Memorial Benches..... The Return of

You blindly logged on today thinking "Wow I wonder what Mike is complaining about today? Is it school, the job, a co-worker, a dumb movie, hackey sacking? I must know!" Then you get here and I am complaining about Memorial benches at the nearby park again. It makes you wonder why anyone would be allowed to blog at will...

Set all your dashed dreams and hopes aside I am ready to begin my story. So I have been taking walks when the weather permits again. They are still doing major construction at my park so I photograph the heck out of the nearby rose garden. I stopped harassing the old people and the retirement center unless I need a flushing toilet... So it occurred to me to look at the various plaques on the memorial benches in the memorial rose garden. I was amazed at some of the things I found so I photographed them to bring back to you. Keep in mind that I do not want a memorial bench when I kick the bucket, I would rather have a tree planted or a strip mall bulldozed in my name...


This is my rose garden. I may not own it but I love spending time there. The gazebo in the background is pretty nice but I never see it in use. They rent the place out to functions supposedly but it does not host local music or anything nifty. Which is a downright shame. We shall start the bench tour a wee bit on the inane side...



I am not sure if these people are dead but if any of my 'Friends' buy me a bench it better say something a lot more clever then that! I am actually offended that someone wasted money on this. If I knew these 'Friends' I would so own their behinds it is not even funny!


What exactly does this saying mean? This is the biggest bunch of hooey in the world. I feel like finding out how to start a Night of the Living Dead scenario just so this memorialized person can eat this dedicators brains. I mean they are not using them as this stupid memorial plaque can attest too! Really what does that mean "Time takes all but love and truth"? But that's not what it means it distinctly means to blathe, and as we all know to blathe means to bluff. Heh, so they were probably playing cards and he cheated...
"Liar! Liar! LI-AR!"
Get back witch!
"I'm not a witch I'm your wife but after what you just said I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!"
You never had it so good! Wait! Somehow I twisted this into a Miracle Max and Valerie quote from the movie The Princess Bride. The twists my writing unexpectedly tape... and just because I ran out at 10 Pm at night to buy the movie to get the quote right have nothing to do with lessening the spontaneity.


Just so we are all clear 'clinge' is not a word. Cling, clingy, clinger, clinginess is a word and clingier and clingiest are even words but 'clinge' is not. The closest we come is a Dutch town called Clinge. It is in the province of Zeeland. It lies about 28 km southwest of Bergen op Zoom. Clinge is located on the Dutch-Belgian border and joins with the Belgian town of De Klinge, a border that can normally be freely crossed. The town consists of about 1447 inhabitants according to a report taken back in 2001. (The information in italics is taken and summarized from Encyclopedia.com) So what I am trying to say is that the 'Clinge' the plaque uses is not actually spelled right.... just to double check try to fit in "Clinge a Dutch town in the province of Zeeland". I will do it for you: "I will Clinge, a Dutch town in the province of Zeeland, to the old rugged cross and exchange it someday for a crown" It does not make much sense does it? So I guess nothing beats purchasing a plaque and then misspelling an easy to spell word like cling. You probably are thinking Mike you misspell words all the time but hey I didn't pay to put the misspellings there I did it all for free.


This one really boils my blood! I absolutely hate this plaque. Let's read it together: "When the past meets the future stop and smell the roses...." Ok you guys go first what does this mean? I have had fortune cookies in Chinese characters make more sense then this. I could understand Sanskrit before I could tell you what the goal of this saying was. It was like a computer crash happened and this saying should have been two different plaques but the crash melded them together! I just want to let Mickey and his half-wit family know that I am ready for a fight on this one! Your stupid plaque has bothered me for days already and if I don't kick a little tail over this I will utter this utterly retarded phrase on my deathbed and like Citizen Kane's last words people will be like "What the crap did that mean!" (Direct quote from the movie I swear!)


This one is my favorite! GO ahead click on it and make it a wee bit larger. If you do so you will see that the plaque was installed upside down. That has appealed to my very core so I have claimed this bench as my own. Every time I walk into the rose garden to take a seat I head for this bench and have a seat. To me this is the best way that any one was memorialized in the garden because it stood out.

Some of you may remember that I once had a bench in here dedicated to me from the Milwaukie Seniors. That can be seen by clicking here: Mike's Bench! Unfortunately Mary's bench has pushed me out of the garden but I am happy to say that I was not forgotten in the reorganization attempts. I have my very own little room dedicated to me as the photo below illustrates:

Yep and there you have it! Always the most popular bench in the house! I have people come into the park just to sit on my bench! My dedicated bench even has several repeat performances from the local construction crew! Flies also like to gravitate towards my new bench! Man, I never thought my bench would gain in popularity by moving it out of the garden! Maybe if you come and visit you can enjoy the many pleasures of my new and improved bench! You should only be so lucky!


Hope you enjoyed my return to memorial benches! OH AND WRITE A FREAKING COMMENT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE PEOPLE! This excludes Robert because he actually comments on a frequent basis so he can be choosy about when and where to add his comments.

The Class Kiss-Up

Yesterday was a very long day.... a very long day. Even before my first break I was looking at the clock saying why is the time creeping by? What have I done to deserve the longest day ever? Why are all these people mad at me? What is wrong with these people? I want to just go home! The break flew by as did my lunch and the second break but the rest of the day creeped by. I would be on a call for 5 minutes and I felt like it had went on for an hour. The calls were killing me. To make it worse my continuing education class was after work so I had no escape. I have to take continuing education classes to stay licensed to be an insurance person in Oregon. I had an hour from the time I got off work until the time my class started and I ran away. Some people suggested I work the extra hour and get overtime but I was barely managing my scheduled time. The other thing is even if I had I would not get overtime pay... they have us work 7.75 hour days so the first hour and 15 you only total 40 so why work another hour for regular pay when I felt like stabbing people? So I took off and I went to an art store and perused. Then I purchased a cup of coffee at a coffee shop and sat down to peruse a magazine and next thing I know it's time for the class. I headed back to work for a super long 3 hour class. I am going to tell you all a shocking secret, insurance is boring. It really is and although the instructor does her best to make it engaging it simply doesn't work. Knowing this I tend to draw a lot. I was working on my latest epic comic story when I ran out of paper and we were only 30 minutes in. About the same time as that a guy has hit everyone's radar as the class kiss up. He has a comment for everything the instructor says. She says "The.." and he would say "Yep, that's exactly the way it is." He had been in several of my previous classes and I already hated him as did everybody I know. I am not sure how the people I don't know felt about him before then but before the first hour was over I could tell everybody was on the same page, well maybe there is an exception of two minor kiss-ups who seem to think their comments mean something to their peers. What is it that drives someone to chime in every 15 seconds? I mean it's not like you make the class more fun with your stupid insights or your incredibly lame jokes. Who does that?

The main problem I was facing was that I was without a distraction which tends to get dangerous. So I start writing comments here and there to my co-worker and we slowly start having a covert conversation on paper. We talk about the "Commenter" and his lack of friends. We talk about things she says every time we are in a class, because she always teaches and her stories always end up in the same places. We finally got a much needed break and we bought soda to try and get the sugar and caffeine to help us get through the next hour.

In the second hour the things they are saying, because now the Commenter has turned the class into a conversation because every thought she expresses brings out a story from him and it is officially 'they' talking instead of her teaching. Anyway every stray word brings about another little conversation on our papers. I draw representations of the kiss-ups saying stupid things and my wolf and croc characters talking crap. We take apart every comment the Commenter makes. We also start taking words or phrases and running wild with them, at one point it almost causes my cohort to burst out laughing. We slow down for a bit and a second break is finally called.

When we come back we notice our paper talking has spread through the class and no one is listening. We are all writing hateful notes about the commenter and soon people are no longer even feigning interest if he speaks. It gets to the point that when he starts talking the room erupts into idle chat with neighbors. Except the two of us, we keep it on paper. We pretend to be listening even though we have no clue what is being said. Then another written comment about the word redlining almost gets both of us to laugh out loud again... I had to make a weak cover with a cough to make up for my less then quiet snicker. The Commenter continued to chime in as if he has no idea we all wish he would be violently flung from the earth and he might not have any idea. I start tallying every time he chimes in with a comment which adds up quickly. I give up after 15 minutes because the tally mark is ridiculously huge meanwhile my partner in crime is marking every time certain words are said and it is just getting silly. Finally our duty is done and the gates open and we are paroled from this prison. As we leave we make barbed comments about the guy hoping some will stick into his side like a prison shank. Some vow to never sign up for the night class because of him. Others talk of signing up for online courses. Either way no one wants to sit through that again. Even the nicest people reveal looks of hatred when he is mentioned. Maybe next time we will have prison style shanks that are fashioned from all the free knick knacks the company gives out to boost morale and we will leave the barbed comments unsaid and we will scatter leaving him slowly dying and no one will have seen anything....

