Anyone care to be smited?

I don't know about the rest of you but I hate belly button lint... and being smited. Apparently I was not supposed to reveal the location of God. Sorry big guy! HE IS DEFINITELY NOT ON PLUTO! The plagues will only continue.... I hear women have started to have to shave under their arms!! Shocking!

Anyway... I have not done any homework today. I am hanging out with my dad this weekend. We have been having a good time so far. We went to Outback and had a steak and Cascade for a cigar and a beer. We both had to shower to wash the stench of smoke from ourselves. That is the drawback to cigars I guess.

Well I hope your weekend is going well...

Where God lives!

It seems to me if you know how to look, most people have something to teach you. I keep reminding myself that at work as my time gets closer to an end. I tend to get exasperated waiting for things and I tend to get careless. I think this was my careless week. I desperately need to never have another careless week again. At least not this careless.... ha! Oh well it is nearly over and almost behind me. C'mon and hurry up June 27th!

Anyway as I am trying not to explode in a big ball of apathy at work I am also trying not to implode with a sudden feeling of overwhelming irritation at the current class's textbook. I do not like it.... it is completely boring and devoid of interest. I am sure that this material is not only good to know but could be quite engaging in the hands of someone else. The author should be publically flogged! She says things that are promising like "I do not want to wax too rhapsodic about....." and then follows it with a paragraph so boring I nodded off. Rhapsodic it was not. Who uses the freaking term rhapsodic?? Really! You know what I have learned about what we know about child development.... NOTHING! But hey we have some ideas about what might be going on... Fantastic! If I used this approach in my writing I could probably come up with a couple books about where God lives. I have no actual idea or any way of proving it but I think he is on Pluto and he is pissed that Pluto is no longer considered a planet! Fear his rath you stupid stupid sheep! Belly button lint will plague all the men of this world! Women will have to shave their legs to prevent hair from growing! Children will have to first learn to read before reading! It is of utter catastrophic proportions! Please scientists call Pluto a planet again! For the love of the holy one who resides on the majestic ice ball say it is a freaking planet!

Pray for the weekend ye of the gentle faith!

This entry inspired a sequel... The story of the inaccurate demotion of Pluto

Paper is done!

I am done with the paper that begins my third class. Yay! My prior two classes were A's and I am hoping to keep that streak going. We shall see. I am not terribly confident about this last paper but I did my best.

Anyway the first beer festival is this weekend and I am hoping to make it after school but I may not. That makes me sad. This is not only the first but in my humble opinion the best one they have up here. They have a lot of them up here though. Anyway if I get a chance to go tonight I will let you know the happenings. Due to the Easter holiday I can not just go tomorrow. Why would they have it Easter weekend? Speaking of Easter why is it so freaking early this year? I think next year it will be the same week as Valentine's day at the rate it is climbing. Well happy Easter to everyone! I hope you eat lots of candy!

Well I have to drive across town for class so I should probably eat something!

The Latest (not the greatest)

It was a long weird week. I am glad it is over. Unfortunately I am doing homework tonigh instead of playing. I have a paper due tomorrow which is half written. I was trying to do it last night but I could not access the information at the University of Phoenix. Apparently at the last minute the class was split and I have a new teacher so the links were not working right. Anyway the week was filled with stupid reading about various ideas people have come up with on how to show people learn. I guess as an aspiring teacher I should care but I don't. I guess they are laying the ground wok here or something but it seems so edious and uninteresting. I am working on developing an interest though. Since I am taking a stand in a paper. Yeah I agree with both theories in question because they both make sense. So combine them... NEXT!

Anyway.... Work was lame, tedious, pointless and nearly never ending. Except the week finally managed to end and I am glad of that. No stupid people whining about not knowing they had to pay the bill to keep the service going for 2 freaking days. Yay! I have been trying to work like my job is not ending in June. I helps the day go by if I just ignore the situation. We are at 98 days and counting until the farce ends. So in a way I am glad and in a way I am nervous. In case you are wondering I am not currently looking for a job. I am getting tuition reimbursement so I am not jumping ship just yet. They can play for my school.... I am ok with that. When the time is up I will hit the pavement hard.

