then went home.....
Today I woke up and headed into work around 10ish. I checked in, printed some pay stubs and deleted emails. I am a wee bit famous at this place because I write silly blog entries about the evilness of corporate America and the place I work(ed). Anyway the readership is not merely fellow co-workers but it includes a few supervisory and managerial types. So my recent rantings have been a wee bit risky... however the management felt I should know that they read them and found them very amusing. Apparently I give them too much credit in some of my previous pontifications.... if I was them I would not admit that the plans we all believe to be true were a fluke. I would instead just accept the theories of my pure evilness. First rule in business... don't admit ineptitude or human oversight. Second rule: Know your role, no matter what happens you are still in a higher position (even when you share the same fate as the masses). Anyway the official story is they did not give us a day off so they could tell us about call volume again. Apparently it was sheer (and terribly convenient) coincidence..... Yeah. Those dang coincidences always laying around making people look culpable!
As far as the rest of the week.... I will be calling in tomorrow to check in at work but I should not have to go in. I hope my sup reads this tonight. One can always use a good conversation starter when you have to sit around taking calls from a group of lay-about malcontents (the only way to truly describe employees who have been waiting for the official lay off date for 6 months). Friday I turn in my badge.... I will no longer have any stinking badges! Yay for me!
To all my cojorts... it has been fun (occasionally) and keep in touch. (Even if we didn't talk much at work) I like hearing from people. Plus.... we need to network. I mean, after all the company did pay a lot of money to send us to class to learn how! Hopefully you all get jobs soon (or not, depending on personal preference)
And to my managerial fans... thanks for reading!
Friday, June 20, 2008
A few clarifications on the recent job events
Some of you may be wondering about my last post. I thought I would clear up some issues that have been brought up.
1. Did they really ask that with 2 weeks left? Yes they really did ask some people to stay longer. They are incompetent.... sounds like a great way for an insurance company to act, no?
2. Were you asked? I was one of the unwanted people that were not asked. I was not brought into any room and I thought I was fairly clear about this when I said: "Then there were those that shouldn't know. The undesirables that were never asked. Guess what, WE KNOW."
I figured the use of the word "WE" when the rest of the blog said "some people" was a very apparent and blatant clue. Apparently it was only blatant for me because I wrote the stupid blog. Live and learn I guess
3. Why weren't you asked? Well to tell you the truth there is no "official" story... I figure it was because I got written up though.
(the italics are internal dialogue which you can skip or read and laugh at)
4. You were written up? Yes I was written up which is why I just said I was written up in the answer to the last question...... have you considered moving to San Antonio? If so I have a fantastic company for you to apply for... your lack of observation skills would be perfect for this company I know of... (I hope you get what I am alluding to here)
5. What are you alluding to? The company I am being laid off from is run by people that are not very good at figuring things out. The company has also set up shop in San Antonio. I am suggesting those that have issues figuring things out have something in comon with the company I am leaving. I am also suggesting the company and you need to work together because you are a shoo-in for upper management.... In case you missed it I am being mean.
6. Who exactly are you talking to when you are insulting your audience? No one in particular. In fact every answer I give springs more questions in my head... so if anything this is all an elaborate rouse to insult myself. What do you think of that Freud Jr.?
7. Who is Freud Jr.? Apparently the part of my mind that has an eternal well of stupid questions waiting to be sprung has a name.
8. Why? I am not talking to you anymore...
The real question 4. So what were you written up for? I had a little disagreement with an agent over how he could speak to me. I thought he was beng rude and disconnected the call. He thought that was rude and the company agreed... so I was written up.
5. Why did you hang up? Is that how you normally handle irate customers? Honestly? Well I wish I could do that to everyone who is rude. In all honesty, that is what they deserve.... there is no justification for reaming someone. But for some odd reason people seem to believe it is acceptable to blow up. Maybe they believe the old adage that "The squeaky wheel gets the grease." The thing is usually the loudest and most obnoxious person does get the attention they desire but why should those that yell get the exceptions. I think sane, calm people should get the breaks. That is how I have always thought and attempted to work. Those that yelled at me had an uphill battle. Those that were calm, rational and polite were given all the breaks I could get away with. Normally those that yell get the "I shall not be moved" side of me. They usually have to go around me to get things accomplished. I usually dig in and hold my stance. The day the agent called I was tired. This job does that, it wears on you but pre-layoffs I would rejuvenate. Post-layoff's I am more like stone being worn away by the Colorado river. My tolerances have lowered and people get more and more exasperating as the last day continues to get closer. This agent caught me on a bad day and instead of arguing I "sent him to the disconnect que". This was a decision I regreted almost immediately and it was also a decision that nearly ended my career earlier then expected.
The company likes to "keep customers happy" and to do that they usually allow themselves to be walked over. Wait.... no they allow their customer service agents to get walked on. They require us to hold a line that they arbitrarily set and we do that and we hear all kinds of fun things because of these policies. Then, after we have said: "I am sorry this is company policy and we can not bend the rules. The rules are the same for everyone!" the company flips the decision and makes us look like morons or worse. They, and hundreds of other companies, are what allows cusomers to actually believe "the customer is always right." The reality is that the customer is usually wrong.
6. Ok I am tired of your soap box! Did anyone (that was asked) say yes to staying? Actually there were 6 people that either said yes or maybe.
7. Is that enough to keep them open? Well I guess it was because they were going to. Then at least 2 people changed their minds and the bottom fell out of that plan.
8. Does that make you feel vindicated? Not really I figure the 4 that said yes to such an awful plan did so for a reason. I wish those 4 even more luck then I do the others during this lay off. Even if I had not been declared unacceptable I would not have taken such an offer. I felt it was not only an insult to the employees to ask but also a really lousy thing to do to someone after telling them for 6 months that they are expendable. Apparently the company sees their employees as salivating dogs that they can toy with, the extra 3 months was a chicken bone they through to us to gobble. Not caring that chicken bones splinter and have hurt and even killed dogs.... What I am saying is I think they have no regard for people's emotional or physical welfare. I think they see us as product to be moved around and I do not like that much. So yeah I am also a little glad this last ditch attempt to demoralize human beings failed.
1. Did they really ask that with 2 weeks left? Yes they really did ask some people to stay longer. They are incompetent.... sounds like a great way for an insurance company to act, no?
2. Were you asked? I was one of the unwanted people that were not asked. I was not brought into any room and I thought I was fairly clear about this when I said: "Then there were those that shouldn't know. The undesirables that were never asked. Guess what, WE KNOW."
I figured the use of the word "WE" when the rest of the blog said "some people" was a very apparent and blatant clue. Apparently it was only blatant for me because I wrote the stupid blog. Live and learn I guess
3. Why weren't you asked? Well to tell you the truth there is no "official" story... I figure it was because I got written up though.
(the italics are internal dialogue which you can skip or read and laugh at)
4. You were written up? Yes I was written up which is why I just said I was written up in the answer to the last question...... have you considered moving to San Antonio? If so I have a fantastic company for you to apply for... your lack of observation skills would be perfect for this company I know of... (I hope you get what I am alluding to here)
5. What are you alluding to? The company I am being laid off from is run by people that are not very good at figuring things out. The company has also set up shop in San Antonio. I am suggesting those that have issues figuring things out have something in comon with the company I am leaving. I am also suggesting the company and you need to work together because you are a shoo-in for upper management.... In case you missed it I am being mean.
6. Who exactly are you talking to when you are insulting your audience? No one in particular. In fact every answer I give springs more questions in my head... so if anything this is all an elaborate rouse to insult myself. What do you think of that Freud Jr.?
7. Who is Freud Jr.? Apparently the part of my mind that has an eternal well of stupid questions waiting to be sprung has a name.
8. Why? I am not talking to you anymore...
The real question 4. So what were you written up for? I had a little disagreement with an agent over how he could speak to me. I thought he was beng rude and disconnected the call. He thought that was rude and the company agreed... so I was written up.
5. Why did you hang up? Is that how you normally handle irate customers? Honestly? Well I wish I could do that to everyone who is rude. In all honesty, that is what they deserve.... there is no justification for reaming someone. But for some odd reason people seem to believe it is acceptable to blow up. Maybe they believe the old adage that "The squeaky wheel gets the grease." The thing is usually the loudest and most obnoxious person does get the attention they desire but why should those that yell get the exceptions. I think sane, calm people should get the breaks. That is how I have always thought and attempted to work. Those that yelled at me had an uphill battle. Those that were calm, rational and polite were given all the breaks I could get away with. Normally those that yell get the "I shall not be moved" side of me. They usually have to go around me to get things accomplished. I usually dig in and hold my stance. The day the agent called I was tired. This job does that, it wears on you but pre-layoffs I would rejuvenate. Post-layoff's I am more like stone being worn away by the Colorado river. My tolerances have lowered and people get more and more exasperating as the last day continues to get closer. This agent caught me on a bad day and instead of arguing I "sent him to the disconnect que". This was a decision I regreted almost immediately and it was also a decision that nearly ended my career earlier then expected.
The company likes to "keep customers happy" and to do that they usually allow themselves to be walked over. Wait.... no they allow their customer service agents to get walked on. They require us to hold a line that they arbitrarily set and we do that and we hear all kinds of fun things because of these policies. Then, after we have said: "I am sorry this is company policy and we can not bend the rules. The rules are the same for everyone!" the company flips the decision and makes us look like morons or worse. They, and hundreds of other companies, are what allows cusomers to actually believe "the customer is always right." The reality is that the customer is usually wrong.
6. Ok I am tired of your soap box! Did anyone (that was asked) say yes to staying? Actually there were 6 people that either said yes or maybe.
7. Is that enough to keep them open? Well I guess it was because they were going to. Then at least 2 people changed their minds and the bottom fell out of that plan.
8. Does that make you feel vindicated? Not really I figure the 4 that said yes to such an awful plan did so for a reason. I wish those 4 even more luck then I do the others during this lay off. Even if I had not been declared unacceptable I would not have taken such an offer. I felt it was not only an insult to the employees to ask but also a really lousy thing to do to someone after telling them for 6 months that they are expendable. Apparently the company sees their employees as salivating dogs that they can toy with, the extra 3 months was a chicken bone they through to us to gobble. Not caring that chicken bones splinter and have hurt and even killed dogs.... What I am saying is I think they have no regard for people's emotional or physical welfare. I think they see us as product to be moved around and I do not like that much. So yeah I am also a little glad this last ditch attempt to demoralize human beings failed.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Are you freaking kidding!?
It was January and an entire office was told that all their hard work and dedication to the job was worth nothing. Their job would end in June.... They had been replaced by less expensive employees that were harder workers and could take more calls in a day. The employees were told they were obsolete, outdated and of no further use. They were told to start looking for employment elsewhere.
Hearts were broken, tears were shed and tables were karate chopped. Resumes were honed, interviews were sought and a daily dose of Monster was recieved in hundreds of email accounts. People began to slowly accept their percieved lack of value and accept there job loss. It was a long process and for some, a stressful one. However, it was finally June, and they had two weeks left. Acceptance had long since been attained and people began to eagerly anticipate the end.