Blossoms and Blue Sky Update

I added 8 pictures from my Goodwill camera. If you already looked go back and look again! I picked the best of the pictures, I was being choosy.
http://www.angelfire.com/droid/crazedlunatikdesigns/BlossomsandBlueSky/


Go to Blossoms And Blue Sky NOW!!

The Fall Out

You may have read my blogs on the Art Institute Online and seen my latest spat and the email I sent. Here is what happened after that email.

I received a call from my academic adviser so I call her back.

"Hi Michelle this is Michael Williams. I am returning your call."

Michelle: "Hi Michael, I received your email. You have to take math if you want to continue in your degree program it is part of the core requirements. Without it you can't submit a portfolio to be allowed into the program."

Me: "I am not taking math. I have already taken math courses that are steps beyond the ones you want me to take. I am not paying to take math from you guys."

Michelle: "The only class I see is Calculus and it doesn't have a grade."

Me: I am not talking about calculus, I am talking about trigonometry and college algebra. I took the last math class because at the time I was thinking there might be a work around for the future but I was out of time and I still wanted to be in school. This time I rejected the schedule you sent me but I was enrolled anyhow."

Michelle: "You have to take this math because you placed there."

Me: "No I didn't I never took a placement test because I sent my credits and the school decided to ignore them."

Michelle: "Oh yeah. You did not take the placement test so that is why you have to take this class."

Me: "I am not taking this class. Can you work another class in instead."

Michelle: "You have to take the class."

Me: "No I don't. I have already taken more then enough math to fulfill the requirements. I am not taking anymore math. It is not my fault you don't accept accredited collegiate transcripts."

Michelle: "I only see the calculus and that didn't transfer there is no grade."

Me: "I sent transcripts from four schools! Stop looking at NAU and look at Rio Salado Community College."

Michelle: "I see a Speech class and an English class."

Me: "That is Mesa Community look at Rio Salado's transcript."

Michelle: "I don't see it we must not have got it."

Me: "Hmmm... that is funny, all those emails I have sent and you just decide to look at my grade transcripts now? Andi was able to view those transcripts when I had this conversation with her last December. She was not able to tell me why they did not transfer but she could see the transcript. Why did she find them but you can't? Did they get lost or is someone lying to me? They were sent and they more then fulfill these core classes requirement nonesense."

Michelle: Blah blah blah problem...

Me: "The problem I am having here is that you and everyone else I talk to is more interested in pointing out how everything is my fault and not the schools instead of trying to fix an error. It doesn't matter who made it I am trying to get you to fix it, you and this school have the power and pretending you don't is just stupid. I have taken math before and I can do math circles around the math you want me to take but I should not have to take it because I already have fulfilled this requirement. Are you going to help me to at least put math off for now until I can get someone to help me out?"

Michelle: "Well you did not do a credit challenge."

Me: "I never knew I could until it was too late."

Michelle: "Well that was in the enrollment packet you should have known about it. It was in the enrollment package."

Me: "What enrollment package? I have no idea what you mean. I never got an enrollment package in the mail. I started school before my transcripts had arrived so how was I going to challenge anything?"

Michelle: "You got the enrollment package and it was in there."

Me: "The problem I am having right now has nothing to do with this. I want to take a different course then the one I am signed up for and I am looking for options. I feel like the class can be at least put off until I can figure how to get my prior courses accepted."

Michelle: "You have to complete the math and it is too late for the credit challenge. You have to take the class."

Me: "You know what.... no I don't. I am done with this conversation and I just want you to un-enroll me from this school."

Michelle: "I sent you an email link to a form you have to fill out and then I will process the paperwork."

Me: "Thanks and have an oh so lovely day."


The e-mail was sent 2 hours before I called her so it explains why she was a wee hostile. She never tried to work with me. I spend all day doing my best to work with people that "Never got a bill" and had their insurance lapse so I know everything can be worked around regardless of fault. I was trying to let them find a solution so that they could continue to take a ridiculous amount of money for crappy classes with no actual work on their part. I mean really I do all the reading by myself and I have to wait at least 12 hours for answers to my questions so I am doing it alone and the classes suck. The only thing the do is grade stuff all of the test are graded automatically so it is just the subjective busy work. I should start an online school...

New Photos

Hey all!
Two posts in one day???? Good lord I am crazy! Don't worry it won't be a new trend. I just wanted to let you know that I have a new photo set up it is called Blossoms and Blue Sky. It has several pictures with my new digital camera. The main focus is tree blossoms but I fit in a great shot of my new SLR camera (the Goodwill one) and a pretty funny sign I spied a while back. Some of the photos are pretty amazing so make sure you check it out.

http://www.angelfire.com/droid/crazedlunatikdesigns/BlossomsandBlueSky/

In other news the Goodwill camera works beautifully. I will share some examples with you later. I am waiting on a cd to be burned for me. the company I took it to had a problem with their burner and neglected to tell me but I can wait I was ecstatic to find out my camera works. I have the prints at home and some were pretty good. My main focus was on taking a roll of film and not really setting up a great shot but I managed a few good shots anyhow.

Don't forget to check out Blossoms and Blue Sky!

My Favorite Comic Strip

Pearls Before Swine is my favorite comic strip at the moment. It is drawn by Stephen Pastis. I am including my favorite of a recent series where pig (who is not an alcoholic) goes to an alcoholics retreat for a vacation and becomes Britney's best friend. Hopefully posting it won't get me in trouble!

Art Institute Online Sucks Rancid Bong Water

You may remember that I am enrolled in a little school known as Art Institute Online. For some odd reason Art Institute online will not accept my math courses I took at Rio Salado Community college and request I take super expensive courses from them. The funny thing is that same community college is where I took English 101 and that class was accepted. So it is not the college they object to. I have tried talking to people but they are all retarded monkey poo throwers. I took one class because there is a lot of money going to them from the government and I was not sure what to do. So in two semesters and 4 classes I have eaked out 1 artistic course. The rest have been stupid. The math class was Math 99..... I never bought a book and I got an A. This class is Math 100 and they sent me the schedule and asked me to approve it I declined the classes and when asked I told them I was not taking math from them ever. I was told "but you have to have math courses because you want to be in the degree program and in order to qualify to show your portfolio. In order to show your portfolio you have to have a foundation which includes math." I responded "No actually I don't. I could care less about showing them my portfolio and I could care less about the degree. I have taken math classes that are steps beyond the courses you ask me to take so I already qualify. Enroll me in another class and drop the math, I am not taking math from you" The response was a phone call that I was being unclear about what I wanted them to do. So I emailed saying fine unenroll me from this school and return the money already paid to you. The response this time was an email telling me that Math 100 begins on Monday. So even though I did not approve this schedule I got this schedule so I wrote up a nice little letter and thought I would share it.

Michelle,
It seems that denying my schedule means nothing to anyone over there so why does it ask if I just get stuck in the class anyway? I have taken math that supersedes this course. I took the classes in an accredited community college. Other accredited colleges have recognized my two math courses without a second glance. I am sorry that other accredited math courses do not match your system but I am not paying for another math class I did it once already against my will but this time it simply isn't happening. Withdraw me from the class. I already denied this schedule and I am sorry that you do not understand what I mean when I say that I am not taking another math class with you guys, that is not my problem. I have not been vague or indirect about this. Just in case you believe I am still being unclear let me put it out for you.

I am not taking Math 100. I have denied the schedule you made for me and suggested that if you wanted to keep me in school you could suggest other courses and maybe a non-degree related program because I believe strongly enough to drop out over having to take math classes that I have already taken before. I have no intention in showing up on Monday for the first day or any other day of the week for that matter. I am dropping this class. I would love to be switched to another class that has something artistic to teach. Otherwise return the money to the government. SO yes either get a new class for me or pull me out of your school. There it is.

Thank you,
Michael Williams
Email: crazedlunatik@gmail.com
Url: www.crazedlunatikdesigns.com

Wacky Wednesday

My dad drove down for a visit Tuesday night. He was able to get my car's breaks worked on and decided to take some time off and head up North to hang out on my day off. We had a nice time. We went to Old Chicago when he got into town so that we could grab a bite and a pint. Then headed home to catch some z's. The next morning we had breakfast at a local place called Sully's. It's a little pricey but there Hollandaise sauce for the eggs Benedict was fantastic. Then we headed to Barnes & Noble to read for a few hours. Then Maryjo called for us to head out to a lady's house that had an old horse that she was getting rid of. The horse looked like a horse, an old horse but a horse none the less. His name was Sid and he used to jump with the Lady's daughter in law competitively. She had outgrown the horse and the horse was just too old to keep doing the stuff so she wanted him to go to a good home. Maryjo desires to be that home.... I have a theory that she plans to start an old horse retirement home. Anyway Sid was friendly and let me touch him and he seemed nice enough. So who knows maybe Maryjo will have an old horse named Sid in the near future. After that mountain of excitement we headed back to my side of town and traded my dads old gift certificate from around 6 years ago in for a new one and then we shopped around and got a few things. My dad got a watch, some easter candy and a new steering wheel cover for my car.