In other news I have been trying to enlist my friend Kevin to help with shirt ideas. I think between the 2 of us we can flush out some decent ideas. So keep an eye out for that. It should be revolutionary or at the very least sarcastic.

Saturdays + work + school = : (

I am at work on a Saturday Morning.... and writing this on my morning break. I hate being at work on a Saturday. Especially when I have to go from here to class... I will not be home again until 5:30. Shouldn't I still be curled up in my bed in a niice warm blanket? Well I think I should! Stupid working on Saturday!!

Speaking of work, they are giving us goal sharing and a raise.... Yeah a raise! I was astonished when I found this out. I do not try to understand the darker depths of the corporate psyche. I am just pocketing the extra ten bucks a paycheck or whatever it breaks down to be. I could figure the exact amount out but I find that I am not all that interested. I may find it interesting one day in the future if I need something to think about besides the copious amounts of school related reading. The other shocker was the awarding of goal share. They spelled it out for us in a meeting last year that we had two goals to hit in order to get goal sharing. As far as I can tell we were way off on the growth portion of the goals. Once again I am just taking the money and not inquiring further. Some call it blood money since they axed a whole bunch of people but I feel no guilt considering the side of the axe I was on. To tell you the truth I would not have felt guilty either way.

Even with these positives I would rather still be asleep on a Saturday morning...

A Rambling Review of The Helio Sequence

Last night I went to my first concert in years of a local Portland band. It was part of a series of cheap concert called "I Saw Them When" which is based on the idea that the featured band is on the rise nationally and this is your last chance to see them in a smaller venue cheaply. The band we went and saw was called The Helio Sequence. I was introduced to the band about January when I first heard their latest album Keep Your Eyes Ahead. They have an interesting sound which is part electronica, rock and pop. Their music is very catchy and I liked qite a few of their songs almost instantly. The venue was held at the Crystal Ballroom which is owned by the McMenamins corporation. The Crystal Ballroom has been around for 90 years and has seen a lot of big names float through apparently it fell on hard times and that was when McMenamins came in nd estored it and reopened it as a venue to once again see live music. McMenamins is a company that seems to dip their hand in everything they have their own beer and own a bunch of historic sites that they have turned into hotels, concert venues, restaurants and movie theaters. One of the interesting thing about the Crystal Ballroom is that it has a 'floating' dance floor. Which is apparently something to do with being a 'mechanical dance floor', when you move it moves with you and if you get hundreds of people rocking out it can be pretty cool.
The band, The Helio Sequence, is composed of two guys and the amount of sound they put out is amazing. One of them plays guitar, operates a floor pedals while singing and the other plays the drums. The drummer sounds like the slacker of the group until you see them live. The drummer was pouring down with sweat within the second song due to his drumming with complete adandon and wild gesticulating movements. He was asolutely fascinating to watch and his facial expressions were pretty amusing. They played a great energetic set and I found myself only not liking 2 of their choices and both of them were pretty slow. The rest was upbeat and a lot of fun. They played two pretty cool encores one was a Beatle sog and I am not sure what the other one was. The band is pretty dang good and you should check them out. Preferably live but the latest album will work too.
Check them out at one of these sites:
http://www.subpop.com/artists/the_helio_sequence
http://www.myspace.com/theheliosequence

Procrastination and the American Dream

I almost hate to say this due but today was a better day for me. I hate to admit it becase admitting it invites bad luck but I feel incredibly different then I did yesterday. Has some magical solution come down the line? Nope. I just was really irritated that I was so disgruntled and I decided to not be disgruntled. I think a lot of life is simply figuring out what head game is being played and how to counteract it. I was getting pulled into other people's negative feelings and allowing those to bog me down. I can only handle my own negative feelings and when ever I take on other peoples I only hurt myself. I don't relieve them of their negative feelings, all I did was allow them to add weight to mine. I need to focus on what I can control and stop focusing on what I can't. At work that means I focus on taking enough calls to get them off my back but also the smallest possible so I don't pimp slap the entire office. I then focus on letting other people's irritations roll off the minute they stop confiding in me. I can't focus on the negative constantly because there is way too much of it currently. 2008 is turning out to be a real pisser of a year in my not so humble opinion. I try to find what is going right and focus on that instead. Some days I have to look harder then other days but the sun was shining today and that always gets me feeling more positive. It is weird but that grumpiness has started to be normal since I moved here and experienced a few more changes in the weather then Arizona's one and a half seasons (hot and not hot respectively). I have no real issues with Winter and the grey but February and March with sun one day and rain the next is when I have a rough time adjusting.