That was when the company began to realize their plan was not so perfect. The new cheaper employees were newer and cheaper! How could this be?? How could they get what they were paying for??? These employees were not at the quality they had expected them to be at. These employees were not at all like the employees they were firing. They needed more time!!! So they put their tiny lizard like brains together and they came up with a solution. They could ask the tortured employees who were about to be laid off to resign their soul to the devil. They could say: "Hey! We would sure love to have you stay until October! Would you do it if we decided to extend the time?" However some people were not exactly the "toe the Line" kind of players and management said "Lets not ask those people. We do not want people who reacted to being laid off by having trouble getting to work on time, being less patient with irate customers or those that didn't jump when we said too. So we will ask some employees and not others and ask the ones we ask to keep it a secret and the ones we don't like will never know! We are the most geniusy people in the whole world. We are fantastic and no one will think we are the scum of the earth because we are unthinking and unfeeling hypocriticizers!"
So one by one they brought people in and one by one people left disgusted and most people said "NO YOU SANCTIMONIOUS A-- CLOWNS!" Some found themselves over a barrell where they would accept the offer if it was officially given so they could provide health care for loved ones. The offer was made so late that most people have done too much to prepare for not working here that there would be no way they could make it through another 4 months. Most people feel completely bitter and that the question is at its base nothing more then a violation of the ethics the company preaches. A lot of people feel that 6 months is a long time to torture people over percieved performance, call volume, after call work time and having to work Saturdays when there was no future in it for them and these people could not imagine prolonging the torture. Some people asked for an incentive to be offered to offset the inconvenience this would cause. Some were stunned that after all the crap they went through, getting adjusted to being someone the company found lacking in value, that they could not even fathom coming in the next day let alone until October.
Then there were those that shouldn't know. The undesirables that were never asked. Guess what, WE KNOW. The one thing you did well at this call center was create a sense of community. We share the ups and downs and there was no way this would be kept quiet. The sure audacity of the company to make this offer 2 weeks before they were about to let us go and 6 months after they announced that we were irrelevant. I think the general consensus is one I do not want to type here but it can be summed up in two words. The first word is four letters in length and starts with F and the second word is 'OFF!'
Hearts were broken, tears were shed and tables were karate chopped. Resumes were honed, interviews were sought and a daily dose of Monster was recieved in hundreds of email accounts. People began to slowly accept their percieved lack of value and accept there job loss. It was a long process and for some, a stressful one. However, it was finally June, and they had two weeks left. Acceptance had long since been attained and people began to eagerly anticipate the end.
That was when the company began to realize their plan was not so perfect. The new cheaper employees were newer and cheaper! How could this be?? How could they get what they were paying for??? These employees were not at the quality they had expected them to be at. These employees were not at all like the employees they were firing. They needed more time!!! So they put their tiny lizard like brains together and they came up with a solution. They could ask the tortured employees who were about to be laid off to resign their soul to the devil. They could say: "Hey! We would sure love to have you stay until October! Would you do it if we decided to extend the time?" However some people were not exactly the "toe the Line" kind of players and management said "Lets not ask those people. We do not want people who reacted to being laid off by having trouble getting to work on time, being less patient with irate customers or those that didn't jump when we said too. So we will ask some employees and not others and ask the ones we ask to keep it a secret and the ones we don't like will never know! We are the most geniusy people in the whole world. We are fantastic and no one will think we are the scum of the earth because we are unthinking and unfeeling hypocriticizers!"
So one by one they brought people in and one by one people left disgusted and most people said "NO YOU SANCTIMONIOUS A-- CLOWNS!" Some found themselves over a barrell where they would accept the offer if it was officially given so they could provide health care for loved ones. The offer was made so late that most people have done too much to prepare for not working here that there would be no way they could make it through another 4 months. Most people feel completely bitter and that the question is at its base nothing more then a violation of the ethics the company preaches. A lot of people feel that 6 months is a long time to torture people over percieved performance, call volume, after call work time and having to work Saturdays when there was no future in it for them and these people could not imagine prolonging the torture. Some people asked for an incentive to be offered to offset the inconvenience this would cause. Some were stunned that after all the crap they went through, getting adjusted to being someone the company found lacking in value, that they could not even fathom coming in the next day let alone until October.
Then there were those that shouldn't know. The undesirables that were never asked. Guess what, WE KNOW. The one thing you did well at this call center was create a sense of community. We share the ups and downs and there was no way this would be kept quiet. The sure audacity of the company to make this offer 2 weeks before they were about to let us go and 6 months after they announced that we were irrelevant. I think the general consensus is one I do not want to type here but it can be summed up in two words. The first word is four letters in length and starts with F and the second word is 'OFF!'
Monday, June 16, 2008
A weekend to remember (or Why I want a Wii)
I hope you all had a fantastic Father's Day weekend. I did.... and I even had a big test I had to take. So you know the weekend had a lot to improve for.
My pop came up Friday for a weekend of Father's Day fun! We went to a sushi place that he saw while shopping at IKEA (pronounced icky-uh). They had a happy hour where everything on the rotating track was only a dollar. We ate a lot of things that we may never have tried but it was fun. Then we went looking for a Nintendo Wii because my dad really wanted one after he had played with a grandson in December. The first place we tried did not have one, We hit paydirt at the second place and when we walked out of there we had the Wii, an extra controller (the Wii only comes with 1) and I had bought him an extra game. We did not hook it up because I needed to study for the CBEST test the next morning.
The next morning (after a night of restless sleep) I headed to the University of Portland to take my test. It seemed easier then I had been expecting but I will not really know for sure until the unofficial results are posted June 30th. If you have not had the pleasure of taking the CBEST let me explain it for you. There are three sections: reading, math and writing. The reading and math are multiple choice andf the writing is an essay. I spent a lot of time studying the math because I am rusty and I was a fraid they would expect me to remember formulas. They do.... if I had not reviewed geometry I would be S.O.L. (stuck or lost). The writing consists of writing two essays.... one was a persuasive essay and the other was a personal narrative. They give you 4 hours to complete the entire test and I took 2 hours and 40 minutes.
After the test I headed back home where my dad had set up the Wii. When I came in he wanted me to try out bowling with him. (in case you are not aware the Wii requires you to mimic the motions of what is happening on screen so except for the lack of dorky shoes and a heavy ball you are actually bowling). Anyway I was hooked and wanted to try out more games except both of us were starving and we needed to consume food. So we headed to Old Chicago and had pizza and beer. I love pizza and beer! Then we talked about all kinds of things to do which included getting some dressers from a friend..... and instead ended up back at home playing the Wii. I tried out boxing and tennis. Boxing was very physical and I was sweating and tired after 4 fights. The tennis was fun and physical as well but I was not dead tired after doing that. Then we hooked up the game I bought him, Super Smash Bros. Much to my disappointment this was more like a normal game and involved no jumping, punching or weaving what so ever. It was fun but the Wii is much more fun when you are hopping around looking like an idiot. Then it was dinner time so we stopped playing and headed to the sushi joint again. That place is awesome!
We walked around the shopping area surrounding the sushi place because it was sunny and once again talked about what to do that evening. We entertained the idea of riding the max and heading downtown but my dad did not seem terribly motivated so we ended up back at home. We tried out baseball, golf and the third disc of games which included the funniest game ever. It involved cow racing.... cows that were super fast and could jump. It was completely ridiculous! I continued my boxing career and manged 4 knock outs and one win by decision before I was too tired to continue that. Then it was time to callit a night and I was out like a light. The next morning we went for breakfast at the Daily and returned home where I convinced my dad to play baseball, bowling and tennis as a 2 player game. We were evenly matched for the baseball and bowling but my dad needs a little work on his tennis game. Then he packed up (I attempted to use a jedi mind trick to convince him to leave the Wii behind but it failed) and then we headed to Barnes and Noble. We read for quite a while and then he ended up needing to go home so we had a late lunch at Noodles and he left. I walked from Noodles to the max station and hopped on the rail and rode to the max station near my house.
I met up with my roommate and we watched the basketball game before heading to Harold and Kumar Rscape from Guantanamo Bay.... which was very funny. It was not appropriate at all but it was funny.
Anyway I have come to the conclusion that I need a Wii and at the same time I have realized a Wii would be bad. Time evaporated while I played it and even though I was very active it still kept me indoors a lot on a fantastic weekend. I have way too much homework to do at this time and the Wii would only derail my educational endeavors. I think the Wii is something I will get some time after this class where I have to write huge and excessively long papers. I also feel the Wii is something I should get when I am not about to be laid off..... It was super fun though. I am having detachment problems and I keep wishing I was boxing imainary foes instead of arguing with irate customers.... stupid work and all that working I have to do!
My pop came up Friday for a weekend of Father's Day fun! We went to a sushi place that he saw while shopping at IKEA (pronounced icky-uh). They had a happy hour where everything on the rotating track was only a dollar. We ate a lot of things that we may never have tried but it was fun. Then we went looking for a Nintendo Wii because my dad really wanted one after he had played with a grandson in December. The first place we tried did not have one, We hit paydirt at the second place and when we walked out of there we had the Wii, an extra controller (the Wii only comes with 1) and I had bought him an extra game. We did not hook it up because I needed to study for the CBEST test the next morning.
The next morning (after a night of restless sleep) I headed to the University of Portland to take my test. It seemed easier then I had been expecting but I will not really know for sure until the unofficial results are posted June 30th. If you have not had the pleasure of taking the CBEST let me explain it for you. There are three sections: reading, math and writing. The reading and math are multiple choice andf the writing is an essay. I spent a lot of time studying the math because I am rusty and I was a fraid they would expect me to remember formulas. They do.... if I had not reviewed geometry I would be S.O.L. (stuck or lost). The writing consists of writing two essays.... one was a persuasive essay and the other was a personal narrative. They give you 4 hours to complete the entire test and I took 2 hours and 40 minutes.
After the test I headed back home where my dad had set up the Wii. When I came in he wanted me to try out bowling with him. (in case you are not aware the Wii requires you to mimic the motions of what is happening on screen so except for the lack of dorky shoes and a heavy ball you are actually bowling). Anyway I was hooked and wanted to try out more games except both of us were starving and we needed to consume food. So we headed to Old Chicago and had pizza and beer. I love pizza and beer! Then we talked about all kinds of things to do which included getting some dressers from a friend..... and instead ended up back at home playing the Wii. I tried out boxing and tennis. Boxing was very physical and I was sweating and tired after 4 fights. The tennis was fun and physical as well but I was not dead tired after doing that. Then we hooked up the game I bought him, Super Smash Bros. Much to my disappointment this was more like a normal game and involved no jumping, punching or weaving what so ever. It was fun but the Wii is much more fun when you are hopping around looking like an idiot. Then it was dinner time so we stopped playing and headed to the sushi joint again. That place is awesome!
We walked around the shopping area surrounding the sushi place because it was sunny and once again talked about what to do that evening. We entertained the idea of riding the max and heading downtown but my dad did not seem terribly motivated so we ended up back at home. We tried out baseball, golf and the third disc of games which included the funniest game ever. It involved cow racing.... cows that were super fast and could jump. It was completely ridiculous! I continued my boxing career and manged 4 knock outs and one win by decision before I was too tired to continue that. Then it was time to callit a night and I was out like a light. The next morning we went for breakfast at the Daily and returned home where I convinced my dad to play baseball, bowling and tennis as a 2 player game. We were evenly matched for the baseball and bowling but my dad needs a little work on his tennis game. Then he packed up (I attempted to use a jedi mind trick to convince him to leave the Wii behind but it failed) and then we headed to Barnes and Noble. We read for quite a while and then he ended up needing to go home so we had a late lunch at Noodles and he left. I walked from Noodles to the max station and hopped on the rail and rode to the max station near my house.