Right about here the day seemed to be right for a beer and a cigar. We wandered over to Cascade Cigar and Tobacco and bought an Acid cigar called a Blondie. Then headed into their bar and had a beer and a smoke. It was a nice relaxing time. My dad and I were hungry at this point so we headed over to Buster's Barbecue and had a pretty good meal. Then we wandered around looking for shoes at Big 5. Although they had bargains the size he wears were always out and he has some weird desire to not get tennis shoes. I had a car load of stuff in my car all set to be given away so we went to Goodwill. I glanced in the window and saw a bunch of cool looking things so after giving a bunch of stuff away I went in to look for other stuff to take home. My goal was to get a nice storage unit for the kitchen. I need shelves because I have a big pantry and no shelves. I ended up finding a few cool things in there but nothing I really had to have. I wanted a Polaroid camera I saw being sold for 4 dollars enough to get it. As I headed to the front I saw a display case with decent cameras and other electronics that might walk away in someone's pocket a lot faster then a bulky Polaroid camera. I was looking at the case that had some cool stuff when I saw an old large case tucked behind a flat screen computer monitor. It turned out to be an old slr camera with 3 lens made by Mamiyo/Sekor for $40. I decided to buy it and I am absolutely buzzing about trying this thing out! I loaded film in it and I plan on taking this thing out this weekend to take some pictures. I will also use the digital camera my mom gave me (thanks mom) to take some pictures of the new camera. It takes film so it may be a week or so before I can get pictures made to show you. Who knows maybe they won't be worth showing. Of course I hope they are.

After that we headed to look at shoes at GI Joe's where my dad's tiny feet once again denied him the righteous feeling of bargain priced shoes. From there we headed to Barnes and Noble to read for a few more hours and for my dad to find books to buy with his other gift card. Then the night had to end... boo! I found myself at work today and wanting to go home and play with my new camera and my new guitar but instead In was at work making sure I didn't have to live in my car using my guitar case as a sleeping bag......

I can not Acknowledge or Deny that this is a Real Post

Sunday was a bad day for Oregon sports. The Blazers lost the Ducks lost. It was brutal. I only watched one game, the Ducks. Those darn gators! Anyway I was bumming around after the game, the sun broke through so every Oregonian ran outside for that time period. I had lunch at a Sushi place that had the little motorized track that whipped the dishes around and you grabbed what you wanted. Just in case you are wondering it is only slightly cheaper there, the dishes are less expensive but the rolls are usually smaller. Although a little bowl of edamame were just a buck so I had two. I had earlier spent an hour at the Guitar Center wandering around trying to convince myself not to get a guitar, an hour later I was at home.... I neither deny or acknowledge that I have a Fender acoustic guitar sitting in my living room. I also can not deny or acknowledge that my fingers hurt from constantly playing said guitar these last to days. In fact, I can not deny or acknowledge that I am now thinking about not going to bed and just playing said guitar all night. If said guitar were in my living room and my said fingertips were indeed a touch tender, I may want to not play said guitar all night and allow my fingers to rest until tomorrow when I can spend another couple hours playing guitar, only to realize that I missed all my TV shows without even caring. Of course I neither deny or acknowledge any part of this last paragraph.....

In other news I may or may not have watched Jackass 2. I may or may not have found it incredibly funny and horrible to watch all at the same time. I may or may not be a fan of both movies and I may or may not have never actually watched the TV show but really loved the over the top movies even with all the naked male buttocks. I can not deny or acknowledge that some of the stunts with the bull caused me to laugh so hard I was coughing and thought I was going to hurl like the Jackass guys may or may not have been doing at the time. I may or may not have almost cried with laughter during the terrorist taxi bit. I may or may not have completely enjoyed when Johnny Knoxville nearly had a major accident while trying to ride a really huge red rocket. I may or may not have had to get up a few times while extremely gross stuff happened and walk to the other room until the part was over. I may or may not recommend this to people that liked the original.

Of course this may or may not have ever been posted.

The Rambling Review of Rocky Balboa

Hey all! So it seems no one cared to comment on my evil rip on Phoenix. Oh well. This week has been a crazy one. I am done with my Perspective class (and it kicked my tail), I have been watching a lot of basketball (Are you Mad about basketball in March?), I drank my share of beer last night while the Oregon Ducks won against UNLV and I recently got a chance to watch Rocky Balboa. There was a lot of cheap shots taken at this movie and after the last one how could you not take a cheap shot. I think everyone expected this movie to suck and some people even still refuse to see it because they fear another blow might be dealt to this sacred boxing saga. I had meant to see it in the theaters but just like every other movie this year I missed my window. I don't see many movies at theaters these days. I hate having to take a loan out on my car to be able to afford a ticket and then to have the chance that all my money was wasted. I want to let you know that the money would not have been wasted on this movie. Simply put it was fantastic.


I think this is almost as good as the original movie. It had a lot of heart and it was a good story. Old boxers always come back for one last fight so it really isn't all that amazing that ol' Rock would. What I loved was that this movie addressed the age issue head on. Rocky is old, widowed and hanging on his old memories. He is living in the past going through the motions. He owns a restaurant named after his deceased love and he walks through the restaurant telling old stories of his glory days. During a ritual of mourning Rock runs into a woman who he had met a long time ago. This seems to be the spark he needs. He befriends her and her son and he seems to have re-discovered a reason to pursue his dreams from this contact. What Rocky realizes is that he has another fight in him. He reapplies for a license to box around the same time ESPN plays a fantasy fight simulation of Rocky vs. the current champ Mason Dixon. Low and behold the computer predicts Rocky the winner. So the jack a--es that run Mason Dixon's career decide to capitalize on it. They set up an exhibition with the aged Rock and Mason "the Line" Dixon. The champ naturally underestimates this guy because who wouldn't. He is ancient and looks like he can barely move but he still is a 217 pound muscular scrapper and you should never take your eye off those types. The training montage starts and I was sitting on the edge of my seat. I love the training montage, if real life training only could be half that successful... The fight was fantastic and typical Rocky style wear he blocks every punch strategically with his face, which apparently is a good technique. You have to watch the movie to get the fight conclusion I am not giving it away.

The fight was done like it was something you were watching on pay per view which was a nice touch of realism. It was fantastically shot and you can't help but cheer for the man. I loved the side plot with the woman and her son. It was interesting, it seemed they both needed a friend and that they were able to heal each other. I really didn't care much for Rocky's kid. You know the guy that is also on the show Heroes. I just hated that he was such a punk but he comes around of course. The scene wear Robert (the son) confronts his dad is fantastic. He blames his dad and Rock gives this speech that was so awesome I was cheering. It saved that part of the story for me. Rocky's pal, Paulie, has a smaller roll in this one which was nice. The focus was really on Rocky and how he was dealing with getting older and a life without his wife. He doesn't really let the Champs verbal jabs get at him and he doesn't rise to the barbed questions the reporters fling at him. He is doing this because he wants to and knows he can and I liked it. Overall this movie was amazingly well done and it is one you need to rent and take home. You may sign up for a boxing trainer after seeing it because it is that good.

Phoenix....

I have to admit something about my last trip to Phoenix. I used to always feel like I was home when I would get there and things made sense to me when I was there. This time I kept wishing I was at home (Portland) and everyone was visiting me. I was having bad allergy symptoms and spent most of the week using tissues. I didn't let it slow me down any but I wanted to just curl up in a ball and hide. I felt lousy the whole time I was there. The air was nasty and the pollen was through the roof and it was too hot all the time. I was absolutely dying to get back to my cloud covered sky and the cooler days if I could just stop sneezing. I think if the Devil had offered I might have left Phoenix without a soul just to take my sinus trouble away. Yeah it would have been traded that cheaply, heck a movie fella once gave his soul to learn to pick at a guitar. I would never be bothered by my sinuses again!

So I hated Phoenix but I absolutely loved seeing all of you. Do me a favor and move to a better town. How come I can't visit you guys in Aruba, Ireland, Greece, San Francisco, Belgium, Denver, San Diego, Fiji or anywhere that doesn't get up to 120 degrees in the summer? You can't honestly expect me to believe that all of you love Phoenix, because all I have to say is stop lying to yourself. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

Vacations are hard Work

I am home again and I can't tell you how nice it was to just sit about today and not run around to 4 or 5 different places. I had taken today off as a way to recover from the trip and I am glad I did. I could not keep my eyes open yesterday nor today. I caught up on all that sleep I lost over the last 7 days. Tomorrow I am back at work answering people's silly questions and playing nice with the upset batch. I figure I owe you all a quick rundown of what took place the past week.