Another positive thing was my sister called after work and we had a good talk. I love talking to my sister. Even if I started the conversation by saying I find adults annoying and jaded to start and implying that included her. I was being funny though, classic humor from me I guess (total jerk means classic humor duh!). The thing is I do believe that adults are jaded and annoying and when ever both symptoms develop is when you actually become an adult. Some 22 year olds are just annoying but have not become jaded yet so they are kids still and some 12 year olds hit jaded too young and then just being human they are annoying and at age 10 they are adults (hand them their pack of cigarettes and a dead end job). Sometimes a 60 year old regains youth by learning how to drop the jaded part. Everyone can be annoying (and probably are right now)... Admit it my theory and I are annoying you right now.

I am still up a creek as far as observational hours. I am going to 'plan b' and I am going to take an emergency day off and head to my teacher's school. I will figure out when tomorrow. I am still hoping the other jerk calls back so I can do it after regular hours. The other thing I am doing for school is working on my educational philosophy paper. I keep getting stumped and have not really been able to get anything flowing. The ideas are not coming acrossed properly at all! I have scrapped the earlier work and I am going to just write on each aspect and cull from the ideas and develop a paragraph that way. Of course I am supposedly working on that now... hence the title of the post.

I am feeling very introspective today but just about the wrong topics. Well I need to get something done on that paper so this is over for a while...

Blah...

I am feeling antsy.... there is way too much up in the air and I just feel like I need some resolution in some area of my life. I am not having any luck on the new job search and so that means I am stuck working at my dead end company. That is frustrating and I have absolutely nothing good to say about the place currently so I am just going to stop talking about work and all that is under that heading.

So what do I have to talk about? School I guess. I am on the computer all day long ever since I went back to school. I feel like I need a break but I feel bad if I actually take one. I am trying to find the balance and have not found it yet. I keep reminding myself of the end goal but with all the crap going on this is twice as stressful as it would normally be. To add to the problem I am trying to set up an observation of a classroom and have left several messages toward this endeavor. As luck would have it I get the call back while the phone was off. My call back went unreturned. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I have to write a freaking paper on this and the lack of even having it set up is making me anxious. If I could go during regular hours this would be easier but I can't. HENCE THE REASON I AM GOING TO THE SCHOOL THAT I AM!

I should probably be working on my next paper or the next reading or something but my focus is scattered. I think I may do the bare minimum paticipation tomorrow and take a night off. For sanity purposes.

By the way if you have called recently and I have blown off the call back I apologize. I am at the apathetic stage of dealing with stress. I will try to get over it soon.

I have nothing funny to add. Sorry.

And it comes to this....

Do you ever notice that when anyone feels the need to say "I am not a racist but..." means not only that they are racist but due to the disclaimer they feel unloading a bunch of garbage is acceptable? I have always been amazed by that. I hear things similar to it at work. Things like "You do understand that I'm not mad at you, right? I am just mad at..." and of course that is said while they are yelling at you and saying "YOU PEOPLE". I am not sure who they are mad at but it certainly seems like me. My favorite is "I'm not saying you're a liar but..." Today I had one come out in an email at work that was right up there. First let me say that some points were valid. That point being that if we continue to show up to work until the end of June we should expect to do some work and to do it according to their rules. I get it and I am working on it. I don't know if they recall but this stupid company told us we were not worth the money they paid us so by my estimate they have to figure that message may mess with our motivation a bit. I guess supervisors also have to do their jobs as well and I guess that is why this particular email was sent out. I have the stupid thing and I am tempted to post it here but I want to continue to be able to go to work for a while and figure I am rocking the boat enough. Hopefully not too much but who ever accused me of being timid and following a cautious line? Anyway the line that set me off was this: "There is no campaign to fire anyone or everyone, we just...." That in combination with "These resources are going to feed back to us information...." seemed pretty bad. What exacly do you need all this plotting and observing 'resources' for if this is not a campaign to fire people? I guess the message is 'big brother is watching' so shape up. Welcome to 1984! Yay.