I met up with my roommate and we watched the basketball game before heading to Harold and Kumar Rscape from Guantanamo Bay.... which was very funny. It was not appropriate at all but it was funny.
Anyway I have come to the conclusion that I need a Wii and at the same time I have realized a Wii would be bad. Time evaporated while I played it and even though I was very active it still kept me indoors a lot on a fantastic weekend. I have way too much homework to do at this time and the Wii would only derail my educational endeavors. I think the Wii is something I will get some time after this class where I have to write huge and excessively long papers. I also feel the Wii is something I should get when I am not about to be laid off..... It was super fun though. I am having detachment problems and I keep wishing I was boxing imainary foes instead of arguing with irate customers.... stupid work and all that working I have to do!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The plan
A company announces they will be laying off people in June. It's January. It takes a little while for the employees to get back up and running. It is what most people would call a "recovery period" and it is needed when someone's future is smashed with a sledge hammer. Naturally, even as work resumes, the employees morale is not quite fully intact even after the recovery period and they are not very driven to perform at the same level they had before. This is a problem for the managers because they need to instill some drive in the driveless. So they manufacture a problem "We might be let go early if we do not maintain our numbers!" This falls on partially deaf ears but the workers kind of come back in line. The company thinks they should just be the same motivated workers they used to be but people secretly don't care anymore. As a result the management starts to fire people for performance and for a day or two that works. The problem is the employees still lack drive because no matter what they do they will still end up unemployed. Either way the survivors limp along keeping management just barely off their backs.
The 60 day notice finally arrives in April and things go downhill fast. Now that these people are within the 60 day bubble they feel even less motivated. So the mangaement fires more people and writes up a whole bunch more. Still the people do the bare minimum and some do even less. The threat of being let go early sounds like an alluring option at this point and loses its effectiveness.
The employees find themselves to only have 15 days left on the phone and they begin to completely ignore the statistics and the management's expectations. They think "Who cares?" They have hung in for 6 months and they are done. Management does not share this particular view. They have established stats for these employees and by golly they are going to get these slackers to adhere to them! The question is "how?"
The management thinks back over the last 6 months and realize firing people did not work. Nor did harping at them. Micro-management barely worked when the employees had job security so that was out. Threatening them had kind of work but how do you threaten someone who has nothing left to lose. The management went into emergency meetings to come up with a plan. While they did so the numbers tanked as the employees gabbed and ignored the stats. Some even engaged in a ridiculous email campaign that entertained most, if not all of the employees. The next week the management came in with a new vigor and wrote people up for stupid reasons (like using email to actually email people) and began to harp at people. The employees concluded the management (who are also laid off) were absolutely crazy (and of course they are as it is a qualifier for being a manager).
The next day was when they revealed their evil scheme. It was quite ingenious really and most people failed to see the hook. What was the enticement? An additional day off would be given to everyone so that the employees could "look for that elusive new job." The employees excitedly discussed what day they had with their neighbors and sublimely floated through the day.
The day after the "magical day off plan" the management yanked on the fishing pole and hooked them all. You see, in order to get the day off the people had to maintain the stats while other people were off. If people slacked they may lose their day off and no one wanted that. So micro-management veers its ugly head once again. Management notified those that were slacking by handing out a sheet of paper broken into stats of every half hour. Those that are doing fine do not get one. Then the threat goes out.... If the employees do not adhere to the stats management expects, the day off will be lost for all. The sheets of paper being handed out point out those that may end up losing the day off for the entire office and fingers can be pointed. So people that used to toe the line begin to adhere and those that never have get nagged and they bitch about it a lot but they adhere as much as they ever have (which is not much).
Quite a brilliant plan.... my hats off to the management.
The 60 day notice finally arrives in April and things go downhill fast. Now that these people are within the 60 day bubble they feel even less motivated. So the mangaement fires more people and writes up a whole bunch more. Still the people do the bare minimum and some do even less. The threat of being let go early sounds like an alluring option at this point and loses its effectiveness.
The employees find themselves to only have 15 days left on the phone and they begin to completely ignore the statistics and the management's expectations. They think "Who cares?" They have hung in for 6 months and they are done. Management does not share this particular view. They have established stats for these employees and by golly they are going to get these slackers to adhere to them! The question is "how?"
The management thinks back over the last 6 months and realize firing people did not work. Nor did harping at them. Micro-management barely worked when the employees had job security so that was out. Threatening them had kind of work but how do you threaten someone who has nothing left to lose. The management went into emergency meetings to come up with a plan. While they did so the numbers tanked as the employees gabbed and ignored the stats. Some even engaged in a ridiculous email campaign that entertained most, if not all of the employees. The next week the management came in with a new vigor and wrote people up for stupid reasons (like using email to actually email people) and began to harp at people. The employees concluded the management (who are also laid off) were absolutely crazy (and of course they are as it is a qualifier for being a manager).
The next day was when they revealed their evil scheme. It was quite ingenious really and most people failed to see the hook. What was the enticement? An additional day off would be given to everyone so that the employees could "look for that elusive new job." The employees excitedly discussed what day they had with their neighbors and sublimely floated through the day.
The day after the "magical day off plan" the management yanked on the fishing pole and hooked them all. You see, in order to get the day off the people had to maintain the stats while other people were off. If people slacked they may lose their day off and no one wanted that. So micro-management veers its ugly head once again. Management notified those that were slacking by handing out a sheet of paper broken into stats of every half hour. Those that are doing fine do not get one. Then the threat goes out.... If the employees do not adhere to the stats management expects, the day off will be lost for all. The sheets of paper being handed out point out those that may end up losing the day off for the entire office and fingers can be pointed. So people that used to toe the line begin to adhere and those that never have get nagged and they bitch about it a lot but they adhere as much as they ever have (which is not much).
Quite a brilliant plan.... my hats off to the management.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The harrowing tale of my wayward roommate
Recently my friend and room mate, Chad, decided to get himself in the paper. Those of you in Oregon may have heard about it. He was in the news a lot the last 2 days. Unfortunately he unwisely chose to be in the paper for getting lost while hiking and not for winning the lottery or saving a kitten from a burning building. It seems my roommate has a penchant for hiking. He has gone on several hikes, weather permitting, and continues to try new trails he finds in his little trail guide book. He always goes and comes back and has a grand time but last Sunday he decided to get lost. He spent the night shivering in 30 degree weather in a t-shirt, shorts and wet socks. In case you are not aware that would not be any fun what so ever and most people might even use the phrase "This sucks!" if they were in a similar situation. Now as a disclaimer the news has done the story and you can read about it on all kinds of Oregon news sites if you want to read the doctored version. Try the Oregonian, a newspaper up here. What I am about to tell you is for the benefit of my roommate as he is tired of telling the story. What I am about to tell you is nothing but the truth. You will only get the truth here. I write this story because the people that read this blog deserve the truth! I am dedicated to the truth!
First off my roommate does not hike. He doesn't even own shoes! You can't hike without shoes, it's a fact! So let's get rid of this pesky rumor that he was hiking. He wasn't. So how did he get 4,000 feet up on mountain? Well let me tell you. It starts Saturday night.
I was in class pretending to listen (Sorry Tony, but I am going for factual in this story). I was staring out the window at a few spots of sun and thinking about the weather forecast saying sun would come in on Sunday. I was looking outside wondering if they got it wrong again. At that very moment my roomie was calling to let me know he was going to visit a few friends that just awoke from hibernation. Yes I just said hibernation.... they are bears.
It is not weird that he has friends that are bears! He was born and raised in Oregon and everyone that was born and raised here are assigned a foster bear family. They get together in the summer and eat rabbits and berries. It is great fun. I tried to tag along last summer and one of them accidentally ate my arm off. Don't worry, it grew back but that was one heck of a week. Anyway he left the message while I stared away at the wall completely entranced. When I got home and he was not there I was not worried at all. When I got out of class he was already chomping on a rabbit and having a grand ol' time with the bears.
Knowing that bears don't wear watches I did not expect him to give me a time that he would be back. So when I awoke Sunday morning it was no big... I mean bears are awesome companions and you never want to leave them so he usually spends all weekend with them when he goes to visit. So I went about my business on Sunday which included trading in old video games so I could get new video games, spending money at the new pirate shop Captain Henry's and going for a bike ride. It was on this bike ride when I got the call.
Chad was on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere! He was wearing shorts and a tshirt and wet shoes (Shoes he doesn't even own!). He was surrounded by snow and it was starting to get dark. So how did he get from the comfort of the bears home to alone on top of a snow covered mountain? Here is what he told me:
The last thing he remembers he was going to Starbucks with Sir Chomps-A-Lot (the bear that ate my arm). Sir Chomps-A-Lot loves coffee! He is an addict! If you see him he will be shaking due to the constant caffeine buzz. Anyway there he was talking to Sir Chomps-A-Lot when a bright light appeared in the sky and sucked him toward a flying saucer! Yeah I said it, Chad was abducted by ALIENS!
So there he was inside the alien ship and the aliens were playing War's Lowrider at high volume. Suddenly he heard a voice in his head. It was an alien reciting the Gettysburg address. Then he was gassed and fell asleep. Hours later he woke up in the woods and he called me. I advised him he had to avoid telling the truth since telling the emergency people about aliens and bears is a sure fire way to go to the loony bin! So we concocted the hiking story. (No emergency person is invited to hang out with bears and due to that they deny their ability to talk and entertain. They are jealous!) Anyway after a night in the woods he was helicoptered out.
Poor Sir Chomps-A-Lot was nearly catatonic with fright! He kept calling me every hour checking to see if Chad had been rescued. When Chad was rescued Sir Chomps-A-Lot vowed revenge and has went on an interplanetary hunt for those aliens. He is going to completely open a can o'-whoop a-- on him!
(PS. I only write this because my roommate is fine and only suffers from a slight case of embarrassment)
First off my roommate does not hike. He doesn't even own shoes! You can't hike without shoes, it's a fact! So let's get rid of this pesky rumor that he was hiking. He wasn't. So how did he get 4,000 feet up on mountain? Well let me tell you. It starts Saturday night.
I was in class pretending to listen (Sorry Tony, but I am going for factual in this story). I was staring out the window at a few spots of sun and thinking about the weather forecast saying sun would come in on Sunday. I was looking outside wondering if they got it wrong again. At that very moment my roomie was calling to let me know he was going to visit a few friends that just awoke from hibernation. Yes I just said hibernation.... they are bears.
It is not weird that he has friends that are bears! He was born and raised in Oregon and everyone that was born and raised here are assigned a foster bear family. They get together in the summer and eat rabbits and berries. It is great fun. I tried to tag along last summer and one of them accidentally ate my arm off. Don't worry, it grew back but that was one heck of a week. Anyway he left the message while I stared away at the wall completely entranced. When I got home and he was not there I was not worried at all. When I got out of class he was already chomping on a rabbit and having a grand ol' time with the bears.
Knowing that bears don't wear watches I did not expect him to give me a time that he would be back. So when I awoke Sunday morning it was no big... I mean bears are awesome companions and you never want to leave them so he usually spends all weekend with them when he goes to visit. So I went about my business on Sunday which included trading in old video games so I could get new video games, spending money at the new pirate shop Captain Henry's and going for a bike ride. It was on this bike ride when I got the call.