Last Sunday I flew in to Phoenix around 2:30 PM. I got off the plane and my sinuses started acting up and I would go through hundreds of tissues over the next week and even now as I sit here typing this. I headed back to my mom's abode where after hanging my clothes I was toured around the house to view the new paint. I really liked the main rooms brown color and the office's blue color. I did not care as much for the lilac color of the bedroom and bathrooms but it was still nice. The first thing I have to tell you is that it was hot. Too dang hot, the room I have when I stay there did not cool down until around midnight. The room is nice in the early morning though, so the goal is to hang out until after midnight and get up before 9 AM. Which honestly was not much of a problem. Anyway after the tour we headed to Macayo's and met Maryann and Glenn for dinner. I had a crazy monkey drink that came with a coconut carved to look like a monkey. He is at home with me sitting next to my Tiki guys. That night I was in bed by 9 PM because Maryann and Glenn don't party and my mom is more of a 4 AM riser then a 4 AM crasher. This was when I found out the room was not habitable for me before midnight. I was tossing and turning and around 11 PM I called it quits and moved inside the house to a couch.

Monday. My mom and I went for a short hike at South Mountain, Then ran some errands, met Maryann for Indian food for lunch, and went to see a movie. We saw Breach which was better then I had expected it to be. Then I was headed off to Kevin's where we had big Burgers and lots of beer.

Tuesday. I hung out with my mom, Jason, and Katie all day. We started the day by going scootering at Tempe Town Lake. Then we went and picked up my brother and the kids pop, John and we headed back to Macayo's where I had a margarita instead of a cool monkey drink. Then we went bowling. I finished 1st on the first game and last on the second game. It was a good time. Then we rented movies and watched them until John and his friend Brian showed up. We had dinner, a few beers and a few girl scout cookies. Then Everyone left and I watched TV for a few hours.

Wednesday. I met up with Pete and headed to the driving range and we went through a bucket of balls. Neither of us looked very good so thank us now for not tearing up the golf course and causing 12 hour delays on tee times. Then we headed to AJ's and had a cup of coffee and caught up on the news of the day and the impending basketball tournament. Once we were finished with the coffee we headed to C-Fu for dim sum which was good and then ran to target and bought a few things, including a sweet Borat shirt. I was a little tired that night so I stayed close to home.

Thursday. My mom and I got up a wee bit earlier and went hiking with Becky. Then we came back and chopped things for the party on Saturday. We cruised over to pick John and Brian up and then headed to Chipotle for lunch. We wanted to go to the art museum that day but we really did not have time to drive downtown at 2:30 and be back by 5:30. We would not have enough time to get around the art museum and then we would have to fight traffic to make it back across town to RA for Sushi and Saki. So we went to price club and bought items for the party on Saturday and then we headed to the book store to kill some time. We ended up picking up John and Brian from their work because the car they had brought had not been worked on during the day and had just barely went into the shop. So we then headed back to RA got a table and ordered some drinks. My brother and Brian went for a Bud Light and my Mother went for Saki and I went for the Saki Bomber. Maryann arrived and we ordered food. Then Kevin, Becky her brother Tony and the new baby Mercedes all arrived and more drinks and food was ordered. My mom got good and schnockered with like 5 and a 1/2 saki's (it wasn't 6 because she and my brother knocked the second one over while rearranging for the food) and went home with John and Brian's help. Maryann headed home and Kevin, Tony, Becky, Mercedes and I headed to BevMo and purchased a ridiculous amount of alcohol and when we got to Kevin's house we proceeded to put a huge dent into it. Kevin and I ended up drinking until 4 AM and the next morning it took a bit to get our sorry carcasses moving.

Friday. I start the day off watching Looney Tunes. Then Kevin gets up and I realize what time it is and start hurrying him a bit. We head out the door and across the reservation back to civilization and meet up with Pete for a Spring Training game. It was the Angels and the Brewers and I believe the Brewers won. I was distracted by every girl that walked by so sue me, plus it was Spring Training so the game doesn't matter. We had a good time. Kevin and I had a hot dog and a beer. Which cost 12.50 keep in mind the tickets were only 13.00. I was still a wee bit hungry so I had nachos and a soda since it was bloody hot outside. When the game ended it took us almost an hour to get out of there. When I got to my mom's house the three of us split up and I headed to the shower. I was due across town in about an hour. My mom had went to run an errand about the same time I was turning on the hot water and when I got out Becky showed me the truck's tire that had suffered a huge blow out earlier that day. When my mom came back I headed out the door to Doug and Amber's place where we had a nice night and I headed home and went to bed early.

Saturday. The next day I was up and helping my mom get ready for the party and then Pete came and whisked me off to meet with Bob R. at Dim Sum. It was a good time once again. Then I headed home and ran around with my mom trying to find 20 oz clear disposable cups for beer. Finally I convinced her to settle on the 16 oz. cups. I was dragging a little my allergies were flaring up big time and I was exhausted. When the party started I kicked into the other gear and with a few black and tan's I was ready to go. The night was fun, the run out was good and Maryann, John, Arlinda and I stayed up gabbing until late and finally called it a night. Maryann stayed over for the night. Which was a good idea, the wine was not so kind to her.

Sunday. I was up and itching to go home. The allergy medicine stopped helping the day before and I was exhausted. I sat around talking with Maryann and my mom until it was airport time. Then I was able to read and wait for the plane to arrive and whisk me away. I went home and crashed.

Monday. I watched some movies that had been piled up in the mail from Netflix and spent the rest of the day sleeping. Now I am getting ready for my return to work. BOO!

The Official Nominees

It is going to be one heck of a race! There are a lot of good candidates in all these sections and the judges will have their hands full..... or maybe not. Either way everyone must wait until the end of the month for the official Repetitive Task Awards Winner announcement. If you sent me anything about the contest you may already be a winner, please get your acceptance speeches ready. Let's put it this way the list I posted recently are the people that need speeches. I am working on the design for the prize which is why you have to wait until the end of the month.

REMEMBER YOUR SPEECHES PEOPLE!

Phoenix-a-palooza

Hello everyone. I wanted to remind you that not only is the nomination deadline pending but I am also headed to Phoenix this Sunday. That's right you have read my blog for months now and finally I am coming to your city! Line up Phoenicians' because here I come! I am in town March 11th - March 18th and you can be a part of my whirlwind tour simply by emailing or calling. So get out your dollar bills because I like working for tips! Wait... no! No working but tips are nice! Woo-yeah let's all go do Jello shots and Saki bombers because I feel like yakking in a bush!

Disclaimer: Tips do not guarantee a fun time will be had. Saki bombers and Jello shots are not endorsed by the Blogger community nor is yakking in a bush. Any harm caused to you or your shrubbery are no fault of Mr. Williams, Crazed Lunatik Designs or this blog. No connection can be made to this trip, and any shenanigans inherent within, and the upcoming awards show. Although Mr. Williams is a huge sponsor of the Repetitive Task Awards and some may even claim he created them it in noway implies that the show will pay for any shrubbery damaged during Mr. Williams week long trip to Phoenix. All shrubbery defilement is at the risk of any shrubbery maintenance crew and the purveyor of said shrubbery.

The Repetitive Tasks Awards So Far

Well we seem to be at a standstill with the television stations, they just don't seem interested. I was even turned down by the local public access television, apparently you have to pay them to get on the air. The companies I have contacted about sponsoring my show always put my name on the spam block list and last week I spent a night with Agent Smith who did not like me trying to buck the award show system. I had the weirdest dream that he implanted a mechanical bug into my body to monitor my movements..... and my mouth disappeared so I couldn't scream. Weird, eh? A few nights later my computer told me to follow the white rabbit and a knock came at the door and a little white rabbit entered carrying a bottle of absinthe and the next thing I knew I was curled up in a ball with other rabbits around in a little burrow. I have no idea how rabbits stay so clean.... I was completely muddy. In the meantime I did get a few more nominations for a few award categories, so here is how they stand at the moment.


Paying Your Bills Award
Dale W

Bad Music Lover Award
Glenn S

The Night Snorer Award
Maryann S

Daily Showering Award
Pete S

Deleting Spam Emails Award
Pat G (she even has to delete Spam emails at work)

Phone Call Transfer Award
Crystal H (She spent most of a day transferring incoming calls to other departments)

The deadline to enter is this Friday! You will get an award for winning and you will have your acceptance speech published. You will be almost famous! Enter today!

The Jeannie Tate Show

THis is a great talk show you have to check it out. My favorite part is when she hits the radio to get a "crowd" reaction.

Don't forget about the upcoming award show nominees. A week from today.

The Repetitive Task Awards Update

So far I have a total of four nominees and three of those made their own categories. Here are the categories as they stand.

Paying Your Bills Award
Dale W

Bad Music Lover Award
Glenn S

The Night Snorer Award
Maryann S

Daily Showering Award
Pete S

Categories I had suggested are:
Chewing Your Food Thoroughly Award
Opening Your Mail Award
Going To Work Award
Answering The Phone Award
Deleting Spam Emails Award
Best Excuse Used To Not Be At Work Award

These awards are still open but if you have a better one just let me know and I will bump things a bit. I am capping the awards to ten total categories so right now only 4 are set and there are six more available. A category needs one nominee to be real but the next six new award nominees will be the ones to set the categories. Don't forget you can nominate yourself for the four categories already with one nomination. You do not have to make a new one up. The final nominees will be announced March 9th and the contest will be held a month after that so I can make the final decision. Or figure out the awards... whichever you want to believe.