It was sufficiently vague enough so everyone thinks 'do they mean me?' and I guess they very well might. The whole we aren't telling those doing their jobs aspect when they are clearly telling the whole team may suggest they are bringing everyone in line. The thing about it was that the only thing it did was derail people more. Going to a job with no future and maintaining positivity is challenging but to vaguely threaten everyone regardless if you are included seems stupid and demotivating at best. I understand that the goal is for them to make it until the advertised end but give me a break. If you have an issue with me speak to me and if you have an issue with someone else leave me out of it! It seems simple enough...

"Do you want the address?"

I went to the dentist and had my teeth and gums assaulted today. I set up my next appointment for September. We shall see if I have a new job and insurance when that rolls closer. I selected this dentist when I lived in Milwaukie, OR but I like her and her staff so I have no desire to find someone new. So it is actually next to the Clackamas Town Center (AKA the mall). So I headed in and wandered around the mall after my appointment. It was either that or face congestion on the way home. There have been a lot of new things opened since I moved. A new REI, a bunch of food places, and quite a few new stores. The inside got a complete upgrade and it is a nicer mall to wander around in. They also opened a movie theater! AFTER I MOVED AWAY!!!! I was looking for a backpack that was made for a laptop and ended up going to several places. I bought a messenger bag when I bought the computer but the weight kills me if I take a walk with it on. With summer coming I know I will want to be moving around outside more and I will want to drag it along where ever I go in case I come across free wifi. So I want a backpack so that it is more comfortable on my back and so both shoulders can carry the weight. The messenger bag is great for in and out but if I want to wander about my shoulder starts hurting and so does my lower back. It's awful. I went to several places looking for a backpack: REI, Target, Radioshack, Best Buy, and Walmart. I found a few at each of these places but the bags I liked were all priced at 70 to 80 bucks! The 30 to 40 dollar ones looked like little more then a regular backpack and seemed to lack the padding that had led me to my original choice of messenger bags. So I did not buy one today as I am going to keep looking and maybe they will go on sale.

I decided to pick up a frozen delight for lunch tomorrow and stopped at my local grocery store. I saw some kids with face paint and masks on and they were riding the little motorized carts around. I was wondering what that was all about but I thought "Do I really want to know?" The answer was no. So I went about shopping. When I was all paid up and was headed outside the two kids were out there carrying on. The store employees were ignoring them and acting like they were some disease ridden zombie corpse walking around looking for brains. The kids were yelling weird things and startling the old folks as they walked past. They left me alone though... Anyway they kept yelling something about "Short Bus" and "In Your Face at MySpace". It was quite pathetic and at the same time kind of strangely interesting. One of the kids yelled "We're on MySpace! Do you want the address? It's MySpace.com!" Which made me chuckle. Anyway I was thinking on my way home that those kids were marketing geniuses because I knew I would have to blog about it and I am considering looking them up on MySpace. I was thinking they have this whole idea of "Viral" advertising down. I am not sure how effective it will be in the long run but my first bit of annoyance slowly became one of admiration. Good job you annoyingly little 14 year olds!

Oh and "Do you want the address? It's MySpace.com!"

Siesta

It was beautiful today and all I could do was wish I was outside. The nice thing about Portland weather is how much it makes you love the sunny days. I never was that excited when I was in Phoenix. I always just said 'I bet it gets hotter sooner this year'. How pessimistic is that? Anyway it was absolute torture as I daydreamed about hikes and girl watching. I got none of that in. Instead I was taking calls from a bunch of half witted ungrateful jerks. Such is life. Anyway I wanted to go outside at lunch today but I did homework instead. I don't trust myself on super nice days. I may go outside and never come back. I need that paycheck!

So no jobs have even bothered to call e back after the first interview. I am not hirable I guess. NO new jobby job for me. Oh well whatever.

