Sunday, February 03, 2008

Super? Bowl....

Oh my lord!

Talk about a bummer of an ending to the weekend. It started off great. My dad comes to visit.... we watch the Blazers play a horrible game of basketball but then completely pull it out in overtime. We spent hours in Barnes and Noble.... we had a couple great dinners, breakfasts and lunches. Everything was going fantastically well until I sat down to look at my class and realized I had missed an assignment. Am I stupid? The first assignment is something I view as not my fault. They sent an email notification that we should log in to class to a school email account I did not know I had... and that email also told us about that stupid essay. Today, when I logged in, I saw a question in the GENERAL QUESTIONS AREA (an area I had not bothered to go) about how to do the assignment. That was when I realized I had messed up... Anyway that was a sign from the devil that the weekend was going way too well and things needed to change to properly beat me into submission to go back to work tomorrow. So I was using the Elibrary provided by University of Phoenix to look up topics for this research skills assignment. Sounds kind of easy right? Well it was once the damn computer stopped giving me a 'timed out' page. Every single time for the first hour... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I finally got the thing to work about the time I realized it was time for the game. That was when I sat down and watched 3 quarters of the most boring game ever. The worst part is the person getting ran over was Tom Brady not Eli.... Hell one of Eli's best plays happened when he should have been sacked. Infuriating. Oh and even more maddening... Eli played well. You know why? He reads the blog! You don't Believe me? Well take a look at this:

Dear CrazedJERKFACE,
I love reading your blog... it helps me feel happy and I need to feel happy because as you say I am an awful quarterback. I am dreadful! I can't believe I am a starting quarterback. If I was my coach I would have me ride the pine. I would rather start Trent Dilfer. Yeah.... and he sucks. So I come here with my millions of dollars, that I use as a comforting blankie, and read your blog to help me not jump in front of the team bus or out the emergency door of the plane. Then I read your blog.... you are nothing but a horrible horrible horrible big meanie face! I would spit on you if I met you (As long as my mom was not watching since she'd tan my hide and make me give you all of my cookies that she sent to me. That would be horrible because they aren't yours Mr. smelly pants! Those cookies are mine because my mommy loves me!)Peyton told me to call you Poopface McPoopy right now. He says that you are just mad because I am the worst quarterback ever and no one knows it but us! HEY! WAIT! YOU TAKE THAT BACK PEYTON! I AM TELLING MOM! I'll finish this later!
Love, Eli

So I wrote back:

You read my blog? WHO IS THIS REALLY?
Sincerely, Poopface McPoopy

It was sometime on Saturday when I finally got a response. Here it is:

Dear Crazed Lunatik,
My mom says I should not call you names. I am sending you the cookies she made..... she says I should just do my best and prove you wrong. My dad has been making me run drills all day and Peyton has been playing rusher. He always punches me when he sacks me and I hate him. He is not nice! He is always doing commercials! Wait... uh I'm like totally not jealous of my brother. Anyway when I win tomorrow do not be suprised. I signed my soul over to the devil.... he said it was not good enough so I also signed over my brothers. Please don't tell Peyton and especially don't tell the Devil about me telling you. My mom says it is time to go to bed..... Oh and by the way the devil got even with you for me. Log into class you have an assignment that is past due... MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Your bestest pal ever.... ELI

So as you can see all of Sunday's badness can be traced back to Eli. No wonder Peyton did not look happy for most of the game. Anyway good job you stupid jerk. Don't forget to thank your completely awesome defense.....


EdieS said...

Very sick and very bitter and starngely funny- especially with a bit of codeine and alcohol in you.

You would start to think I had a dependency problem!!!

Hmmm....yeah. Confession: I only watched the last 20 minutes- I was on the plane back to Oregon when the game was on, and watched the tape.

Eli looks all of twelve. A really monstrously over developed 12 year old, but there you go.

Michael Williams said...

well the last 20 minutes was the only time that had anything going on.

I think alcohol does help make things funny. Especially this blog.

Eli is a retarded 12 year old... the secret is out