I want to let all nominees now that I expect you to be ready with an acceptance speech in case you end up winning.

A New Award Show

Hey all I am in here procrastinating on a perspective drawing due tomorrow but this blog has been neglected way too long. I have had an idea boiling about in my head for a while. I may have talked to you about it if you dared to broach the subject of the multiple award shows where actors and musicians get an award for doing what they are paid to do. I am not fond of this practice, I think it is ridiculous that these people get paid a lot of money to play pretend and then they award themselves for doing what they should do. It is ridiculous that people would have the audacity to organize an event to pat themselves on the back. I hate awards, I am not really enthused about getting them at work for being nice to customers because that is what I am paid to do but it is something the company does for morale. I like the 15 minutes off the phone. However, I do not get to be on television and give an acceptance speech where I thank God 250 times and everyone I ever met:
"I would like to thank God for letting me wake up feeling positive in the morning. I also want to thank my parents because without that special night I wouldn't be here. I would like to thank the Lord for watching out for me. A big thanks goes out to the Starbucks guy that convinced me to make my drink a triple shot latte, the Baby Jesus that showed up to wash away all the sins, and the grocery checkout lady who did a price check on an item I thought was 20 cents less then the register rang it up for. I want to give a shout out to God, because without him I would stab pizza delivery men and most of all I want to give another shout out for the baby Jesus" Music starts to play. "Oh no! Don't start the music yet you big ol' baton waving goon, I am not done. Oh Lord help me not kill the man with the little stick. Please Baby Jesus take that Oboe player in the third row. God don't hate the orchestra because they done your follower wrong. I am going to finis my thank you's!" Crowd cheers, orchestra gets louder. "Alright I can talk loud too! I want to thank my manager Jojo the circus monkey, without him all my talent would be wasted. I want to thank the guy that sat in the cubicle next to me that gave me a croissant last week. And most of all I gotta give it up to God, my Lord and the Baby Jesus!"

Another thing I hate is they get all kinds of free things for being rich and famous. Why do they get free stuff I have to pay for? They can afford it!! Oh and don't get me started on the fact that designers create dresses for the super famous wealthy people and they don't have to buy the dang thing they get to wear it for free! It is a bunch of crap! So I am fighting back I have decided to start the REPETITIVE TASKS AWARDS. I have selected a few categories already. They are as follows:

Chewing Your Food Thoroughly Award
Opening Your Mail Award
Going To Work Award
Answering The Phone Award
Paying Bills Award
Deleting Spam Emails Award

And my personal Favorite:
Best Excuse Used To Not Be At Work Award

I have yet to find sponsors so if you want to sponsor the event I am more then willing to put your logo anywhere. Even if you are A little blue pill company or a prophylactic company. If you think that is random place the company names along with the Award show name and you will get the humor, maybe. I am working on a proper statue or something to give the winners. I am also looking for TV airtime so if you are a TV company and have space to fill this is your Awards show! If we do get on the air I need a host. I could also use some judges and just to let you know bribing judges is an acceptable practice for this series of awards, in fact it's encouraged. If you think I need to add a category let me know.

Most importantly if you know someone or are someone who would be a great candidate for an award please submit your name to me. I hope to announce the nominees by next Friday aka, March 9th.

Crazed Comics # 3

The long awaited third installment of Crazed Comics has arrived! I am posting the original and the colorized version. Let me know what you think.

Take 1


Take 2

Update and a funny video

Hey all I have a new comic strip going up tonight but I am doing homework. For those keeping track I have started my second class of the semester. Thankfully it is not another redundant math class. It is Perspective and there seems to be a lot of reading and this is the first day. Oh and I got an A in the math class and I never even bought the book for it. Way to go AiO!

If you need some entertainment right now and can't wait a few hours I have this site for you:
http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/110895/Daily_Show_slams_Bremer_for_12_billion_in_lost_cash

I post his site only because that is where I found the cool video and I hope one day someone will link my site in return. Anyway it has a Daily Show clip about 12 billion dollars in cash that no one in our government can account for. I thought it was very funny and scary at the same time. I mean is 12 billion even a real number and how did they miraculously come up with 361 tons of hundred dollar bills? Check the video out and give the guy a little love for posting it.

Keys and AAA

I spent the night watching the blazers actually win one which was nice. Drinking beer at the bar was good and I stopped off at the local 7-11 to get a 6-er to continue the party at home until I locked my keys in the car. Crap. So I rang my dad on the telly and told him about it hoping we could play the AAA fellows for a free unlocking. I had done this a year and a half ago and the AAA kid did not even ask for my id. This twit did. He was about to go ahead when he actually read the name on my license and decided to play 20 questions about where my dad was. 60 dollars later and the questions were no longer being asked. The whole ride home I kept thinking: "That is exactly how much it costs for a year of AAA" When I called my dad to tell him it hadn't worked, that was exactly what Maryjo was hollering in the background. So my recommendation for the night get AAA. The real pisser is I have a spare key for my car in my wallet but I was driving my dad's car and I do not have a spare key for it. So once again just get AAA.

Other then that I have nothing to share.

The Actual Wedding Take 2

Ok, so I rushed the last post a wee bit and perhaps that looked a wee mean spirited. I did not mean it that way. It just seemed silly to be still trying to write about an event that happened on January 27th. So maybe I need to finesse it a little bit. So here goes.

The wedding went off very well. No one got too misty or teary eyed while reading their scripture passages and the priest remembered Kevin's last name. We had an hour before the reception doors opened so a group of us, Jed, Simmon, James, his special lady friend and baby and Christian and his special lady friend, went to a bar to have a beer or two before the reception. Then we wandered down to the reception and got another beer or two. We ate a few appetizers and found our seats. Then the Wedding party flooded in and people watched as the "first" dances happened. Meanwhile my stomach was growling because the appetizers ignited a terrible hunger. Then we ate and the evening got more relaxed and people milled about. I caught back up with people I hadn't seen the night before and more beer and wine passed my lips. The night wore on and we decided to head to the bar down the road. Although everybody talked about it not everybody made it. They probably got lost on the way. We switched from beer and wine to shots. Then people decided to call it a night and Jed, Adrian, Kevin's big sis and I decided food was needed and we headed to Denny's. I am not sure what time it was when we made it home but I was done. I had really restless sleep on top of a rapidly deflating air mattress and soon I got out and laid on the floor using the air mattress as a big pillow and I got a little better sleep. I woke up before my alarm and I started getting ready to head to the airport. I left my portion of the room on the table and managed to turn Adrian into my hooker and I was out the door. I skipped eating on the way thinking I would get a burger at In N' Out but as I said before they were all closed. I dropped my rental car off and headed to the airport via a bus with a guy who did not seemed concerned that we might have a time crunch. I printed my ticket at an electronic ticket machine and I went inside. I dined on an utterly forgettable sandwich and then was surrounded by loud teenagers. When I got to my car in Portland all I wanted to do was find a nice big comfy bed to sleep in.

Hey Robert, any better?

The Actual Wedding

Little tired of this story so let's get it over...

Kevin and Bridgette got married. We drank beer and wine at the reception. We drank more stuff at the bar. Then a few of us ended up at Denny's. I woke up a wee bit before 8AM hopped in my car and drove for a few hours to San Jose. Along the way I stopped at an In-n-Out joint but it was too early, apparently this one was not 24/7. Sucks to be me. I sat in the airport for an hour then got on a crowded plane and flew home and took a big nap.