I have not done anything besides homework all week. Which is awesome.... Well ok so I have watched a few basketball games. We finally won one! Yay!

My weekend and a mini review of Into The Wild

It would seem that the weekend has come to it's inevitable end. Unfortunately it's time to reenter the work world and the awful Monday is bearing down. I got a few things done this weekend. I was really active Saturday. I ran errands and went to school and all the important things that go along with that. Then I went and saw Into The Wild. It was a pretty damn cool movie. **Spoiler warning: I am talking about the movie a little here so if you do not know the story and would like to keep it that way then stop here and restart at the next italicised line.** The tale is ultimately a sad one but a lot of interesting ideas sprang up in my head during and after the movie. I was impressed by the whole feel and look of the movie and glad I finally was convinced to see the movie. It was interesting to watch this young man fighting so hard to find peace in his life. I felt like he needed to stop and look around a little sooner and he would have found it in the people he met and befriended. If he had there would be no movie of course but I was just wondering what would have happened had he made it out of Alaska when he had attempted to leave. What would an intelligent and seemingly compassionate person with those experiences come back and done? What would have been his new pursuit? Would he have set the world ablaze? Would he write tales that would seem to channel Kerouak? I wanted that question answered and I felt strangely irritated with the end he met because I felt that he was incredibly self involved and that he needed to focus his energy on something more constructive. It amazed me that he never noticed how his absence affected people, everyone in the movie wanted to talk him out of this Alaskan obsession or to at least let his family know he was alive. He fought them on that the entire time, forever fixated on finding peace in isolation and living off the land. It was a compelling story and I liked the way the movie put it together. Now I intend to read the book, which I have heard is infinitely better then the movie even though that person had also liked the movie. Unfortunately because they just made this book into a movie all the used copies are gone and I do not want to pay the full price of $13.95 so I will have to wait. I am interested in how the book was put together since it was based on a real person. I want to know if anyone bothered to look up these people he met on the road and get their stories from them. I am as fascinated in the writing of the book as I am in the book itself. Maybe I am more fascinated in how the book came to be then I am the book but only slightly.
**OK I am not talking about the movie anymore.**
Anyway I woke up this morning early like I had on Saturday but today I was able to fall back asleep and I did so. I was not feeling nearly as motivated so I lounged around watching old movies and debating going to the Grove or not. I skipped out on the Grove (Sorry guys) mainly because I was feeling incredibly tired and apathetic. I plan on making it next Sunday though. I did a little errand tonight in the form of grocery shopping and then I read some of my homework and did a little online reconnaissance for the team paper due this week. Then I decided to write something here before calling it a night.

Just a check in

Hey!
I am at the Daily Cafe reading my textbook online. I love the fact that I can be away from home doing something I need to do anyway. The last class kept me chained to my home a lot considering all the reading a Master's program requires. This laptop was an excellent use of my tax refund. I needed to get this so I could stop feeling so trapped at home. I tend to get jumpy and irresponsible when I start feeling trapped. I do things like quit a job or take a trip when I don't have any time or money to really do so. So getting a little escape from the usual and to include some people watching is really helpful. It is helping me put things into perspective.
In work news, my company invited the Oregon unemployment people to come in and talk to us about how unemployment will work and what to do to make it easier on us. They also said that because I am in school I may be able to claim and not have to look for a job as well, letting me just focus on school. So if all my searching fails to lead to a job I have a backup plan. One of many. Once again I was really impressed by my company offering something to the people it has decided to ditch. Things could definately be worse.

I am rapacious!

Well I obviously never did the RTA awards on Saturday. I got kind of distracted and a wee bit apathetic.... So will they ever happen? Who knows.

Anyway I went for a fantastic little hike in the sunshine Sunday. I also got a haircut, a St. Patrick's Day shirt and a Blazers ball cap. Yeah I watched the game tonight. It was absolutely horrible. That is 5 horrible games in a row. Oh and the Kings are a bunch of cheating scumbags.