Chad was on top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere! He was wearing shorts and a tshirt and wet shoes (Shoes he doesn't even own!). He was surrounded by snow and it was starting to get dark. So how did he get from the comfort of the bears home to alone on top of a snow covered mountain? Here is what he told me:
The last thing he remembers he was going to Starbucks with Sir Chomps-A-Lot (the bear that ate my arm). Sir Chomps-A-Lot loves coffee! He is an addict! If you see him he will be shaking due to the constant caffeine buzz. Anyway there he was talking to Sir Chomps-A-Lot when a bright light appeared in the sky and sucked him toward a flying saucer! Yeah I said it, Chad was abducted by ALIENS!
So there he was inside the alien ship and the aliens were playing War's Lowrider at high volume. Suddenly he heard a voice in his head. It was an alien reciting the Gettysburg address. Then he was gassed and fell asleep. Hours later he woke up in the woods and he called me. I advised him he had to avoid telling the truth since telling the emergency people about aliens and bears is a sure fire way to go to the loony bin! So we concocted the hiking story. (No emergency person is invited to hang out with bears and due to that they deny their ability to talk and entertain. They are jealous!) Anyway after a night in the woods he was helicoptered out.
Poor Sir Chomps-A-Lot was nearly catatonic with fright! He kept calling me every hour checking to see if Chad had been rescued. When Chad was rescued Sir Chomps-A-Lot vowed revenge and has went on an interplanetary hunt for those aliens. He is going to completely open a can o'-whoop a-- on him!
(PS. I only write this because my roommate is fine and only suffers from a slight case of embarrassment)
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The Museum Part 3
Some athletes talk a lot about a fabled mind set where nothing bothers them. In that frame of mind the crowd is not a factor and the other players are just an obstacle to move around or through. While they are in it it is only them and their task, they are at their best and nothing slows them down. They call it 'the zone' and usually their playing is referred to as being "on fire". Simon, who was not very athletic, had never been 'in the zone' before. Today was his first trip; his maiden voyage. Today, through some cosmic fluke, Simon had entered the zone. He was an artist even though this was the first time he had ever attempted anything even remotely artistic. Well unless you counted coloring or the art projects he did in grade school and Simon didn't; those were crafts.
He worked feverishly on the task in front of him; barely noticing the room, his surroundings, or even the people talking around him. He had already tackled the use of primary colors in the painting. He had stared at his painting in front until it seemed like certain areas called to him to have paint applied. He followed his instinct, or was it the paintings suggestions, and soon he set his brush to paper. When he was done 4 hours of time had lapsed and it seemed Simon had gained an audience. He looked around at everyone and then down at his paint colored hands. Jeff and the tour group had made their way back in along with other museum patron and staff; he was surrounded. Jeff eased over to have a look at the painting. His eyes went wide and his breath caught in his chest. Simon was not sure what that meant but he was afraid it was because Jeff did not like it, like he had not liked the weird cardboard bird. Jef turned to Simon smiling; "May I show them?" he asked. Simon nodded at Jeff and Jeff turned back toward the painting, Then he carefully picked up the painting and turned it to face the crowd. People let out strange noises and then grew very quiet.
His father slumped into the table Simon had been working at, as if without it he might have collapsed on his face. That was when Simon noticed his dad, mom and sister were all next to him around the table. His seemed to be overwhelmed and actually took the proffered seat slid to him from a member of the crowd. People quietly looked from the boy to the painting to Mondrian's examples. One patron said "It's amazing. His painting is completely different from anything I have ever seen of Mondrian. It is not a copy it is original and it's..... it's beautiful!" Simon was nodding as the man spoke, he had not copied a design he had simply created his own. He began shaking his head when the man exclaimed it's beauty, he had simply been taking on a challenge. He had held no delusions that he was creating art, this man misunderstood his intent in making the painting. As Simon was preparing to dispute this man's claim the sound in the room grew to a tumultuous pitch. Everyone began talking all at once as if Jesus had come down and cured someone of their leprosy.
The room being less then sound proof was at a fever pitch and Simon wanted nothing more then to escape. The cacophony of sound was making his head hurt. He looked toward the exit thinking only of leaving the confined space and heading for a larger area. What he was a door clogged with people and everyone staring at him like a pack of wolves stare at a lost lamb. At that moment he felt a tug on his arm and looked over to see Jeff was trying to yank him toward a backdoor that Simon had not seen before. His parents were still kind of in shock and his sister was busy trying to best his effors with her own version but the crowd was pushing forward. He decided to follow Jeff through the door that Jeff had opened with a magnetic key card. JEf pushed the door shut quickly so that it would lock behind him to prevent the crowd from following. Jeff yanked Simon's arm and Simon found himself marvelling at how amazingly strong Jeff was despite his mall stature. "I'm taking you to the main office so please keep up" Jeff informed him. Simon looked around and realized he had followed Jeff into the background of the museum. The area that required you to work there to walk through. The side the public never sees. At first glance it was nothing special it contained a lot of unfinished walls and the air conditioning ducts were visible. When they turned a corner Simon was confronted by a large storage space filled with crates. As explanation Jeff pointed lazily in the direction of the boxes and said "next month's featured artist". Simon was amazed to see the buzz of activity as the unloaded art was sorted. He slowed down to take in the scene and a few paintings caught his eye. He walked towards them until he was yanked back by Jeff. "Hey kid, we need to get to the main office so we can let your parents know where to meet up with you. This is no time to lolly gag!"
Soon Simon found himself in a very neat and orderly office while Jeff announced that "The Parents of Simon Ronsed are requested at the museum office" over the speaker system in the museum. Simon sat in a very large chair that left his feet to dangle below him and he began to swing his feet to and fro while he waited. It was at that moment that it happened. A sparkle in the corner of his eye, a hint of gold. He looked in that direction but there was nothing there, just a table and a chair with huge red painted canvases on them. He tried to ask Jeff about the sparkly item but Jeff was speaking to the museum director. He was sure it was some random art piece but he had an overwhelming desire to look at it. He remembered why he was there and decided to stay put. He did not need his parents to be more worried and upset with him. Worried would be enough to deal with. He could already hear the lecture "We know Jeff seemed safe but follo..." There it was again. Twinkling more incessantly in the side of his vision. He turned to look over there and it kept twinkling. It was coming from beneath the desk which was probably why he had not seen it when he had turned to looked before. He had simply been looking too high. He realized then that he had to investigate that twinkle because it seemed so out of place. He looked around and saw he was alone. He knew he was supposed to not move from the chair but he was just going a few feet away it was withing viewing distance. He would hear them come back and he could fein interest in the paintings on the desk or given enough warning he could probably even make it back to the chair. He had to see what was twinkling....
He worked feverishly on the task in front of him; barely noticing the room, his surroundings, or even the people talking around him. He had already tackled the use of primary colors in the painting. He had stared at his painting in front until it seemed like certain areas called to him to have paint applied. He followed his instinct, or was it the paintings suggestions, and soon he set his brush to paper. When he was done 4 hours of time had lapsed and it seemed Simon had gained an audience. He looked around at everyone and then down at his paint colored hands. Jeff and the tour group had made their way back in along with other museum patron and staff; he was surrounded. Jeff eased over to have a look at the painting. His eyes went wide and his breath caught in his chest. Simon was not sure what that meant but he was afraid it was because Jeff did not like it, like he had not liked the weird cardboard bird. Jef turned to Simon smiling; "May I show them?" he asked. Simon nodded at Jeff and Jeff turned back toward the painting, Then he carefully picked up the painting and turned it to face the crowd. People let out strange noises and then grew very quiet.
His father slumped into the table Simon had been working at, as if without it he might have collapsed on his face. That was when Simon noticed his dad, mom and sister were all next to him around the table. His seemed to be overwhelmed and actually took the proffered seat slid to him from a member of the crowd. People quietly looked from the boy to the painting to Mondrian's examples. One patron said "It's amazing. His painting is completely different from anything I have ever seen of Mondrian. It is not a copy it is original and it's..... it's beautiful!" Simon was nodding as the man spoke, he had not copied a design he had simply created his own. He began shaking his head when the man exclaimed it's beauty, he had simply been taking on a challenge. He had held no delusions that he was creating art, this man misunderstood his intent in making the painting. As Simon was preparing to dispute this man's claim the sound in the room grew to a tumultuous pitch. Everyone began talking all at once as if Jesus had come down and cured someone of their leprosy.
The room being less then sound proof was at a fever pitch and Simon wanted nothing more then to escape. The cacophony of sound was making his head hurt. He looked toward the exit thinking only of leaving the confined space and heading for a larger area. What he was a door clogged with people and everyone staring at him like a pack of wolves stare at a lost lamb. At that moment he felt a tug on his arm and looked over to see Jeff was trying to yank him toward a backdoor that Simon had not seen before. His parents were still kind of in shock and his sister was busy trying to best his effors with her own version but the crowd was pushing forward. He decided to follow Jeff through the door that Jeff had opened with a magnetic key card. JEf pushed the door shut quickly so that it would lock behind him to prevent the crowd from following. Jeff yanked Simon's arm and Simon found himself marvelling at how amazingly strong Jeff was despite his mall stature. "I'm taking you to the main office so please keep up" Jeff informed him. Simon looked around and realized he had followed Jeff into the background of the museum. The area that required you to work there to walk through. The side the public never sees. At first glance it was nothing special it contained a lot of unfinished walls and the air conditioning ducts were visible. When they turned a corner Simon was confronted by a large storage space filled with crates. As explanation Jeff pointed lazily in the direction of the boxes and said "next month's featured artist". Simon was amazed to see the buzz of activity as the unloaded art was sorted. He slowed down to take in the scene and a few paintings caught his eye. He walked towards them until he was yanked back by Jeff. "Hey kid, we need to get to the main office so we can let your parents know where to meet up with you. This is no time to lolly gag!"
Soon Simon found himself in a very neat and orderly office while Jeff announced that "The Parents of Simon Ronsed are requested at the museum office" over the speaker system in the museum. Simon sat in a very large chair that left his feet to dangle below him and he began to swing his feet to and fro while he waited. It was at that moment that it happened. A sparkle in the corner of his eye, a hint of gold. He looked in that direction but there was nothing there, just a table and a chair with huge red painted canvases on them. He tried to ask Jeff about the sparkly item but Jeff was speaking to the museum director. He was sure it was some random art piece but he had an overwhelming desire to look at it. He remembered why he was there and decided to stay put. He did not need his parents to be more worried and upset with him. Worried would be enough to deal with. He could already hear the lecture "We know Jeff seemed safe but follo..." There it was again. Twinkling more incessantly in the side of his vision. He turned to look over there and it kept twinkling. It was coming from beneath the desk which was probably why he had not seen it when he had turned to looked before. He had simply been looking too high. He realized then that he had to investigate that twinkle because it seemed so out of place. He looked around and saw he was alone. He knew he was supposed to not move from the chair but he was just going a few feet away it was withing viewing distance. He would hear them come back and he could fein interest in the paintings on the desk or given enough warning he could probably even make it back to the chair. He had to see what was twinkling....