The Pre-Wedding Story

Back to the retelling of last weekend. Thursday my dad spent all day at a work shop while I kept falling asleep in front of the TV. When he got back home we headed over to have Vietnamese again and then ran some errands. Finally ending our night at Barnes & Noble. The next day I awoke early and headed to the airport. Where I wandered about waiting for the time to pass.With the flight over I landed in San Jose. San Jose International was the worst airport I have been in. Wait it's the second worst airport, the first being Medford, OR. This airport was old and used up. It was dinky and the whole place was covered in construction. It was lousy. I caught the first bus to the rental car company area and within moments I was back on the road heading South feeling excited. An hour later I was no longer excited just antsy and kind of hungry. I decided to watch for a In N' Out Burger because I hadn't had one in a year and a half at least. I missed the last one and saw it in my rear view. I pressed on thinking: "I have an hour left to drive and In N' Out was originated in Cali it has got to be everywhere, right?" The answer to that question is: "You couldn't be more wrong!" I finally arrived and ran into Kevin C right away who immediately introduced me to his special lady friend. Then we had some champagne. Nothing like 5 minutes in town and already drinking. That is style. Adrian came down and next thing I know I am buying a sweater at Kohl's for the dinner that night. I hadn't packed anything nice to wear besides the wedding duds. I am always thinking ahead. I started to notice an odd odor in the air and was wandering if someone had a gas leak when I was informed it was the natural springs and that the hotel boasted spas that allowed you to soak in luxuriating water that made you think of Uncle Ed's post bathroom odor. We picked up some liquor and headed out. I was at the rehearsal for moral support and mainly because that way I could be driven around and never bother to know where I was supposed to be. The Priest came in very casual and a wee bit late and referred to Kevin as Kevin Conway. Which is not exactly his last name. I was watching this priest knowing he was comedic gold. There is a thing to explain about the priest not knowing Kevin's last name. This was a destination wedding, everybody had to travel including the couple getting married. So it wasn't their priest but what a way to make people's hearts race! "I now pronounce you..... LINE!!"
After the rehearsal, where the locals made Portlanders look like yuppies when it came to time, we headed to a nice little winery. It was called Eberle Winery or whatever. The rehearsal dinner was held downstairs in the wine cellar and we were surrounded by casks of wine. I kept trying to lure people into the catacombs so I could entomb them while they were still alive but I couldn't find any catacombs let alone any willing volunteers. I mean I wouldn't force somebody to allow me to lead them to a horrible demise, that wouldn't be nice. We sat down and I told the lady who offered red or white that I most definitely required both. She laughed and poured both and half the table followed suit. We were the loud and boisterous singles table and soon we discovered we could make the ceiling do our loudness for us. It was like having a microphone but better. We ate and drank then enjoyed several toasts, by the last few I was toasting with water. About that time we all headed to the hotel to walk down to the bar. We drank and drank and drank and danced a bit too. Then we made VIP status and we drank in a private room where we controlled the music and shots came down the pipe. Soon it became apparent that the groom was thinking bed was a good idea so I took off with him and a few others while Jed and Adrian stayed behind. Apparently that was when it got interesting. A line of local girls came into the VIP room to party and within moments had Jed topless. From what I gather Jed is like some kind of aphrodisiac if you can just figure out how to get him to use it. So the night continued downhill with Jed getting whipped with his own belt, kissing a random girl and then just deciding to go to Jack in the Box with Adrian.

Check back for more... maybe...

Those Damn Mooninites!

Who read or heard about the horrible evil hoax that happened in Boston? Those evil people at Adult Swim are conspiring to make us all look silly. I have not been more outraged by an entertainer's disreguard for common people's sense of over reaction and blatant stupidity since the whole "War of the World's" stunt! Really!

How could this image of an evil Mooninite not cause fear and panic! He is giving us the finger after all. Of all the low down rotten things to do! They should lock this guy up and throw away the key! How could he place such humorous electronic devices in public view. This is practically murder! Or something! I shudder to think of a world filled with harmless pranks and children's and adult's laughter! How dare those evil geniuses at comedy central do this. How dare they have these up for two weeks in ten cities without any problems! How dare they bring joy into people's lives that like to stay up late and watch talking fast food items! They were dangerously colorful and looked quite a bit like a Lite Brite kit how could it not be taken as a security risk! I mean the world has always lived in terror from those Lite Brite wielding happy children! Boston; New York; Los Angeles; Chicago; Atlanta; Seattle; Portland, Ore.; Austin, Texas; San Francisco; and Philadelphia all were targets of this evil plot. The very fabric of what we value as Americans has been compromised. I now sit in fear that somebody might put one of these outside my door forcing me to hide under my computer desk, trying not to make a sound. The Associated Press wrote "The cartoon also includes two trouble-making, 1980s-graphic-like characters called "mooninites," named Ignignokt and Err — who were pictured on the suspicious devices. They are known for making the obscene hand gesture depicted on the devices." They also wrote about a woman who feared for his life: "Wanda Higgins, a 47-year-old Weymouth resident and a nurse at Massachusetts General Hospital, heard about the threat as she watched television news coverage while preparing to leave work at 4 p.m. "I saw the bomb squad guys carrying a paper bag with their bare hands," Higgins said. "I knew it couldn't be too serious." "

The world quakes in fear of Aqua Teen Hunger Force's next attack! Will it be handing out stickers that glow in the dark to strangers? Will they cause more people to laugh and bring smiles to adult faces? This blogger hopes swift and decisive action is taken to insure that the United States continues on it's road to unhappiness and sorrow! Burn Meatwad, Master Shake and Frylock at the stake and gather up those mooninite rebels and chop off their offensive fingers!

MY days away from work!

I made it back from Paso Robles in relatively one piece. I am definitely dragging hiney but that is an acceptable problem for such a good time. I am sure you are aching to hear my stories so I guess I owe it to you to start from the beginning.

It was a Wednesday morning and I was mixing some cake batter up. I have to tell you that my arm was absolutely exhausted by the time I had stirred it long enough. I poured them into the silicone bake ware Aunt Wanda and Uncle Don had got for me. Let me tell you they work fantastic! I was not real sure when my dad would arrive but I figured I would have enough time to bake the cake and get it to start cooling before he arrived. I was however not sure if I should eat or not. So in my infinite wisdom I decided to wait. When the cakes had been cooling for a while and the monster that lives in my stomach was trying to claw its way out I decided to have a bowl of cereal. I poured the milk onto my raisin bran and after just one bite my dad came in. I time things well. I ate the cereal anyway and I made us a cup of coffee for both of us and then I iced the birthday cake, a chocolate cake with chocolate icing. We had a slice at that point and then we headed to Powell's. I needed to trade in a few books and I wanted to get some used versions of Chuck Palahniuk books. I like the guy he is a pretty entertaining writer but I hate that the cheap version of his book is the oversized paperback that cost around $13.95. I mean what happened to the $5.99 book? Ok, so maybe that version is now $7.99 but still!! If you do not think you know this writer he is a Portland based writer responsible for such great books as Haunted, Survivor, Choke, Stranger then Fiction and Fight Club. The last two books are now movies. So you may know him or at least are familiar with his style by now. So far I have read Fight Club (after seeing it of course) and Survivor. I am midway through haunted and was hoping to start another book. Anyway I had brought a sci-fi book and the Fight Club book to trade in and try to get enough for a used book for my impending flight. The Fight Club book is funny because it was the version a few years after the movie where Chuck talks about the success of the book, movie and the random things people say to him because of it. I had picked it up at Powell's a few months ago on the sale rack which means they have too many of that particular book and would like to get rid of it. I was in and out of Powell's several times and that book was always there. I had given up on the fact that this book would ever sell back to Powell's but being stubborn I attempted it anyway and they took it. As if that wasn't a sign! So I took my trade credit and I headed to the P section of the fiction books and looked at every copy of every book under Palahniuk and all of them were new. None of them were used. Then I remembered the movie Stranger then Fiction had come out recently and it must have driven people to the bookstores to find cheap versions of his book. So I headed over to another writer that caught my interest recently Augusten Burroughs. I had read a great book he wrote called Magical Thinking. It was like nothing I had ever read. They are all true stories which make them that much more compelling and the only used version I could find was of Magical Thinking. So far it was not my day. I headed back to the cook stand to see how my father was fairing with the cook books. He was looking for a cookbook that featured using a stand mixer to make things with. The weird thing is he wanted one with more then simply bread. I have worked in a kitchen before and I have used a large stand mixture for two things baking and making whipped cream..... Which is probably beside the point. Although it makes me have to ask: "When you decided to want, desire, pine and finally purchase a stand mixer what exactly did you see yourself doing with it?" I mean really I still can only come up with a few answers. I kept all these cynical thoughts for this blog for your entertainment and asked him if he wanted to use the trade credit towards a book but he had struck out and he wasn't really feeling like looking for anything else in this store. My dad and I both find Powell's to be a short quick stop not a long extended experience. I always go in there with a plan because I have an overwhelming urge to leave the minute I get in there. I always have to remind myself that people visiting the first time need time to explore the stacks. I mean where else do you get a city block filled with books in a multi-layered store. The sheer number of books is deceiving because I never can find what I am seeking and when I actually do find the book it is never used. Give me Barnes and Noble with big comfy chairs to melt into with a couple of books to peruse. So we were about to leave when I stumbled across a book I had been interested in a year or so ago that was titled "The Historian" it was on sale and with the trade credit it was only a dollar. We headed back to the car and off to this Vietnamese restaurant called Pho Huy. It is the best restaurant in Portland. I have never had a bad meal and I always leave wanting to go back and every time I can't finish I regret not savoring another bite. It is ridiculously good. Expect to go there if you come out to visit. Unless you happen to lie on the non-meat eating side I am not sure they swing that way. I will have to check into that. Then we headed to Barnes and Noble for some quality book time. A few hours later and several pages later we stumbled out of their with bleary eyes from all the text we had shoveled past our ocular cavities. We required sustenance and we found it at a Baja Fresh by stuffing tacos down our gullets. We headed over to get beer and limes at the store and ended up renting Iron Man along the way. The beers were tasty but Iron Man was a little lame. We followed that movie up with Over the Hedge which was very amusing much to my suprise. After that we hit the hay because my dad had a workshop the next day and I had some..... nothing to do. This seems to be getting long I will adjourn and continue my story tomorrow. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

California here I come!