Today at work we had a job fair. I thought that was actually pretty cool of them. I almost liked them again but seeing as I am still in the midst of a new job search I am still a little irritated. I am getting over it though and every day gets easier. Ok that's a lie but I am tired of being negative about work. So we will pretend everything is awesome. I really do think it was nice for them to host a job fair. They actually seem to be trying to help us move on.

A funny thing happened at work. I was on the phone and I was explaining to someone how much they owed and she was upset about the monthly installment fee. Here is what happened.

ME: "And then add your installment fee."
HER: "You people are scoundrels!"

(here is a tip if you are on the phone with someone and you are mad about something just start throwing around "You people..." I promise they will love it!)

ME: "What was that? Ma'am a lot of companies charge the installment fees on monthly billing plans."
HER: "NO! I pay a lot of bills through my bill pay and __________ insurance is the only one who has a fee!"
ME: "OK...."
HER: "You and your company are absolutely rapacious!"
ME: "Wow! Great word!"
HER: "I will be shopping around because the fees are absolutely ridiculous! Sure I have an accident and then you double my insurance price! In 2 years you will get all that money back in my premiums. What is the point of insurance if you just pay it back in 2 years!"
ME: "Well.." she disconnects the call

There of course were hundreds of responses to her last question. Such as "you have to have it by law" or "did you have all that money two years ago?" or "Well it could have been a more serious accident that could have financially devastated you for life." I never got to try any of them because she hung up but I had succeeded in being called rapacious first! But what does rapacious mean really?
Dictionary.com says:

ra·pa·cious /rəˈpeɪʃəs/ [ruh-pey-shuhs]
–adjective
1. given to seizing for plunder or the satisfaction of greed.
2. inordinately greedy; predatory; extortionate: a rapacious disposition.
3. (of animals) subsisting by the capture of living prey; predacious.

I decided I would take her use of the word to mean the third option.... I subsist by the capture of live prey! Even if she meant the first or second option I get to choose what she meant so the third option it is. Hahahaha. I am rapacious!

New Computer!

Hello!
I am writing to you from the Daily Cafe on my new Toshiba notebook. It is awesome but now that I see it works I am ready to move on. It happens to be sunny today and I think I need to go outside and play. I will write again tonight because it is RTA day! See ya soon.

SHUNNNNNNN!!!

Well it is the middle of the week.... In case you were not really sure when Wednesday fell I have just taught you something. Anyway I am done with my first class and I am now halfway through my week off. Next week is when I have to start doing homework again. They are super fond of having papers written. I don't really get it but whatever. Anyway the 1st class, although a little tedious, was fun. I am looking forward to getting back..... kind of.

I am still showing up to my job with no future after June. I have not landed another job yet but I have an interview next week. Wish me luck.

Since I had a week free of school I decided to read a book.... now I need another book... What have you done this week?

Holy Crap! It's nearly time for the RTA's!

Greetings from 1 am Friday morning. Some of you are probably thinking what the heck is he doing up? Doesn't he have work to go to tomorrow morning? Is he not being responsible? Is he looking at porn? Is he drunk? The answers are: I am doing school work; unfortunately yes; I am being responsible; no; and unfortunately no. It just occurred to me as I finished a portion of my group project that I had not done anything at all about the 2nd Annual Repetitive Task Awards. I am just not very good at multitasking I guess. Too much drama lately. Anyway I want to remind you the contest is real and it is going on. So far the only entrant is Robert for being a Protesting Protester (also known as a communist). He is going to be a winner unless you take action. Only you can prevent this miscarriage of justice. Once again it really is easy just freaking nominate yourself for something you have to do anyway. At this point you will win. Last year I demanded the speeches before I would hand over the prizes this year you will get the prize anyway. Only requirements are that you post something about winning at some point. Anyway check this prior blog entry for more details by clicking on this nifty colored line of linkage.

Mark the 16th on your calendars! It is the day of all days! Remember 4 people can win....

Damn the Man!

I promise to not write to Eli or about Eli for a little while. I promise.