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
A Rambling Review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Oh my goodness I was practically giddy with excitement. It was my birthday and in my hand was a ticket to see the new Indiana Jones flick. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (IJKCS of Indy 4 for short). I love the older movies. Recently while watching the older ones on television I almost went online to sign up for whip handling lessons. I am not sure where I could get such a lesson but I am sure someone charges money to teach this completely impractical skill. I can see it now: Imagine that I am on an interview to be a new teacher and they say "So why do you want to be a teacher?" I pause for a moment and press my fingertips together in front of me and lean forward to make complete and total eye contact. "Well Dr. Randall," I begin, "I want to be like Indiana Jones. Last summer I mastered the art of the bullwhip and could use it to take the pen from your hand without even touching you. I have bought a huge collection of old dusty books filled with random facts about ancient civilizations. All I need now is to become a teacher and have students watch me adoringly as I try to tell them archaeology is boring even though I nearly got killed that very weekend while looking for an artifact in some remote jungle." I am not sure they would hire me but it would stll be cool. That whip is damn handy! Anyway so my roommate and I were in the theater saying "Hurry Dr. Jones!" and "You're my best friend Dr. Jones!" like Short Round would say in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. We wondered if he would reappear in this movie because he was awesome in that one. Dr. Jones! Then the movie lights dimmed and we tucked in for a 2 hour long tale of excitement.
The movie picks up in the 50's, the Nazi's are no longer the issue. Instead it's those damn Commies and all their Free Love and Applesauce For All! Wait, no, Commies like the color red... so they are like the fathers of the street gang the Bloods. I am being told that once again I am partially incorrect. Apparently communists are people who like to talk a lot especially during quiet times like during movies or at church. Their moniker was originally Communicationists but people hated saying that so they shortened it to communists. If you have ever been in a theater and had people around you talk through the movie you can understand the intense dislike of communists. This is why people say things like "Shut your commie mouth!" all the time. Anyway Cate Blanchett (who is a communist because she has horrible hair in this movie and doesn't know that you spell Kate with a K not a freaking C!) Anyway she really wants Indy's help finding something so instead of sweet talking him she shoves him and another guy into a trunk of a car. Apparently communists are not only yappy in movie theaters but they also disregard the personal safety of their guests. Of course the other guy that was in the trunk with Indy happens to be working for the Commies and has betrayed Indy which we soon find out. So she has taken him to a military base in Nevada and wants him find some magnetic box. The box has a body in it but all we get to see is a gnarled hand and then Indy is running for his life. You realize at that moment that even though Harrison Ford is like nearly 98 years of age, he is back and so is this character. He manages to escape and wander through the desert and into a town that happens to be a fake town used for nuclear testing. Of course the bomb is about to be dropped so he has to get out. The way he gets out is pretty cool so I will not tell you how. Anyway he survives because otherwise this would be a completely different movie. He is found and gets grilled by the FBI (one of them plays the janitor on scrubs, does that character have a name?) and the FBI hates him. The interrogation ends with Indy losing his professor gig, just in time to run into Mutt (Shia LaBeouf).
Mutt tells him the chick (and Mutt's mom) from the first movie and some other archaeologist were taken by communists (apparently communists also kidnap people, they have poor social skills). Of course the commies are following Mutt and a fun chase scene through the college campus ensues. Then we get to know Mutt as they tromp through the forest. They find a silly looking crystal skull that looks like glass with tinfoil in the hollow part of it. We also run back into Mutt's ma aka Indy's old flame. Then the silly Commies show up and we have a crystal skull that looks stupid and a movie that slowly gets sillier. Several times I thought they would go in a different direction but in the end they had taken all the lame routes and concluded this adventure with a stupid ending. They managed to take a fun movie with great potential and run it into a wall.... they waited 19 years for this? This could have happened directly after the third because all they were trying to do was cash in. AND WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO SHORT ROUND? They were supposedly best friends in Temple of Doom! WHERE IS HE SPIELBERG??? YOU MONSTER!!!! YOU DESTROYER OF DREAMS!!!
Ok I need to breathe! It wasn't that bad... it was just disappointing. Let's ask Indy and Mutt what they thought:
Indy: "Oh, land sakes! What did we just do?"
Mutt: "I think we landed in poo."
OK right here is where I tell you why I did not like the ending. I am giving it away so if you will do what I would normally do, which is see it anyway and avoid reading people blowing the ending then stop reading here. This is your warning.
Spoiler warning!!!
Oh my goodness did I just see Contact again? I swore I would never see Contact again and here it is in a new movie. The whole thing traces back to a freaking UFO and aliens?? Are you freaking kidding me!!??? 19 years and he remakes Close Encounters of the Indy Kind?? I am convinced that Harrison Ford, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas are completely senile! Someone please stop allowing them to make movies that spoil their earlier and far better work. If you are one of those three please stop making sequels and prequels and focus on new ideas and leave the past in the past. Oh and seriously what happened to Short Round?
The movie picks up in the 50's, the Nazi's are no longer the issue. Instead it's those damn Commies and all their Free Love and Applesauce For All! Wait, no, Commies like the color red... so they are like the fathers of the street gang the Bloods. I am being told that once again I am partially incorrect. Apparently communists are people who like to talk a lot especially during quiet times like during movies or at church. Their moniker was originally Communicationists but people hated saying that so they shortened it to communists. If you have ever been in a theater and had people around you talk through the movie you can understand the intense dislike of communists. This is why people say things like "Shut your commie mouth!" all the time. Anyway Cate Blanchett (who is a communist because she has horrible hair in this movie and doesn't know that you spell Kate with a K not a freaking C!) Anyway she really wants Indy's help finding something so instead of sweet talking him she shoves him and another guy into a trunk of a car. Apparently communists are not only yappy in movie theaters but they also disregard the personal safety of their guests. Of course the other guy that was in the trunk with Indy happens to be working for the Commies and has betrayed Indy which we soon find out. So she has taken him to a military base in Nevada and wants him find some magnetic box. The box has a body in it but all we get to see is a gnarled hand and then Indy is running for his life. You realize at that moment that even though Harrison Ford is like nearly 98 years of age, he is back and so is this character. He manages to escape and wander through the desert and into a town that happens to be a fake town used for nuclear testing. Of course the bomb is about to be dropped so he has to get out. The way he gets out is pretty cool so I will not tell you how. Anyway he survives because otherwise this would be a completely different movie. He is found and gets grilled by the FBI (one of them plays the janitor on scrubs, does that character have a name?) and the FBI hates him. The interrogation ends with Indy losing his professor gig, just in time to run into Mutt (Shia LaBeouf).
Mutt tells him the chick (and Mutt's mom) from the first movie and some other archaeologist were taken by communists (apparently communists also kidnap people, they have poor social skills). Of course the commies are following Mutt and a fun chase scene through the college campus ensues. Then we get to know Mutt as they tromp through the forest. They find a silly looking crystal skull that looks like glass with tinfoil in the hollow part of it. We also run back into Mutt's ma aka Indy's old flame. Then the silly Commies show up and we have a crystal skull that looks stupid and a movie that slowly gets sillier. Several times I thought they would go in a different direction but in the end they had taken all the lame routes and concluded this adventure with a stupid ending. They managed to take a fun movie with great potential and run it into a wall.... they waited 19 years for this? This could have happened directly after the third because all they were trying to do was cash in. AND WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO SHORT ROUND? They were supposedly best friends in Temple of Doom! WHERE IS HE SPIELBERG??? YOU MONSTER!!!! YOU DESTROYER OF DREAMS!!!
Ok I need to breathe! It wasn't that bad... it was just disappointing. Let's ask Indy and Mutt what they thought:
Indy: "Oh, land sakes! What did we just do?"
Mutt: "I think we landed in poo."
OK right here is where I tell you why I did not like the ending. I am giving it away so if you will do what I would normally do, which is see it anyway and avoid reading people blowing the ending then stop reading here. This is your warning.
Spoiler warning!!!
Oh my goodness did I just see Contact again? I swore I would never see Contact again and here it is in a new movie. The whole thing traces back to a freaking UFO and aliens?? Are you freaking kidding me!!??? 19 years and he remakes Close Encounters of the Indy Kind?? I am convinced that Harrison Ford, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas are completely senile! Someone please stop allowing them to make movies that spoil their earlier and far better work. If you are one of those three please stop making sequels and prequels and focus on new ideas and leave the past in the past. Oh and seriously what happened to Short Round?
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The Museum Part 2
The tour group crowded around a weird painting with lines and colored squares that looked to Simon like something not quite worth hanging up. It wasn't like it was super artistic and it just seemed like maybe the artist had some extra canvas he decided to fill up with random lines and colored squares. Then all these morons decided to make it valuable because they had too much money to spend. Which was the reason he thought this was a terrible waste of a museum. Modern art just seemed so silly.
"I figure some of you are not fans of modern art. You may be looking at this Mondrian painting thinking 'and?'" Jeff paused to look at the faces looking at him. "I have to admit that I have had a few thoughts like this myself before I ever even dreamed of working here. Modern art is usually very weird and sometimes it is still hard for me to appreciate. One display involved strangely shaped cardboard pieced together in a shape that looked vaguely like a cartoon depiction of Nessie the fabled Loch Ness monster. However it was labeled "The Bird" and I was 5 seconds away from quitting when I saw it get put up."
The crowd chuckled at his story and he smiled broadly before ascending a flight of stairs to get closer to the painting. He pulled out a pointer to highlight a few areas.
"This painting, as I mentioned, was created by a gentleman named Piet Mondrian. You may have seen his designs before as a lot of fashionistas have decided it is fun to put on shirts and purses and all sorts of things. The reality is that it is quite a bit harder to create something like this then it looks. The lines are perfectly straight and the colors are in areas that don't detract from the composition. I t looks really basic and like anyone can do it. In fact if you look behind this painting there is an area where we challenge you to create one. People can create these but it takes some thought and a little science of color to make it compelling. This tour is the only way you can get into this area and so we are challenging all of you to try your hand at this. Follow me please." Jeff opened a door and the tour group followed him inside.
Inside the room there were a bunch of tables piled high with art supplies. There was paint, pens, pencils, markers, paper, rulers and reference books. Around the room were several posters of Piet Mondrian to use as reference. Simon was the first to venture to a table and he grabbed a pencil and a sheet of paper and bent to the task of sketching out his Mondrian painting. Slowly the rest of the group followed his lead and the volume of the room rose as people started trying to duplicate the simplistic appearing designs.
Simon found nothing he did was straight enough so he grabbed a ruler and a new sheet of paper and started over. He started adding lines on one side and then rotated the sheet to the other side. He kept working slowly drawing lines and pausing to think before placing the next line. He was absorbed in the task and had not realized people were slowly giving up on their attempts and were starting to focus on him. Soon everyone was watching him make his Mondrian painting but he had yet to look up. He was too busy painting in the lines with black paint. Keeping the brush with in the lines was a difficult task and that was where his focus was concentrated. He was steadily painting the third line when the tour continued on and his mother and another member of the museum staff stayed with him while he worked. He was oblivious to the fact that his mother and the lady who worked at the museum were talking about all kinds of art related topics, attempting to fill the silence with small talk. Simon worked like a boy entranced and nothing was breaking through his revery. Not even the fact that he had been working for over an hour.
"I figure some of you are not fans of modern art. You may be looking at this Mondrian painting thinking 'and?'" Jeff paused to look at the faces looking at him. "I have to admit that I have had a few thoughts like this myself before I ever even dreamed of working here. Modern art is usually very weird and sometimes it is still hard for me to appreciate. One display involved strangely shaped cardboard pieced together in a shape that looked vaguely like a cartoon depiction of Nessie the fabled Loch Ness monster. However it was labeled "The Bird" and I was 5 seconds away from quitting when I saw it get put up."
The crowd chuckled at his story and he smiled broadly before ascending a flight of stairs to get closer to the painting. He pulled out a pointer to highlight a few areas.