It will be a short week for me. I am heading South to Paso Robles, CA for my friend Kevin's Wedding. I am looking forward to that. I have Wednesday off like usual but I took Thursday, Friday and Saturday off even though I only really needed Friday and Saturday off. It seemed like such a shame to go back to work for one day when I really could use a mini-vacation so I decided to take the day off to do whatever. The only rule was it would have nothing to do with taking calls about insurance issues. My dad will be in town Wednesday for a conference on Thursday. So we will play. Wednesday is his birthday and it is my brother John's as well. So happy birthday.

This last Saturday was a long day at work. Longer then normal because we had the two other call centers closed because of bad weather. So not only were we stuck with all the calls but at least half of the calls we could do nothing about since we were not licensed to make changes in certain states. In the middle of one of the most irritating Saturdays on record a co-worker by the name of Jonathan summed up the Saturday experience pretty well. It was so funny I wrote it down and brought it here to share with you. Here it is: "Working on Saturday is like being stuck in front of a toilet after drinking too much. You want to leave but you can't"

Anyway have a good week and envy my running off to California.

Winter Driving

Another take on the same video. What I like is seeing what happened to the fire truck you see at the end of the other video.

Portland Bumber Cars

It's time to make fun of snow driving fools!

I finally found the video that I saw this on the news Tuesday and I was howling in laughter as I watched these people keep trying to go. They would lose control once and then go ok I think I will make it now and then they careen into another car. As if all the hazard lights flashing and the dented cars and people standing around weren't enough of a warning. My favorite was the first guy they show who looks like he thought hitting the gas would help and instead he hit every car on the street!

Just to let you know I was amazed by the city's lack of preparedness. I did not see snow plows or anything at all during the storm. i don't think the mobilized until the snow stopped falling. Well I am headed to work tomorrow and hopefully I won't hit too much black ice. Hope you liked the video.

Snow Day!

It finally really snowed here in Portland. All the talk about snow and ice the last 2 Winters and I finally see that it can snow here. It was snowing pretty good but the schools claimed to be open and the job were open so I headed out to go to work and embarked upon the worst, best, and most entertaining ride of my life. It took me an hour and 15 minutes to throw in the towel. I was not making it to work today no matter how hard I tried. Well not in my car at least and I was not close enough to walk. I attempted putting on chains and even after getting the damn things on I could not make it up the hill that was in my way. I managed to get my car turned around so I headed home and went for a walk and when I got back from my walk they finally decided to close the call center I work at. I wonder how many people made it in before that decision was made.I wonder how many peope had accidents because they wouldn't close the call center I almost had 5 and two would have been my fault. Luckily both times I angled myself into a sidewalk curb which stopped me from hitting anything else. If you want to see the pictures I have them online at this spot: http://www.angelfire.com/droid/crazedlunatikdesigns/snow_day/

Eddie Murphy and Ugly people

Preach the truth Eddie!

A Brief Note

Well it has been 2 days since I wrote the VP and nothing. A week since I last wrote my academic advisor and nothing. The sheer amount of concern astonishes me. I have never felt like such a part of a family. Nothing but warm fuzzies.

Yeah, right.

On the other hand a bone was thrown to me at work. My Saturday shift was changed to the 8-4:30 shift. Which is the one I was supposed to have in the beginning. Woohoo! It will mean being able to head south with my car so I can get new brakes. It also means hitting up some grub and ale before the Blazers game February 3rd.

A letter

The letter I wrote to the Vice President of Online Educational Services is below. I wrote the blog entry directly below this before I wrote this letter. You may want to attempt sequential order. I sent this out already but I would love any input and any opinions about the following letter.

Dr. Stein,

I was very happy to see the letter you sent congratulating me on my scholastic achievements. Even if it is a cleverly made form letter sent out via email it still was cool to get acknowledgement. Please understand that I mean the thank you because I am seizing the opportunity of receiving your email as a way to get a few things of concern off my mind.

I am in my second semester at Art Institute Online and I really enjoyed a lot of the people in the previous 2 courses I have taken. However I have not been pleased with the lack of control I have in my education or the fact that I do not get to decide what classes I take and when I take them. I am not new to higher education; I have a Bachelors Degree in Hotel and Restaurant Management from Northern Arizona University. I understand that every degree has certain required course and some courses have prerequisites. I also understood that even though it was pretty regulated at NAU I had a huge say in what I took each semester and I took full advantage of that. At Art Institute Online you do not get to do that the freedom to choose is missing. Which was kind of a shock but not a problem until recently. You see I wanted to go back to school and when I stumbled across this school I allowed myself to be rushed right in. It was kind of strange to go from thinking about school to starting my first class within a month before my transcripts or financial aid had been figured out. Strange as that was it's was happened to me and I didn't really mind that until I realized that all my transcripts did not get accepted. I had taken College Algebra and Trigonometry in a community college down in Phoenix, AZ a few years back and had not had to take math at NAU as a result of it. When I was told that I would need to take Basic Mathematics and Intermediate Algebra at this school I was stunned. When I asked about why I had to take them I was told that they were required per the Student Handbook. When I pointed out the fact that I had math courses in my transcripts and did not understand why those courses, which are a higher level and accepted at another school of higher education, were not accepted here I was told that "they must not have been transferable". Then I was told that it was "too late to do a credit challenge". That was the first and last explanation I received about the mysterious non-transferable math courses or the "credit challenge". I hadn't been given a chance to challenge the credits and my first awareness that I could have was when I was told that it was too late to do so. I was given a choice to take an accuplacer test or to take the courses. I tried to find the time to take the test but my time and the rules of the accuplacer exam did not mesh. I even tried to talk to Art Institute of Portland to see if they could help me out. They told me they did not do accuplacers and the person on the phone kept asking me why my credits were not able to be transferred which I of course could not answer. So I started emailing people to see if I could push the math courses back until I could find the time to set the test up but I received no response back from my Admissions Coordinator or my Academic Advisor. I was really at the mercy of the school because I had jumped through hoops to get the financial aid in place to attend and then the school selects the courses you take each semester. I have no clue about how to stop or if I could have stopped the classes from being forced on me and I really don't have any idea how to stop the financial aid that has already been sent to your school from going towards paying for classes that I can't get a clear answer on why I have to take them. The worst part is no one seems to be willing to tell me or even acknowledge the questions.

All this has resulted in a person that is very frustrated with this school. I believe that there is a lot of cool courses waiting for me just beyond this rocky shore but to get there I am shoved into a lifeboat with a hole in it with water seeping through at an alarming rate with an oar made out of cardboard that is disintegrating as I row towards refuge. I don't feel like I am given the skills to navigate the school and the lack of face to face interaction prevents me from being able to show up at every door until I get an answer. I have never understood the expression "I felt like a cog in a machine" before but I certainly get the expression now. At this point I have come to one realization that I have to take these math courses but not because of why the school thinks I need them. The reasons I see are because the class for Basic Math has already started and I doubt any money would go back to my financial aid debt for dropping out. If it would I have no idea how to get it done. I am still trying to get the extra money that I asked for from the creative arts education loan that I took so I could afford the books and required software. Without that little extra I am struggling to come up with the money for books and this class's book is a whopping 120 dollars. Which is a smack in the face considering it is a class I shouldn't have ever had to take in the first place. My options after the steamroller known as AiO required are done with me is to continue with a school that has no interest in what I say or to drop out and try to find a new path to my dream. Neither option is entirely satisfying for me but I can tell you which one looks the most unappealing at the moment staying in this school. I am at the point where I can't tell anyone why I want to continue to go to AiO. All I see in front of me is the potential for more of the same bad experiences. I don't get to pick my courses, I have no idea who to ask for advice (since I am not impressed by those hired to offer it so far), and most importantly my issues were not taken seriously enough to get a proper response on them. I really have no idea what writing this email will do for me. In the end probably nothing, you will probably find someone else to take my place should I decide to not attend school any longer and this email will probably never make it past your secretary. I will be lucky to get an out of office reply judging from the other people I have dealt with. The thing I wanted to write this email for was to get a weight off my shoulders and to let you know that this system is not a good one, at least as far as I am concerned. I also wanted to rattle some cages and see if anyone is interested in what a student has to say. What I hope is the result of the letter is some serious thought to reform of how the curriculum is structured, how to help a student feel like his opinion and concerns matter, a better system to address various issues and more contact when something goes wrong. It would also be nice to have my personal issue addressed.