I heard back about a job today, they said no. It was the sales position for the company I currently work for. I did not really expect to get it because I was super sick that day and was having a hard time interacting as a normal human. I took that day and the next 2 off. So I was sick... I hoped the people who interviewed me took that into account but I doubted it. They would have to be more intelligent then a wheel of cheese and they weren't. I would be lying if I said I was not completely and totally pissed that they did not offer me the job. I don't get their hiring practices. I only know one person that was offered a position which must mean they decided to fill it with jackasses from off the street. How much sense does that make? Do you know how much money they spend to get the average retard ready to take calls? Why not take people that already are licensed, are familiar with the company and are used to the phones? It makes sense monetarily. This is yet another reason I will never be management material.... I have good reasoning skills. If I wanted to be a manager I would have to remember to pick whatever option made the least amount of sense. The other thing that pisses me off is of the people I know who applied for the job only 2 of us have ever sold insurance. I used to slang (def. sell) insurance for Liberty Mutual for over a year and did pretty well. I think that should mean something. So I guess what I am saying is I think the company I work for has morons in charge and that they make stupid decisions and I have no desire to even consider applying for any other job they decide to offer. Anyway I hope the company goes down in flames like Enron..... stupid window licking clowns.

I am still waiting to hear back about a position from a completely different company. I hope that works out. School is starting to take a little more time and more mental space. The job hunt is kind of in the way so I hope it ends soon.

More Football Drama for your mama!

Well I am not sure if you have been following my conversation with the Super Bowl winner, Eli Manning. I felt a little bad about beating him up and getting him in trouble with his mom. She makes a mean freaking cookie by the way so I decided to write to Eli and apologize. Here is that email:

Dear Eli Manning,
I am sorry for my words and actions of late. I know you can't help being a mediocre overrated quarterback. In fact I am glad that you have done so well for yourself. Even if I question why someone would insist so hard that they were not interested in playing and living in San Diego. Have you ever been to a beach there? Has anyone wrote "I wish they could all be snarling abrasive women from the Bronx" and put it in a song? No, no one has. I guess what I am trying (and failing) to say is we are all different and we can't all live in California and chase Californian women....

I would also like to apologize about wishing for your early demise. I really did not want to see your head pop off or your leg get torn off and used to beat you severely. I guess I was just mad that you seem so inept and stupid yet you are a millionaire. Even though you never actually worked an honest day in your life. I really don't want you to get ran over by the team bus... that would be messy.

I received your mother's cookies in the mail today. I want you to pass on my sincere thanks to her. She makes some darn tasty cookies. I took them to work and every person that works there loved them. A few people at work told me they were really excited about your upset and hoped I would put in a good word to you. I won't be doing that but if you want to come to Portland and hang out I will introduce you to them. I am sure you can sponge off them since I am sure you are not used to having to pay for anything seeing as rich and famous people get free stuff all the time.

Anyway I want to reiterate that you actually played a good game, but remember you owe your win to the defense...

Well it was nice exchanging emails. No need to reply,
Mike Williams

I know, I know, I did not take enough cheap shots at him but I felt bad for posting his emails that made him look like a 4 year old. So I only took a few cheap shots. I felt pretty good about what I had written to him overall and had not really expected much from him in response but I was wrong.

Dear Crazed Lunatik,
I am very glad you got the cookies. Thank you for saying I am the best quarterback ever. I knew you and I were the bestest of friends. I told Michael Strahan that you said he did a horrible job on defense and I think he is coming out to kill you. Sorry about that. I was having trouble reading with out my reading eye dog.... don't ask. Anyway when my dog came over and read the email it was too late to stop that crazy, man-eating Michael Strahan guy (I am sure glad he is on my team). I hope he does not kill you because I really like hanging out online with you.

My mom told me to tell you that you are very nice to compliment her cookies and that she won an award at the local fair this year for that recipe. My mom is a champion in the super "mixing" bowl. He he I made a funny. My mom says I am a very special boy. She says I have to put my safety helmet back on so hold on I will be back...

Love, Eli
Your most bestest friend ever

A few minutes later he wrote again:

Dear Crazed Lunatik,
You know what I really wanted to be asked after I won? I wanted to be asked: "Now that you are a Super Bowl Champion what is next?" That was when I would yell "I'm going to Disneyworld!" I would have said Disneyland but my mommy told me it is in California and I am afraid to go to California... I saw Boys in the Hood. That is the reason I was afraid to go. I don't want to get shot while drinking milk and eating a chocodile... Then my team would have to go and shoot them and then the other team would shoot back and it is a cycle of violence I just can't get involved in.