"This painting, as I mentioned, was created by a gentleman named Piet Mondrian. You may have seen his designs before as a lot of fashionistas have decided it is fun to put on shirts and purses and all sorts of things. The reality is that it is quite a bit harder to create something like this then it looks. The lines are perfectly straight and the colors are in areas that don't detract from the composition. I t looks really basic and like anyone can do it. In fact if you look behind this painting there is an area where we challenge you to create one. People can create these but it takes some thought and a little science of color to make it compelling. This tour is the only way you can get into this area and so we are challenging all of you to try your hand at this. Follow me please." Jeff opened a door and the tour group followed him inside.
Inside the room there were a bunch of tables piled high with art supplies. There was paint, pens, pencils, markers, paper, rulers and reference books. Around the room were several posters of Piet Mondrian to use as reference. Simon was the first to venture to a table and he grabbed a pencil and a sheet of paper and bent to the task of sketching out his Mondrian painting. Slowly the rest of the group followed his lead and the volume of the room rose as people started trying to duplicate the simplistic appearing designs.
Simon found nothing he did was straight enough so he grabbed a ruler and a new sheet of paper and started over. He started adding lines on one side and then rotated the sheet to the other side. He kept working slowly drawing lines and pausing to think before placing the next line. He was absorbed in the task and had not realized people were slowly giving up on their attempts and were starting to focus on him. Soon everyone was watching him make his Mondrian painting but he had yet to look up. He was too busy painting in the lines with black paint. Keeping the brush with in the lines was a difficult task and that was where his focus was concentrated. He was steadily painting the third line when the tour continued on and his mother and another member of the museum staff stayed with him while he worked. He was oblivious to the fact that his mother and the lady who worked at the museum were talking about all kinds of art related topics, attempting to fill the silence with small talk. Simon worked like a boy entranced and nothing was breaking through his revery. Not even the fact that he had been working for over an hour.
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Museum: Part 1
Simon had went to the museum with his family and after an hour he found himself waiting for the free tour to begin. He already looked at all the exhibits twice and was ready to leave but his sister was enthralled with the place. He had already been admonished to "calm down and enjoy the exhibits" and to "appreciate the money spent coming here". The thing about it was he did not want to be here. He had wanted to go to the ball game with his friend Henry but he was here instead. It was not fair! His sister always got to pick what they did. He managed to conveniently overlook the baseball game he had attended Wednesday night. He also neglected to recall that his sister had not relished the idea of attending that baseball game but had been drug along anyway. In fact, if he was being honest he would be forced to admit that his parents rotating schedule was very fair. Every member of the Ronsed family had a chance to dictate a family event in an alternating pattern, even his mom and dad picked events where they dragged the family along. Simon just happened to not like anything his sister picked. Of course knowing this, way in the back of his mind, did nothing to stem the flow of his negativity. So his mother was going on the guided tour with him to give his sister, Julie, a chance to enjoy herself. His father would go with Julie because he also loved this museum and could be entertained for hours within it's walls.
Simon and his mother stood in the midst of a gathering crowd that was restlessly waiting for the guide. Simon watched as people looked at their watches every few seconds as if they had a lot of appointments that day or somewhere else to be. He did not care for watches and the dislike translated to careless treatment of them. After the third watch was mysteriously shattered his family stopped buying him new ones. Simon's theory was if everyone else had one then he did not need one since he could just ask someone else what time it was. The logic in that pleased him as it went right along with the familiar refrain "You don't need that just because 'everyone' else has it." He heard that from his parents whenever he told them what toy he simply had to have. He had once said "Just because everyone else cares about time does not mean I need to care about time." He had gotten in trouble for a while over that one but he figured the little bit of trouble was worth it because he had turned their logic against them. Now his parents simply said no when he asked or begged for something new and left the peer evaluation part out of it. They may train him in the art of proper manners but he could also train them out of the use of stupid cliches.
As he began to wonder about where the tour guide was, the tour guide made his appearance. Which almost went unnoticed because he was maybe a little under 4 feet tall. Simon wondered what the proper term was, he had hear dwarf and midget but were they acceptable? If he asked this man would he be insulting him? Did this guy just want to be treated as if height was not an issue? Simon was fascinated for the first time since he walked into the museum. He was brimming with questions and now felt the urge to stay here for a little while longer.
"Ladies and Gentlemen. May I have your attention?" People turned to look at the little man in the front of them. "My name is Jeff and I will be your tour guide today. Just to get this out of the way some of you may have noticed I am not exactly average height. There are many terms used to describe my resultant stature such as midget, little guy, dwarf or 'little person'. I prefer Jeff. However if you are describing me later please use the term 'little person' as 'little guy' implies I am a toddler running between your legs. Some of you look like you want to laugh at that last sentence; which is a good thing as I consider myself to be fairly funny and I am actually making a joke. If you are the type of person who likes to 'put themselves in the other person's shoes' then realize that my personal view is that you are all simply freakishly gigantic. Now that we got the awkward part out of the way let's start the tour! Follow me into the Red Bull sponsored wing of modern art. The Red Bull part is a joke which aims at the silliness of the constantly changing corporate sponsors of sports stadiums and music venues. Try to keep up with me people! I move fast and talk faster!" Everyone was smiling as they followed Jeff into the first exhibit.
Simon and his mother stood in the midst of a gathering crowd that was restlessly waiting for the guide. Simon watched as people looked at their watches every few seconds as if they had a lot of appointments that day or somewhere else to be. He did not care for watches and the dislike translated to careless treatment of them. After the third watch was mysteriously shattered his family stopped buying him new ones. Simon's theory was if everyone else had one then he did not need one since he could just ask someone else what time it was. The logic in that pleased him as it went right along with the familiar refrain "You don't need that just because 'everyone' else has it." He heard that from his parents whenever he told them what toy he simply had to have. He had once said "Just because everyone else cares about time does not mean I need to care about time." He had gotten in trouble for a while over that one but he figured the little bit of trouble was worth it because he had turned their logic against them. Now his parents simply said no when he asked or begged for something new and left the peer evaluation part out of it. They may train him in the art of proper manners but he could also train them out of the use of stupid cliches.
As he began to wonder about where the tour guide was, the tour guide made his appearance. Which almost went unnoticed because he was maybe a little under 4 feet tall. Simon wondered what the proper term was, he had hear dwarf and midget but were they acceptable? If he asked this man would he be insulting him? Did this guy just want to be treated as if height was not an issue? Simon was fascinated for the first time since he walked into the museum. He was brimming with questions and now felt the urge to stay here for a little while longer.
"Ladies and Gentlemen. May I have your attention?" People turned to look at the little man in the front of them. "My name is Jeff and I will be your tour guide today. Just to get this out of the way some of you may have noticed I am not exactly average height. There are many terms used to describe my resultant stature such as midget, little guy, dwarf or 'little person'. I prefer Jeff. However if you are describing me later please use the term 'little person' as 'little guy' implies I am a toddler running between your legs. Some of you look like you want to laugh at that last sentence; which is a good thing as I consider myself to be fairly funny and I am actually making a joke. If you are the type of person who likes to 'put themselves in the other person's shoes' then realize that my personal view is that you are all simply freakishly gigantic. Now that we got the awkward part out of the way let's start the tour! Follow me into the Red Bull sponsored wing of modern art. The Red Bull part is a joke which aims at the silliness of the constantly changing corporate sponsors of sports stadiums and music venues. Try to keep up with me people! I move fast and talk faster!" Everyone was smiling as they followed Jeff into the first exhibit.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
A few emails
So the other day I get this email:
Well I am glad you are an avid reader but I know you are lying. If you were on everyday you would not have something new to read everyday. I only posted 7 times last month. Thanks for being a liar Mr. Lying Liarpants! Anyway I promise I am working on a story to post. I have written 2 but they suck so I am waiting until I get inspired or when I am procrastinating on my homework.
In other news my cousin is running in his third marathon this year. He has decided to be a charity runner this year and is raising money. I have decided to try and help him. I am enclosing the email he sent out in this post, check it out and hopefully you feel motivated to donate. Here is the email:
Anyway, until next time!
To: crazedlunatik@gmail.com
From: (Name Withheld)
Subject: Your Blog
Michael!
What is the deal? You were on some crazy writing bent and everytime I logged in there was something to read! Now I have not seen a post at all this month! What is the deal here?! I am very upset at the lack of maintaining the blog... it was part of my routine. Everyday I was here! You better start writing again or you are off the Christmas list!
Yours truly,
(Name Withheld)
Well I am glad you are an avid reader but I know you are lying. If you were on everyday you would not have something new to read everyday. I only posted 7 times last month. Thanks for being a liar Mr. Lying Liarpants! Anyway I promise I am working on a story to post. I have written 2 but they suck so I am waiting until I get inspired or when I am procrastinating on my homework.
In other news my cousin is running in his third marathon this year. He has decided to be a charity runner this year and is raising money. I have decided to try and help him. I am enclosing the email he sent out in this post, check it out and hopefully you feel motivated to donate. Here is the email:
Dear family & friends,
Six hours and six minutes, followed a year later by five hours and thirty-seven minutes. These were my times for completing my first 2 Chicago Marathons. I am attempting my third on October 12th. While I won’t be breaking any records, I am hoping to raise money as a charity runner.
This year I have decided to make the marathon more meaningful by becoming a charity runner. I have signed up to raise funds for Great Lakes Adaptive Sports Association (glasa.org). They are an Illinois organization that assists individuals with disabilities participate in sports through numerous camps, clinics, competitions, and events.
I am looking for your support in setting a personal record (hopefully under 5 hours) and achieving a $1,000 fundraising goal. Please help by contributing at my online fundraising site or mailing a check directing to GLASA. Don’t forget to check if your employer provides matching for charitable contributions! Your contribution will dramatically impact this local organization’s impact in our backyard.
Online Contributions:
http://www.active.com/donate/teamglasamarathon08/RWaddell
Mail-in Contributions:
GLASA
400 E. Illinois Road
Lake Forest, IL 60045
Memo line of check – Chicago Marathon, Robert Waddell
Sincerely,
Robert Waddell
Anyway, until next time!
Monday, April 28, 2008
The Roll a short story
He could not believe the size of the line for the buffet. He had sat through the ceremony "behaving" just like his mother had told him to. Even with the incense ball spewing smoke and the foreign language being spoke he was a model of good behavior. He knew what awaited after the wedding... he had been to one before, he was 13 after all. He had a lot of experience now and told people that regularly... he had to remind them he was no longer a kid. They didn't grasp the concept even with the reminders. He had had to stop his mother from cutting his chicken for him the night before. What was he four? Unfortunately all the experience in the world could not have prepared him for the size of this line... and the worst part was it was hardly moving. Old people never moved fast enough for him and he was famished, it had been nearly 2 hours since he had last ate! Didn't these people get that? "MOVE!" he thought. His younger brother started to whine about being hungry and that just made things worse. His mother put an end to the whining real quick with nothing more then a look. He had seen that look a lot in his life himself and he could not imagine anyone ever crossing his mother when she wore that look on her face. He fidgeted a little, wishing his mother had allowed him to bring his PSP. Mothers never let you do anything fun.
This girl he knew got in line behind his family. He had known her for years via these little get-togethers that his mother and her friends were so fond of. Until last year he had just thought she was a dumb girl but he did not see her as very dumb anymore. He tried to nonchalantly move to the back of his group so he could talk to her. Of course it would be easier if the line would move every know and then. The hosts had invited the elderly up to get their food first and what seemed like 3/4 of the group had risen to descend on the food. Well actually he would not call it 'descend' that implied speed, it could more accurately be called 'inched'. Some of them even centimetered. Finally he was standing in front of the girl.