Thank you for your time,
Michael Williams

Evils Thoughts Revealed

I feel I owe another more realistic post to people. I have posted a lot of videos lately and not a lot of my own original words and ideas. So here we go. I want to start with a lil' update. My job is still a decent job. It is not the coolest job I have ever had, the best paid I have ever had but it is not exactly torturous to near the building. Well it kind of is but it is the acceptable I have to go to work terror and dread everyone gets. I do however hate my schedule. That is a serious issue with me and one that I hope changes with the new class that starts February 5th. Maybe by April I will get a halfway cool shift, you know one with two days off in a row. If you ask me it is horsecrap that the people that work Friday don't get Monday off. I understand Monday is a busy day but not having two days off in a row is not conducive to a healthy life style nor is it good for morale. I know every one of us that works Saturday have no desire to continue to do so and I am sure if they gave us Sunday and Monday off we would still prefer Saturday & Sunday but at least we could actually have a weekend and maybe get out of town for a while. The other day I learned something that stuck in my craw a bit and since I feel like complaining at this very moment I am going to air it out a bit. There are people that go to work Monday through Friday and are off Saturday and Sunday that started when I did. They pay a price of staying until 8:00 to do so and to me that is a steap price. I worked years on that night shift and I always thought it was my best choice but in all reality I love being off in the evening. I have all kinds of time that I spend drawing reading, writing and watching some TV. It works for me and it allows me enough downtime from work during hours that stores are open and food joints are still serving. I like being semi-normal. I might not love the rush hour traffic but truth be told I like being off at that time to gripe about it. I just hate being at work past 5 it just isn't my thing. SO I chose my day shift and I chose a shift without 2 days in a row because I did not like the alternative. It is barbaric to work past 5, it just is. SO with the shift I wanted I had to take a Saturday shift. So knowing that I had takne the shift to avoid the dreaded hours I was fine. I was dealing with never feeling quite rested when I hit work until I realized the people working those night shifts get a shift differential which is a couple bucks more then me. I still don't want that shift and I know in prior jobs I got the same thing but those prior jobs were Monday through Friday for everybody or in a situation where people hardly ever got two days off in a row. My thinking is that we work a split week and a day that noone in their right mind wants to work where is my differential or my "sorry that you are low on the totem pole enough to get this crappy shift" pay? That my friends is a true definition of Bullsh**! Ok enough ranting about work because except for always feeling slightly exhausted it is still the best job I have had in 2 and a half years.

Now we move to school ranting. Lets keep it short: I am taking the Math classe I was upset about. I want to fly out to Pennsylvania and kick all these idiots in the shins for this injustice. I am pretty upset about it and yet I am not real sure what to do about it. I wrote to the lady who emailed me back to say "You have to take these math classes." and nothing else. I said I suggest you work your head around refunding the governemnt the tuition for this semester and unenroll me from your school. I have not heard back. In the meantime knowing full well the money is spent and I am powerless at this point I am doing the stupid class. The pretest that has you test your knowledge of math you are about to learn in the course was scored at a 95%. Yet I still have to sit there for 6 weeks doing a bunch of stupid assignments. To tell you the truth the math part is almost ok except that it is insulting the part that really gets me riled is the discussion topics where you talk about math. In my opinion give me problems, have me work them out and show the work, give me a test and let me move on why is this course interactive? What do I learn by reading 15 responses that are exactly the same to every question asked? What exactly is the point of answering a question like this: Discussion Question 1
1. Visit the website http://www.rwc.uc.edu/chisko/mathanxiety/attitudes.html and read the tips given on how to take care of Math anxiety. Make a small presentation to your classmates highlighting what you think are the important ways to reduce math anxiety. Share your thoughts in this context with your classmates.

I'll tell you the point it is that they feel by making me excrete out an answer to this that seems different from the other answers that they can show that Online earning is just as hard if not harder then the rest of the Higher Education world. I will tell you what is the hardest thing to do: Honestly responding with interest to your classmates when they bring nothing to the table of interest. That is not to say that I have not found interesting people in class that I liked. In fact I have a few emails and even a MySpace friend for proof that I like people in these classes. I am just having a hard time seeing this class in a positive light since I feel like I was railroaded into it. I was rushed through enrollment and I wasn't really ever told what credits transfered and what didn't until one day someone sent me an email about theses math courses. So right at the moment I hate the class and the school so I am seeing things through a tainted lens. Just writing it reminds me to give the classmates a chance and the teacher a chance. They have nothing to do with me being forced to take these course because of a buearacratic technicality. So my endeavor is to find an email buddy or two. You know make some connections. It's all about focus. In the meantime I just recieved an email congratulating me on my first semester being above a 3.5 gpa. It was sent from the VP. Maybe he needs an ear full.... I promise to be extra super nice to him.

**** In A Box

Ok so maybe this video is not exactly PC. In fact maybe half of you should not even watch it but I think that would be silly this is probably the funniest thing Saturday Night Live has done in years. That is why the news made such a big deal about it. It had nothing to do with offending people it had more to do with corporate America not wanting people to laugh. Yeah they are trying to keep the little man down.... AND OUT OF BOXES. hehehe I posted the edited version but it really leaves little to the imagination. I hope you enjoy or at least are revolted enought to give me an earful! Give it a chance you might put it on you ipod and pump this song while you go to work. If the beeps in the edited version are driving you crazy here is a link to the unedited version: http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/uncensored.shtml

DENTIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

I have been to the dentist 3 times in the last month. For anyone that is counting that is 3 times too many. I hate going to the dentist but about 3 months ago I started having dreams about my teeth rotting out of my head and also dreams where my teeth were so crooked they stuck straight out and I couldn't shut my mouth. I would toss and turn all night with these horrible images in my head and yet I still avoided the dentist. Mainly because the mere thought of the word dentist makes my teeth ache. The other reason was I didn't have dental insurance and then all of a sudden I had it. Having it definately did not prod me to go. I pretended to be too busy as I spent my hours looking up videos on youtube.com, emailing anybody and everybody that I had managed to get an email from, and most importantly spending time looking at my stats on statcounter.com for the number of visits I get at my site each day. I know who the regulars are, Muhahahahahahahahahaha (evil laugh). Then my permanent retainer broke and the metal was jabbing me in the tongue. WHich was not really all that pleasant. 12 long years with this thing and it finally attacked. So I went in on an emergency mission to get the thing yanked out. The dentists talked me into a repair job and then a visit to the orthodontist for a removable replacement. It seemed like a good idea my parents had worked hard building this set of pearly whites. Except that I overbooked myself the day of the appointment, and had realized my dental plan didn't even cover me thinking the word orthodontist, and I had a brain malfunction where I gave everyone some weird number that I have never had as my cell phone number. When I realized my overbooking myself mistake I decided to call and talk about setting up another appointment. Somehow I realized that I had given a bad number and was determined to give the ortho peeps the correct one. I kept getting the answering machine. So after the third try I left a message to cancel the appointment, reschedule another appointment and to give them the correct contact number. I felt good about the phone call but they didn't call back and time slipped by. Later in the week I went to pay my phone bill and I typed the number in that I had given to the ortho peeps and it told me that it was not a T-mobile number. So I grabbed the phone and realized that the number I had thought was right was nowhere close to the number I have had for the last year. So they hadn't not called back they just hadn't been able to call me because I gave two wrong numbers otherwise known as mentally shielding myself from the orthodontist. I hadn't had the same luck with the dentist. I had set myself up on a day that was a day off and although they had recieved a bad cell-phone number I had given them a correct work number. This appointment was for the normal cleaning. They asked me about the ortho and I said that I hadn't had a chance and once again they encouraged me to seek one out. I agreed and went about my absolute no cavity having day. Then this last Monday, New Year's Day, the damn retainer broke again and I was at the dentist again. This time I said I need this hunk-o-junk gone! And they got it done! Woohoo. The flipside is 220 dollars went toward the entire repair and removal venture, 220 bucks I won't get back. A smart man would have had them yank it out the first time, oh well. My tongue keeps playing with the new metal-free mouth. I love it and I have no desire to see anyone about putting another retainer in there ever again! Anyway the moral of the story is go to the dentist!

Oh yeah and here is the scary part: I actually like my dentists they are pretty nice and neither one of the dentists at the office have huge hands they all have small petite hands that can get in and out of your mouth without feeling like you just shoved an entire package of hot dogs in your mouth and then insist on trying to do intricate manuevers in there while shoving scary sharp metal things into your gums!

Happy New Year's!!!

Happy Freakin' New Year!
So did you do anything exciting? I totally didn't! I spent my whole day sleeping and the whole night reading Eragon. I finished the book about 11:30 PM and I sat around until midnight watching Dick Clark slur words and his moronic buddy Ryan Seacrest get excited by a peck on the cheek from Christina Aguilera. Once the ball dropped the tv shut off. I took my evening shower and headed to bed.

Now I am at work waiting for a call. In the last 2 hours I have had 2 calls. I am getting double time and half to sit around and shoot the breeze. Not too mad about it. I would rather be snuggled up under the blankets sleeping but hey.

Let me know how you spent your New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.