Anyway thanks for asking me to come to Portland, see you soon! If Michael Strahan does not murder you to death.

Love Eli
Your most favoritest quarterback ever who is also your bestest friend ever!

So I guess we are cool as hades. I hope he lets me know before he shows up in Portland.... I have to clear it with my roomie. Oh and I hope Michael Strahan reads the blog before he kills me so maybe he will realize I was saying the Giants defense won the game.... and won't kill me.

Super? Bowl....

Really?
Eli?
Oh my lord!

Talk about a bummer of an ending to the weekend. It started off great. My dad comes to visit.... we watch the Blazers play a horrible game of basketball but then completely pull it out in overtime. We spent hours in Barnes and Noble.... we had a couple great dinners, breakfasts and lunches. Everything was going fantastically well until I sat down to look at my class and realized I had missed an assignment. Am I stupid? The first assignment is something I view as not my fault. They sent an email notification that we should log in to class to a school email account I did not know I had... and that email also told us about that stupid essay. Today, when I logged in, I saw a question in the GENERAL QUESTIONS AREA (an area I had not bothered to go) about how to do the assignment. That was when I realized I had messed up... Anyway that was a sign from the devil that the weekend was going way too well and things needed to change to properly beat me into submission to go back to work tomorrow. So I was using the Elibrary provided by University of Phoenix to look up topics for this research skills assignment. Sounds kind of easy right? Well it was once the damn computer stopped giving me a 'timed out' page. Every single time for the first hour... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I finally got the thing to work about the time I realized it was time for the game. That was when I sat down and watched 3 quarters of the most boring game ever. The worst part is the person getting ran over was Tom Brady not Eli.... Hell one of Eli's best plays happened when he should have been sacked. Infuriating. Oh and even more maddening... Eli played well. You know why? He reads the blog! You don't Believe me? Well take a look at this:

Dear CrazedJERKFACE,
I love reading your blog... it helps me feel happy and I need to feel happy because as you say I am an awful quarterback. I am dreadful! I can't believe I am a starting quarterback. If I was my coach I would have me ride the pine. I would rather start Trent Dilfer. Yeah.... and he sucks. So I come here with my millions of dollars, that I use as a comforting blankie, and read your blog to help me not jump in front of the team bus or out the emergency door of the plane. Then I read your blog.... you are nothing but a horrible horrible horrible big meanie face! I would spit on you if I met you (As long as my mom was not watching since she'd tan my hide and make me give you all of my cookies that she sent to me. That would be horrible because they aren't yours Mr. smelly pants! Those cookies are mine because my mommy loves me!)Peyton told me to call you Poopface McPoopy right now. He says that you are just mad because I am the worst quarterback ever and no one knows it but us! HEY! WAIT! YOU TAKE THAT BACK PEYTON! I AM TELLING MOM! I'll finish this later!
I HATE YOU!
Love, Eli

So I wrote back:

You read my blog? WHO IS THIS REALLY?
Sincerely, Poopface McPoopy

It was sometime on Saturday when I finally got a response. Here it is:

Dear Crazed Lunatik,
My mom says I should not call you names. I am sending you the cookies she made..... she says I should just do my best and prove you wrong. My dad has been making me run drills all day and Peyton has been playing rusher. He always punches me when he sacks me and I hate him. He is not nice! He is always doing commercials! Wait... uh I'm like totally not jealous of my brother. Anyway when I win tomorrow do not be suprised. I signed my soul over to the devil.... he said it was not good enough so I also signed over my brothers. Please don't tell Peyton and especially don't tell the Devil about me telling you. My mom says it is time to go to bed..... Oh and by the way the devil got even with you for me. Log into class you have an assignment that is past due... MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Love,
Your bestest pal ever.... ELI

So as you can see all of Sunday's badness can be traced back to Eli. No wonder Peyton did not look happy for most of the game. Anyway good job you stupid jerk. Don't forget to thank your completely awesome defense.....