"Hey Natalie" he began "did you like the wedding?"
She smiled at him and that was the last thing he understood before a blur of words erupted from her mouth. Her speech was littered with words like "beautiful", "romantic", "dashing" and "lovely". He was stymied but remembering the advice from his uncle he just nodded and smiled a lot. His uncle said he found it easier to agree and look happy when talking to a girl you like because usually girls you like also manage to trigger your brain's off switch. He had thought his uncle was just being funny up until this moment. He found he was agreeing that the bride's dress was "beautiful" and that the groom looked "dashing" in his tux.
His uncle who stood in front of him patted his shoulder at that moment "Hey T, the line is starting to move. Be ready because in roughly an hour from now we will hit the front of the buffet line....." and then winked at him and nodded approvingly in the direction of Natalie all in one masterful shot. His uncle called him 'T' because his name was Thomas and his mom refused to let the family call him 'Tommy'. So being the type of person his uncle was he shortened the nickname to a mere letter and it had stuck. His mom even called him "T" sometimes.... then she would say Thomas real quick to correct herself. She did not approve of the nickname and in reality that is why it stuck. He had deduced that the key to a nickname sticking is the reaction you get from people when you use it. As he was too young to care when it was first used the only person to reject was his mother. Seeing as his uncle was his mother's brother he had gained years of practice at tormenting her and when she overreacted to "Tommy" he had immediately tried out "T". She had said no with less venom in her tone so he kept correcting her when she said "Thomas" by saying "Also known as T". Everyone found this new game amusing and started slowly using the name more and more, finally his mother gave in and it became normal to call him T.
Anyway during his reverie about his nickname, Natalie had continued to rave about the "beautiful" wedding and he had continued to nod. When he next turned around he had to grab a plate as the buffet line had arrived in front of him at long last. He had managed a long conversation with Natalie and not looked stupid (which happened more then he would care to admit when he was around her in the past year). Of course he had not really added much to this conversation nor had he been witty or charming. He figured he better just settle for not looking stupid. He was 3 people behind where the first item could be grabbed, which happened to be rolls. He imagined them smothered in butter and his mouth began to water, which was dangerous as he had recently had braces put on his teeth and he tended to drool when he started salivating. He thought of the dogs his uncle had told him about who were trained to salivate at the sound of a bell and realized he was probably trained as well. Except he salivated at the idea of buttered rolls.
That was when he noticed it. Near the middle of the pile of rolls was a roll that looked like a face. He was dying to grab that roll. He made a quick prayer "Dear Lord, If you save that roll for me I promise I will listen to what my mom tells me forever! Ok.... maybe not but I will promise the week. On second thought lets just plan on this weekend. You know I couldn't keep the other promises anyway. Thank you. Amen" He waited for his turn to grab a roll and kept thinking "PLEASE! PLEASE! LET THAT ROLL BE MINE!" Then all of a sudden it was in his hand. As he moved through the line he stared at it with a satisfied smile on his face. Somehow when he had arrived at the end of the line he had ended up with a plate of food. That was a bit of a mystery as the last thing he had grabbed was this roll but he was not overly concerned. He carefully put his new friend "Toasty" on the edge of his plate away from the other food and walked back to his table. He sat the roll in front of his plate and ate his food without a glance anywhere else but at Toasty. He needed to bring out the face a little more so with his butter knife he carefully cut the bread away from the crease that looked like his mouth and then deepened the indentations that looked like eyes. There was a natural nose and he did nothing to that. His uncle glanced at his roll and said "Hey that looks like a face! That is cool, you should save that." He saw his mom shoot a scowl at his uncle that his uncle simply grinned at. His uncle sometimes resembled the Cheshire cat when he grinned and that toothy grin was on display now.
"The only problem would be that he would get moldy and gross" Thomas said in response.
"Not if we use some of the stuff my old girlfriend Teresa put on the roses I gave her when we first met. Those rose were still relatively in good shape when she threw them in the garbage 3 years later!" His uncle replied. Making light of what Thomas knew had been a very hard break up for his uncle.
"That would be cool but I don't have money to buy it."
"I still have that stuff. Lets put him on the dash of my car after you show people, because people have to see him, and then we can lacquer him up tonight when we get to my place."
Thomas had nearly forgotten that he was spending the weekend with his uncle and felt like maybe his prayer was not completely fair but then again God was all knowing so he had to know where he would spend the weekend. He would still try to be good after the weekend just to make up for it, just in case it mattered in the end. So after he was done eating he brought Toasty around to various people and introduced them to his roll. He had some odd looks from a few of the people nearby that he did not know but most people just laughed and remarked that it was a pretty cool discovery. The groom howled with laughter and insisted on having Toasty give a toast. Which consisted of Thomas saying how cool it was that the bride and groom were now married and he hoped them well out of the side of his mouth in a strange high pitched voice. People laughed and cheered him on. He was a little embarrassed when he was finished with the toast but a flood of curious people came over to check Toasty out, including Natalie.
After the fervor died down he took his roll out to the car with his uncle leading the way. His uncle dispensed advice about Natalie and congratulated him on his impromptu toast he had made. He told Thomas the roll voice was very funny and the words were well chosen and clearly delivered even with the silly voice. Thomas was excited and could not wait to get back in because Natalie had told him they should dance. He put Toasty on the dash and with a quick explanation to his uncle he ran back inside.
This girl he knew got in line behind his family. He had known her for years via these little get-togethers that his mother and her friends were so fond of. Until last year he had just thought she was a dumb girl but he did not see her as very dumb anymore. He tried to nonchalantly move to the back of his group so he could talk to her. Of course it would be easier if the line would move every know and then. The hosts had invited the elderly up to get their food first and what seemed like 3/4 of the group had risen to descend on the food. Well actually he would not call it 'descend' that implied speed, it could more accurately be called 'inched'. Some of them even centimetered. Finally he was standing in front of the girl.
"Hey Natalie" he began "did you like the wedding?"
She smiled at him and that was the last thing he understood before a blur of words erupted from her mouth. Her speech was littered with words like "beautiful", "romantic", "dashing" and "lovely". He was stymied but remembering the advice from his uncle he just nodded and smiled a lot. His uncle said he found it easier to agree and look happy when talking to a girl you like because usually girls you like also manage to trigger your brain's off switch. He had thought his uncle was just being funny up until this moment. He found he was agreeing that the bride's dress was "beautiful" and that the groom looked "dashing" in his tux.
His uncle who stood in front of him patted his shoulder at that moment "Hey T, the line is starting to move. Be ready because in roughly an hour from now we will hit the front of the buffet line....." and then winked at him and nodded approvingly in the direction of Natalie all in one masterful shot. His uncle called him 'T' because his name was Thomas and his mom refused to let the family call him 'Tommy'. So being the type of person his uncle was he shortened the nickname to a mere letter and it had stuck. His mom even called him "T" sometimes.... then she would say Thomas real quick to correct herself. She did not approve of the nickname and in reality that is why it stuck. He had deduced that the key to a nickname sticking is the reaction you get from people when you use it. As he was too young to care when it was first used the only person to reject was his mother. Seeing as his uncle was his mother's brother he had gained years of practice at tormenting her and when she overreacted to "Tommy" he had immediately tried out "T". She had said no with less venom in her tone so he kept correcting her when she said "Thomas" by saying "Also known as T". Everyone found this new game amusing and started slowly using the name more and more, finally his mother gave in and it became normal to call him T.
Anyway during his reverie about his nickname, Natalie had continued to rave about the "beautiful" wedding and he had continued to nod. When he next turned around he had to grab a plate as the buffet line had arrived in front of him at long last. He had managed a long conversation with Natalie and not looked stupid (which happened more then he would care to admit when he was around her in the past year). Of course he had not really added much to this conversation nor had he been witty or charming. He figured he better just settle for not looking stupid. He was 3 people behind where the first item could be grabbed, which happened to be rolls. He imagined them smothered in butter and his mouth began to water, which was dangerous as he had recently had braces put on his teeth and he tended to drool when he started salivating. He thought of the dogs his uncle had told him about who were trained to salivate at the sound of a bell and realized he was probably trained as well. Except he salivated at the idea of buttered rolls.
That was when he noticed it. Near the middle of the pile of rolls was a roll that looked like a face. He was dying to grab that roll. He made a quick prayer "Dear Lord, If you save that roll for me I promise I will listen to what my mom tells me forever! Ok.... maybe not but I will promise the week. On second thought lets just plan on this weekend. You know I couldn't keep the other promises anyway. Thank you. Amen" He waited for his turn to grab a roll and kept thinking "PLEASE! PLEASE! LET THAT ROLL BE MINE!" Then all of a sudden it was in his hand. As he moved through the line he stared at it with a satisfied smile on his face. Somehow when he had arrived at the end of the line he had ended up with a plate of food. That was a bit of a mystery as the last thing he had grabbed was this roll but he was not overly concerned. He carefully put his new friend "Toasty" on the edge of his plate away from the other food and walked back to his table. He sat the roll in front of his plate and ate his food without a glance anywhere else but at Toasty. He needed to bring out the face a little more so with his butter knife he carefully cut the bread away from the crease that looked like his mouth and then deepened the indentations that looked like eyes. There was a natural nose and he did nothing to that. His uncle glanced at his roll and said "Hey that looks like a face! That is cool, you should save that." He saw his mom shoot a scowl at his uncle that his uncle simply grinned at. His uncle sometimes resembled the Cheshire cat when he grinned and that toothy grin was on display now.
"The only problem would be that he would get moldy and gross" Thomas said in response.
"Not if we use some of the stuff my old girlfriend Teresa put on the roses I gave her when we first met. Those rose were still relatively in good shape when she threw them in the garbage 3 years later!" His uncle replied. Making light of what Thomas knew had been a very hard break up for his uncle.
"That would be cool but I don't have money to buy it."
"I still have that stuff. Lets put him on the dash of my car after you show people, because people have to see him, and then we can lacquer him up tonight when we get to my place."
Thomas had nearly forgotten that he was spending the weekend with his uncle and felt like maybe his prayer was not completely fair but then again God was all knowing so he had to know where he would spend the weekend. He would still try to be good after the weekend just to make up for it, just in case it mattered in the end. So after he was done eating he brought Toasty around to various people and introduced them to his roll. He had some odd looks from a few of the people nearby that he did not know but most people just laughed and remarked that it was a pretty cool discovery. The groom howled with laughter and insisted on having Toasty give a toast. Which consisted of Thomas saying how cool it was that the bride and groom were now married and he hoped them well out of the side of his mouth in a strange high pitched voice. People laughed and cheered him on. He was a little embarrassed when he was finished with the toast but a flood of curious people came over to check Toasty out, including Natalie.
After the fervor died down he took his roll out to the car with his uncle leading the way. His uncle dispensed advice about Natalie and congratulated him on his impromptu toast he had made. He told Thomas the roll voice was very funny and the words were well chosen and clearly delivered even with the silly voice. Thomas was excited and could not wait to get back in because Natalie had told him they should dance. He put Toasty on the dash and with a quick explanation to his uncle he ran back inside.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
The Mackerel - A short flight of fancy
I had dreams of flying that night. I flew over the Grand Canyon and across miles and miles of desert until I hit the ocean. I had never seen this particular view of the ocean before. There were lots of boats in the water. Raiding the ocean, at an alarming rate, of hundreds and hundreds of fish. One particular fishing boat was pulling in a net full of fish struggling to escape the sunny air and back into the water. A mackerel, in the mass of fish, caught my eye and he began to talk to me. He told me I needed to cut the net and set them free or a terrible plague would happen. I was not sure what it was about this fish, perhaps the fact that he could talk, but I believed him. I grabbed a machete from the boat and I sliced open the net, spilling the fish back into the ocean. The fishermen were angry and started yelling curses at me as I hovered just above them holding a machete. I was a little alarmed by their shouting so I tried to explain to them. A rifle was pointed in my direction as an answer to my pleas and that was when I woke up.
I, of course, thought nothing of it. It was a strange dream, nothing more. Right? The dream stayed with me, always plaguing the back of my mind. Kind of like when you hear Whitney Houston bellow out "I believe the children are our future.." as you wait on hold to pay a bill and then you can't get rid of the song for weeks. You stand in the shower, washing your hair, singing "the greatest love of all is happening to me!" It's that kind of 'in the back of my mind' I am talking about. I couldn't get a night's sleep without ending with the rifle being pointed at me by the angry fishermen. My waking hours were tolerable I could laugh at the dream in the light of day. Slowly my resolve began to fade and I began to have the dream if I drifed off in to a daydream. It stopped being entertaining at that point and started to be frightening. I began drinking more coffee and sleeping less. I was always exhausted and the dream began bridging the gap between unconscious mind and conscious mind. That was when I started receiving the phone calls. All I would hear would be a narration of the dream. If I hung up they would call back and pick up where they left off. By this time I had stopped shaving or bathing as I was afraid of the water. I was not sure what to expect but I did not want to chance that damn mackerel coming out of the faucet.
It was about then that my boss pulled me aside, into a conference room. I am not sure what happened but 15 minutes later, after hearing him tell me the sequence of my dream, I was standing outside with a box in my hand piled high with my desk belongings. I decided I probably needed food so I went to the local drive through. The voice through the speaker started talking about flying over the desert. I told that voice I wanted a Big Mac meal with a coke. It said something about the talking mackerel in response and I pulled forward. The person handling the cash transaction was that damn mackerel! I handed him my money and pulled to the next window filled with angry fishermen and they were yelling curses at me as they handed my lunch over. I sped away as the fisherman reached for the rifle. I was not looking forward at where I was going and that was when I ran head on into the police car.
I woke up in the hospital.... A doctor came up to me and started telling my dream to me. I screamed at him that I no longer wanted to save that damn talking mackerel! They put me to sleep almost immediately. When I awoke I was in a padded room.
Now you tell me... why would someone employ a mackerel as a psychiatrist?
I, of course, thought nothing of it. It was a strange dream, nothing more. Right? The dream stayed with me, always plaguing the back of my mind. Kind of like when you hear Whitney Houston bellow out "I believe the children are our future.." as you wait on hold to pay a bill and then you can't get rid of the song for weeks. You stand in the shower, washing your hair, singing "the greatest love of all is happening to me!" It's that kind of 'in the back of my mind' I am talking about. I couldn't get a night's sleep without ending with the rifle being pointed at me by the angry fishermen. My waking hours were tolerable I could laugh at the dream in the light of day. Slowly my resolve began to fade and I began to have the dream if I drifed off in to a daydream. It stopped being entertaining at that point and started to be frightening. I began drinking more coffee and sleeping less. I was always exhausted and the dream began bridging the gap between unconscious mind and conscious mind. That was when I started receiving the phone calls. All I would hear would be a narration of the dream. If I hung up they would call back and pick up where they left off. By this time I had stopped shaving or bathing as I was afraid of the water. I was not sure what to expect but I did not want to chance that damn mackerel coming out of the faucet.
It was about then that my boss pulled me aside, into a conference room. I am not sure what happened but 15 minutes later, after hearing him tell me the sequence of my dream, I was standing outside with a box in my hand piled high with my desk belongings. I decided I probably needed food so I went to the local drive through. The voice through the speaker started talking about flying over the desert. I told that voice I wanted a Big Mac meal with a coke. It said something about the talking mackerel in response and I pulled forward. The person handling the cash transaction was that damn mackerel! I handed him my money and pulled to the next window filled with angry fishermen and they were yelling curses at me as they handed my lunch over. I sped away as the fisherman reached for the rifle. I was not looking forward at where I was going and that was when I ran head on into the police car.
I woke up in the hospital.... A doctor came up to me and started telling my dream to me. I screamed at him that I no longer wanted to save that damn talking mackerel! They put me to sleep almost immediately. When I awoke I was in a padded room.
Now you tell me... why would someone employ a mackerel as a psychiatrist?
Monday, April 21, 2008
Slick - A Short Story
It was April and the sun had not been out for more than a day so far this year. I pulled my jacket in tighter to help slow the ice cold wind from slicing through the fleece. I had broken the zipper off the day before while scurrying out the door. I think the cliché is "They don’t make them like they used to". Except that my last fleece jacket did the same thing, so either it was the zipper or it was me. I like to imagine it all goes back to the zippers and the sweatshop manufacturing but it probably is a fair share of me. Either way it was 35 degrees and raining. Of course I had cleaned my car out, removing my umbrella, the week before. So I hustled across the parking lot and headed into the store, managing to only get half soaked. I shivered as I walked into the slightly cool mega store and tried to figure out where I needed to go. I had decided to buy some new casual pants to wear to work and around town (mainly wanting them to not be jeans). I figured since I was in there that it was my duty to have a look around. After all you never know what type of deal you might find on the one thing you never knew you needed. I owed it to myself to spend a little money, after all I had paid my bills and who needs a savings account. Even more fulfilling was the knowledge that my spending was helping to fight an economic slump and those damn terrorists. I can’t tell you how but that is what the news told me and it is after all the news.
So I was lost in a plethora of mini purchasing options and my heart was beating fast as I thought greedily of what I didn’t need but would soon be mine. After all I had a couple of spots to tuck things in my room (I could still see the floor). I was walking through the toy section (you never know when you might need a GI Joe action figure in a pinch) and I came across a little robot dog in the middle of the aisle. Naturally I was intrigued so I picked it up and the tail started wagging and it barked at me happily. I patted the little guy on the head and looked at the tag expecting to see a price but instead the tag read "I am now yours. Take me home." Thinking I had merely stumbled across some cute new marketing gimmick I put the dog back down on the floor and started to walk away. I could hear the patter of his feet behind me so I stopped and cast a glance over my shoulder. It hovered mid-stride with it’s tail wagging and it whined at me. Brushing this off as another clever marketing ploy I kept walking toward the electronics section and it started following me. I was starting to get a little paranoid but I couldn't just start running in fear away from a little toy dog. Even if that was what I wanted to do, run toward the exit, screaming my head off while waving my arms around and crying hysterically. I tried to focus on other things, like what movies were on sale but I could feel the dog’s eyes on me. Watching and waiting for me to take it home.
"Hey Mr.!" This kid in a bright yellow outfit yelled at me. "Where did you get that wicked dog! I want to get me one of those dogs!"
I looked back at the dog sitting there by my ankle looking at me with rather large, sad puppy dog eyes. I started trying to remember if the little electronic dog had looked like that when I had picked him up but I waved off the idea in fear of falling into madness. I turned to the kid who reminded me of a caution sign and I told him I had found him in the toy section and the kid ran off. In fact, a whole group of kids ran off toward the section. I had not realized how many people were paying attention to me and my dog until that point. It was also at that point that I acknowledged what I already knew to be true, that he was my dog. I looked down at the dog and told him "Come along" as I headed to the men’s clothing section. I liked the pitter patter of his little metal legs on the linoleum flooring, for some odd reason it was soothing.
I picked out the pants I wanted as I saw a whole gaggle of upset parents dragging whiny kids away from the toy section. I overheard the caution sign kid say "But he said he got the dog over there! And there was not any little robot dogs over there!" I heard a terse reply to his complaints but the words were not said very loudly and I could not make it out exactly but I recognized the tone. I bent down at this point to look at the tag again and to my surprise the words had changed. "I will ring up at the price of 9.99 but there is no dog like me in this store. I am one of a kind, even if you decide not to take me home I will end up there. I am yours now." I blinked a lot after I got done reading but I tucked this little dog under my arm and I grabbed the slacks and I headed toward the register. At the register he rang up at 9.99 and the writing had changed to a bar scan symbol. I walked out of the store with him and proceeded to buckle him into the passenger seat of my car. I glanced at his tag and it read "I need a name."
"I'll call you Slick." The dog barked his affirmation.
So I was lost in a plethora of mini purchasing options and my heart was beating fast as I thought greedily of what I didn’t need but would soon be mine. After all I had a couple of spots to tuck things in my room (I could still see the floor). I was walking through the toy section (you never know when you might need a GI Joe action figure in a pinch) and I came across a little robot dog in the middle of the aisle. Naturally I was intrigued so I picked it up and the tail started wagging and it barked at me happily. I patted the little guy on the head and looked at the tag expecting to see a price but instead the tag read "I am now yours. Take me home." Thinking I had merely stumbled across some cute new marketing gimmick I put the dog back down on the floor and started to walk away. I could hear the patter of his feet behind me so I stopped and cast a glance over my shoulder. It hovered mid-stride with it’s tail wagging and it whined at me. Brushing this off as another clever marketing ploy I kept walking toward the electronics section and it started following me. I was starting to get a little paranoid but I couldn't just start running in fear away from a little toy dog. Even if that was what I wanted to do, run toward the exit, screaming my head off while waving my arms around and crying hysterically. I tried to focus on other things, like what movies were on sale but I could feel the dog’s eyes on me. Watching and waiting for me to take it home.
"Hey Mr.!" This kid in a bright yellow outfit yelled at me. "Where did you get that wicked dog! I want to get me one of those dogs!"
I looked back at the dog sitting there by my ankle looking at me with rather large, sad puppy dog eyes. I started trying to remember if the little electronic dog had looked like that when I had picked him up but I waved off the idea in fear of falling into madness. I turned to the kid who reminded me of a caution sign and I told him I had found him in the toy section and the kid ran off. In fact, a whole group of kids ran off toward the section. I had not realized how many people were paying attention to me and my dog until that point. It was also at that point that I acknowledged what I already knew to be true, that he was my dog. I looked down at the dog and told him "Come along" as I headed to the men’s clothing section. I liked the pitter patter of his little metal legs on the linoleum flooring, for some odd reason it was soothing.
I picked out the pants I wanted as I saw a whole gaggle of upset parents dragging whiny kids away from the toy section. I overheard the caution sign kid say "But he said he got the dog over there! And there was not any little robot dogs over there!" I heard a terse reply to his complaints but the words were not said very loudly and I could not make it out exactly but I recognized the tone. I bent down at this point to look at the tag again and to my surprise the words had changed. "I will ring up at the price of 9.99 but there is no dog like me in this store. I am one of a kind, even if you decide not to take me home I will end up there. I am yours now." I blinked a lot after I got done reading but I tucked this little dog under my arm and I grabbed the slacks and I headed toward the register. At the register he rang up at 9.99 and the writing had changed to a bar scan symbol. I walked out of the store with him and proceeded to buckle him into the passenger seat of my car. I glanced at his tag and it read "I need a name."
"I'll call you Slick." The dog barked his affirmation.
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